Emma, Author at Pucker Mob

Here’s to Moving On

Moving on.

The “Epilogue” of a relationship that no one expects to go through. What does it mean to “move on”?

Everyone has a different understanding of the term, however, they all come to the same conclusion: moving on sucks. Theres no sugar coating it. The end all be all of a relationship.

He got the best and the worst of me. He knows me better than anyone else and I don’t know how to have that with someone other than him. The person who taught me how to love, to be invincible, to be human, is the one that broke my heart into pieces without looking back.

We had dreams of a future that we only saw the good in. We didn’t see the nasty fights, the spitting and throwing fists. We didn’t see the late night arguments and chasing each other down the street just to say I’m sorry and begin all over again.

I was in an endless hurricane on a boat with no sail, drowning in an ocean with no bottom.

This wasn’t a relationship. It was two people in a downward spiral, headed no where. It was as if clouds came, letting go the rain and it felt like it was a constant downpour with no room for sunshine.

We gave it all, and sometimes more than others. He broke my heart, just like I did his. When it comes down to it, I wasn’t who he wanted anymore, just like he wasn’t who I needed anymore.

I am living my life, from now on, how I plan to do so. You don’t get to remind me of every mistake I’ve ever made anymore. You don’t get to make me feel any less than I am anymore. You don’t get to ruin me, anymore. I will find my life without you again. I regret some decisions we’ve made but one I will never regret: the decision to end this.

There is light at the end of this tunnel, because it is my tunnel. So here’s to moving on.

Timing really is everything…

Two people, caught up in the idea they could "make it work". In the end, it's the exact same. One person needs time and the other ends up broken. There are so many things I wish I knew how to say and so many things I wish I did differently but I just didn't know how.

Timing really is everything.

I never realized how time can stop people from being together & I will never get over it.

I do not have a tangible answer because everything ended up in pieces. I needed time to figure out whatever it was I needed to figure out. I wasn't as happy as I could've, and my life wasn't going to change unless I made a change. I could never explain this to you, and you never tried to understand. Life can get in the way sometimes but this time, it's me that got in the way.

I want to love life, like I loved you. And I want life to love me back, like you loved me.

Maybe then, timing will make a little more sense.

To Long-Distance:

Long-distance is something I would never wish on a relationship. I became best friends with the concept of distance when I watched my Mom struggle while my Dad was deployed. Never would I have thought that when I fell in love, I would experience it too.

Sleepless nights and nasty fights made this relationship difficult, especially when we couldn’t solve problems in person. I wanted him to be happy but I was miserable. I had someone who loved and cared for me even when things were not perfect. He would give me the affection I craved and the compassion I needed. I wish I had an answer as to why I thought I needed more than that, which is selfish to say. I had broke a heart that was not supposed to be broken.

I wanted the relationship to end, so I could figure my life out. I tried to make myself happy without his help and ended up taking him for granted. I wanted him to find someone who would be better for him, someone who was not me. There was a future for the both of us and I had forgotten that it was a future together, not apart. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. He had the strength to love me even though I had destroyed him in every way possible.

So to those who are living the long-distance: please do not give up. Sometimes, things don’t work out. But they could have. Maybe it is worth it. Try to make it worth it.

The person who knows me better than anyone else

Dear Best Friend,

To the person I am meant to grow old and grey with: I miss you. After all these years you are still the only one who knows my good and bad sides and my darkest secrets. You are the person I always ran to when I had a problem or just because I knew you would be around. I got you into so many crazy (mostly illegal) situations you mom would kill me for but I regret none of them. After high school I knew you would become so much more of an amazing human than you ever thought you could. The aspirations you planned to construct into real life plans were one of the many things that were bound to make you successful.

When I moved, I knew it would be harder to keep in touch. You had your life and I had mine, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t make time to catch up. However, I needed you in my life when things started to get rocky. Things change in life but I never thought I would have to experience change without you.

Regardless of where life takes us, I will always love our friendship and love you with my entire heart. You were my #1, my go-to, my RIDE-OR-DIE, the Kourtney to my Khloe. Nothing in this world will change the love I have for you.