Author: Emily

You blindsided me with your arrival. I wasn’t expecting you at all and it was unlike myself to be so accepting of that. I just couldn’t help it… I immediately fell under your spell.

Life with you made sense. I was happy, I was confident, I was head over heels. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t do; the world was turning in the palm of my hand. Conversations of a future turned into real-time planning and I could finally see a silver lining through the darkness in my life.

But then reality hit.

You weren’t in love with me. You were in love with my company, in love with the idea of not being alone.

I was your support system. Your shoulder to laugh and cry on. Everything you ever needed was brought to by me. There was never a moment that you weren’t cared for.

And yet, you still threw me away.

How dare you take advantage of my heart. The wounds you promised to heal have once again been reopened.

How dare you make me the bothersome issue. The only issue at hand is your lack of respectful treatment.

And how dare you  search for pity. You don’t deserve to be felt sorry for. You brought this upon yourself.

If you think I’ll hand out another chance somewhere down the line, think again. There is no amount of apology that will convince me to try again.

When you mess with a calloused heart, there are always consequences. Now, you’re alone again with no one to blame but yourself. You can try to hide the hurt all you want, but you can’t fool me. 

This time, I came out on top. 

I’m still standing. I’m still calm. I’m facing life with a smile on my face because my days of being your slave are over. 

Never again will you have what you had with me. And good luck trying to find even half that. You said it yourself- girls like me are few and far between. 

I hope the ghost of our past haunts you forever and reminds you of the huge mistake you made. 

In the mean time, I’ll carry on with my ever-growing strength. 

A break up sucks. No matter the circumstance, no matter the responsible party. It hurts in every way possible and can knock the strongest woman right to her knees.

You’ll temporarily become an insomniac, you’ll lose weight from only eating ice cream, you’ll cry your eyes completely dry, and then one day, the sun will shine. You’ll wake up and realize you had finally fallen asleep. You’ll catch yourself eating an actual meal instead of binging on frozen dairy and you’ll look in the mirror to see that your eyes are no longer swollen and chaffed from wiping away the endless tears. That day is your new beginning and that day is not to be wasted!

Most of us hopeless romantics have our own process for which we get back on our feet, but others don’t. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my many failed relationships, it’s this:

• Cut those  ties! You may think you’re being the better person by trying to just be friends, but you’re hurting both parties! You need time away from one another and that doesn’t just mean physically. You can’t force yourself or another person into trying if they’re not 110% invested, so just let it go.
• Limit  your Social Media time. We all know Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. can be deadly to a lady in depression. You WILL survive without checking your notifications! I promise!
• A “break”  IS a break up! Don’t lie to yourself by saying, “oh, we’re just taking a break from one another”. STOP THAT! Regardless of your plans to reconvene after you’ve given each other time apart, you’re still not a couple. *Note: If you are on a “break”, please refer to step 1.
• Rely on your bestie(s)! No matter what we tell them, they are in our life for this exact reason: break up support. This is a real emergency! Pick up your phone and call that FAMbulance! They are trained professionals in this field and can provide everything you’ll ever need.
• Plan a spontaneous trip. If you’re living away from home, book that flight. If you’re living at home, load that car. Either alone or with friends, a trip to a different scene is always therapeutic to a spirit on the mend. *Tip: Refer to step 2. Try leaving that pesky phone at home!
• Puppies are a girl’s best friend! Animals are special in ways many people don’t realize. Dogs can sense a broken heart are the perfect snuggle-buddies for those weekend-long Nicholas Sparks binges. Plus, who doesn’t love playing with a puppy? *Note: This works for other furry friends too!
• Take a new selfie. Whether you post it or not, getting all dolled up to take a selfie is empowering! Roll on the lipstick and flash those pearly-whites! (Then send it to his best friend! *wink wink)
• Spend time with family. They’ve been there through every stage of your life and have loved you no less. It’s important to remember they genuinely care and their love can be just as special as the love you just lost.
• Dig out the old hobbies… Or find a new one! Tennis, sewing, baking, dancing, anything! Previous hobbies bring out the inner child and new ones add a notch to the belt. Either way, they’re a great distraction and a wonderful way to keep the mind from becoming depressed.
• Encourage yourself. It’s easy for us to lose sight of our self-worth, especially after feeling the rejection of a failed relationship. The best thing you can do your yourself is be your number one fan. Write little post-it notes with your favorite inspirational quotes, tell yourself how loved you are, and don’t give up.

Never, ever give up. You are worth every bit of the atoms that make you whole.

Yes, I’m speaking to you; the one that took me on a ride through the gates of Hell. The one that tried to ruin my life.

The first thing I want to do is curse the person you are for destroying me from the inside out, but that would do me no good. You were fully aware of your actions and turned my devotion to you against myself.

Because of you, I lost everything important to me. The morals I was taught and respectfully valued are now gone with the wind. Because of you, I became a monster.

When you walked into my life, I should’ve known you would bring me trouble because almost immediately, I had to leave my job.

But I should’ve left you, instead.

I wish you could feel the insubordination I felt; the frustration of knowing the truth, but being lied to instead. I wish you could feel the same helplessness and fear of being alone that I felt; the undying sense of not being wanted, but trying harder anyway.

You fooled me into thinking I was the root of every problem. You tricked me into thinking I was the one that needed help. You convinced me to think it was okay to take those pills. But it wasn’t.

And I should’ve been stronger than that.

You are the only one I would wish the five senses of drug detoxification on.

The taste of nothing while eating your favorite comfort meal. The sound of your own voice inside your head screaming for someone to help you. Seeing every second of every day pass by because you developed insomnia and only sleep for a few hours every 2-3 days. The scent of your own cold sweat. The feel of constant tremors.

I want you to feel the pain of regret and utter disappointment, to lose all value and self-worth.

But after you’ve experienced all of those things, I want to thank you.

I want to thank you for giving me an example of what not to be. You showed me the colors of pure evil and I can now use that knowledge to remove all forms of it from my life.

Thank you for bringing me to the lowest point in my life. It’s my firm belief that if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything.

Thank you for helping me find out who will always be there for me. No, it was never going to be you, but it was more than I expected.

Thank you for bringing me back into the arms of my loving family. Despite my terrible mistake, they have never loved me an ounce less.

This does not mean that I forgive you. I believe in the word of God, but I also believe that He will never have any use for a poisonous person like you. Your memory used to flood my mind with a fiery and seething hatred. Now, I only feel strength in the highest form.

For the first time since I left you, I no longer feel that I am the failure. You are. For the first time since I left you, I don’t fear saying, “I win”. Because I did win.

Every day without you makes me the winner.