Author: Danielle Bliley

I always thought it would be easy. I would graduate from high school, go to college, graduate from college, and then continue on to graduate school. It sounds pretty easy and simple. I did pretty much what was laid out for me. I followed my plan and followed what others expected from me. I thought to myself a few times "Am I a follower?"  I knew I had to have an education growing up and to get a degree. I mean, after all, that is consistently instilled into our brains since day one of elementary school. Again, I followed what I thought I was supposed to do. 

So, I pursued college in my senior year of high school and started the journey of my undergraduate degree right after. I changed my mind on what major I wanted to study a few times in college until I found what I truly wanted. I actually came up with a decision that wasn't what others instilled in me. I was happy to find something I knew I could do well in. I thought to myself get through school and you can start your life. Why is it that I wasn't living my life when I was in college? Perhaps it was the stacks of papers due within a week or so, the many exams that I needed to prepare for, or maybe working & doing school at the same time was the ticket for disaster in itself?

 I just knew I wasn't living. I became consumed with worries, stress, agony, and exhaustion to even think about doing stuff for me.  At the same time I was motivated to get done, get my degree, and start a career. I was consumed by my future to even think about my present. I was pursuing my future happiness instead of pursuing a current one.

 It was my senior year of college and I finally thought I was running towards the finish line. I can finally catch my breath and get a break. All of a sudden, I started hearing classmates talk about graduate school. Professors giving us information on what is needed to apply and how this will further our opportunities in the field. I began getting advice from professionals in the field. "What should I do?" That was my common question that I kept asking others, instead I should have been asking myself. 

The replies were of course: get your masters, just finish it, you will make so much more money, it will open many doors. I knew they were right, and I knew that I should just "get it done".  So I applied for graduate school, got accepted, and finished my senior year. I had a month to process graduating with my bachelor's degree and to begin the start of my graduate studies.  I took an entry level job in my field. I didn't question if I would like the job or not because in my head, "It's a job in my field, there is no way I would not like it." Until, I started the job and I ended up dreading every day. I would come home and just cry. I would tell myself, "Is this how I'm supposed to feel in a job that is in my field?"  I was shocked, astonished, didn't feel like myself, and then I woke up.  My head and heart weren't matching up and I knew my life wasn't supposed to be on this journey right now.  

I finally realized that I have been the follower all along. I never followed the person I should have been following; myself. I think I learned the most these past three months since I graduated with my bachelors degree. School has been my entire life, my identity;the path I always took. My comfort zone; you could call it. I did not realize that you can become burned out from school just as much as being burned out in a career. I was confused because I did not know what I wanted to do in my field. My field is filled with possibilities and yet I did  not have any thought of possibility with what I wanted to do with those possibilities. 

I started thinking "should I really continue with furthering my education in my field, a field that I was completely confused with?" Why? I kept asking myself, why am I furthering my education if I knew I needed a break?  The only answer I could come up with was: I don't want to disappoint others and that I might as well go down the path that a lot of my former classmates were doing. Again, I was furthering my education because of others. At that moment, I knew I needed to make a decision. It was time for me to stop being the "follower" and start being, me. I decided to take the risk and give myself a break. I knew I would eventually go back to pursue my masters, but it was not the time right now. 

I still don't know if I made the right decision. How would we know if we make the right decision? Everything is a risk and life is very uncertain. What I know? I know that I finally made my own decision. A decision that will alter my path momentarily in life. Instead of writing papers, studying for more finals, and attending an internship, I will begin a new routine. One that I have never tried before throughout college. That routine is pursuing my current happiness, a routine that I forgot about my whole entire life. I truly am taking my own road that has been less traveled by. 

This is a chapter of my story and one that I know some people can relate to. The relation of uncertainty, taking risks, and pursuing what is right for you. 

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Go find it.

It's time to say goodbye. The day each college student endlessly thinks and dreams about; graduation day….and I am still clueless as I was since the first day of class my freshmen year. I have always wanted my college degree and to be able to walk across the stage. What I didn't anticipate is the anxiety that will soon arrive, if not already, afterwards. 

I learned a lot about myself throughout college -The strength I never knew I had when I continue to push through endless challenges. The voice I never knew I could use to say no and stand up for myself. Having the patience to continue through many difficult tasks. College courses may only stick to the lectures, exams, and papers, but if you dig deeper you may find who you are because of those challenging courses. 

College isn't for everyone and I envy those who take the different route. It takes courage to not follow the crowd and to be able to say "This isn't for me". Many people end up with degrees that they do not like and debt that they can never pay back. 

Throughout college I pushed for the perfect grades, followed all the rules, and worried way too much. I never just let myself breathe and learn how to go with the flow. If anything college taught me who I don't want to be. I don't want to be the person that forgets how to live while pursuing their dreams. 

I'm saying this because after college we all have to decide where we should continue our journey. That's when the "anxious" feelings start to settle in. The constant choosing and thinking of our next step in order to achieve our desired success. Perhaps graduate school, careers, or a whole different route from the ordinary, whatever it is… don't let yourself get too hooked on "the ultimate life" to where you forget about your current life. Stay humble, believe in yourself, and allow yourself to let go of things that may not be for you. 

As you walk across the stage on your graduation day remember this:

The ending of college is just the beginning of another chapter of a story that will forever be unwritten.

To my fiance,

It's been a year since we've been engaged. I know, you know the most common question we have been asked has been, "So, when is the date?" When I respond… "we don't have one and I am not even sure yet on when we will." The looks people give me are quite amusing. They then proceed to smile and say "well that's okay take your time, that's smart." Secretly, I can sense that they are thinking to themselves, "They are never going to get married, why did they even get engaged, or this won't last." 

Here's why I won't set a date:

I don't believe in rushing something that you want to last forever. I want to be able to finish my schooling and start a career so we don't have to worry about every little ounce of money going into a wedding. Once you set a date, things start to feel like work. You work to organize a wedding, you work to rush on little details, and you panic about money. Every little thing becomes stressful and why be stressed when you should be enjoying each other's love? I truly want to marry you and I promise one day I will. I just don't believe in setting a date… something that's set in stone…because that's how society believes you should do it. Eventually we have to "set a date" but why rush on something that will bound us together forever? I want us to enjoy planning a wedding together… Perhaps we should plan all the details out first and then set a date. I just don't want to become bridezilla over one day. People will say "well why wouldn't you want to rush to get married that way you can become husband and wife?" I just feel as though, you are my soulmate, my best friend, and my other half. A marriage does not need to validate how I already feel. If I know I am going to marry you within the future, then that is all that matters to me right now. 

I never want to become that person who gets caught up with wanting to be married that I forget about what's truly important. What's important is building your life together, loving one another even on the days you tend to dislike them, being able to argue but go to bed knowing you can still count on them, having fun but knowing when to be serious and romantic, and ultimately truly loving one another with every ounce of your heart until forever. 

I promise, I will love you every day of my life… and that I can't wait until the day I walk down the aisle to you. But, our love isn't measured from a date we set, the wedding we plan, and the paper we get that says we said "I do". I want us to be forever, but I don't want to rush on the forever. Perhaps we say I do in a year, two years, or five years…the beauty of life is the unexpected, and the unexpected you can't set a date. 

I love you forever and always,

Your fiance

I always, always, always put myself down. I lack confidence in all aspects of my life. Everything I do.. I question it. I could know all of the answers on the exams and still second guess myself and put the wrong ones. I could know the right policy at work but still question if I am doing something right. It is not that I do not know what I am doing.. I just lack the confidence, the certainty in myself, and the power to tell myself I am great at what I do. 

I know a lot of us struggle with confidence issues. And what sucks the most, if you lack confidence in today’s society, you are left behind. Losing behind on a promotion because you lack the confidence for the activities of the job, even if you are qualified for it. You start to lack high self-esteem because when you lack confidence, you lack the ability to think highly of yourself. Mostly, you miss out on relationships, because you start to believe you are not good enough for others. But, I want people to know, even if you lack confidence in yourself.. doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the best in life. 

I think lacking confidence is a good thing. Some call me odd for it… but think about it, the people who lack confidence tend to make sure everything is 100% correct. They tend to have huge hearts and put others first. They believe someone else always deserves more than they do. You notice they stay humble even when they have every right to boast. People who lack confidence in themselves do not want to lack confidence..they envy people who are confident. But, we do not want to be put down because of it. We do not want to be told because of our lack of confidence.. we are not ready for something.

If you are someone who lacks confidence in yourself, please don’t let it stop you from pursuing your dreams. If you know someone who does lack confidence, do not begin to tell them that they lack confidence because 99% of the time they already know. Instead, enlighten them with encouraging words. Let them know how awesome they are doing within every aspect of their life. Be part of the reason they gain confidence in themselves. We all have different opinions, each person is filled with unique characteristics, and every person has one trait they wish they can improve. If your confidence is something you wish you could improve… do not feel like you can’t. But, never change who you are in the process of turning your cants into cans and your dreams into plans. 

To my past,

   You aren’t here anymore, but you still continue to haunt me. I know I shouldn’t think about you because you could only drag me down. People say “don’t look back on your past because it doesn’t live with you anymore” but I question that. I think you live with me every day. You see, I take you with me to help make decisions in my present and future. I can’t live without you because how can I just escape you? You made me who I am. You consist of memories, emotions, events, and people. How does one erase that? I know people tend to despise you, but I admire you. 

   I admire you because you allowed me to push myself to be a better person. My mind tends to revisit you to look back on the struggles and people who made my life difficult. Without you, I wouldn’t be able to see the difference in my present. People tend to hate you because you bring back their inner demons.  Here’s the thing, we all have them and if you didn’t show up from time to time to remind us of them, we might go back to those unwanted things. 

 I don’t mind having you in my life because I need to be reminded of where I came from. I need to be able to compare you to successes and challenges that occur in my present and future.

I know you aren’t a person, but you are in a way. You are what makes me. People might not understand that you make up a huge part of our identities. People might not appreciate the fact that you show up in our lives to remind us that you still exist. We might want to get rid of you and believe you never truly existed. In the end, it’s impossible to get rid of you. You are the past and the past played a role in each person’s life by shaping who they are. You may be haunting me but I know you are here to remind me of me and the person I can be. 

“Never regret your past. Rather,embrace it as the teacher that it is.” 

Christmas is right around the corner. But, what about Thanksgiving? I get it. I understand the consumer side of Christmas, I get the excitement that Christmas is about a month away, and I see why Thanksgiving can be so easily forgotten. But, why should it be forgotten? Here are 5 reasons why Thanksgiving should be the main focus in the month of November:

1. The importance of family

 Thanksgiving is the chance to catch up with members of your family you can’t catch up with throughout the year. Let’s face it, life is too busy to take the time each week to meet up with extended family members. I know there are people out there that do not get along with their family members. If that’s the case, take the time to catch up with whoever is important in your life. At the end of the day.. you go to sleep thinking about the people who are the most important to you.. not about the next materialistic item you need in your life.  

2. Taking time to remember what we are thankful for

We live our lives day to day. We are constantly rushed with deadlines. It’s easy to take things for granted. Thanksgiving allows us to take one day to just sit and think about what we are truly grateful for. The whole month should be the month of thanks. Unfortunately, if we push Thanksgiving to the side and rush straight to Christmas.. our thanks will only become a distant memory. 

3. Being able to relax before the hectic month of December arrives

I like to think of December the rush month of the year. Every person will be in a hurry to buy last minute gifts, run errands, and get in projects they wanted to finish before the end of the year. Thanksgiving allows us to sit back and relax one last time before the rush month comes our way. 

4. Less financial stress

Thanksgiving is not as stressful because we do not spend as much money as we do with Christmas. The month of Christmas can put stress on a family because not every family can afford the cost of Christmas. Although Christmas is not about gifts when you have children you automatically want to do everything you can to make a good Christmas for them. So why add an extra month of stress? :

5. Thanksgiving is still a holiday and it should not be forgotten

Thanksgiving is becoming the holiday of the past. It’s a shame that we are replacing it with shopping for Christmas. Although I do understand the excitement for the month ahead. I believe it’s possible to celebrate Thanksgiving on the day of Thanksgiving and to put off those Christmas feelings until the day after. If we surpass Thanksgiving for shopping and material needs how can we truly mean what we say when we say we are thankful for our families?