Author: Briella Rose

What’s better than swiping left and right sober? Swiping left and right drunk.

Gather your single girls around and start swiping — Bottoms up!

Take ONE sip every time…

• You match. Start at a distance of 5 miles away. When you run out of people in your area, increase your distance by 5 miles each time this happens and repeat.
• A man uses a photo of a dog to get a right swipe.
• There’s a fuckboy with a shirtless mirror pic.
• You backtrack or try to. Pound your drink if you try and backtrack and you’ll all out of chances.
• You see someone you know in real life. Swipe right no matter what. 
• You see a profile that quotes Michael Scott.

• You thought they were attractive until you got to the last photo.

• A guy is either lazy or mysterious and has no bio.

• A profile uses an obscene amount of emojis to express their many hobbies.

• A guy has a pic with a child or a girl and then specifies in their bio “Not my kid” or “Not my girlfriend.”

• You see a gym selfie.

• A guy asks you a question that can be answered just by looking at your profile. 

• Their profile specifies their height.

Take TWO sips every time…

• He has a photo of himself with a girl who’s prettier than you.
• There’s a profile that has only one picture.

Take THREE sips every time…

• There’s a profile with only group pics and you can’t figure out which one they are.

FINISH your drink if…

• Someone’s bio mentions food or beer.
• You match with someone.

Take a SHOT if…

• Their profile says their real age and they’re way too young for you.
• You run out of people in your area.

Good luck, ladies. Drink up!

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.

The worst dating advice I’ve ever been given was to make a checklist of all the qualities I want in a significant other. I did just that and it completed fucked with my head and sabotaged multiple relationships. 

My ‘perfect’ guy had to be driven and respectful and had to have a college education. He should like sushi and the same sports teams as I do. I wanted him to have a good relationship with his family and to love kids and petty things like he had to be attractive and into fitness.

Because of this list, I ran away from the guys that didn’t match my wants whether it was that they didn’t match one thing or all fourteen. But dating can’t be that simple. 

Maybe they didn’t like to cook – automatically, they didn’t make the cut. Maybe they didn’t like hockey. Well, looks like they don’t qualify. 

And then, I found a guy the checked all the boxes on my list undeniably. I had finally found my unicorn. Just because of this, I clung onto him and tried to make things work even when all the signs pointed towards “no.” 

I didn’t get butterflies when I was around him and didn’t have the feelings I wanted to but felt forced into continuing to try to be with him solely because he was, according to my list, a “perfect match.” 

Sure, on paper we probably aligned with each other’s wants and needs undoubtedly but you can’t force chemistry and something just wasn’t right. 

Finding your soulmate or even just a good match is so much more than a checklist. People don’t have to perfectly fit inside my box for them to make a positive impact on my life and love me the way I deserve.

Just because someone has all the qualities you want doesn’t mean they’re going to be the one for you.

It’s more important to me that I find someone that will treat me with respect, kindness, honesty, and faithfulness than someone that loves Italian food as much as me or binge watches the same shows on Netflix.

I gave your dating advice a fair shot, but dating is not like a grocery list or a job interview. You can’t just eliminate people based on petty qualifications you have for them.

You’re not going to find someone to love you unconditionally if you’ll only let yourself fall for them under certain conditions.

I bet you think I’m waiting by the phone, checking it every few seconds to see if you’ve finally responded. 

I bet you think I’m full of anxiety, going through every move I’ve made in the past 24 hours for you to want to drop me just like that. 

I bet you think I’m worked up as I tell my best friend that I don’t know what happened.

Well check your ego because trust me, none of the above is happening. 

Does it suck to get ghosted? Hell yeah. Are you worth the energy to stress about it? Hell no.

Give me a week and I’ll have a new and improved man. Like they say, men are like taxis and there’s always another one just around the corner.

The only sad part about this is that I’m so used to being ghosted now that I just shrug it off when another relationship falls victim to the game.

Men.. I’m sorry I mean boys… would much rather stop replying to you and pretend they never knew you than man the fuck up. 

I don’t know when it became so difficult to just be honest with someone, swallow your pride and tell them that it’s just not going to work out. 

I don’t wish you stuck around, I only wish I saw through your shit before you had the chance to leave me high and dry without an explanation like a coward.

Call me naive but I thought maybe you’d be different. I guess I’ve learned that telling me you’re different and showing me are two different things.

They tell me, “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t do that to you,” one day and the very next day they’re opening my texts without a reply, disappearing from my life just as quickly as they came into it.

I guess I'm not upset because my hopes are set so low. I don’t get too attached to anyone anymore because I’ve come to realize with experience that it’s more likely they’re going to walk away than stick around.

All you do by ghosting me is show me that you’re nothing but a boy who’s scared of a girl who knows what she wants. Intimidated by a woman who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and tell you how she feels.

Guess you don’t have the balls to be a decent human being and tell a woman what’s really going on in your head. 

Your loss, not mine.

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.

Wherever she is now, whether it’s a big city or a rinky dink town in the middle of nowhere, she will always be a small town girl. She grew up in a town some say have more cows than people but she’s not ashamed of it because it’s made her who she is today. 

She’s a small town girl at heart and that’s the way she’ll stay. So date the hell out of her cause she’s much different than those city folk.

So here are the reasons to date the small town girl…

1. She appreciates the small things

She’s the type of girl to look up at the sky and appreciate the stars. She loves the mountains, the open fields, the leaves in the fall and the smell of fresh cut grass.

You don’t need fancy expensive things to impress her.

2. She’s friendly to everyone

Where she’s from, people hold the door for the person behind them and always greet strangers with a friendly smile or “hello.” It’s just become a habit for her now no matter where she is.

3. She's true to herself

When everyone knows your business, the ridicule is bound to come. She can take it though and she’s learned not to care what people think of her.

4. She's down to earth

She'll be one of the most genuine people you'll meet and she doesn't hide behind a face covered in makeup.  

5. She’s far from materialistic

She doesn’t need you to buy her nice things if you want her to fall for you. She cares more about your character and how you treat her instead.

6. She makes new friends everywhere she goes

She can make conversation with anyone because in her town, everyone talks about the town gossip and the weather in line at the grocery store. It's just second nature.

7. She doesn’t mind getting her hands dirty

She likes to get a little dirty from time to time. Whether it’s going mudding, fishing (and baiting the hook herself), or just rough housing, she’s down.

8. She knows how to have a good time

She’s partied on mountains and in the woods with a bonfire and made memories just driving on backroads. Growing up, there wasn't much to do but she can make anything into a good time.

9. Family is everything to her

Where she’s from, barely anyone moves away. She’s used to having her aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents only minutes down the road. She values family more than anything else.

10. She lives on tradition

From watching her high school football team play under the lights on Friday nights to Sunday dinners with the family, her entire life was built on tradition and that’s not about to change anytime soon.

11. She’s as loyal as they come

She’s had the same friends since grade school – it doesn’t get much more loyal than that.

12. She’s always up to try new things

She’s ready to travel the world and experience new things.. That’s what happens when you live in a bubble your whole life. Take her out and show her the world.

13. She can hold her own and speaks her mind

She’s a strong independent young woman who's held her own in family arguments, small town politics, and friendly banter with her friends so don't worry, she can handle the way you lovingly tease her.

Go ahead, move the small town girl to a city but she won’t change – it’s in her roots and she makes a damn good girlfriend because of it.

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.

I know Tinder is primarily for hookups but I want to be someone’s Tinderella and I will keep trying until this day comes because this is the hand I’ve been dealt. This is modern dating now and unfortunately, I will have to continue to swipe until I swipe right on my unicorn of a soulmate.

So here’s why I won’t quit the Tinder game…

1. I don’t want to meet someone when I least expect it

2. This way, I can make my first impression in the outfit of my choice instead of sweatpants and a T-shirt in the grocery store buying an obscene amount of ice cream or blackout drunk at the bar

3. I don’t even have to get off the toilet or out of bed to find my soulmate

4. I’m afraid of rejection in person… isn’t that why we’re all on Tinder?

5. I already have 12 reasons prepared for why a boy maybe didn’t see my message and that’s why he didn’t respond

6. I can see his shirtless pics and decide if I like what I see… as shallow as that sounds you know you’re all thinking it

7. I can see if he’s Facebook friends with any friends I’d like to avoid in the near future

8. I can swipe right on people I already know and make them feel weird the next time they see me.. 

9. Did I swipe right forreals or just to fuck with them? We may never know.

10. I get to try out my pickup lines on innocent victims

11. I can stalk them online like no tomorrow before I even meet them

12. I can stalk them so hard I find their old Myspace and now know what they looked like in middle school

13. I don’t have to go through the awkward “This isn’t going to work” conversation

14. I can just unmatch them and never talk to them again

15. I can portray myself however I want to be portrayed that day

16. Maybe my pictures are slutty, maybe they’re goody goody and maybe they’re just weird ass pictures of myself to show my goofy side

17. If a guy asks for my number and I don’t want to give it I don’t have to think of a good excuse not to.. I can just ghost them

18. If we end up together our first conversation is practically carved in stone on Tinder to save forever and cherish on our anniversaries

19. We don’t have to have the exclusive talk, we just have to have the “Did you delete Tinder?” talk

20. If we work out, we can make up any story in the world about how we met and only we will know the truth

21. Maybe it was in a grocery store, maybe it was at a strip club. Who knows.

22. You can hide behind the screen and say things you usually wouldn’t have the balls to say in person

23. You can talk to more than one guy at once and no one will know you’re sending them all the same messages like a boss

24. I’ve heard success stories of people marrying their Tinder match down the road. So it’s not impossible.

25. The odds of matching with someone you actually like who also liked you is so slim that it’ll make you feel good when you finally find them

26. You can screenshot any conversation on Tinder and ask your friends what you should say next without making a fool of yourself

27. And then still somehow manage to make a fool of yourself.

So good luck out there, single folk. Keep swiping til you don't have to swipe anymore.

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.

If you’ve listened to Ed Sheeran’s new album, Divide, you know it’s full of awe-worthy lyrics. I’m about to blow up Instagram just so I can use every song’s lyrics for my captions. 

Lucky for you, I’ve done the work of finding the best lyrics; now all you have to do is take the perfect selfie, bar pic of you and your girls, or cute pic you and your man or woman. 

…But be prepared cause we’re about to get so basic.

1. “Eraser”

“And when the world's against me is when I really come alive”

“You know that I've got whisky with white lies, and smoke in my lungs”

“I am happy on my own so here I'll stay. Save your loving arms for a rainy day”

“I chased the picture perfect life, I think they painted it wrong”

“The world may be filled with hate, but keep erasing it now, somehow”

2. “Dive”

“I could live, I could die hanging on the words you say”

3. “Shape of You”

“The club isn't the best place to find a lover so the bar is where I go”

“Me and my friends at the table doing shots, drinking fast and then we talk slow”

“You know I want your love. Your love was handmade for somebody like me”

“I'm in love with the shape of you”

4. “Perfect”

“Oh, I never knew you were the someone waiting for me”

5. “Happier”

"Yeah you look happier, you do"

6. “Hearts Don’t Break Around Here”

“I feel safe when you're holding me near. Love the way that you conquer your fear. You know hearts don't break around here”

“Every night I'll kiss you you'll say in my ear, Oh we're in love aren't we?”

7. “What Do I Know?”

“Love can change the world in a moment”

“You know we are made up of love and hate but both of them are balanced on a razor blade”

“Just remember life is more than fittin' in your jeans. It's love and understanding, positivity”

8. “How Would You Feel (Paean)”

“I'm feeling younger every time that I'm alone with you”

“How would you feel, if I told you I loved you? It's just something that I want to do”

“I'll be taking my time, spending my life falling deeper in love with you so tell me that you love me too”

“Love flows deeper than the river every moment that I spend with you”

9. “Supermarket Flowers”

“A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved”

“A life with love is a life that's been lived”

10. “Barcelona”

“Well get up up on the dancefloor tonight I've got two left feet and a bottle of red wine”

“Don't care what the DJ chooses. Get lost in the rhythm of me”

11. “Bibia Be Ye Ye”

“And tomorrow's a brand new day”

“Someone told me, ‘Always say what's on your mind’ And I am only being honest with you, I get lonely and make mistakes from time to time”

Keep playing Divide on repeat and keep posting the best captions in the game out there right now.

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.

By now I’m sure you’ve already been a victim of his games, but please don’t make my same mistakes I did. 

Listen to people when they tell you your relationship doesn’t seem right, that it’s unhealthy, and that he’s manipulative and controlling because they will see it while you are completely blind to it.

There’s still time to run.

I know he’s charming, but he’s too charming. He will make you fall so fast for him that you won’t even realize what’s happening. Then the next thing you know, you’re two months in and he’s already talking moving in and marriage.

He will whisk you away with well thought out surprises but the vacations, jewelry, and surprise nights out on the town are only ploys in his game.

Once he’s got you wrapped around his finger and hopelessly in love, he will only start to cling tighter.

He will want to spend all of your free time together so much so that eventually you’ll realize you haven’t spent time with anyone else in months. He’ll slowly start pulling you away from anyone that was close enough to you to sense his manipulation and open your eyes to it. 

He’ll tell you that he doesn’t think your friends and family like him and he’ll make you choose a side but I pray that you choose the right one.

The charming man he is now will be gone soon and when that happens, you’ll think maybe he just needs support and you’ll want to stand by him. Don’t because when you need support, he won’t be there, trust me.

He won’t comfort you when you’re upset because he supposedly “doesn’t know how” or “isn’t good at it.”

He will start to pick fights over small things that don’t matter and with each fight, he will treat you with a new level of cold. Whether this fight was your fault or his, in his book it will always be yours.

Don’t let him convince you to follow his diet, his lifestyle, or his morals because this is yet again just another part of you he’s trying to control. Try to keep true to yourself because if you don’t, you’ll have nothing left when he either gets sick of you or you realize you deserve better and walk away.

He will make endless promises to you about your future but these are all just words; no action will ever be made.

You’ll notice that he doesn’t treat the people in his life with enough respect and often manipulates them and uses endless amounts of lies so he can get his way. You’ll think that he would never do that to you, but honey trust me, if he’s still doing it to everyone else he’s doing it to you, too. 

He will start to give you ultimatums when he knows you won’t do what he wants but please, please don’t let him.

I hoped that my leaving would make him realize that he can’t treat people he cares about like shit and expect them to stick around. I want to believe that you won’t need any of this advice but I can already see that he’s doing to you exactly what he did to me. 

Ask yourself if this is the type of relationship you truly want, and if it’s not don’t be afraid to walk away because there’s someone else out there that would treat so much better.

But please, for the love of God, do not end up like me, trying to find myself again and forever scarred from the emotional abuse he put me through. It’s not worth it and it’s not the love you deserve.

I have been trying to be your friend for way too long now and it’s killing me to try to pretend like I actually give a shit about it anymore, thanks to you.

I feel like I’m always the one trying and putting in the effort in our friendship and never getting anything in return. 

I would never do or say half the shit you do to me because believe it or not, I’m a better friend than that and just a decent human being. And if i did, I’m sure you would have walked away a long time ago like I should have.

Maybe you show your love by constantly putting others down and making them feel like they’re less than you or not good enough but if that’s the case, then I don’t want your love. 

It’s as if you love to piss me off and see me hurt and upset. You enjoy arguing with me and getting a rise out of me and honestly, I’d rather live a drama free lifestyle than continue to have you as a part of my life.

And that’s why we have to come to terms with the fact that we’re just not good friends for each other. We’re like fire and gasoline. 

We have a lot of history over the years but not enough good history that it makes me want to actually stick around and work this out with you anymore. 

I made a promise to myself that if someone was going to be a part of my life, they were going to make a positive impact on my life – no exceptions. Well, it’s time I actually hold that promise true. 

And with that, we’re done here. I’m done playing your twisted game of how mad can you make me today or how many buttons can you push until I snap, so I guess this means you won. 

You can say I’m overly sensitive or don’t get your sense of humor or I secretly wanted this to happen but to be honest, none of that is true. 

Maybe you’re hurt about things that have happened between us in the past or you don’t know how to deal with your feelings, but putting me down and dragging me down with you is only hurting me and real friends don’t hurt one another, especially on a regular basis.

So I guess this is goodbye. It was nice knowing you. Thank you for the good memories we had together but it doesn’t look like there’s anything good left in this friendship and that’s why I’m finally walking away. 

Congratulations, you found my breaking point.

You tell yourself this time will be different. Maybe this next person will be the one who takes your guard down slowly but surely and breaks away at the wall you’ve built higher and higher over time. And maybe this time you’ll actually let them.

But as you start to like them, you start to take a step backward. And then another. And another. 

You find reasons for why it just won’t work whether these reasons are completely ludicrous or justifiable they both have the same result: You walking away from another relationship before you let them close enough to see over your walls. 

Maybe you don’t get as many butterflies as you want to, or they’re too short, or they live too far away, or they don’t like the same hockey team, or they do a weird hand gesture when they talk. 

It doesn’t matter how big or small the reason, you just need one that convinces yourself it’s enough to walk away. 

The second you start to feel yourself caring, you want to jump ship because that’s when shit gets real. 

You pride yourself on being strong and independent, and caring for someone makes you feel weak and vulnerable. 

Vulnerable enough to get hurt again and you don’t think you can handle the same hurt you’ve felt in the past so you avoid it all costs. 

You remember when you used to let love in carelessly but thanks to your past, that’s just not the way it is anymore. 

You’re much more cautious with who you let in and it’s going to take more than a few dates to get to that point but no one seems to be patient enough to wait for that, especially you.

Giving yourself to someone and letting them in on your deepest inner most thoughts and feelings is scary as shit, there’s no denying that. 

Maybe it’s that, subconsciously, you’re testing them when you try to let them go. 

Maybe you’re hoping that they’ll fight for you once they realize you’re backtracking and running for the hills but they never seem to do that. 

Even if they promised you they’d be patient, be there for you when things got tough, and wait it out until you were ready to let them in these are all broken promises by the time you’ve made your getaway. 

Although you may feel like you self sabotage everything good that comes your way, it’s not you that’s the problem.  You just haven’t met someone who will put in the relentless effort it takes for you to open up and let them in. 

When that person comes around, there will be no reason big enough to convince you to walk away and before you know it, you’ll have given them your whole heart and let them hold it in their hands knowing they could crush it at any second but it would be all be worth it.

For more from Briella Rose, follow her blog on Facebook and Instagram.