Chelsea Walker, Author at Pucker Mob

13 Things Only People Who Are Always Cold Understand

Being cold isn't fun for anyone – but when you're always cold, you have to find ways to get warm and keep warm. So sometimes you experience life a little more differently than those "warm-blooded" people.

1. You have a favorite sweatshirt. Everyone you know has seen you in it at least once – because it's your favorite. It keeps you warm, blocks the wind, and is essentially like a portable blanket.

2. You hate sitting down to use the restroom. It's not an issue of cleanliness – the toilet seat is just always freezing! You've been known to sit on it to warm it up before pulling down your pants, or maybe you've even blowdried it before.

3. The season doesn't matter to you – odds are that the heater is running. If it's a cold summer, you have no issues turning up that thermostat. Who cares what the calendar says!

4. Leaving bed in the morning is the worst. It is the absolute worst, since it's the only real time that you feel warm and cozy. As soon as you leave, no matter what clothes you put on, you will be in a perpetual state of shivering.

5. You avoid touching cold things as much as possible. Whether it's ice, a cold drink, or even ice cream, touching them only makes your already freezing hands colder. You're trying to warm up, not cool down even more.

6. You cannot stand drafts. If a door is drafty, you will find a way to clog that hole up. If your blanket creates a draft, you will fidget around until you have blocked the draft. Drafts are the enemy.

7. You have put your cold feet on someone. Whether it's a significant other or friend, you have shamelessly stolen their body heat to warm you up. Sure, you may have apologized, but no regrets.

8. You cannot understand why people would want to hang outside during the winter. It is warmer inside, and that is why you are staying in there. They can come to you, but you have no need to leave your warm house for the frigid wilderness of the outdoors.

9. Your significant other isn't sure the reason for your hugs sometimes. Sure, hugs are always welcome, but was it out of affection or to steal their body heat? They'll never know, and honestly you're not quite sure sometimes either.

10. You've learned the art of stylish outerwear. Who cares if you have a cute outfit on if you never plan on taking off your jacket? Might as well be comfortable and just focus on the layers that matter.

11. Layers are your best friend. You have been known to wear multiple pairs of shirts, leggings, and pants, sometimes on a fairly regular basis.

12. You hate taking naughty pictures. What's so wrong with looking sexy in this parka? You have absolutely no desire to take off your clothes and be cold in order to take a picture. It's just not going to happen.

13. You have and will pass up on plans based on the temperature of the environment. Outside seating, will there be a breeze? Is the movie theater cold? Nope, not going, I'm too cold already.

A Timeline Leading Up To Your Very First Tattoo

So, you've finally decided that you want to get a tattoo – awesome!

However, there's a lot more to it than just walking into a tattoo shop and declaring that you want to get tattooed – at least, if you want to do it right.

Follow this timeline and do your research in advance so that you're completely ready when the big day comes.

At least one month before (up to 6 months):

Research your design. Google searches, Pinterest, and other sites are fantastic for this. Save your top favorites or even have an artsy friend design a whole new look.

Brainstorm placement on your body. How visible do you want it? What size? Will those body parts change and distort the image over time?

Look into the local tattoo parlors near you. Yelp is a great resource to find reviews, hours, price ranges, and even see examples past customers have posted. Research if they meet health-code is very important as well.

One week before:

Set up a consultation. This can be done over the phone or by walk-in. In person is recommended to discuss your design, but sometimes over the phone is more convenient with busy schedules.

Schedule your appointment. You can most likely do this at the time of your consultation. Note: Your artist may or may not ask for a deposit at that time. Pay it if they ask for it.

Get a doctor's note, but only if you have a viable reason to. Most people can sit down in the chair without one, but some people with specific health conditions will need approval.

The night before:

Shower and shave the area clean. You'll be close to the tattoo artist for an extended period of time, so personal hygiene is important. In addition, the area must be clean of all hair in order to be tattooed, so be sure to shave ahead of time.

Sober up. Don't drink the night before getting a tattoo. Not only is it illegal to tattoo someone under the influence, but getting a tattoo is a draining experience physically. You don't want to be hungover while they're inking you.

The day of:

Skip the coffee. Coffee thins the blood and can make you more susceptible to bleeding,

Shower again. Make sure that you are clean, fresh, and feeling ready to go. This cannot be emphasized enough.

Eat plenty and drink lots of water. Getting a tattoo can be a long process, and your blood sugar levels will go up and down during the process. You really don't want to pass out.

Bring your wallet. Your artist will most likely make sure you are legally old enough to get a tattoo, and of course you will have to pay your artist after they are done. (Don't forget to tip!)

Do your best to relax. We're all nervous our first time doing under the gun. Having a friend there and even a blanket and pillow for bigger pieces can make the experience more enjoyable.

Note: After you get your tattoo, follow the instructions your artist will most likely give you. They'll have the best advice for when to remove the bandage, what moisturizer to use, when to start using sunscreen, etc. Remember – they are the expert, NOT your friends or randoms on the internet.

Good luck, and welcome to the world of being inked!

10 Ways To Make The Most Of Being Horny At Work

We’ve all been there – the mood hits you in the most unfortunate of places. Sometimes you’re not even sure why you get so aroused, but you do, and damn it you just want to do something about it.

Whether you’re at work, school, or even another unfortunate place like the airport, you can make the most of any situation. It may not be what you really want, but it’ll hold you over for a bit.

1. Send a steamy text to your significant other. It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out – you can mention what you want to do to them later, or even just the fact that you’re turned on and thinking of them. Then, you’ll have plenty to look forward to later.

2. Search for lingerie or other sexy items that you might want to purchase. Just be sure to do this on your phone – don’t use your work computer for these types of purchases.

3. Look into some new positions or kinky activities for you and your partner to do. Again, definitely search for these on your phone. Might as well that horniness to good use and do some research for later.

4. Do some kegel exercises. It doesn’t sound very exciting, but think about it for a bit – you’re already focusing on your lovely parts, so might as well exercise them a bit right? A big plus of this is that no one can tell you are doing them in your chair.

5. Take a sexy picture. Now, be very careful with this one. If your office has a door that locks and no cameras, then you’re safe. If not, or you work in a public space, bathrooms, particularly one-stall bathrooms, can be a good bet for this.

6. Plan your next date night. Planning date nights when you’re really in the mood but can’t do much about it is perfect because you’ll come up with a hot, steamy night with all of that energy. Plus, having those plans done and ready is a huge relief for anyone.

7. Listen to some sexy music (with headphones). If you are allowed to listen to music with your headphones at work, then by all means get into the music in your mind. Let it wander for a bit on your break, have fun with where it goes.

8. Look at your coworkers in a new light. What kinds of things do your coworkers, especially the ones you know well, seem to be into? What kind of weird kinks do you think they have? Just make sure to keep these thoughts to yourself.

9. Admire yourself in the mirror. When you’re turned on, you can’t help but feel sexy as hell, right? So, take advantage of it. Fix up your hair and makeup slowly so that you can admire yourself and how great you look in those business clothes…then imagine your partner ripping them off later.

10. Leave work early. Don’t make a habit of this, but sometimes the urge to jump on your significant other is too much to handle. If it’s a slow work day, leave early or take a long lunch and get some much needed alone time in with them.

10 Things You Probably Shouldn't Do During Foreplay

Foreplay, the overlooked and under-praised member of the sex world, is almost an art. There’s a lot of ways to do it right, but there are so many more ways to mess it up.

Don’t kill the mood before you’ve even started – here’re some things to avoid and not do during foreplay.

1. Don’t rush it. Yes, we know that you want to get yourself inside of us, but the anticipation will make it better. A few minutes of making out is not enough, and we can tell when you’re rushing it.

2. Don’t tell us that we need to “get wetter” for you – make us wetter your damn self! It’s your responsibility to turn us on, just like we’ve turned you on.

3. Don’t only focus on the clit and vagina. We know they’re all you want to think about, but touch our bodies, pull us closer, grab our breasts, kiss our necks. It’s not just about down there.

4. Don’t man-handle her. Even if we like it rough, ease us into it. Don’t just start out by choking us and pushing us against the wall. Start out gentle, then take your time getting freaky with it.

5. Don’t forget to make her feel hot. When we feel like more than a piece of meat to stick your piece into, we’ll be so much more into the sex. Look at us, admire us, make it obvious how much you want us with your eyes.

6. Don’t just stay quiet – but don’t make it all about the dirty talk also. Definitely make sure to talk dirty and get our mind going, but don’t neglect our body because you’re so focused on talking to us.

7. Don’t just rip her clothes off. Undress us, unwrap us as if we’re a present, watch us undress and strip for you seductively. Make a mini event out of removing our clothes.

8. Don’t be afraid to ask us if we’re comfortable. Ask us what we like, check to make sure we’re okay. Consent is important, and communication is great.

9. Don’t just make it about the dick. Yes, we love grabbing at you and playing with you, but foreplay is not just about how hard we can get you.

10. Don’t skip it entirely. Please, please, please don’t skip it – foreplay matters, and it makes the sex so much better. If you want us to cum, *cum* over here and get us going first.

10 Questions I Want To Ask My Boyfriend

Sometimes, when you ask me what I'm thinking, and I say "nothing," well, it's not nothing.

Not nothing at all.

I have a lot of questions for you, but they're not easy questions. I don't want to ruin the moment, the time we have together, the memories we're forming. I want to ask you these, to have these conversations, but I want to enjoy our time together more. I wish I could ask you these, but I don't know how.

1. Have you ever had moments when you questioned our relationship and wanted to break up with me? What kept you going?

2. When you first said "I love you," what was the moment that it clicked and made you realize you were ready to say that?

3. What does your family really think of me? Are there conversations you have about me that I don't know about?

4. What is something that you wish you could change about our relationship? Why haven't you told me about it?

5. Did you think that we would make it this far, or are you surprised by how long it's been?

6. When my name comes up, what do you think about? What comes to mind?

7. What's something that you haven't told me but really want to, and why haven't you told me yet?

8. Are you happy with our love life? Am I really as good as you say I am, or are you being nice and hoping that I'll improve?

9. What scares you about us? Is there something that you're uncertain of or that you foresee will be a potential problem?

10. What's your favorite thing about us? When you think about our love, what is it that makes you love us?

There are so many more questions I would ask, but these are 10 that have been burning for a while. Will I ever ask them? Probably some, but who knows when and where. For now, I'll keep wondering.

10 Things That Happen When You Can't Stay Mad At Them

When you just can't seem to stay mad at someone, it can be infuriating and a total relief at the exact same time.

No matter what they do and how mad you get, you can't hold it against them for long.

1. You get mad, even though you're a little leery of picking that battle. Like, really mad. You're not sure that they've ever seen this side of you. It's definitely not a side they see often, even glimpses of.

2. You fight, but you feel bad because you can see the guilt in their face. Sure, they messed up, but they let things slide with you. You know these things don't last long anyway, so is it worth it?

3. You take some time to calm down, mixed between not wanting to see them and already missing them and just wanting the whole thing to be over.

4. You begin to hate being mad at them more than what they did. The feeling of anger towards them begins to be directed at the situation, and the hurt begins to subside a bit.

5. You try to make your point, but probably fail at it. Whether you are quieter than normal, act like everything is back to normal, or a bit passive aggressive, they can hear your anger still in your tone and see it in your body language.

6. You give in. They apologize, and eventually (as in probably less than an hour), you forgive them and steal a hug, a kiss, something. Something to recreate that bond that was very temporarily broken.

7. You might even apologize for how you acted. We're not always proud of how we react emotionally when we're angry. It's okay to apologize if you said something hurtful or stepped over the line.

8. You exchange "I love you's" and more hugs, because those are actually a lot more healing than many would give them credit for.

9. You might discuss it a bit, coming up with compromises and solutions to avoid the situation again. However, the tone is a lot calmer than before, and probably how it should have been addressed in the first place.

10. You're back to normal. You realize how much you love them, and how that situation can't get between you two. The laughter is the same, and a total relief after those tense moments. You can't stay mad at them, and you knew you couldn't from the start.

Sometimes we need little bumps along the way to realize how much we love the other person and to remind us of how strong our relationship really is. Fights happen, and they allow tension to keep from building up. In the end, love is stronger after than it ever was before.

Fantasy First: My First Time Using a Vibrator

At the age of 20, I had a personal milestone that no one would dare talk about: I bought my first vibrator.

I did some research online, looking for something relatively affordable but still small and discreet. I needed something quiet and rechargeable, especially since I was living at college in the dorms at the time.

After enough research, I decided on a little one from OhMiBod and placed the order with my dorm address as the shipping address, feeling honestly a bit nervous but excited and very adult.

About a week later, the package arrived in a discreet, simple, very private brown box. It was nice to see that not even the shop name was on the box, so no one could tell what I was carrying as I brought it back to my room.

I brought the box back to my room and cut into it. Out of that box came a very pretty but durable gift box. If this box was left out on a desk or bedside table, no one would think twice about it. It was actually really pretty and had no need to be hidden.

Inside of the box, I found a chord, a little silk baggie, and the small, smooth vibrator. It felt good in my fingers, smooth and even a tad soft. There was a little part that stuck out and was almost like a little heart.

After discreetly cleaning it off and recharging it with the chord (conveniently a USB), I was ready to get down and dirty with myself. I got all set up, excitement and anticipation growing over the new world I was crossing into. I even put some music on, thinking I was so smart to mask the vibrations and sounds.

Then I quickly realized I had no idea what I was doing. I would press a button, and the intensity would increase, but then the other button affected the rhythm of vibrations. On top of that, my clit was not used to that level of intensity, so it was exciting but not even that pleasurable.

Confused, I pulled the little vibrating thing in my hand up and looked it over. It was simple, it was a clit vibrator, it wasn’t supposed to be rocket science. So, I just pressed a button to figure out what it did.

Once I got that down, I figured out how was best to actually hold it. You can’t just stick something down there and expect it to be euphoria (despite what some guys expect, I know). You actually have to figure out what the hell to do with it.

So, I knew what the buttons did, how to adjust the settings, and how to best position myself. It wasn’t a glamorous process, but the learning curve wasn’t bad.

Well, the learning curve wasn’t bad: expect for my clit. My clit had quite a learning curve. Because even the lowest, simplest setting was still quite intense for it, everything was just overwhelming for the first at least five uses. I’m not even sure I orgasmed, though each time I grew more accustomed to the sensation.

Then, after more uses, I learned how to move it around, how to adjust settings right in the middle without missing a beat, how to move my body to match the vibrations. After a while, I had it down, and it was so much better than just my own little hand.

But that first time, that wasn’t pretty. It was awkward, it was uncomfortable, it was confusing, and it was even embarrassing – and I was the only one there.

So, don’t worry about if it’s confusing, intimidating, or intense when you try something new. Take it new, and your body will adjust and begin to love it. Trust me!

8 Sexy Activities Inspired By Sunday School Stories

Sunday school was such an innocent, fun time for many church kids. Well now, those kids are all grown up. We remember the stories with fondness and learned a lot from them.

Now it's time to mix things up and give them a whole new, dirty life:

1. The Towel of Babel – Get down and dirty with some sexy, dirty talk you know he's into. You don't want to come across like you're babbling in another language the whole time, so talk to him how he likes and understand until you two are building your own tower on the bed.

2. Noah's Ark – Two-by-two, you'll have sex twice with this one. The first time, let him flood onto you wherever he desires, and then jump in the shower, and after you rinse off and recharge, have some amazing shower sex as the water rains down on you.

3. Joseph and The Multi-Colored Coat – Flaunt your stuff in some sexy lingerie during an entire date night at home, and then let your man rip it off of you at the end of the night. You can even let him throw you on the bed and treat you like a slave if you're into that sort of thing.

4. Moses and The Red Sea – You've got it, period sex. Whether it's your thing or not, put some towels down and let him part the Red Sea and enter into it with his army of one. When he cums, he'll be leaving his little soldiers behind just like the Egyptians in the Red Sea.

5. Abraham and Isaac – Let him tie you up as he pleases, and then give him your body like a sacrifice to do whatever he likes with. Make sure you are both comfortable and consensual, but don't be afraid to get a little freaky with it either.

6. Daniel and the Lion's Den – Have him eat you out until you climax just like the lion's would have wanted to eat Daniel up if their mouths hadn't been shut. This time, there's nothing stopping his mouth, so he's in for quite a meal.

7. Jonah and the Whale – Take your whale in his mouth and deep throat him as much as you can, making it sloppy and wet like he's in the ocean. Then, when he cums, swallow it all up with ease just like Jonah was swallowed by the whale.

8. The Four Horsemen – This might be an all day activity of sexy fun for you two. Fuck him four times in four different position – lying down, sitting, standing up, and get creative with it. By the end of the day, your pussy will be at his mercy and wonderfully sore as if the apocalypse is upon you.

Whether you grew up in the church or have just heard the stories, have some sexy fun with these activities. Sometimes the best memories are the ones you can't tell anyone about, especially your Sunday school friends.

If I Can Suck Your Dick, You Can Deal With My Period

Ladies, we all know the feeling of being caught off guard.

*plop*

We haven’t been paying attention to how long it’s been since mother nature visited, and we feel that familiar plop from down below. We rush to grab a little cotton rocket or sad excuse for a strip of a diaper and pray that nothing leaked through or stained anything.

Just like every other month, we’ve started our period. No big deal – it’s inconvenient, and those cramps can be some of the worst things we’ve experienced, but we’re honestly just glad that we’re not pregnant. We’re badasses, and we’ve done this before.

Then it hits us – this weekend was supposed to be our romantic date night. We finally don’t have work, family, or anything else vying for our attention. And after date night usually comes sex…. whelp, not anymore, right?

Wrong.

Ladies, just hold on a second. Think about all that you do for your man for a second. Have you given him a blowjob recently? Have you sucked him after a long day, but still before his shower? Have you let him cum in your mouth and spit, or even swallowed? Have you ever let him cum on you wherever he liked?

Your man, who you love very much, pees out of that dick. It’s not like he tastes amazing, especially after a long day. And please, let’s all admit that the cum is not like a vanilla syrup. It’s kind of sour, and, if they haven’t had enough water that day, have just too many weird, thick strings.

You do a lot for your man. Yet, as soon as you begin to spot, it becomes blow job week? No fun for you, you just get hormones, cramps, tears, and expensive pieces of cotton to keep you company. However, he still expects you to pleasure him?

Excuse me, but no.

That blood means that you two were successful at not getting pregnant for another month. Those condoms and birth control actually worked – yay you!

Why not celebrate that with some fucking? He won’t even see the blood for that long, and it’s not that difficult to take a shower after the fact and rinse off. Not to get too gross either, but you’re already naturally lubed up…

Just saying…

Plus, many women are horniest around this time. Why not actually take advantage of when you’re in the mood all the time? No need for headache excuses for you. You’ll be ready to go quicker than he will be.

He really doesn’t know what he’s missing during that week. Let him know, and ease him into it. If he just isn’t into it, then it’s not blowjob week either. Simple. You deserve to have fun that week just as much as he does, if not more.

I'm Christian, and My Number Is None Of Your Business

As a Christian who has grown up in the church, one of the most taboo topics to discuss was the topic of sex. This is about all that I learned until I was in my late teens:

SEX = BAD

At the private Christian school that I grew up attending, there was no such thing as "sex ed." It wasn't deemed necessary or beneficial. In Sunday school and later youth group, the message was oversimplified: If you don't even consider it, it's as if it doesn't exist. Anything to do with the reproductive system was deemed as inappropriate.

Other than that, sex wasn't discussed. It was as if this natural, three-letter word was lumped in with all of the inappropriate four-letter words that Christians aren't allowed to say.

Now, as a college-aged Christian in a relationship, the tides have turned. By that, I mean that my experience in the Christian community around the topic of sex has changed drastically.

It is ALL they will talk about!

So many community discussions focus around the idea of ideological purity and physical purity, pure thoughts, dating and the Bible – which always relates to how to approach discussing sex and boundaries, introducing sex into a relationship once married, the stigmas of sex, the dangers of intimacy, etc.

Why are we so obsessed with this? We've gone from shoving it under the rug to throwing it in everyone's face constantly. I'm going to go out on a limb and say something that many will not agree with me on: My past, my decisions, my number are none of your business.

Just because we have the same religious views and a relationship with the Lord doesn't mean that you can ask about every detail of my life. Your intentions are good and you looking out for me, I know. But not every conversation I have with a Christian peer or youth pastor about my relationship has to focus around sex.

Why can't you ask about if we go to church together, do devotional readings together, pray together? Why is it that the only thing that matters to you is if we have sex? I'm not even saying that we are or we aren't by saying that – but why do you feel so comfortable asking about something that is so intimate?

I will confide in you and seek guidance if I feel that it is necessary. Until that though, just love me and pray for me. Just like my other choices in my life, my number is my business.