Author: Brianna Pelcher

To be able to experience love that wasn't 100% real, or truthful…

And then to once again open up to love, real love… You know its true.

To be able to sit here and look into a mans eyes and see that you light his world up is the most amazing feeling in the world.

Being in love with someone.. true love, means you can talk for hours about nothing at all.. or sit there in silence and know that everything is alright in that moment. Nothing on your mind but feeling the most amazing feeling in the world.. to be loved.

To be loved is like seeing a puppy you haven't seen in years yet that puppy remembers you like you were just there yesterday. He doesn't feel betrayed or left back. He has hope, and love, and gratitude in his heart that you are there.. presently.

To be stared at as if you're the most magnificent piece of art that man has ever laid eyes on lets you know that you are BEYOND lucky to call that man yours. 

1) When you expect your boyfriend to just say "Yes Hunny" because your daddy always use to answer you with that.

2) Thinking your boyfriend should just tell you yes always and when he doesn't you look at him like "Dont you love me?". 

3) When you say you like something, trying to make it sound like a hint.. but instead it just sounds like you just like a whole bunch of things.

4) When everything you ever did as a child was pointed out and talked about like it was the best thing ever, but no one does that cause you're 22 now.

5) When you look back and realize you got everything you ever asked for and more.

6) When you realize you dont know if youll be able to do even 75% of what your parents did for you, for your future children.

7) When you still throw a little temper tantrum in the store when someone doesnt agree with what you want.. and youre 22.

I was your world, your shadow, your little girl..

then,  my world flipped upside down. I was no longer that up beat little daddies girl

I had my world ripped away from me. One day it was there.. the next I was wondering 

what I did wrong. What I did to you to hate  me, to choose a drug over your little girl, your world.

I blamed myself for years. I grew up faster than any tween should have to.

I had to be the adult. Deal with loosing my house, deal with realizing that my daddy disappeared 

one day. Disappeared to a drug who meant more to him. I was traded in for a drug, for a high.

I grew up faster than any child should grow up. Thrown into a world of bad people, liars, 

cheaters, abusers.

My view of the world went from being filled with horses, cats, dolls and rainbows.. to

confusion, blame, lying, hiding… 

growing up in one single day.

I was there for all of your ups and all of your downs, which there seemed to be more downs. I would sit and listen to you complain about how much you work and how tiring it was and how you just wanted to sleep. I would comfort you and rub your back and lay down and watch TV with you, and forget about all of my issues in the day and if I had to run errands.. They were lost, forgotten, trivial. I would bend over backwards for a “man” who wouldn’t give me half of what I gave him. A man who would raise his voice to me when he deemed necessary, when I would talk about my day and a few stressful things I had happen to me. I was always left feeling worthless, feeling sorry for even bringing up my issues. I felt stupid for even having problems because your issues were always the end of the world and mine meant nothing. When I would bring up that i was tired from working a 3rd shift job and that I would need to sleep atleast 2 hours after work, I was told I was lazy and to suck it up and that I sleep a lot. I was stuck in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship because I thought I was suppose to support you no matter what and stick with you throughout everything. But when I realized no one should be talked to the way I was.. I knew something had to change, and change fast.

To this day I find myself apologizing for complaining or apologizing to talking about things that actually matter to me about how my day has went, or how I feel about a certain situation. And then when people look at me and give me that look, I can tell.. I have nothing to apologize for, my issues mean just as much as anyone else’s. I am just as important as anyone else. I deserve to be listened to. I deserve to have an opinion. 

I was your anchor, but you let me sink…