Author: Elisa Unique

Independent men are called bosses, real men and attractive. People see them with respect and admiration. Women want to be with them. Other men want to be them. Independent men aren’t just appreciated; it’s what’s expected of men.

Now, for an independent woman? the script gets flipped. Independent women are called demeaning names and are looked down on. They are seen as snobby and incapable of showing or receiving love. Women are jealous of them and some men find them undesirable. 

Now if independence is encouraged in men, then why can’t it be encouraged in women? Why should women be forced to apologize for being independent? Why do men want us to just sit at home and look pretty?

Women should never apologize for being independent. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows; terrible things happen every day. When life throws you a curveball, don’t you want to be able to deal with it? 

Of course, some guys like having their girlfriends completely rely on them to do practically everything — it probably feeds their egos and gives them a superior feeling. I would imagine, however, after a while, they’d want a woman who can handle her own life. 

Independence can also keep a relationship intact. When you are an independent person in a relationship, you are able to have the needed distance from your boyfriend or girlfriend. Couples cannot be together all of the time. Having your alone time or time with just your closest friends is important. 

Like the saying goes “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” and it is completely true. When you are apart, you are able to have your own experiences and make your own memories that you can then share when you are finally together again. 

Independence does not mean you do not need other people ever. Especially for a relationship, needing each other is important from time to time. Everyone needs help sometimes. Dealing with life alone will make you feel like you are drowning. Independence just means you can admit to yourself when you need help. 

The word “independent” does not mean you are incapable of creating meaningful relationships with people. Independent people still have families and friends they love. It just means you don’t depend on those people forever. It means you are secure enough in yourself to respectfully disagree with those people and still maintain the relationship. It means you understand when compromises need to be made and you are able to make them. 

Independence ultimately means you are secure in yourself, and that is the most important part of having a successful life. When you are secure in your own skin, you can make better decisions in life. You live life according to what makes you happy and keeps you healthy. You are able to love because you love yourself. 

So when someone is trying to beat you down because you are independent, cut them loose. This just means that person isn’t secure with themselves and wants everyone to be as miserable as they are. You should only allow people in your life who will help build you up and accept you for who you are. 

Domestic abuse is already traumatizing. Now imagine not being able to detect when your loved one is in an abusive relationship or being too afraid to admit you are being abused. 

Television shows usually portray abuse as something close friends and family can figure out is happening. They’ll portray the abusers as having other issues like alcoholism or under extreme amounts of stress, taking out his frustrations on his wife at home. 

He usually has a dry personality towards his wife’s family and friends. Has a very short temper — even in public. The wife constantly makes excuses for his behavior and about any bruises seen on her. It is usually known early on that he is the unsavory character you don’t like. 

HBO’s newest miniseries Big Little Lies is different, showing the scariest truth of abuse. The show is about an affluent community and the drama that goes on in their lives. 

One couple, Celeste and Perry, seem like the perfect couple. Beautiful home, involved in the community and blissfully in love with happy twin little boys. Perry is a successful business man and Celeste was an attorney who is now a housewife. People say they practically have everything to be happy. 

Soon we realize that this perfect life is just a facade. Perry is an abusive husband who will fly off the handle at the smallest things. He beats, grabs and pins Celeste up against walls till she is pleading for him to let her go. After, Perry is very apologetic and often cries as he is begging for her forgiveness and they have angry rough sex. 

The scariest thing about the situation is Perry. He is charismatic and a wonderful father. Celeste’s best friend jokes that Perry makes all of her decisions but there is no indication that she is worried about that or that she dislikes Perry because of it.

He has a normal life of going on business trips, taking tennis lessons, playing with his boys and treating his wife, as she said, like a “goddess when things are good.” 

That is the terrifying thing about abuse. There is usually no indication it is happening. The abuser is able to lead a normal life and even have his kids unaware of the abuse. He knows exactly what to say to get his wife to stay. He could probably even have her think this was a one-time thing and will never happen again — until it does. 

The last episode, aired this past Sunday, had me nearly breathless. A few episodes before Sunday’s episode, the couple decided they need counseling. Perry even admits that he can get violent sometimes — while he never says he beats his wife, he just says he grabs her sometimes — and that their sex is angry and on the verge of violent. He seems very sorry and wanting to change for his wife. He admits he is terrified she’ll realize she is too good for him and will leave him. 

The session seems to be working for a couple of days but soon enough the relationship slips back into abuse. 

What makes this last episode stand out from the rest is the raw way they portrayed abuse. It starts off with Celeste in her car covering up her fresh bruises with foundation before she goes to the therapy session alone. The therapist clearly sees Celeste is shaken up as she tries to explain why she is there. 

Celeste tries to talk about her problematic marriage while also avoiding the word abusive. She speaks in circles as she gives a valiant effort of convincing the therapist the abuse goes both ways and it isn’t just Perry’s fault. She mentions how he treats her when things are good and how great of a father he is.

Even though she talks about her marriage with terror on her face, you can literally see the wheels turning in her head as she thinks of a way to reassure the therapist. Of course, the therapist sees right through it and keeps pressing her with questions about.

The thing that got me was the way Celeste tried to choose her words. 

Remember, I said she was there alone, as Perry has left for a business trip, so this would be the perfect opportunity to let the therapist know what is going on — but she doesn’t. And she isn’t avoiding the topic because she is ashamed or depressed. She is avoiding it because she is terrified. Even with Perry not being there, she is so afraid of him that she can’t even get the words out. It is as if Perry were sitting right next to her. 

We get a glimpse of earlier that day where Perry is beating on Celeste. He beats her mercilessly and with rage. Thankfully we only get a small glimpse; just enough to make us feel her pain and his rage.

Then we see Perry shoving Celeste’s face in a pillow and holding her head down as he stands behind her and has very rough sex. We see Celeste struggling to get her head up from the pillow — she even admits to the therapist she feared he would kill her. After, Perry breaks down and sobs, leaving Celeste to comfort her husband. 

The thing about Celeste is she is a brilliant woman. Even though we don’t see her practicing law on the show, we constantly hear from friends and people in the community say how good of an attorney she was. Perry even admits she’s way above his level. She is fit, beautiful, a wonderful mother and an all around independent woman who could easily make it on her own. A woman like that in any other show would have that moment where she finally decides to defend herself, but Celeste doesn’t. 

That’s the thing about abuse. No matter how capable you are or how successful, you could easily find yourself in an abusive situation. You can find yourself making excuses for reasons you have to stay. You try your hardest to look past the bad and focus solely on the good. 

Abuse isn’t just terrifying for the physical pain. It is terrifying because it comes with no warning. 

Life is crazy. It's heartbreaking, stressful and hectic. It'll make you break into a million pieces. It'll make you want to quit. 

Life is just… tough. 

The worst part? It doesn't get easier as you get older. You gain more responsibilities and learn about things you never knew as a kid. You see the world around you differently as an adult. Things change. You change. Life changes. 

But we cannot let these problems break us. We have to keep fighting for the good parts in life because there ARE good parts.

To get to the good, we must first go through the bad. There is no way around it. We have to face our problems head on. That doesn't mean they don't affect you. They don't bring you down and make you stay awake at night with worry. 

People will say you shouldn't worry so much. They'll say "some people have it even worse than you". I hate that saying. Of course there will always be someone suffering a little more than you. Of course you care about that other person's suffering. 

That doesn't mean your problems don't count as problems. Your problems may not seem big to others but they are big to you. They are affecting you at this very moment in time. 

The trick to combat these problems is to try finding the good in these times of suffering. 

You have to end a relationship that is no longer loving. As hard as it is to face, in time you will see that this means the person you were with was not the person you are supposed to end up with. 

The right guy or girl now has the chance to enter your life because you made yourself available. Even if you can't see it now, ending that bad relationship will lead you to something much better. Something you were meant to have. It may take a while but it will happen.

Stuck in a job that makes you miserable? This is just an opportunity for you to gain experience and lead you to a much better opportunity. 

You've just got to be the best employee you can be. You never know who is in a position to hire people and has seen the type of employee you are. As a lot of people say "a job that is no good can lead you to a job you love."

The most effective way to deal with a problem is to not go through it alone. Even if you are an independent person, that doesn't mean you can deal with everything by yourself. Sometimes you need help from someone. Talk to a family member. Talk to a friend. Talk to someone about your problems. Bottling up your issues will only create more stress and make you even more upset. 

You also need to remember some problems can only be solved with time. You cannot spend all of your time worrying about things you cannot control. You have to learn to take a deep breath and let it all go.

Remember to allow yourself to completely clear your mind from time to time. 

One last thing to remember is that nothing lasts forever — this goes for problems as well. What seems like something that'll never end will eventually end. 

Learning experiences that'll just make you stronger in the end. 

Life is short and at any time it could all be over. Try not to spend your time on earth stressing over problems. There is so much more to your life. Stop focusing on what doesn't matter and start focusing on what does.

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that is.” 

– Perks of Being a Wallflower 

You see us. 

We laugh, joke around, engage in conversation. We look completely normal — just like everybody else. We talk about our weekends, what music we are obsessed with, the clothes we want to buy. We listen, gossip, participate in activities. 

You would never guess inside we are lost. We look around and see everyone in their groups. They look so happy, so normal. They know the right words to say, the right clothes to wear, they are talented. 

We start to wonder why we can’t have that. We feel as if this body of ours isn’t our own. The clothes don’t feel right, the words we use make no sense to us, we don’t understand the jokes.  

We are complete outsiders. We don’t obsess over the same things — we probably don’t even like the current obsession. We don’t share the same hobbies or passions. We may not even know what we are truly passionate about yet. Our lives are not like theirs. 

Feeling like you don’t belong is one of the loneliest feelings out there. The mainstream topics don’t interest us as they do the people around us. We aren’t extremely knowledgeable about music or movies so we don’t fit in with that crowd. We aren’t talented artists to fit in with them and we aren’t jocks, theater buffs or makeup connoisseurs. 

We don’t know how to keep up with conversations about the latest technology or the party life. We like clothes but don’t have the latest fashions. Sometimes we feel our thoughts don’t match everyone else’s. There are no groups that fit us. 

We copy the behaviors but — in our heart of hearts — they don’t feel right.  

At this point, many people would give you advice on things you could do to fit in. They’d tell you to it was just in your head or that you are overreacting. They wouldn’t try to understand your side of things. 

I’m not going to do that. 

I get it. I’ve felt that exact same way multiple times. Even at 22 years old I still feel that way sometimes. I won’t tell you it’s not real because I know it is. I will tell you this: we don’t belong and that’s okay. 

We are different. We think differently and do things differently. We may not have our ducks in a row yet but we are getting there. The world needs people like us. Imagine if we were all the same. There would be no variety. We wouldn’t have the people we look up to that dare to do things differently. Musicians like Prince or David Bowie. Artists like Van Gogh. Writers like Shakespeare. 

We need to be different and not fit in. We can’t ignore this feeling. I’ve come to learn that this feeling is actually a warning. It’s our bodies way of telling us what we are currently doing or saying is not what we should be doing or saying. Our bodies feel it’s best when we are doing what is good for us. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get out of our comfort zones and try new things. We just need to do things to make us happy. 

I'm beginning to think antisocial people have the right idea. 

As I get older, my patience with drama is depleting faster than an ice cold drink during a hot summer day. 

Friends and family are great, but there is nothing like being alone! You get to do what you want, think about things without distraction and – most importantly – have a drama-free zone.

Big groups of friends are fun for about five minutes. Pretty soon you start with the "she said this" or "he did that" and there goes the fighting and the disagreements. Or everyone wants to do something different and no one can make up their damn minds.

Family is number one and ride or die, for sure. They are also number one for the most drama! The gossip, the tempers, the differing opinions. Families know how to push your buttons like no one else. 

Being alone may feel awkward at first. Sitting alone at a restaurant or walking around the mall by yourself can make you self-conscious. But once you realize you are free to do whatever you want, being alone begins to look better and better. 

We can't worry about what people might think of us when they see us alone. Whether they call us "antisocial" or "boring", being alone is the only way to go sometimes. 

I love grabbing a beverage, finding an empty table or quiet corner and just working on any homework or enjoying a good lunch alone. People watching is also so much better when I'm alone because you know I'm silently judging what's going on around me. 

Food tastes better when you are by yourself as well. No one is around to judge how you eat or what you are eating. You can also choose what you are going to eat and there are no compromises to be had. 

I am definitely on team single life. I know the holidays are here and relationships can start to look more appealing. Especially with Valentine's Day not that far away, being single can make some depressed. If you are one of these people celebrating while single and start to feel alone, just remember the money and drama you are avoiding. 

Meeting your significant other's family during the holidays is a whole other level of stress. Trying to impress people you've never met can make anyone burst into tears. You are subject to judgments and looks from curious family members. And if you are naturally unlucky, you'll end up with the family members that aren't afraid of telling you anything that comes to their minds. 

Big groups of anyone – family or friends – comes with huge amounts of drama that no one has time for. 

So, save the drama for your mama and come to the antisocial side!

Being in a wheelchair for my entire life, I’ve heard my fair share of crazy myths people believe about what life’s like in a wheelchair. 

These myths come from what we see on television or in movies and people believe them because it’s easier than asking questions and risking offending someone. 

Well, that changes today. I’m about to debunk some of the more common myths I’ve heard about what life is like in a wheelchair.

1. People in wheelchairs have boring lives.

People think that just because we are in wheelchairs, we automatically can’t have fun. Let me just tell you how wrong that is. A lot of my friends in wheelchairs go out more than my friends who can walk! We go out clubbing, shopping, to restaurants. We love a party with some good drinks and music. We do normal 22-year-old things.

2. People in wheelchairs are not capable of defending themselves.

WRONG! Some of the feistiest people I know come with their own set of wheels. We are perfectly capable of telling a douche bag to go screw himself. And, hello? We come with wheels! Those by themselves are enough to defend us!

3. People in wheelchairs constantly need help.

I personally cannot stand when people just assume I need help doing everything. I get they are just trying to be nice and all, but I am capable of doing things on my own. And if I do need help, I’m capable of either asking for it or figuring out a different way to do it myself. 

4. You are rude if you ask a person in a wheelchair why they are in a wheelchair.

This is probably the most common one of them all. People think if they ask questions about why I’m in a wheelchair, I’ll burst into a rage or something. I’m the nosiest person ever so I understand curiosity. Don’t be so afraid of offending me! If you have a legitimate question then just ask. I’d rather you ask and know the correct information than make a complete ass of yourself with these myths. 

5. You are rude if you joke around with someone in a wheelchair about them being in a wheelchair.

Again, how wrong you are. I, personally, love making fun of myself. I mean come on, life is way too stressful to be so uptight about everything. Fact is, I’m in a wheelchair and nothing is going to change that so why be so uptight and bitter? That being said, you got a good wheelchair joke or pun, send them my way! I love a good joke. Just don’t go out of your way to be rude and we will be golden. 

6. People in wheelchairs can’t do as much as able-bodied people.

Just stop right there. This one is so incorrect, it’s crazy. I’ve met some extraordinary people who are in wheelchairs doing things you’d never believe. One man I met is paralyzed from the waist down and he does flips and tricks for people in his wheelchair. He’s also an author. Another one of my friends is a wheelchair racer and has been all around the country competing. He’s even been to the Olympics and has done pretty well. And right now I’m learning how to drive using just my hands and some special equipment for my car. People in wheelchairs can be just as great as anyone else! 

At the end of the day, we all eat, drink and breath the exact same way. We all have wants and needs. We all love and hurt. The only difference is, I do with my hands what you do with your legs.

To read more stories from Elisa Unique, click here

You should always be happy by yourself. Do not get me wrong. I love people. 

I love talking to them, getting to know them, just being with them.

I have a good family and some very close friends that I’ve known forever! They have become my strength and my backbone. 

I am not a quiet or extremely shy person who keeps to herself all the time. I love being with a good group of people.

But when it comes to needing someone or someone needing me in order to be happy? That’s what I do not understand.

I just do not understand the concept of needing someone to be happy. No one should need someone to live life. There are so many things to look forward to in life and so many opportunities to create your own happiness.

My happiness does not depend on anyone else. My life will go on happening with or without the company of others.

Go on that road trip you’ve always wanted to go on. Go to that big concert and dance the night away. Write that book you’ve always wanted. Do whatever makes you happy.

You can choose your own road! You can make yourself laugh! 

We should all be able to make ourselves happy and not base our happiness on others. 

I. Love. Christmas. I mean, who wouldn’t? 

All the lights, fun, food, family. Everything about it is so festive. 

Don’t believe me? Well check out these top eight things to have a kick ass Christmas: 

1. Christmas movie night 

A Christmas movie night is a MUST for getting into the holiday spirit. A personal favorite of mine, and a must-see if you haven’t yet, is Elf.

2. Gingerbread house decorating competition

Gingerbread houses and Christmas go together like peanut butter and jelly. Unleash your competitive side and see who in your family can make the best house.

3. Ugly Christmas Sweater decorating

What’s Christmas without an ugly sweater? Decorating your own sweater makes the holiday even better. Go on with your ugly sweater wearing self! 

4. Minivan express trip

I ran across this idea and thought it was absolutely adorable. Inspired by The Polar Express, gather up your kids in the car with their “train tickets” and take them to see some beautifully decorated houses before bed time.

5. Decorate your house

Don’t be the Scrooge of your neighborhood with the only undecorated house. Put on some Christmas music, break out the decorations and let yourself get carried away. Remember, Santa needs a way to find your house! 

6. Holiday baking 

The holidays are the perfect time to whip up some delicious treats! And the workers at the gym will be especially thankful once the guilt sets in and you take yourself to get back into shape.

7. Make gifts 

Making gifts for family and friends is not only fun, it’s a great way to save a couple of bucks. Which, for a college student, is ALWAYS a good thing. 

8. Couples Christmas 

For all of you couples out there, make Christmas a little hotter with a romantic evening for two. Start with a kiss under the mistletoe and end your night on the naughty list in the bedroom.