Author: Chelsea Policelli

I’m 24 years old and I’ve never been over 112 pounds in my entire life. I’m also 5’2 so no need for judgment, I’m at the weight that’s appropriate for my height. 

My grandmothers were thin, my sister is thin and  my mom is still thin after having three kids. It’s my genetics. 

I’ve never been to the gym and my “diet” is complete garbage. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly grateful that I’m naturally thin. 

The bitterness of others, however, has been a record playing for 24 years.

Here’s what I would like to stop fucking hearing:

1. “Must be nice.”

Yes, yes it is nice, thank you. Am I supposed to say ‘thank you’? 

I have a fast metabolism. Do you want to stand here all day and go over each other’s genetics? Because I have better things to do.

2. “That’s all you’re going to eat?”

Considering my stomach is the size of my fist, yeah that’s about it. 

I eat like a bird- a little here, a little there. I can’t help when I become full. Neither can you. We’re all built differently.

3. “I wish I was as tiny as you.”

I wish you would shut the hell up. 

It’s not a compliment. It actually makes me feel incredibly guilty. Like I’m responsible for you being self-conscious.

4. “Eat a cheeseburger, damn.”

I love cheeseburgers, thank you so much for the advice.

5. “Oh no wonder you’re in such great shape.” (when people hear what I do for a living) 

I have an extremely physical job. I walk an average of 12,000 steps a day and a distance of 5 miles. Yes, it keeps me toned and strong. 

But my being thin comes down to my metabolism. You could get a physical job if you want, go for it.

In no way was this intended to come off offensive to those who are overweight or unhappy with their weight. 

It’s in no way a “poor me, I’m thin” post. We all have our own insecurities and making others feel responsible for them is wrong. 

I’m thin and I’m grateful. I don’t take it for granted. And I don’t point out anything to anyone that has to do with their physical appearance, whether it would come off harmless or not. 

Compliment one another. Appreciate one another’s differences. We’re all on the same team here people.

Audrey Hepburn was the epitome of Hollywood class and romance never seemed to be far behind when it came to her roles. Undeniably beautiful on the outside, she spewed elegance and is an incredible role model to women to this day. When I did some research on her and found that this was her favorite poem, I fell in love with her even more.

Unending Love by Rabindranath Tagore

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times…
 In life after life, in age after age, forever.
 My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs,
 That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms,
 In life after life, in age after age, forever.

Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, its age-old pain,
 Its ancient tale of being apart or together.
 As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge,
 Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time:
 You become an image of what is remembered forever.

You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount.
 At the heart of time, love of one for another.
 We have played along side millions of lovers, shared in the same
 Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell-
 Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.

Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you
 The love of all man’s days both past and forever:
 Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life.
 The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours –
 And the songs of every poet past and forever.

I was a dog person my whole life…until my boyfriend got me a kitten for my birthday. I was skeptical about it. I always thought cats were too to themselves and unloving. That was until I got Phoenix. And the psycho cat mom of the year adventure began. Since then, my Instagram’s been nothing but cat selfies and I have no shame about it. 

If you’re a fellow cat lover, here’s what you’ll know all too well:

• You’ll put every penny you have into taking care of your cat before even  taking care of yourself– Since I got Phoenix about 6 months ago, I have not bought myself one thing. But you can bet your ass he has every toy you can think of, an electrical running water fountain, and an entire room of my house to himself.
• You love your cat pretty much more than anyone else– My boyfriend will ask me if I love him more than Phoenix…and it’s pretty hard not to hesitate. It’s a whole different kind of love. I do everything for him, he’s my baby. No fucks.
• You don’t want to stay out too late or go away for a weekend because you’ll  miss them so much/worry about them– Getting out of the house is a great thought, until we’re in the middle of a nice dinner and I can’t help but blurt out with a pouty face “I miss my baby cat???. Quite dramatically in fact. Kind of pathetic.
• When you’re with your friends and they talk about what’s going on with  them, you somehow manage to bring up something about your cat with every  conversation– No matter how much my friends and I get into conversation about work or dating, I always come right back to “OMG Phoenix did the funniest thing the other day???. (Thank God my friends are fellow cat lovers; thanks guys).
• You treat your cat so much like a baby that your parents treat him like a  grandchild- you know your cat is your baby when you’re mom refers to him as her “grandcat???.
• You take a picture of every single cute, funny, crazy thing they do- My Facebook page is full of nothing but pictures of him. Phoneix on the windowsill, Phoenix managing to fit in the kitchen cabinet, Phoenix sleeping. You name it, I have a picture of it. I figure it’s my version of other people putting up pictures of their kids.
• You’ve never known a love like this and you shut down anyone who says  dogs are better than cats- As cold as Phoenix might come off to strangers, I know he genuinely loves me. We spend a ton of time together. He follows me everywhere, he sleeps right up next to me when we take naps (under the covers too), he sits on the counter and stares me the entire time I do my makeup and he even lays on the bath mat and waits for me to get out of the shower.

He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine my life without him now. It literally revolves around him. Thanks for turning me into a crazy cat lady, Phe. You the real MVP >^^<

I want to like you. I do. 

And honestly, I’ll be skeptical about you for a while. You’re going to have to prove yourself to me whether you think that’s reasonable or not. The woman you’re with- I know her inside and out. I’ve seen her cry, I’ve wiped her tears. I know what she deserves and I’ve seen guy after guy promise to, but not be able to give it to her.

Don’t make me hate you. I’ll always have a bigger influence over her than you want to believe. In the end, she’ll make decisions for herself, but I’ll always be there to give her my two cents.

I’ve known her since she was 10 so it’s going to take years for you to know her on the level that I do. You may feel like you’ve known her forever, but I actually have. 

If she ever complains about you I won’t be able to hide my facial expressions. Or sugarcoat. Because not being honest with her about how I felt in the past has contributed to her heartbreak.

She’ll always put up a tough front with you and there will be points where you’ll become frustrated and literally beg her to open up to you. 

Be patient, don’t ever push her. That’s the worst thing you could do. She does things at her own pace and no matter how much you think/know you can make her happy, forcing it upon her will only end up with her never speaking to you again.

She’s a shitty texter. She works six days a week. Her job will always come first. She’s come so far in her life that she’ll never let you knock her back down for a second. 

As soon as you start that crap, you’re done.

Just let her be. Let her do her thing and pencil you in when she can. It’ll be the best decision you ever make. Why? Because she has the biggest heart, the best laugh and the will make you incredibly happy.

She may end up being your soul mate, but she’s always been mine.

When you’ve had a friend for a good amount of years, say 10 or even 5, you feel like you really know them. You know their relationship history, their childhood, and their drinking horror stories. If anything, you’ve probably been a part of their most memorable times, past and present. It gets easier and easier as the years go on to feel like you can have a bigger opinion about their choices than you really should. You think that because you know them inside and out that gives you some sort of right to say what they want or decide is right or wrong.

I recently had a friend that I’ve been close with for about 6 years get married after having only dated the guy for a few months. When they got engaged it was so easy for me to immediately text other friend’s and say “OMG can you believe…” . After a few weeks of being bitter, it hit me. Her decisions had nothing to directly do with me. They didn’t affect me whatsoever, so why was I being so judgmental and negative? This was her life, and if she was making such a huge decision, it must’ve been something that made her incredibly happy. I finally sucked it up and congratulated her- along with admitting to being a crappy friend for initially ignoring her engagement completely.

In the long-term friend world it’s a piece of cake to jump to gossip and think we know what’s best for other’s based on what decisions we would personally make. Realizing that their life is their own and accepting them for who they are, whether you agree with it or not, can make a friendship last a lifetime. I’ve lost a number of friendships over simply not being the same person. It’s a shame that more of us don’t embrace one another for what makes us individuals.

Even if you don’t think someone’s making the greatest decision, let them find out for themselves if it was or not. There’s a reason people say “I don’t want to have to say ‘I told you so”. It’s a shitty thing to have to say, so keep your opinion to yourself and let it play out how it’s meant to. The last thing you want is your friend resenting you for influencing something that was their business and theirs alone.

Living with someone is hard. Much harder than the fairytale it’s made out to be. 

Giggling over each other’s humor and having candlelit dinners. It’s not that. It’s bad jokes and takeout. It’s arguing over who hurt whose feelings or who does more or says thank you more. It takes a little bit of patience and a ton of listening.

Here’s what I’ve learned from living with my significant other:

You’re  not always right and your partner isn’t always wrong- It takes one second to evaluate a situation and really decipher whether you’re right or wrong. Take that one second to make the right choice. It’ll be worth it. 

Be brave enough to say you’re sorry and admit you’re wrong. Your partner will appreciate and admire you for it.

If  there’s something you need from the relationship that you’re not getting, all  you have to do is ask- Many of us think our partner is a mind reader. They’re not, no one is! 

It’s easy to be a drama queen and always assume that the other person should just simply know why you’re upset or how they made you feel. Tell them in a way that’s not aggressive and a positive outcome can occur.

Don’t  forget to make time to do things together outside of the home- There’s a difference between comfortable and too comfortable. Times are tough and money is tight, but even if it’s twice a month it’s worth it to have that time away to have conversations other than, “we need milk??? or “did you clean the litter box???.

Practice what you preach- If you want someone to listen to you, then be a good listener yourself. You can’t expect someone to put in 100% if you’re not. You’re a team. Things will only work as well as you do.

Be willing to put in the work. And put in a ton of it- It can be hard not to, but take it from me: don’t get lazy! Think about what you say before you say it. Show appreciation and don’t be too scared to say that you need to be shown more yourself. 

Hug A LOT. It literally reduces stress and anxiety, so suck it up that you didn’t get your way and just tackle ‘em.

You never truly know someone until you have to come face to face with them every single day. Morning, noon and night. Whether they’ve been in your life for 4 years or not. Make sure who they are when they’re in a bad mood is still who you want to be with at the end of the day. If they are, don’t get complacent. The grass isn’t always greener.

For years I was stuck. It was like I wasn’t even making my own decisions. They came from a part of me that wasn’t quite me. Between binge drinking every single Friday and Saturday night, to getting engaged after dating someone for a mere 4 months. Rash decision making was sort of my thing. I thought I was invincible. And that everything I wanted for myself my entire life was eventually going to happen overnight. And it could. IF and only IF I was the one to make it happen.

I blame my scatter brain behavior on my childhood. Long story short, I had to deal with incredible heartbreaks at an early age. A cousin murdered. An uncle in jail for one of the biggest drug busts on the East Coast in history. An inseparable Italian family torn apart. Abusive relationships. Classmates dying from drug overdoses. After all of that misery, you want to indulge in a little fun to pretend it had never happened/ wasn’t happening. A little fun turned into an alcohol problem. Which turned into battling with my mother on a day to day basis. Along with having no long term goals, making promises I knew I couldn’t keep and breaking heart after heart. Because after being hurt your entire life, in some sick way, hurting other people comes easy.

One day a flip switched. Literally one day. I wish I could say that it took months and months of working on myself, maybe seeing a therapist, going to back to school. Hell no. One day I decided that this wasn’t who I was or what I wanted for myself, and it certainly wasn’t how I wanted other people to see me. I started to visualize what I needed. I fell asleep fantasizing about having a great boyfriend, a job I loved, a new car, healthy relationships with family and friends. And it happened. I had to see it as if I already had it. I knew that I deserved it and that only I could make it happen. A mixture of loving myself and knowing that time was not only continuing to pass by, but passing by faster and faster was my ultimate wake up call.

I had to be the hero of my own life. I had to stop kidding myself and drinking instead of crying. I had to be brave enough to say how I really felt, instead of sugar coating. The compass of my life needed to start pointing in a direction.

Poor your soul into everything you do. Put passion into every relationship you have. Go with your gut. A hunch almost always ends up being correct. If someone isn’t adding any sort of positive influence to you, it’s a waste of time. Which is something we will never have enough of. Once you have achieved your dreams, you’ll realize that every shitty thing you’ve experienced was prepping you for that pedestal that you and only you can put yourself on. There are no dead ends, only the appearance of dead ends.