Annette, Author at Pucker Mob

STOP F**KING CONDONING CHEATING: Why Social Media is Ruining Love

The most disturbing “trend” is taking place and I cannot wait for it to go out of style! Take a minute to scroll through any form of social media and you’ll find countless stories of cheaters. Most of them are making fun of or flat out condoning the act.

The new term fuckboy is thrown at guys left and right and they LOVE it thanks to social media! Why doesn’t anyone see it? They haven’t come up with a cleverer name for a girl being a hoe that I have witnessed but it’s just as bad with girls.

The countless amount of “people,” though I rather use the word animals, that are out there cheating on someone they blast all over social media about how much they LOVE them or people out there bragging about “stealing” someone’s spouse is getting out of hand.

Social media has brought on the ease of secrecy in all relationships and has caused an influx of people jumping right for another person’s comfort and approval instead of working on what they have already. You and your significant other get into a fight? Okay, let’s just scroll through the hundreds of followers and find someone to take their place to feed you lines that make you feel happy again for a few hours.

It’s too easy. And there lies the issue. Everyone today wants something easy, not real. One girl has a backbone (or attitude as you may call it), cool, you can jump to the next girl in line on your Instagram account. This guy didn’t buy you the overly expenses stupid thing you wanted, cool, you can go and message that Fuckboy back that has been messaging you on Facebook.

Honestly, I feel social media has caused more issues than it has every helped eliminate. Everyone is over-stimulated with non-stop photos of overly photoshopped or filtered men and women and overly exaggerated happy couples and it has created this unrealistic idea of what your SO should look or act like.

Horribly enough, there are humans that are born with that hoe or fuckboy gene and can’t contain themselves. The ease of contact through social media has made it a “playground” of sorts for people looking to ruin the cute relationships or slightly rocky ones with their inability to keep their fucking hands to themselves!

But, what do we do? We make “funny” memes and videos out of people’s infidelity. We gossip about people’s failed relationships like they are daily news and never bat an eye when we hear another relationship was ruined by a cheating partner.

We have made cheating so mainstream that no one seems to hold relationships to the high standard that they once were. We, as a generation with slipping and at times downright nonexistent morals, have lost all the true meaning of giving your heart to another person.

If we could all just stop liking, sharing, following, etc. the posts, pages, and sites that condone this type of behavior I think we would be a lot better off. Also, if our generation would stop getting into a relationship just to be able to say we are in one.

My wish is for people to stop having their hearts go through a meat grinder because our generation just lacks comment decency. We need more old souls in this world and we need more REAL love.

8 Thing You Should Do To Love Yourself

Today, everyone seems to rush through life glued to their phones and social media. We float through our days hopped up on pumpkin spice, gossip, and “likes” on selfies. We feel we aren’t worthy of anything if we aren’t constantly refreshing the same five apps all day to keep up on the latest celebrity breakdown or newest memes.

We all need to learn to take a deep breath, step back and reevaluate our life and take care of ourselves. Just remind ourselves of our self-worth without the social media backup.

Here are a few ideas of what to do:

LOG OFF!

Log out of EVERY form of social media for a day. See how much more productive you are and the things around you that you notice without the constant distraction of notifications. Stop comparing your quality of life with those of strangers. Pick up a book, go to a movie, or God forbid have an actual conversation with another human!

GO OUTSIDE

Today it is entirely too easy to just sit inside as a stationary lump in society living vicariously through other people’s lives and posts online. Get off your ass and do something outdoors! Even if it’s to walk around the corner to a store, wander around in your own yard or ride your bike somewhere. Go see what other people are experiencing first hand.

TAKE A MENTAL HEALTH DAY

Some of us work so hard at one or more jobs just trying to afford life that we forget to take a minute to ourselves. If you have to, don’t tell your S.O. about it so you can be home alone or go do something alone and not have to be a part of someone else’s daily struggle for a day. Sleep all day if you want, get a message or whatever might make you happy (or that you can afford now that you took a day off, hehe).

HAVE A CHEAT DAY

If you are a gym freak and always busting your ass, “treat yo self” to something yummy you’ve been craving. ONE day will not undo your whole lives work in the gym. Grab a sugary yummy drink from Dunkin’ or that order of fries you’ve been dreaming about for months.

SPEND THE DAY WITH YOUR PARENTS

If you’re lucky enough to still have your parents in your life, go see them. I know being around them can sometimes bring more anxiety but I have never left and not ultimately made me feel better to have been around them. Something about being around other humans that love you no matter your flaws is therapeutic.

GO TO THOSE DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS

Yep, I said it! You’re too busy working or juggling that social calendar to think about it I am sure but, you need these things to be done. Dentist, eye doctor, Gyno, and primary doc visits are so very important. Come on, we are all adults here and you need to act like one. Many issues that people have now can be detected early and will cause little to no bumps in that crazy social/work circus act you have going. And if nothing comes up, YAY YOU, now you have peace of mind.

GO ON A MINI VACAY… ALONE

I know, I know… going anywhere alone today seems certifiable but, trust me, it will do amazing things for your soul. Research a small town nearby or just venture to the beach for a couple days.

New places can be scary but it doesn’t have to be a new town or country if you aren’t feeling too rebellious yet… maybe just a new book store or coffee shop. Dare you venture into eating at a new restaurant alone, GASP!

BUY YOURSELF SOMETHING NICE

Once a year, buy yourself that one thing you have been wanting but refused to spend the money on. It can be anything. A camera or new kitchen gadget, a watch or fancy dress, or even that cute accent chair that is just so adorable you can’t stand it! Go for it, splurge a little on you… and don’t beat yourself up over the money! Honestly, you don’t even have to “make it rain” on whatever it is that you’d like… it could be as simple as a $3 book at the resale shop. Just go do it already!

Doing things for just you may seem foreign and selfish but, sometimes you have to take care of number one… or make yourself number one for a day or so. I’m not saying drop all that you know and go spend thousands or even hundreds of dollars on yourself and ignore all other human life for days on end… I am just asking that you remember that a happier you will make everyone around you happier as well. Pick something every week, month, or year and just do it. Remind yourself that you are worth it and actually follow through with proving that to yourself, and the loved ones around you.

An Open Letter to the Man I Still Want to Marry

These are the words I wrote at 5:30 AM, the words no one should have to write to the one they have promised to marry.

“I honestly want nothing more than for us to work. I like what we have. It’s not perfect. But let’s face it… in a few months, we dove head first into things that take people years. I think it’s just stressful for both of us. I love you _____. I’ve loved you for years. I never hesitated to let you back in my life… in fact, I ran to the opportunity. I just want you to love me that way too. And the boys. I want us to be able to talk to each other when we are upset without having a huge argument and you leaving me again and saying you’re moving out. I don’t want you to leave, at all. I want to be able to come home from work and you be my relief. Not get a text before I even make it here of you cussing at me bc you’re ill. I want to feel like you’re my safe place… not always on edge that you’re going to snap or leave us. You are one of the best things that have happened to me lately and the boys. And even with the arguing I still want to be here. Not just for me, but for them. I want us to make it. I want us to be that disgustingly cute couple that dances on the back porch or in the living room… not just when you’re drinking… But bc we love each other so much. I want to WANT to come home every day to cook dinner just to sit on the couch and rub your feet bc u deserve it… But that won’t happen unless I feel wanted also. Unless I feel like I’m getting some emotional support from you every day. I’m not ok. I do well acting as if I am but I’m not. I’m slowly breaking more and more and I need u to see that. I hate it’s gotten so bad that I can barely talk to you without almost crying. I hate hearing the begging tone in my voice when I talk to you after we’ve had an argument. I hate feeling myself hurt so much bc I feel so worthless to you. I could be the perfect woman for you… And do all the perfect things… But my mind won’t let me be that person when I don’t feel wanted or appreciated. I want u to think about things but I really do want this. I really do want you.”

I wrote these words, for what feels like the 100^th time in a few short months. I wrote them in a last ditch effort to keep you here. In my life, in my children’s lives. After a year or so of dating… 6 years of not speaking… and another few months of dating, getting engaged, and buying a house together we are here fighting daily instead of living our fairy tale we planned out just a month ago. We’ve been through so much, I’ve been the one you know to run to when things go wrong but, I also feel that I am becoming the one you’re so quick to run from. It sounds so crazy to say while wearing a diamond you bought for me when promising to marry me one day.

My whole existence is for you and my boys. The boys who adore you in such a short time. You’ve become them cool (future) step parent that they look up to for all things dirt, grease, and fast. I can’t help but feel myself break a little inside every time I think of you hurting, not just me, but these sweet innocent children who have come to love you just like I do.

I long for the moments where you’re slightly drunk and wanting to dance with me to a slow song every 5 seconds. I long for the moments when you’re running around wrestling with the boys while they have little screams of delight.

I want you to know that I choose you. I choose you today and every single day because I know you are perfect for myself and the boys. I will love you through all of this, whatever it is. I will love you even if you walk away. I will hurt, more for my children than for myself.

But, please know that I do want you. I want us. I want this. I choose you and I love you even as we fall apart… in hopes that we can put ourselves back together again.

It's F*cking Okay to Take Your Time

IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE READY!

You don’t have to be ready to let go.

You don’t have to be ready to say enough is enough.

You don’t have to be ready to stop checking his friends Facebook pages, rereading texts and obsessing over why it all ended.

It’s okay to not want to give into your circle of friend’s advice yet saying you should “just stop.” It’s ok to still obsess over everything that was said, done, and felt. It’s okay to heal the way YOU want to heal!

STOP LETTING YOUR FRIENDS DECIDE HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL!

We have all been there, your friends try and tell you that you deserve better, his new GF is ugly, he didn’t deserve you, he was immature, and you were too strong for him. And you know what, maybe that is ALL true but, it doesn’t mean you have to skip the healing process. Stop throwing on that fake smile and going on dates just because you think it’s what you are supposed to be doing. Just STOP, and heal.

HEAL YOUR WAY

Take a deep breath and read this carefully:

IT IS OKAY TO TAKE YOUR TIME AND GET OVER IT IN YOUR OWN TIME!!!

Read those texts, sit in your house and cry, go out and get drunk (just be safe), stalk Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat like a pro, analyze every little detail that you think you need to. Do it, do it as long as you think it’s needed. Do it for days, months, or years… whatever makes YOU feel like you are dealing with it best.

Don’t ever apologize to your friends or ANYONE for wanting to take your time to feel better before you move on. Moving on before you are ready could be catastrophic to future relationships and your mental health.

Maybe the time you take to analyze will help you see that the relationship was fine, you two just were not meant to be together.

Maybe this time will show you flaws in yourself that will help you in later relationships.

And just MAYBE this time will show you the flaws in HIM that show you exactly why your friends just want you to get over him already.

WHEN YOU’RE READY, GO ROCK THE DATING LIFE AGAIN

When you are finally feeling more like yourself and you’ve super-glued all the pieces back together, get out there and date without reservation! Don’t hold the lasts guys issues against the new guy. Don’t hold back just because it didn’t work before. Don’t question yourself. GO FOR IT! And one day, you will find the person who brings a whole lot of extra joy into your life.

The Struggle of Dating While Trying to Co-Parent with the Ex

Congratulations, your ex INS’T a piece of shit… now what?

Okay, you have this co-parenting thing down pat (after years of practice). You and your ex have it down to a science most days and all is well. You think to yourself, “This is healthy for me, for him and for the kids.”

You have a schedule and well played out routine. You’ve learned to juggle each other’s work schedule along with the kid’s school stuff, sports, and doctor’s appointment. You’re navigating holidays and other family functions like champs! It’s not ALWAYS rainbows and sunshine, but y’all are rocking it!

Then it all falls apart… one of you decides to date someone else.

Everything is great at first, it’s new and the new love interest claims to understand the time you have to spend with the kids or the conversations needed with the ex… or, if you’re really doing it right… the TIME you have to spend in the same room with him/her.

ANNNNDDDDD….. Enter the polar opposite of the person you THOUGHT you were seeing….

You struggle to explain to someone WHY they can’t be around when the kids are. Why they can’t meet them yet. Why you’re canceling plans so you can swap nights with your ex so he/she can work late. Why you have to clear vacation plans that don’t include the kids with him/her. And above all, you find yourself in numerous arguments with the new “BAE” about why you are always having to talk to your ex.

From the outside looking in on co-parenting it all seems so foreign these days. All too often now we see where there is one “good parent” and one “deadbeat parent” so when you finally find someone you can tolerate to be around besides your children, the new interest doesn’t think there will be an ex around, ever, for any reason.

Never. Ever. Ever apologize to someone for your ex NOT being a deadbeat parent!

Count your many blessings that you have those children and, although their other parent and you didn’t work, you have an ex who is willing to be a part of their life in full force, without hesitation. Be grateful for every easy transition from school, to practice, to doctors, to grandparents, etc. Continue to buy those gifts from the kids to thier other parent without a second thought. And keep right on sending those nonstop pictures.

Never try and stay with someone who wants to ruin your relationship you have with the father/mother of your children. Do not let someone come in and cause kinks in your perfect flow of life. Do not be with someone who tries to make you feel bad for giving your kids a life that shows that their parents love each other (though it may not be the same way as before).

Dating is hard enough, and dating with children can be tricky, but you should never have to spend all of your time while dating someone justifying your actions and a parent. If you find yourself in this situation, leave. The person you’re seeing obviously isn’t mature enough to handle it.

LEAVE. Don’t look back. It may hurt, but know it will hurt a lot more for you and your child(ren) if it gets too far and they meet each other and THEN they decide to walk out.