Author: Angelo Caerlang

You are too late to come running back in my life after you left me without warning, and after I spent several nights tossing around my bed while I think of all the possible reasons why you walked away.

I was an idiot for wishing you would re-appear in my life — but you didn't.

You are too late to say "please" and "sorry" because I have dried my tears out. 

And it's too late for a second chance because I have moved on.

I was rooting for you to change your mind and tell me your departure was just a joke, a big prank, a part of your plan to surprise me on taking our relationship to the next level.

But I was wrong.

You were cruel.

Stop pretending that you're sorry when you can't even look me in the eyes.

Quit saying you understand me when you don't even care to ask how much agitation you have caused me.

Stop acting like I'm going to welcome you back in my life when it's crystal clear that you no longer have a space in my heart

You can't come back to my life. I can't afford another pain.

I don't want to be lost in my own thoughts again all because of you.

You weren't there when I had a shitty day and needed someone to soothe me.

In fact, you were the cause of my depression and triggered my anxiety.

So how dare you assume I'm happy that you finally show up?

You're not responsible for my happiness, so just give up. 

It's too late to miss me because when I look at you, I see a stranger rather than a person I have a longing for.

You are too late to apologize and admit you're guilty. The truth is, you're wrong because there’s no more us, we are done.

Remember the first time we met? It was like the world brought two strangers together who immediately clicked and became comfortable with each other once the conversation started.

We talked about life, religion, and ambitions not considering the question that bugged us at the back of our minds about, “Who the heck is this person sitting next to me?”

We hit it right off the bat, topic after topic, skipping the old ways of introducing basic information about ourselves.

We exchanged contact details just like any universe-arranged situation. Then we stalked each other out on social media, eager to know every single thing that made out our lives.

I decided you were not a psychopath so I agreed to hang out with you again.

We went into dinners and see beautiful places all the while pretending we weren’t on a date.

You showed me the best of you and made huge efforts to bring smile on my lips. 

I just want you to know that no one has ever done those kinds of wonderful gestures to me before, so I felt like those were the  most magical moments of my life. 

We were in the right path of  building whatever relationship we were heading into, until the universe  intervened and took back everything it gave us. 

We were separated by something  we could not control.

I would never forget the way you held my hands on the train the way you knew it would be the last. I broke down as soon as the doors closed and the train accelerated forward. That was the last time I saw you. That was the saddest part of my life. I am still crying as I write this.

I don’t understand why the universe would give me something I would eventually lose.

In another lifetime, the stars  would align accurately in our favor. We would still go out on our free time and  figure things out by now. I would change religion for you and I’d make you so proud.

You would meet my mom finally after all these times I said “not yet.” You would have proven to my best friend that you are the right person for me. 

We would excel on our careers and have dinner at the end of the day to celebrate.

You would be more open about your feelings and ask me to be in a relationship with you.

In another lifetime, the  universe would not throw sick humor against us. I would not need to shed some  tears and wonder how things could have been. I would no longer miss you and think if you love me.

In another lifetime, we would still be together and I would be the same person who always has a smile on my lips.

When you said my voice was the melody you wanted to hear first in the morning, you lied.

You said my eyes were the stars you wanted to see at night, you lied.

My glimmer of hope for fairytales and happy endings was ruined, thanks to you.

I was building a bridge for us and you burned it down. You destroyed me in ways I couldn’t repair myself.

And no amount of apologies can scour the agony you brought in my life.

Thanks to all the acts that aided you to fool me, I learned to trust my gut.

So shout out to all the time I felt lonely by your side, I learned to love myself.

One day I will pull off the metal I protected my heart with for the guy who’ll handle it with caution.

There will be a  guy who’ll fix the disarray in my soul and hold my hands when I’m scared.

He will share earphones with me on train rides and stay with me until 2 am through sleepy, slurred conversations about life.

I might be the one with the broken heart.

But one day, I will be someone who will grow a brave soul and a clever mind
and walk hand-in-hand with my lover and a light heart.

Breathe. You are going to be okay.

I know there is no way to convince you that these are all just temporary road-blocks but look above and trust Him.

The wrong decisions.
The failures.
The betrayals.
The heartaches.

They are all part of what makes you a stronger, bolder, and wiser version of you. The scars they stamp on you will serve as reminders from the toughest battles you survived.

Turn your pain into something creative and let it be shared with the people who are going through the same suffering.

Pour your unspoken words into a blank canvas and post them in your Facebook feeds, take photographs of everything that reminds you of misery and put them out on Instagram, Tweet about the thoughts that are consuming your mind – let them all out.

For all you know someone somewhere finds comfort in discovering that they are not alone in fighting their own brokenness.

Don’t feel ashamed if you can’t keep your pillows dry at night as you attempt to gather the shattered pieces of yourself. It’s never a crime to be honest and authentic about your emotions.

Keep digging through the holes inside your heart that often times make you feel empty. Recall the chances you let slip through your fingers and watch them go away.

Let the unsolicited comments of others about you tune inside your head over and over again.

But please promise to forgive yourself for all the choices you thought were good for you, for following your heart even if it was against the will of people around you, for all the times you felt weak and at rock-bottom.

Forgive others when they take you for granted and belittle you, when they earn your trust only to turn things around against you, when they cheat and promise you lies.

Forgive the world and all its fleeting moments that you experienced in such a short span. Forgive life for taking your loved ones away from you, and for the wishful thinking that wasn’t granted in your favor.

It is okay if you haven’t all figured out the direction that you’re supposed to be trekking – nobody really does.

You are just starting to find your place in this midst of uncertain world and you are allowed to fall flat on the ground for a number of times until you learn your best lessons in life.

You have a beautiful soul that’s both caring, but fragile. And that’s okay.

Allow time to give you space to grow and be accepting of all your defeats.

Life isn’t always going to hand you gold medals and bouquets of roses. Some moments you will pant and bleed for chasing one thing you’re passionate about.

 And that’s perfectly alright. The finish makes every line worth crossing over. And you will overcome.