Author: Becky Blackman

Most women can’t go anywhere without their purse.  For one thing, it’s full of necessities like car keys, credit cards, and money, but having your purse is also something of a security blanket.  Just knowing that there’s about a hundred other things inside that you might need at any given moment is comforting.  It’s your Mary Poppins bag.  It’ll always have exactly what you need.

But finding what you need is another issue entirely, because girls can become extremely scatterbrained about the contents of their purse.  Stuff accumulates in there so fast, you barely know it’s happening…until one day you peer inside and see all of these things and more.

1. Six different packs of gum.
2. A layer of flattened receipts on the bottom.
3. Mints that you’ve been saving from restaurants.
4. Ticket stubs.
5. Business cards drifting around haphazardly.
6. A wallet overflowing with receipts and store loyalty cards.
7. More lip gloss than any one person could ever need.
8. A pair of socks.
9. Several pounds worth of coins.
10. A granola bar.
11. A pen and several highlighters.
12. Mascara.
13. A mini bottle of Tylenol.
14. A tangled phone charging cord.
15. Mail you’ve been meaning to respond to.
16. A program from the last wedding you went to.
17. A months-old shopping list.
18. A lighter, even if you’ve never smoked once in your life.
19. Two pairs of sunglasses.
20. A third pair of sunglasses that you can never find and swear you lost.
21. A wrinkled 20 dollar bill you forgot to put in our wallet and now is lost to the chaos at the bottom of your bag.
22. More gum.
23. Body spray.
24. Lotion, most likely from Bath and Body Works.
25. Deodorant.  Just in case.
26. Feminine hygiene products.  Unless you actually need them, in which case they’ll be mysteriously absent.
27. Candy and snack wrappers.
28. A small pile of bobby pins.
29. A paperback book you’ve been meaning to give back to your aunt forever.
30. Hair ties.
31. Unopened blisters of mystery medicine.
32. Chapstick.
33. A nail file.
34. More lip gloss. 

When sarcasm is your first language, it presents some unique challenges with communication.  Sometimes you wish you could change and make it easier, but most of the time you’re okay with your sarcasm because it’s part of your personality.  You know how to keep it real.  Kind of.

If sarcasm rolls off your tongue without you even having to try, then you’ve dealt with all of these struggles.

1. You roll your eyes without knowing you’re doing it.
2. You sometimes forget that you can actually hurt people’s feelings with your sarcasm.
3. Your friends and family know not to take anything you say too seriously.
4. Although they sometimes accuse you of being sarcastic when, for once, you’re not trying to be.
5. You have a hard time biting your tongue when you know you should.
6. But you still have to try when you’re talking to someone who doesn’t really know you yet.
7. You’ve been called an asshole once or twice.
8. You’d probably describe yourself as something of an asshole though, so it’s okay.
9. People never seem to know when to take you seriously.
10. You think everything you say is hilarious but some people have a really hard time getting it.
11. You feel awkward when you have to be sincere.
12. You have had to apologize for perceived rudeness more than once in your life.
13. You sometimes realize you’re being a little rude, but you just can’t stop it.
14. You grow frustrated with children and people who don’t understand sarcasm.
15. You would kill for some sort of font that indicates sarcasm so you could use it in emails and text messages.

You know that Bruno Mars song “Just The Way You Are?”  Well, it sounds cheesy as hell, but that song brings up a great point.  Girl — or boy — you’re amazing, just the way you are.  Even most seemingly happy people need to be reminded of this sometimes.

And when things are looking down, it can be hard to remember that you’re amazing.  But it gets even harder when you agonize over comparing yourself to this person and that person, thinking they’re better than you, wishing you were as pretty as them or as successful as them, or as charming as they are.  

Embrace your amazingness by learning to stop comparing yourself to any of these people.  Life isn’t a race and it’s not a contest.  There are no winners.  And wherever you are right now in your life, it’s exactly where you need to be.

1. Your siblings.

   Have you ever apologized to your parents for being their “problem child?”  Have you ever felt like a personal failure because your siblings are successful and independent while you feel like somehow you’re miles and miles behind them?  It’s completely normal to feel that way, but you’ve got to try and stop.  Your siblings are your siblings and your parents are your parents.  You’re not giving yourself enough credit by thinking of yourself as a failure in comparison to them or by knowing that your parents would never look at you that way.

2. Your best friend.

   If you’ve ever felt like your best friend is the one who’s “settling” by being best friends with you, then you need to stop comparing yourself to your BFF.  You love them, so of course you see them as beautiful, funny, charming, and all-around awesome.  But remember, you BFF probably sees you that way.

3. Your parents at your age.

   Maybe by 24 your parents were already married, had successful careers, and bought their first house.  Meanwhile, at 24 you’re single, still in college, and living with them.  Don’t compare yourself to where you are in life versus where your parents were at the same age.  First of all, it was a different time.  The economy was a hell of a lot better back then, and things were a lot cheaper.  And also, it doesn’t matter.  Remember what we said about life not being a race?

4. Celebrities.

   You think you look like an absolute troll next to Jennifer Lawrence or that your body could never be as flawless and amazing as Karlie Kloss’, but you have to remember this: those celebrities have a team of stylists, trainers, and magical illusionists who make them look that way.  And even if they didn’t, who are you to call yourself uglier than they are?  That’s just not fair.

5. Coworkers.

   The easiest way to cause yourself stress at work is to start thinking of your coworkers as your competitors and judging your own self worth by comparing it to their success.  You’re not opponents.  You’re teammates.  Just because your coworker is doing well doesn’t mean you’re not performing at the same level.  And even if you’re not, then improve because you want to improve.  Not because you want to be better than that person.

6. Your younger vision of your adult self.

   When you were a kid, you thought you were going to be a rich movie star.  Or even when you were a teenager, you thought you would be in a secure career or at least be more “settled down” and “figured out” than you actually ended up being at your current age.  Don’t let that get to you.  When we were children and teenagers, we had literally no idea what it meant to actually be an adult and how hard it can be.  You can’t try to measure up to their unrealistic expectations.  You’re doing the best you can and that’s all that matters.

7. Beyoncé.

   Come on, why are you doing that to yourself?

There are an awful lot of things that are not in the control of any person, no matter how hard we might try.  Then again, there are plenty of things that are well within our control.  One of those things is the way people you come into contact with see you and think about you. 

Of course, we can’t literally control what other people think.  That’s some Professor X superpower stuff right there.  But even though we’re not telepathic, we almost always have the ability to change other people’s impressions of us by what we do and say.

Sounds easy, right?  It is.  You just have to remember to do it, that’s all.

1. Smile more.

   Do this when you’re meeting someone new, when you run into someone unexpectedly, when you’re interacting with the cashier at Target — basically all the time.  People like people who smile.  If you do it consistently, everyone from your work acquaintances to casual friends-of-friends will think of you as that super friendly guy or girl that they can’t help but like being around.

2. Genuinely listen, even when you don’t want to.

   Okay, sometimes it gets exhausting having to actively listen to someone who just won’t stop talking, but you’ve got to.  Hear what they’re saying, contribute to the conversation at appropriate moments and ask them questions pertaining to what they were just saying.  It makes you seem like you’re really interested, even on those occasions when you’re just not.  Folks love that.

3. Remember things.

   This has to do with listening, but going the extra mile.  Remember little things that people say, like when your boss mentions that his wife has to have knee surgery or when your cube neighbor won’t stop going on about this trip to Mexico she’s going to take.  The next time you think of it, ask your boss how his wife’s doing, or ask your cube neighbor how her trip was.  Unless you’re particularly close to either of them, the information won’t make much of a difference to you, but it’ll make a huge difference to them, knowing that you remembered and that you cared to ask.  Brownie points!

4. Stand straight and tall.

   Strong posture makes you come off as confident and friendly.  This is a hard thing to change if you notice you naturally slouch or just don’t pay attention to your posture.  Nevertheless, try to take note of it every time you remember, and eventually it’ll become second nature.

5. Do your best not to complain or bad-mouth anyone.

   When you’re with your best friends or your close family, go ahead and vent all you want.  That’s what close friends are for, right?  But in a work environment, with people you don’t know very well, or in public, don’t get on the complain train.  Bitching, moaning, and talking crap about other people are great ways to make people think that you’re a negative person and a backstabber.  

6. Make little gestures.

   Bring a dozen donuts into work, write a card to a friend when she confides in you that she’s had a rough week, or drop by your grandparents’ house just because you haven’t seen them in a while.  These gestures don’t take much time and effort, but they have a huge impact on the people you do them for.  Plus, just doing them will make you feel good.

7. Pretend you’re Kate Middleton.

   I know it sounds stupid, but stay with me on this one.  Imagine that you’re Kate Middleton.  Do you think she’s allowed to step outside her house without looking fabulous, without having a smile on her face, and without carrying herself with grace and charm?  Of course not.  If you pretend you’re Kate and think about the persona she presents every single second she’s in public, you’ll know exactly what you need to do in order to come off similarly pleasant.

8. Seriously, smile more.

   It makes you so much more affable and approachable.  You don’t have to go around grinning from ear to ear like you’re trying to win Miss America, but be aware of how your face looks when you’re not actively doing anything with it.  If you have resting bitch face, or if your default face is just sad, making an effort to at least put a little smile on your face while you go about your business is going to make a world of difference.  People you don’t even know will see you walk by and notice the smile.

Summertime has an effect on just about everything, including your wardrobe.  It’s a time of year when everything just cooperates, especially the weather, meaning that you can wear things that don’t get to be worn at all during the other three seasons.

With heat waves and outdoor activities, living during the summer months requires that you dust off some of those articles of clothing that haven’t seen the light of day since last September.  They live for this time of year.  And that’s okay, because so do you.

1. The pretentious hipster hat you know you should be ashamed for wearing.
2. That one pair of flip flops that probably should be thrown away by now.
3. Anything that doesn’t have sleeves.
4. Anything that used to have sleeves but you cut off a long time ago.
5. The oldest, most ragged hoodie you own.  You know, for sitting around the fire pit at night.
6. The most patriotic shirt or tank top you can find.
7. New sunglasses.  They still get lost every year.
8. Something that still has sand in it and smells like the lake from last year.
9. Shredded denim anything.
10. Crop tops.
11. White.  Lots and lots of white.
12. All the dresses you’re going to need for all the weddings you have to attend.
13. Wedges.  God help you if you try walking around on grass in stilettos. 
14. The swimsuit you’ve owned for years.
15. The new swimsuit you bought for pool parties but not for actually going in the water.