Author: Emily Anne

Hi, my name is Emily and I am 26. I spend a lot of my time being a dog mom to my Irish setter, Annie and trying to be the very best girlfriend to my very best friend. I am a full time student and although I am not sure what I want my career to look like, I do know that I want to help people. I also work full time as a teaching assistant. Writing is one of my hobbies, which is what brought me to Puckermob. I love having a place where I can share my stories, the good and the bad. I love that I can share the things that have helped me through the hard times, as well as, all of the good things that are happening. I also love to read. Some of my favorite books right now are “Didn’t see that coming,” by Rachel Hollis and “Daring Greatly,” by Brene Brown. You can find me on Instagram where you can see all of my adventures with Annie, my boyfriend, and my baby-sister.

I Love You, But I Love Me More

It’s 3 am and I’m laying here, wishing things were different. Knowing both of us are forever going to be changed. I wish I didn’t have to feel this lonely. And I know that things are not gonna be different if something drastic doesn’t happen. And also knowing that a drastic thing is gonna happen in just a few short hours.

I wish last week you’d have taken this more seriously. That you would have listened to me. Since you didn’t, the only thing I can say is … I love you, but I have to love me more. I have to heal and grow. And I am so sorry that it means that we cannot be us right now. I do hope that you understand.

All I really wanted two hours ago was for you to fight for us. And when you said nothing and I rolled over, you didn’t even reach out to put your arm around. Because it was in that very moment thatI knew, that you weren’t going to. That we lost our connection.

In the spirit of not ruining all of the fun that you so desperately want to have, I’m going to see myself out. No, really, it is all fine– I’m just going to go home. At least that’s my plan tonight as I lay here wondering if we have a future and wondering if you’ll ever understand. Because I lay next to you with tears in my eyes and you have nothing to say! But that, silence, that cold silence, spoke volumes, validating my decision to go. So, again I hope that you can understand.

I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. And that you need me to be the bad guy. The one who ripped your heart out in front of the rest of the world. Ok, that’s fine. I just hope that you will one day understand that I just needed more from you. That I needed to be your priority. And that I expected you to do what you said you would do, and not just the sacrifices that you felt like doing. I think I my may be in your way, so now I know it’s time to step back and let you grow up.

I hope that you can understand that I know that is what you need. You need time and space. I get that. I only hope that when you realize what it is that you need for yourself, not too much will have passed. Otherwise, we will continue to slip too far away from each other. You see, I always said that I would always be your cheerleader, and I will. I wish you nothing but love and happiness, even if that means it is not with me. Because of this, this love, that I have for you. Your cheerleader is gonna sit on the sidelines quietly while you talk over your next play. I just hope that you can understand!

I’ll leave you with this. I love you so much it’s literally killing me thinking of what’s to come in a few short hours. The tears streaming down my face are because I know how much this is gonna hurt. Believe me, this breakup is the last thing that I ever wanted to do. And all I can cling to right now is the hope that you understand that is more for you than for me! I hope that you figure out what you need. I am forever rooting for you, forever your cheerleader.

Forever my love,

-E

The Bipartisan Gun Bill: Is It Gun Reform?

The Senate has announced a bipartisan bill on Gun control. The first major gun reform laws since Sandy Hook. Since then the united states has seen 2654 mass shootings. We need to be very clear that this bill does not solve all of the problems in gun control. However, it is a start. I like most who work in education wish that it would have come sooner. That when lawmakers said this would never happen again after Sandy Hook they would have fulfilled their promise.

I also wish I could say that I felt that this is something that we in education, that our children could count on. However, with the Supreme Court ruling, I cannot say that I feel it will be something that we can count on. So this is my appeal to voters. When you sit down to fill out your ballot this is what I want you to think about.

I want you to think about the teacher in your life. Picture his/her face. Now think about them sitting in their car before they walk into their building. Think about them praying to their higher power that today is not the day. Today they will not be forced to make a decision that will change the lives of their loved ones forever. One that could potentially lead them to not come home to their families. I want you to think about that teacher who would do everything in their power to protect their students from harm. We need you to think about educators because this is what educators are thinking.

What if it’s today? Will I be prepared enough to keep my students safe? Should I move my classroom around again to ensure that we make a make-shift barricade in the event the worst happens? Will I have time to his my students and shield them from the pain and trauma? What if I cannot protect them? What if I can’t protect myself? Will I make it home today?

Then I want you to think about the children. The true innocence in this whole situation. Going to school is their only job. In most cases it is the only time they are safe. However, now that’s not something we can guarantee. As an educator, it breaks my heart to say I cannot guarantee that my students will be safe. I can hope, and I can pray, but at the end of the day, their safety and the ability to live free of trauma at school is in the hands of our lawmakers.

So when you sit down with a ballot this year, please think about the fact that everything but a gun is regulated in this country. That a gun literally has more rights than all the minorities in this country. That there are people out there who will fight for the right to a gun before they will fight for the right of a school-aged child’s safety. That we as a nation are divided.

I urge you to think about these things; then I urge you to do your research. It’s time to tell our lawmakers that we are in control. The only way to do that is to mobilize, register, and vote!

Stay safe, go vote!

The Divided States Of America: The Overturning Of Roe Vs Wade

Today we watched on as the Supreme Court took down fifty years of precedent when they overturned Roe v. Wade. Today we watched as they told women and really any minority in this country was told today that they are less important than someone’s right to carry a weapon.

Yes, we knew after the leak that this was coming, however, the assault on Women’s fundamental rights seems to be so traumatic that there was no way to prepare for this. Now I will say that from the Supreme Court leak what we should take is that Abortion and women’s fundamental rights to their bodies is not the only assault that will come into play. We should take the Supreme Court leak very seriously. They are coming after all of our rights. So what we need to do now is mobilize. It’s time to show the people who are so eager to take away the rights that we have fought for so long to keep. We will stand up to this. We will keep voting and fighting until we have fair rights and protections.

These are issues that are going to affect real people. So those real people need to protest in the most American way. They need to continue to make their voices heard. However, that is going to start at the local levels. Make sure that the extremists know that we will not stand for this. That we will be at voting booths, we will be voting them out. There will be nothing that they can do about that. We will vote people in who are going to protect us no matter who their funding is coming from. That we will vote for people who know that lives matter more than guns!

Show the same group of people who keep talking about how we are going to take their right to bear arms away, that we will not let them take our rights as human beings away. The right to our own bodies won’t be taken away without a fight!

Yes, I’m angry. I’m angry because I love this country with my whole heart. However, I cannot sit here and pretend that we are the greatest county in the world. We have so much work to do. When a country puts the rights of a gun before the rights of any human being we have a problem. So let’s stop being a part of the problem. Let’s be a part of the solution. Let’s make this country the greatest. Let’s fix the things that need to be fixed. Starting with protecting women and their rights to their bodies.

Stay safe. Stay informed

Head to the voting booths

Make a change!

An Open Letter To Parents and Students As I Walk Into My Classroom.

Today as a teacher, I walk into my classroom I think about the two teachers and 18 students that were killed in a place that should be safe. The place that they go to smile and laugh everyday. The place where they are growing and learning. As an educator everyday that I walk into my building, I know that there is the potential for something like this can happen.

As I walk down the hallway, I think about what my reaction would be, if I would be able to fight, or would I run? What if I had a student with me? What would I be able to do to keep my student(s) safe?

Unfortunately, I know that I am not alone in my thinking. I know that I am not the only one who has made a plan if something like this happens. I know that I am not the only one who thinks about how we would keep our classroom quiet in the world. I know that I am not the only one who prays everyday that my family never gets the call that something has happened to me. I also know that I am not the foremost educators who hope that being slain in my classroom and keeping my students safe is my legacy.

This morning walking into the building was hard. Getting my students off of their perspective buses or from their parents was even more complex. I know that they should not have to worry about this. Knowing that if they heard on the news last night about the Shooting in Texas, and they most likely did, it is not supposed to be like this. For some kids, the only safe place in school is the kids that make today a little more complicated. The hard reality of today is that we just do not know, and we cannot promise our students that school is a safe place to be. However, knowing that I would do anything and everything in my power to keep them safe. So here is the raw truth from an educator

…

Dear Students,

Coming into school today is hard, but you did it! For that, we should all be so proud. In the coming weeks, we all know that we will hear about the lockdown drills and what we should do if an emergency arises, like the one in Taxes. I know it is scary, and we will all be a little more on edge. We will get through this together. No, this is not how this is supposed to be. You should be able to come to school and know that you are here and safe. Your only worry about the test that you are studying for or what your summer plans will be. There are no right words to put you at ease right now; this I know for sure. However, know that I will do everything to keep you safe when you come into my classroom. No, I know that is not enough. I also know that there need to be changed so that this is never a worry again. For now, let’s focus on what we can do. It is not enough, and it won’t be until this never happens again. For now, at this moment, we are safe, and we are here to learn. More than anything, I am here for you! Keep your head up and keep going.

Dear Parents,

Today you are sending your precious child to me. I know when you get them back, you will hug them a little tighter after you get them home when you can finally sigh in relief. When you woke up this morning, you went into that child’s room and looked at them peacefully sleeping, and you thought, maybe, just maybe, I’ll keep them home with me today where I know they will be safe. Thinking about the parents in Texas who are not getting the same sight you are right now! I understand that this was a tough decision, and I want to thank you for trusting me with your precious baby. I know that is how you still see them. I promise if a situation arises, I will do everything in my power to ensure that your baby makes it home safe to you again. I also know that this will be no small task. Just know that when you send your babies to me, I am doing all that I can to keep them safe and sound. I am doing everything I can to keep them growing, and I know that every other teacher thinks about this as they walk out of their house this morning. So thank you for trusting me with yo child and know that I am feeling every bit of your heartache today alongside you today and everyday.

Dear Family,

This is something that we think about often, far too often. Know that everyday that I walk into work I know that there is a potential for a tragic event to happen. It stays in the back of my mind. Today you are going to tell me that you love me and to keep myself safe. Just that is what I intend to do, not just today but everyday. I know that it all feels very real right now. Know that everyday that I walk into my classroom it feels very real. Despite this very real threat, I come to work today ready to do a job that I love and help the kids that I love. I also want you to know how much I love you! If something ever does happen I do not want my legacy to be the “Heroic Teacher that was slain protecting her student.” Mostly because this should never ever have to be a headline. You are so right I should never have to think about this when I walk into my job as an educator, but I do. Please tell the world about me and my life. Tell them that I was a college student who had a whole host of hopes and dreams to help children. Tell them that I was the best big sister and so proud to be that. Tell them that you had the most loving girlfriend even when I was hard on you. Tell them how I would drop everything to come help. Tell them how much I loved my fur baby and really felt like she was my child. Tell them how much I loved and hated to exercise. But do not let them call me a hero when I should not have had to be one. That was not my intention when I walked into work. My intention was to help a child grow, my intention was to help a child learn, and my intention was to help a child heal. Make those things my legacy. I love you all so much! Know that I am always going to do my best to keep my students and myself safe.

This was by far the hardest post I have written, however, I think hearing someone who lives this reality every day is so important. I hope that together we can fight for change so that no child or educator has to worry about walking into work and losing their life. Until that day there is never going to enough. Until the students and educators do not have to perform lock down drills, until educators and students do not have to look for potential blind spots in their classrooms, until educators and teachers do not have fear the screams in the hallways that should just be sounds of children being children. Until this day there is never enough.

Stay safe

The Ukraine Assault -Why War Is An Act Against Global Democracy

Yesterday the world watched on as Ukraine was invaded by Russia, in an unprovoked attack on their democracy. While many have condemned the President of Russia Valdimr Putin, and protests break out in Russia over the hostile military takeover I have to wonder if democracy as we know it is in trouble? We all know too well that this is not the first time that Russia under Putin’s reign has tried to intervene in democracy. However, this was very different. As we watch the blood shed for freedom, we have to remember that this will not stop there and that freedom is not free.

The Invasion

In the hours just before sunrise, Putin gave a speech to his people calling what we know to be a military takeover of Ukraine, a covert military operation. This coming after weeks of high tension in the area. As the world scrambles to figure out how best to handle this very troubling situation that is leading to a full blown war in the region.

Why does it matter?

Other than the obvious that people are now dying and war is not something that anyone wants to see? Ukraine is a key player in the European region as well as here in the US. With one of their biggest exports being oil, we can see higher than we have seen in gas prices across the world. I know that it is already hitting hard as the price of oil jumped a hundred dollars more a barrel in just a day.

But -Why Tho?

The invasion also comes after talks of Ukraine trying to join other ally countries in NATO. Although Ukraine is not a part of NATO or the European Nations, they do receive significant financial support from both. Putin sees this as a threat to his security. The invasion comes after trying to neuterlize this from happening. Having Ukraine under Putin’s rule, will gravely threaten America’s influence within the region. For years, Ukraine has been the buffer to Russia and America, as well as Russia and the European nations.

What has Happened Since the Invasion

Since Putin started an unprovoked attack (act of War), Ukraine has vowed to defend itself. In this defense, Ukraine says that they are responsible for 800 Russian casualities. Although it is not clear whether they are referring to the number of people that have been killed on the ground, or if it includes the thirty Russian tanks that have been destroyed. Or the seven aircrafts and six helicopters that have been shot down.

Although Ukraine is committed to defending itself, Russian forces are now twenty miles outside of the Ukrainian capital Kyiv (US intelligence has reported). The US and other European nations have imposed sanctions on Russia. The US has also deployed seven thousand troops to Germany to aid the allies.

My Thoughts

As I watched the assault on a democratic country, I had several thoughts. The first of which is that the threat to democracy is not just here at home. There is a global threat to dismantle the rights that we as a global community have worked so hard to fight for. If something like this can happen in another country, then it can happen here too. We shall not be naive to the fact that we have to fight for our freedom. We must continue to make freedom a priority (not just for America), but for the world.

History Repeats Itself

We have seen assaults on democracy before, similar to what Russia is attempting to do, invade a country and take it over. Although we have not seen anything of this scale since the Germans took over Poland in WW2, we have to remain aware. We must stop underestimating people who want to get rid of democracy altogether. So, since Putin has vowed to retaliate against any country that tries to intervene in his tak over in Ukraine, the world must listen. He does not have to fight the world with tanks, there are other things he can use. He has in the past. Cyberattacks that are more advanced than we know. As well as, using the threats to the internal space station. Yes, we need to continue the fight, but we also need to be aware of other ways in which we could see consequences. We need to advance in these areas. Protect not only American interests but also aid the interest of other countries as well.

How Can You Help?

My thoughts and prayers are with the people of Ukraine. Here are ways that you can help. Look at these organizations and considering donating to their efforts.

UN Refugee Agency (UNHCR)

Save the Children

Sunflower of Peace

UNICEF

Doctors Without Borders

Voices of Children

International Committee of the Red Cross

CARE

For further details on each — Read this extensive article from NPR

Stay safe, and keep fighting for freedom

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2022 And Taking Care of You!

I think that we can all agree that there is a sense of exhaustion from everyone. There is a sense that everyone needs some time that is just for them. Some time to get away from all of the craziness that the world is bringing. Some time away from the fast pace of life. Some time to rest and recharge. This takes practice! Which is why I thought that I would give some helpful tips of taking care of yourself when you need a break.

Eat Your Favorite Meal:

Life can be crazy, but eating is a necessity. So take the time out and eat at your favorite restaurant. Make your favorite meal. Nothing will make you feel better than taking a break and eating something that brings you joy. It will give you a little break and maybe help you reset to finish the day.

Exercise:

If you are like me, you suffer from anxiety. For me the world can be very overwhelming, and I have found exercise to be very helpful. It is something that I have been doing regularly. Which has helped so much in the rights have helping control my anxiety. I have also found that it is a wonderful break. A way of doing something that is good for me, and a way to shut everything else out.

Binge Watch TV:

With all of the streaming stations we have at the ready, pick the news tv show or movies that everyone has been talking about and just take the day to sit and watch. Eat bad food. Lean into the relaxin and paper yourself a little bit.

Hot Shower:

The day has been rough. You know that you are exhausted and need something to help you relax. A hot shower or bath could be a quick fix. It will give you sometime away from the world. You can light candles or turn some music on. Add a bath bomb, or add some shower melts. Let your body relax. Take care of yourself using your favorite body wash or shampoo. Wash away the day. When you are done lather up with your favorite lotion. Put your favorite PJs on and let the relaxation continue!!

Walk Outside:

Winter time makes it hard to get out into nature. However, there is something so calming about walking outside. Try it with no headphones. Get in touch with yourself again. Let the day go and just think about how you are going to make tomorrow better!

There are endless things to do to help take care of yourself. So why do we allow ourselves to be in last place on the many todo lists that we have. It is very easy to slid back into allowing the business of life take over again. This has to be a commitment to yourself. That you will give your self the space that you need to take care of you.

Join me in taking care of you in 2022!

How To Celebrate Valentines Day On A Budget

Valentines Day Inexpensive:

Celebrating your love does not have to be extravagant. It also does not have to be expensive. You can celebrate Valentines day, and make it special without breaking the bank. Below are a few suggestions:

Dancing in the Candle light:

Hit up your Spotify and create a playlist of all the songs that make you think of the one you love, or use one of Spotify’s already made playlists. Move the couch out of the way, turn out the lights, light some candles, and dance the whole night way.

Dinner Date Night in:

Most people will be out on the town, the restaurants will be packed instead just stay in. Turn some music on. Cook dinner a nice dinner. Make it the three course you would have gotten if you would have went out. Pour some wine and spend the whole night talking. Remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. Laugh and joke like you did when things where new and fresh.

Movie Night:

Yes everyone is planning on being out at the movie theater. However, make movie night cheeper by staying home. Put the effort in and build your own home movie theater. Go grab pop corn and her favorite snacks. Pick up some wine. We all have a million streaming things we pay for. Choose a movie that you have never seen before, or a classic. Build a living room fort, make a comfy spot to cuddle, turn off the lights and watch your movie!

Valentines doesn’t have to be expensive.

Honestly I would rather its not. A night in with the one I love sounds way better then fighting the crowds to try to get into somewhere that we could go anytime of the year. For me it is about spending time together and celebrating our love. Not spending money that we don’t need to. We enjoy going on a nice cold walk by the river, or just sitting in bed and talking all night about our future. We want to really celebrate that we are in love and planning a future together.

When it comes to Valentines gifts. We do not go all out either.

Something really simple can show how much you love your partner. Last year I made matching t-shirts. This year I was thinking some of his favorite sweet treats. Like a care package for work. Just a little something that shows him that I love him and was thinking about him. Here are some great gifts to show that you care that are inexpensive.

Key chain:

The one that caught my eye said “Drive Safe because I need you.” Or you can get a personalized one that has your favorite picture of you and your love on it. Just a little something to remind them everyday that you love them.

Love letters:

Sometimes in a relationship it is hard, and you need the little reminders of the reasons you feel in love. Nothing says I love you like a love letter. Open when letters are awesome, that can be little reminders during the good times and the bad times that you need them and you love them. They also show that you where thinking about them and the time that could have been hard in your relationship and wanted to be prepared. So grab a pen and a piece of paper and write down everything that you are thinking.

Love notes in a jar:

Another great reminder and way to show your love is to write little love notes or song lyrics that make you think of your person. Just one liners or a couple sentences. Put them in a jar and your partner can open them when they need.

Self-care basket:

Get them some things to take care of themselves. Especially if you know that your partner has been really stressed lately. You can throw anything you think would help them relax. A new book they have been talking about. Bubble bath, face mask, comfy clothes. Their favorite coffee or tea. Anything that will give them a little pick me up.

Just remember, Do something meaningful to your partner. It doesn’t have to break the bank! Express your love, and show them that they are important to you.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You Are Not Alone.

One in three women, and one and four men will suffer. It will start out with something that you will not even think is a big deal. Like asking you to consult them before hanging out with your friends. Slowly it will turn into more. Domestic Violence is real. And you are not alone.

One day you will be sitting with your friends when your significant other calls your phone for the forty fifth time. You will answer and it will start the argument of where you have been and why you have not answered their calls. They will make you feel like you are in the wrong, and tell you it is just because they love you and want to spend all of their time with you.

Next thing you know, you will have stropped hanging out with your friends, and start hanging with them and them only. The fighting will start because you will probably start to feel smothered. They will want to see your phone all the time. That conversation that you thought would be no big deal, you know the one from the opposite sex friend that you have never even looked at as a romantic relationship. The fighting starts again. You do not love them, and now are being accused of cheating because someone asked you how your day was, or how life was going because they have not seen you in a while.

Now that you have given up your friends, your family will start to be the problem. Going out with your family. They will not want to come to family events, but will not want you to go wither. They will ask you why you have to leave them. After all didn’t you say they where your whole world? Your family will talk about how they do not see much of you anymore, and how you do not stay at family events long.

Now that they have your family out of the way. It will come down to what you are wearing when you have to leave the house. “Isn’t that a little too sexy? Who are you trying to impress? I knew you where seeing someone else, why would you be dressed like that?” You won’t be able to answer your phone calls or text message without them being around or answering for you. You will watch yourself slowly lose all of your control, but you will not even realize that this is happening.

Next thing that you know, you will both be sitting on the couch and a comment that you did not even think mattered at the time will come back up. You partner will bring it up. They will tell you that they will not put up with you talking to them like that. The anger that has been held in all day, it explodes with name calling, and hitting. You are laying there on the ground in the middle of the rage. You can feel the blows as their hands feel like thunder crashing into you. Their eyes daggers, and you are just laying there helpless.

When this becomes you’re everyday, you are going to wonder how you got here. You are going to remember the person that you used to be. Funny and full of life. The one that everyone could come to when they needed someone. Now you are sitting here alone on the bathroom floor wondering where to turn. You love your partner, and you will tell yourself that they can change. That you can help them change. They will walk in, and you will flitch, they will say I am sorry or it will never happen again and that they love you. This is until it does happen again, and until they are laughing about the fact that you are laying on the bathroom floor crying and flinching.

This is domestic violence. The only thing that I am going to ask if you are suffering is to love yourself more.

Call 1800.799.SAFE (7233)

Live chat here: https://www.thehotline.org/stakeholders/domestic-violence-statistics/

Or Text: START to 88788

Love yourself more and stay safe.

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My Soul Needs You

It is easy to love someone when everything is sunshine and rainbows. It is easy to be there when things are easy and life is in the good times. It is when life gets messy is when relationships are tested.

We have gone through some of the hardest times while I fight my demands from the past. You have handled all that comes with this journey with such grace and strength. You have loved all of the brokenness and held me when I haven’t felt safe, until I do again. It was that moment that I knew my soul needs you.

I watched as you took a leap of faith and changed careers. You looked me in the eyes and said this will be better, I will be able to grow now and be the best I can be for you can be for you and me. I seen your fear and knew that I wanted to be your biggest cheerleader. Every second that you doubt your ability to make his work and every second you wanted to give up, but you didn’t because of he dreams that I have for our future. You pushed forward through the fear. It was in that moment I knew my soul needed you.

The moments that my chronic illness flares up and the pain is unbearable. You are right there, holding me and rubbing my back trying to comfort me. Asking where I want to eat, because you hope that comfort food will make it better. I can see the pain in your eyes when none of it is working. It hurts your heart. I see it, I know that you are trying to be strong for me, but I can see the pain in your eyes. I can feel your love for me. Its was these moments I knew my soul needed you.

Our love is not always sunshine and kisses. We have hard times that not everyone sees. There are times that I am not sure how you make it through with me. There are times I cannot see how we can keep going, but there are also times that I know I cannot give up on us. That I will never be able to give up on use because as hard as the hard times can be. The good times, the times that are sunshine and rainbows are the times that I live for.

I watch you on the boat, I see that smile of yours so big. The sunshine is hitting your skin and there is a true glow about you. You have a beer in your hand and you are cracking jokes. Your laugh is contagious. Your smile intoxicating. It is in these moments I knew my soul needed you.

When we are up north and sitting on the love seat, my feet in your lap. You look so at peace. Everything in the world is right again. We are spending quality time together. When I see this piece on your face, I knew the my soul needed you.

I promise you that I will never give up on us.

All my love Em

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