"You're always gonna fly away, just because you know you can
You're never gonna learn there's no such place as Neverland
You don't understand
You'll never grow up
You're never gonna be a man
Peter Pan." – Kelsea Ballerini
The day that you spoke those words, that we were 'drifting,' and 'it was only two months and that I should just get over it', completely broke me in half. Four months later and I'm still not over it.. I was never over it.. I had so much more to give. So much more time I wanted with you. I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. You were my life. NBD..
When your life plan was to love that person forever, it's hard to shake the fact that you will never be their forever..and that in an instance your 'person,' whom you thought was your forever, suddenly changed their mind..
I wasn't ready to come to terms with that, and I don't know if I'm still ready to come to terms with that..but you've given me no choice, but to forget you. Day by day I forget a little more about you..and I gradually forget the person I was with you.
Although, I will never forget the way you looked at me..The way you kissed me..the way I walked up to your car to go out for the night and you acted blown away by my presence..as if I was the only girl you've ever seen.
Where did that boy go?
Why did everything in this orbital world, just fall apart?
You just..left.
You just, disappeared.
You completely devastated me and 'ghosted' me. As if I was nothing..
I remember when you told me I was 'the one' (boy was I naive).
You took me 1400 miles to meet your family, just to decide that I was nothing but a mistake..
How could you?
That's all I want to know..
Is so bad that I just want closure? (Why don't relationships have closure?)
How was it so easy to just get up and leave?
I loved you.
Don't you get that!
I wanted my forever, with you! And you just left..
You brought me back on the plane, by myself and never talked to me again.
I flew back over a thousand miles just to find out you didn't want me anymore.
I was broken.
Completely ashamed and broken.
Why do we invest so much with someone just to find out they don't want anything to do with you anymore?
Why do we have to risk our already damaged hearts, just to find out another boy will destroy it even more?
Thanks to this man. I don't trust anyone. I'm back on this broken road of dating with 'boys', who have no intention of settling down. (Peter Pan Syndrome, as I like to call it..)
Thanks to him, I'm alone, insecure, and don't trust men.
I pray that one day I'll find the man of my dreams.
To prove that they aren't all the same.
They won't all rip me to pieces, right?
And make my light smiles turn into tears?
I can only hope that I will find the man of my dreams one day..
I remember the last words you spoke to me. You said "I hope no one ever breaks your heart again."
Well that's just it.
You're right..
The next person wont.
They won't be as messed up in the head as you, and as confused as you were with whether or not you wanted to be me.
They will love me with every ounce of their being.
They won't give up on me.
They will appreciate me for exactly who I am.
That's just it.
The next person won't break my heart..
The next person will value my worth and love me for all of my flaws.
They will love the way I bump into walls, and laugh at myself for being such a goofball.
They will appreciate me.
They will look at me everyday, as if I'm the only woman in the world. The only one who can make their heart skip a beat.
And just like that, it will finally all make sense..and I will thank you at that exact moment for taking me back on that plane to Florida, where I flew back to the love of my life.