You may not be her first, but you can make damn sure you are her last.

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before, she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect—you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can…” – Bob Marley

Every girl falls into her own journey of discovering who she is. It’s not so much that she follows a unique path, it’s that she’s swept into it by life’s circumstances. A big part of that is love.

Some girls fall in love once, others twice, three times, or more.

Most of the time, she needs to meet more than one person to find out who it is that’s right for her. If you’re lucky, that might happen to be you. But before she could ever meet you, she had to walk through the darker tunnels of the past to finally meet you, the light at the end.

And if a girl’s truly right for you, you won’t put her down for having that past.

Yes, it might bother you to think of a time that it wasn’t your eyes, but someone else’s she was looking into. And, yes, it might madden you, even more, to think that she was treated with anything but the respect she deserves.

You might wish you could simply reach back and scoop her out of the past so that she wouldn’t have to endure any pain so that you could have her all to yourself.

And this isn’t because you’re selfish or controlling, it’s because you want to protect her from any past harm. But instead of taking that frustration out on her, transform it so that you can make her future brighter.

Don’t be the guy who wants to change her past; be the guy who wants to better her future.

Don’t be the guy who makes her feel bad for any mistakes; be the reason she never makes another one again.

Don’t be the guy who dismisses her for who she was; be the guy who appreciates her for who she is now.

Because the reason you fell in love with her, to begin with, wasn’t because she was plain and boring. She caught your eye because she was different from the rest, a force to be reckoned with. You fell for her because she didn’t fit the ordinary mold. And the more you try to make her fit yours, the further and further she’ll flee.

A girl can’t be contained.

In love and life, we become so worn down and jaded through heartbreak after heartbreak. We have a hard time believing in forever. But you, you have the power to help her go back to who she used to be when she believed in fairy tales. Prove to her that “Til death do us part” still stands strong. Show her that love can defy the physical limits of this world and transcend into something greater than that.

So don’t love her because you’re her first. Love her because you’re her last.

For more of Defne’s writing, follow her on Facebook.

27 Ways Your Purse Proves You’re a Hot Mess

Purses and bags are more than just an accessory – they’re a necessity, a way of life. Especially if you’re a mom.

You feel naked when you leave the house without one, despite the fact that you never keep it as clean and organized as you should…

  1. Clutter is an understatement.
  2. You call your bag the “Mary Poppins Bag.” Or the litter box. It’s just that full of shit.
  3. Those crumpled up receipts take up way too much real estate…
  4. …But despite that, you never really get around to throwing them away, either.
  5. Every time you think you lose something you end up finding it at the bottom of your bag…
  6. …Well, you didn’t really find it – you sort of just felt your way to it through all the other junk.
  7. You don’t actually know how many times you’ve said, “Oh I just found it at the bottom of my bag!”
  8. Your response when you can’t find something is: “Oh, I didn’t lose it, I just don’t know where it is.”
  9. Also, how did that gum get over there?
  10. Whatever, too late to get it out now – it’s probably solidified its way into the fabric of your bag’s being.
  11. Your bag is like your pet…
  12. Down, baggy.
  13. You know that whatever you manage to pull out of it is a total lottery…
  14. …You’re ready for surprises.
  15. Toys, diapers, binkies…oh my!
  16. Whenever you’re at the cashier, you stand there with your arm jerking around in your purse, trying to find your wallet for like ten minutes…
  17. …You’ve had to train yourself to do that while you’re in line now, so that you’re prepared for the big moment.
  18. There are days your bag cooperates and days it just has a mind of its own…
  19. …After all, didn’t you hear? Bad bag days are the new bad hair days.
  20. Your purse is like a sea of tampons. There’s nothing quite like finding a random one when you need it the most.
  21. If a friend offers to get something out of your purse for you, you warn him or her – they don’t know the monster they’re dealing with.
  22. Your bag’s at least three times heavier than it should be with all the coins that are swimming in it…
  23. …They even jingle when you walk around. People think you’re a walking Christmas carol.
  24. Your bag has a wider selection of goods than your local pharmacy…
  25. …At least three different brands of lipstick, a colorful assortment of mints and gum, Advil and Ibuprofen, not to mention a plethora of tissues. Duane who? CVS what?
  26. No matter what your bag puts you through sometimes, you’ll always guard it with your life…
  27. This means crazily darting your eyes around in social situations, just in case you encounter a pickpocket. Hands off. 

22 Signs You’re in a Committed Relationship with Your Phone

You’ve got the Great Wall of China, the Great Pyramid of Giza, the statue of Zeus in Greece, and last but not least, the cell phone. Because at this point, the cell phone deserves to be on a list of mankind’s most accomplished feats. So much so, that we’ve come to the point where we think we can’t live without them…

 

You religiously check your phone first thing in the morning…

 

…You have to make all the rounds: texts, calls, Facebook, emails, Snapchat, Instagram. Anything for an extra excuse to stay in bed.

 

You also check your phone right before you hit the sheets. Hey, those Snapchat stories are what help you sleep at night.

 

You feel naked when you don’t have your phone on you. There’s just something missing; life becomes this empty void, but you don’t know why…

 

…Until you realize: your phone’s not there. Oh my god.

 

10 Things To Know Before Dating Someone Who Almost Gave Up On Love

Why should I fall in love again??

When it’s been a while since someone’s fallen in love, they tend to become jaded and give up on the idea of ever falling in love again… But sometimes, on a few special occasions, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

1. They’ll be pretty nervous before their first few dates with you.

When they arrive to meet you, they’ll seem pretty chilled out. But what you don’t know is that hours before you guys met up, they were probably going over every possible scene in their head that included them messing up and tripping in front of you somehow.

2. But that doesn’t mean they’ll pretend to be somebody else for you.

Just because they’re nervous, though, doesn’t mean they’ll put up a front. Since they’ve been on their own for a while, they’ve learned to depend on themselves. They’re comfortable in their own skin. When it comes to dating, they’d rather be their unabashed selves, than pretend to be somebody else just to get another’s approval.

 

Reasons the Blunt Friend is the Best Friend You’ll Ever Have

You’ve got friends… And then you’ve got blunt friends. Blunt friends, for the most part, are misunderstood. They come across as rude when in reality they just have the best of intentions when speaking their minds. If anything, when they are super honest to you, it means they truly care. Not everyone is so lucky to have a blunt friend, but if you are, these are all the reasons the blunt friend is the best friend you’ll ever have. 

1. A blunt person will never shit-talk you. 

If you’re friends with a blunt person, it might just be you’re one of those magical species of human that doesn’t get on their nerves or you’re too busy being blunt yourself. But if they have something to say, you can count on hearing it from them directly, because talking behind their friends’ backs is just not in their nature.

2. They’ll tell you the truth – even if it hurts.

A blunt person holds truth to the highest standard. If there’s something they think you need to hear, they’ll tell you. But be aware, just because you need to hear it, doesn’t mean it’s always what you want to hear. The good thing about this is that your friendship issues don’t build up and explode. Instead of arguing, you’ll have meaningful and nurturing discussions.

The Struggles Of Loving Someone Who Lives Far Away From You

Loving someone can be challenging enough. Loving someone who lives far away? That’s a whole different ballgame. Because loving someone who lives far away means you’re living in all three dimensions: past, present, and future. Your past memories of this person fuel you to invest your present thoughts into them and make plans to meet again in the future.

The longing you feel when you’re not around them is a joyful aching, a pain you relish in. You get lost in the flood of thoughts of you two together. You fall into a daze of imagining the next time you get to have that again.

But this can also disconnect you from your present moment and situation, cut you off from your immediate surroundings because you’re thinking of a time that doesn’t exist right now.

Not until you’re finally together again do you throw yourself back into the present. No more disconnecting, no more disengaging. You’re in fully again. You savor each and every single moment, each kiss and each embrace. The mornings spent in bed with the sun pouring over your bodies remind you of a time long ago, one where responsibilities didn’t exist. You lay there as you hold each other and think, “Uh oh. I’m in trouble.???

Because when you fall you tend to fall hard fast. No matter the deadline, you go through the motions each time. You put off the thought of the painful inevitable, the goodbye that’s to come until you absolutely have to face the music. Every day seems to pass by quicker than the last, and before you know it, the time for departure makes its unwelcome arrival.

Each time you say goodbye, a piece of your heart stays with them. Every time you turn away, you entrust them with a bit more of your soul; will they be careful with it?

The longer you’re apart, the more the questions begin to invade your mind. As much as you enjoy the “being together when we’re together??? the thing, how long until your heart can’t take it anymore? How long until no longer enjoy the times when you’re not together? At what point do choices have to be made? No one prescribed a correct amount of time. No one wrote the rules for this. Everyone’s answer is different. So you find yourself continuing things as long as you possibly can because everyone’s answer is different.

As it’s comfortable there’s no reason to end it. As long as your needs are being met. As long as you don’t have to have to reach that point yet; the point at which your needs change (which they are subject to), and you plunge into building a life together, one that’s not a conveyor belt of hellos and goodbyes.

10 Ways People With A Hard Shell (But Soft Center) Love Differently

People who have a hard shell don’t really let others onto their feelings. They seem cool and aloof on the outside, but inside, they’re just like anyone else, wanting to love and be loved.

1. They blush on the inside.

Though they might respond to your compliments with a quick “thank you??? and an averted gaze, it’s not because they don’t appreciate it – they’re hanging onto your each and every word. It’s just that they internalize it a bit more.

2. They prefer to show, not tell.

People often have this idea that people with a hard shell simply don’t have any feelings – but it’s the depth of their feelings that makes it so difficult for them to talk about it. If they get started, they might just end up crying. So just when you think they’re off on another planet when you try to have pillow talk with them, they’ll be the first to graze up behind you for a spooning sesh.

3. They’ll go out of their way to please you with thoughtful gestures.

Since they’re not so good at talking about their feelings, they’ll make sure to show you how they feel. Think sweet surprises, breakfast in bed. Or a text when they’re out with their friends – anything to let you know you haven’t left their mind. And aren’t going to leave anytime soon, either.

4. They appreciate their space.

And if you don’t smother them in the beginning, they’ll be drawn to you even more. Eventually, they’ll want to get rid of the space between the two of you altogether – but they need to take their time to make sure they fully trust you.

5. Though they’ve put up walls, they’re there for a reason.

People with a hard shell can often seem cool and indifferent – like they don’t need anybody. But it’s often an act they’re putting on to mask previous heartbreak.

6. They ain’t about that tacky PDA life.

The thing that really gets them is a simple, powerful act, like holding your gaze in a room full of people, or standing just a bit closer to you so that your arms slightly graze past each others. Something invisible to others, but visible to the two of you.

7. They’ll make you feel like you’re in on a secret when you’re out with them.

Their attention is reserved for a special few, but because of that, it’s that much more intense. When you’re walking around with them on a hectic street, you won’t even realize other people are there.

8. They know how to pick their battles.

They’ll let go of the small, unimportant things, without letting them build up. But if they bring up an issue, it means that they’re really hurting about it.

9. If they fight with you, they really care about you.

The bright side is that if they do bring something up, they must really, really care about the relationship. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place. But if they’ve tried enough and they still feel like they’re not important to you, they’ll retreat as far back as possible – to the point where your existence pretty much becomes irrelevant.

10. They’re incredibly loyal.

At the end of the day, they’ll move mountains for you. They’ll be there for the little things, like celebrating a promotion or a raise. But they’ll also be the one to go with you to the doctor’s office or help you drive your first uHaul when you’re moving into a new apartment.

11 Rituals We All Have With Our Bestie

You and your bestie are attached by the hip. You know each other well and know you’re truly best friends because you guys have your own set of rituals that you strictly abide by.

1. Pregaming and getting ready to go out.

Possibly the only thing more fun than going out with your BFF is getting ready with her. Let’s just say, lots of wine and lots of liquor is involved… Not to mention, piles of clothes on the bed, makeup all over the bathroom sink, and perfume bottles spraying through the air. You guys won’t go out until all outfits are okay-ed. And then the fun begins.

2. Being each other’s wing-woman when you go out to the bar.

There’s nothing like going out for a crazy night with your BFF and knowing that you have each other’s backs when it comes to the cuties. She steps in at the perfect moment to save you from the creeps and always encourages you to go for it when you want to.

3. Pretending to be different people when you meet strangers on your night out.

You and your BFF can play along with any lie to total strangers when you’re out. You’ll put on fake names and fake accents and tell them fake stories just for the hell of it. And you never have to worry about one of you not playing along because you both know when it’s happening.

4. The hangover texts the morning after.

Hangovers suck. The only thing that makes them better though is the knowledge that your BFF is on the same page as you. It’s an endless array of hungover AF looking selfies, and you guys saying “I’m never drinking again.” (Right.) Plus, if you guys don’t text about your hangovers the day after a night out, are you even really friends?

5. The pep talk before a first date.

You’re going on a first date and you couldn’t possibly be more nervous. So who else to call but your BFF when you’re busy hyperventilating in your room? She’s the only one who can tell you to STFU about your nerves, make you feel beautiful, and get you excited to meet up with your date.

6. The outfit run-through.

Before any big event or date, you and your BFF text each other a million photos of possible outfit choices. She’s the only opinion you trust how good you look. She’s the only one who’ll be honest enough to tell you if something isn’t working.

7. The birthday ragers.

No one gets more excited about your birthday than your BFF. She’s there waking you up with breakfast in your room, showering you with cuddles and presents. And she helps you get ready for your party before anyone else is there and goes harder than all your guests.

8. The crying to each other when you’re heartbroken.

Sh*t hits the fan and things fall apart with a guy. Your BFF is to the rescue. She’s the one who lets you ugly-cry for hours, go on and on about all the things that happened, and let you eat your body weight in ice cream.

9. The getaway trip.

Sometimes you and your BFF have had it and just need to say goodbye and f*ck you to everyone. So you get in the car and get the hell out of town because that’s the only solution. Just you, your BFF, and a highway leading to wherever you so, please.

10. The reality check.

Your BFF is the only one who can be honest enough with you to call you out on your sh*t. You appreciate her bluntness because she’s just trying to look out for you and has your best interests at heart. If she’s telling you you’re messing up, you must really be messing up.

11. And of course, the heart to heart.

Every now and then, in any healthy BFF-ship, you guys will go on about how much you love each other. She’s your soulmate for life, the only one who gets you and you can’t go on for too long without letting her know that.

10 Signs You’re Dating The Man You’re Supposed To Marry, Not Just Date

When we’re out in the dating scene, we tend to say a lot of goodbyes to guys we thought we’d have a happily ever after with. But every once in a while, we meet someone we don’t have to say goodbye to.

1. He’s not hesitant about making plans.

A guy you date will hit you up once or twice and then never call you again. (Though he will text you saying “sup”? five months later thinking you’ll actually respond.)

But the man you marry isn’t that guy. The man you marry is firm with his intentions to see you tomorrow because he wants to turn that tomorrow into the rest of his life.

2. He immediately makes new plans if he can’t make it.

A guy you date has no problem canceling on you last minute. It’s not really a big deal for him. But the man you marry? No, he wouldn’t dare dream of it.

When he cancels, it’s ahead of time, with good reason. And if it ever comes down to that, he makes sure to make new plans, which you can bet your a** he’ll make it to.

3. He doesn’t have other women on dial.

A guy you just date has a hearty supply of other girls on his phone. The second you’re out of the picture, he’s always got his stash to fall back on. The man you marry, though, will put the rest aside for you. He’s putting all his eggs in one basket and knows it.

4. He means it when he holds the door open for you.

A guy you date will act chivalrous with the hope that he gets the gold at the end of the rainbow A.K.A. you in bed. But the guy you grow old with will continue to open doors for you, even when he’s holding a walking stick.

5. He’s not hot and cold.

The man you marry is like hot cocoa on a winter’s day – warm, delicious, and most of all, consistent. He’s a balance, not a blizzard.

6. He makes you want to live forever.

We all get down sometimes and fall into moments of darkness where we feel stuck. But the man you marry will pull you out of trenches and break the monotony of it all. He’ll reinvigorate you with the lust for life you knew you always had. And a guy you just date won’t do that.

7. He won’t get off until you get off.

Some guys think that good sex is equivalent to “lie down & c*m fast.”? But the guy you marry will make it a point to put you first in all aspects of the life, which includes the one in the bedroom.

8. He embraces commitment.

A guy you just date might be sweet and all, but when it comes down to bigger commitments, he’s suddenly squeamish. The guy you marry, though? No, the word girlfriend doesn’t scare him. Because what’s the word girlfriend when he’s got bigger things on his mind, like wifey?

9. He’s the good kinda crazy.

A man you date will show sides of his crazy that are destructive to your relationship. Or he’ll run away because he has “issues”? before he even makes the relationship official, which really means he’s batsh*t.

But the man you marry will be the right kinda crazy that complements your crazy. Your levels of weird are soulmates, just as much as you guys are.

10. He wants the same things you want.

Not all guys we date are assholes. Sometimes things just can’t progress because the two of you have different outlooks on life or you want different things.

Whether it’s kids, where you want to live, or how you want to live, the man you marry will want the same as you so that you can start building the lives you’ve both dreamed of.

For more of Defne’s writing, follow her on Facebook.

32 Things To Remember When You Think You’ll Be Forever Alone

It’s Sunday night and you’re sitting in your bed, wondering why you’re still alone in it. But as much as you wish Friday and Saturday could have salvaged that situation, those 48 hours weren’t enough.

If you find yourself getting stuck in your wallowing, remembering a few of these points might help to ease your quiet (or not so quiet) longing:

Everybody is born alone. Unless you have a twin, that is…

…And most of us leave this world alone.

 

People in relationships constantly compare themselves to single people (and are jealous of them!).

 

Important: Things didn’t work out with your ex for a reason.

 

More important: This moment in time isn’t how it’s going to be forever.

 

Being alone doesn’t mean being sad…

 

…And if you are sad, then remember that happiness is making its way over to you.

 

Booty calling your way into oblivion isn’t going to help.

 

There’s way more right with you than it is wrong with you.

 

You’re not doomed…

 

…You just haven’t found anyone worthy of your time.

 

 

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