Author: Erica Alisse

We’ve been together a while now, but you’re still a total mystery to me. After all this time, there’s still this wall I can’t seem to break through. Anytime I come close to tearing it down, you put it right back up.

I’ve given so much of my heart to you that I can’t imagine losing you now. But at the same time, I’m terrified of what might happen if I stay. I don’t know if my heart can survive it.

I remember when I first told you I was in love with you. I meant it then, and I mean it now even more. I couldn’t believe it when you said it back to me. You didn’t even hesitate.

But now, months later, I’m at a loss when it comes to how you feel about me. Some days, you’re barely even there. It’s like I’m the last thing on your mind, and you don’t even notice me. I feel like a stranger watching parts of your life from the sidelines. 

I can’t tell if you’re selfish or if you’re just too wrapped up in your own life to want to be a part of mine as well. I’m starting to go crazy trying to read you. I’m constantly questioning how you feel or what you’re thinking. 

My imagination has started filling in the blanks, and all I have left are doubts.

The hardest part of it all is watching you show so much passion for everything else you care about. You go on and on about the things you love most like your friends and your hobbies, and how much they mean to you. 

It's one of the reasons I fell so hard for you in the first place. But where's that same passion for us now? I have to know that I’m not the only one who wants this. 

Do you count down the minutes until you can see me? Does your heart start to race at the thought?  Mine does. Do you ever have trouble believing that someone so amazing is standing right in front of you? I do all the time. 

Does it hurt you to think about losing me or not having me in your life? It kills me. Do you lie in bed at night wishing I was there? I do every night. Do you ever think about a future with me? Sometimes it’s all I can picture. 

I crave a love full of passion, but more than that I simply crave knowing how you feel about me. Am I alone in all this? How could I be?

You care so much about keeping your independence and being able to do whatever you want. You remind me of that frequently. But what does that mean for me? I’ve tried to talk to you about it so many times. I’ve sat there in tears begging you to just say something, anything. 

I've become desperate to try and reach you.

A friend told me that the way a guy treats you at the start of the relationship is the best he’ll ever treat you. So why am I feeling this way so early on?

If I mean anything to you, this is the time to prove it. I have to know if I'm worth the effort.

I can’t continue in a relationship where I just feel alone. I can’t be with someone who won't return the same level of love and commitment that I have to offer. I know what I deserve, and I know enough to leave if I’m getting less than that.

Show me that you want me, that you need me like I need you. My heart is already starting to break, and I can’t wait for you any longer.

If you care about me, I need to know right now. I'm begging you to find that passion again and fight for me. Fight for us. 

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If you’ve ever listened to Ingrid Michaelson, you know how powerful her words can be. Her lyrics always speak straight to my heart in a way that not many other songs can. 

Whether you want to cry or scream or even just smile, she has the perfect song for it. So go ahead and pour that glass of wine, and bring on those feels!

1. “Open me up and you will see. I’m a gallery of broken hearts. I’m beyond repair, let me be. And give me back my broken hearts.” – Be Okay

2. “I want to change the world. Instead I sleep. I want to believe in more than you and me.” – Keep Breathing

3. “I love you more than I could ever promise because you take me the way I am.” – The Way I Am

4. “Do you feel what I feel? Well, do you feel this way, too? That every wound seems to heal when I am around you?” – Around You

5. “Let me lie in the curve of your body tonight. And I will hear you tumble into sleep. I will watch you heal. I will watch you heal with me” – Morning Lullabies

6. “I will sing you morning lullabies. You are beautiful and peaceful this way. I know you have to close your eyes on everyone. Let me help you, I’ll sing you to sleep.” – Morning Lullabies

7. “Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts? Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. So it’s fairly simple to cut right through the mess. And to stop the muscle that makes us confess” – Breakable

8. “Happy is the heart that still feels pain. Darkness drains and light will come again. Swing open up your chest and let it in. Just let the love, love, love begin.” – Everybody

9. “If you wait for someone else’s hand, you will surely fall down.” – Turn To Stone

10. “Let’s go to sleep with clearer heads and hearts too big to fit our beds. And maybe we won’t feel so alone before we turn to stone.” – Turn To Stone

11. “When the cracks on my bedroom ceiling give me this empty bottle feeling, I think it’s time to repaint. It’s time to repaint myself.” – Empty Bottle

12. “When I would play my song, you used to sing along. I always seem to forget how fragile are the very strong.” – A Bird’s Song

13. “I never thought I could love anyone but myself. Now, I know I can’t love anyone but you. But you make me think that maybe I won’t die alone. Maybe I won’t die alone…” – Die Alone

14. “Soon my eyes will close. Soon, I’ll find repose. And in dreams, you’re always near to me.” – I’ll See You In My Dreams

15. “If you are chilly, here take my sweater. Your head is aching, I’ll make it better. Cause I love the way you call me, baby. And you take me the way I am.” – The Way I Am

16. “All that I know is I’m breathing.” – Keep Breathing

17. “Just hold onto me, I’ll hold onto you. It’s you and me up against the world, it’s you and me.” – Parachute

18. “Baby, if I’ve got you, I don’t need a parachute. You’re gonna catch me, you’re gonna catch if I fall.” – Parachute

19. “I got two hands, one beating heart. And I’ll be alright.” – Girls Chase Boys

20. “I’m a little bit home but I’m not there yet. It’s one to forgive but it’s hard to forget. Don’t call me, I won’t call you too. Let’s just call it over.” – Girls Chase Boys

21. “My darling, you make me strong. You make me all the things I wanna be before you’re gone. My only, my only one. I’ve never known what I have got til it’s barely holding on.” – My Darling

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Everyone has certain standards when it comes to dating. Some are just a little bit more practical than others. 

Lying is a legitimate dealbreaker. Lack of financial stability is a legitimate dealbreaker. Not having a perfect six pack… is not.

If you’ve become the Goldilocks of dating where nothing is ever good enough for you, you’re probably being way too superficial. No one is going to be that perfect mix of hot and cold.

If this sounds like you, it might be time to look a little bit deeper. Otherwise, you may be single for the rest of your life. 

1. "Ugh, I hate gingers."

You've said no to someone you've never met based solely on the color of their hair.

2. "What is he, like 50?"

You refuse to even consider anyone with a couple of grey hairs, and it has nothing to do with their actual age.

3. "Eww, he looks like Mr. Clean"

The worst of all is if they have little or no hair at all. Bald is a hard no for you.

4. "Why would he think that outfit actually works?"

Basically you like one certain type of style, and you won’t be happy with anything else.

5. "He really shouldn't be eating any more carbs"

You only like a specific body type – athletic, toned, strong… Gym selfies are an instant panty dropper.

6. "He looks like he's carrying an extra tire"

So you analyze his Tinder pics looking for any sign of "pudge" and will count him out if you even think you see some.

7. "Oh my god, he's a smurf!"

You have a height minimum. It's one thing to want someone to be taller than you, but you draw a firm line. You won’t date anyone even half an inch below that 5’10”.

8. "Nobody wants to eat your trail mix, mountain man."

He has to be either clean-shaven or extremely well-groomed. There’s no in-between option.

9. "Do birds live in that thing?"

If he has the wrong type or just too much facial hair, you’ll rule him out. Even if it’s something that can easily be shaved or trimmed.

10. "I don't know- he looks cute but he's probably, like, a momma's boy or something."

You will go out of your way to look for minor flaws if you don’t see them upfront. This can be literally anything. 

11. "Look how small his hands are!"

You’ll make up reasons to say no, even if it's dumb as hell.

12. "He sounds like a girl"

You even harp on the poor guy whose voice broke when he asked you out.

13. "So are you going to say something, or what?"

You get turned off instantly if he appears just a little shy on the first date. He has to be vocal, outgoing and confident from the very start. If not, he'll never make it to a second.

14. "It's the guy's job to make me interested"

You hands down refuse to text him first or ask him out, so if he hesitates or waits too long, it’s bye boy bye. You won’t stand for feeling ignored.

15. "What's taking him so long? Who else would he be talking to at 1am?

Obviously you won’t put up with him taking too long to respond either. A few minutes too long, and you’re on to the next before he even knows what hit him.

It's one thing to have standards. But if you're looking for absolute perfection, you will never find it.

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I’m not the silent, submissive kind of girlfriend. I’m not the type to just sit back and not give a damn. And I’m definitely not here to be your arm candy or security blanket. 

So if that’s what you’re looking for, you better stop right here.

I’m strong-minded, confrontational, and incredibly opinionated. I’m not passive or obedient, and I won’t cater to your every whim. I won’t fake interest in something just to like what you like.

I’m not going to follow you around or blindly agree with everything you say. I’ll fight you and challenge you every step of the way because that’s who I am.

Why should I sacrifice everything that makes me who I am for you to feel better about yourself? The answer is – I shouldn’t.

I will not put up with excuses. 

Don’t lie or procrastinate. And please quit making up bullshit excuses for yourself. It’s just pathetic.

I won’t lie or sugar coat things.  

The truth is, I’ve never been the type to just agree for the sake of agreeing. I will never just tell you what you want to hear, and I certainly won’t go out of my way to stroke your bruised ego.

I will never be like your mother. I’m not going to baby you or clean up after you. 

I expect you to have figured out how to be a responsible, grown adult. And if haven’t, you probably aren’t man enough for me in the first place.

I have no problem with conflict, and I’ll hold my own in a fight. I won’t cry or run away if things get a little tough. I’m not going to apologize for things that aren’t my fault, and I won’t grovel.

I’ll own up to my own mistakes, but I won’t cover for yours.

I may be a bitch sometimes, but I’m real. I have a genuine heart, and I know who I am. If you can’t handle that, I’m clearly not the girl for you.

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There is a huge difference between being a little stressed out and having actual anxiety.

Everyone has to cope with stress on a daily basis. It’s a key part of life.  

Work is stressful. Relationships are stressful. Family is stressful. Stress is literally a part of everything we do.

We just have to find a way to deal with it and move on.

Just because you ‘can’t handle life’, does not mean you have anxiety. It means you need to get your shit together and quit taking the easy way out. 

Learn to pay your damn credit card bills on time- learn to change your own oil- learn how to ‘adult’.

Accept responsibility, and stop trying to blame it on an ACTUAL mental problem.

Being an adult means learning how to manage stress. It doesn’t mean hiding from it or running to the doctor for medication when life gets a little too hard.

You claim to have anxiety only when it’s most convenient for you. I hate to break it to you, but that’s NOT how anxiety works. Anxiety doesn’t come with an on-off switch.

Do you even know what it means to have real anxiety? It’s a terrifying, exhausting feeling. It’s not just something you pop a magic pill for, and it suddenly disappears. 

Your panic attacks get so severe that you start to hyperventilate to the point of passing out. The walls start closing in, and the room starts to spin out of control. 

It takes every bit of energy you have left to pull yourself together and remember to start breathing. If you’ve ever truly felt that kind of agony, you wouldn’t be throwing around a diagnosis so lightly. 

There are real ways to cope with stress. You can exercise, take a yoga class, or even change your diet. Anxiety is not always such a simple fix.

Claiming anxiety without a diagnosis is a cop out, and nothing else. An anxiety disorder is not a ‘get out of jail free’ card you can use on a whim. It’s not a way to get out of doing something that you don’t want to do.

It’s an insult to people who really do suffer from an anxiety disorder.

So grow up, quit making excuses for yourself, and deal with it.

“OMG adulting is so hard!” No, no it’s not. Put on your big girl pants.

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Every relationship has its ups and downs. It’s a never-ending roller coaster ride. 

We may argue and struggle along the way, but I need you to remember this above all else: I’m not like the typical girls you’re used to dating. With time, I hope to prove that to you.

I’m not vain, and I’m definitely not mean-spirited or spiteful. Sometimes I can be a little too critical or direct, but my heart is pure. If you don’t believe anything else, believe that. And know that I would never ever go out of my way to hurt you.

Through all the rough patches we may hit along the way, that will never change.

If you stay with me, I can’t guarantee that everything will be perfect. No relationship is. But I can pledge these 10 things to you, unconditionally.

1. I will never belittle you or put you down.

If you confide in me, I won’t hold anything you tell me against you. I won’t share anything meant to be private, and I’ll never make you feel small.

2. I will never embarrass you in front of your friends or mine.

If I ever do, I promise that it was completely unintentional. I would never purposefully hurt or shame you like that. If something were to come up, I’d wait until we were alone to talk about it.

3. I will never stop being truthful. 

I’m generally not a passive aggressive person, although it does sometimes happen. I promise to just tell you straight up how I feel, even if I think it’s stupid or uncomfortable.

4. I will never flirt with guys to get your attention. 

If I’m not getting enough attention from you, you’ll hear it from me. I won’t go looking for it elsewhere, and I’d never throw something like that in your face.

5. I will never take advantage of you.

I won’t use you or take you for granted. If anything, I won’t ask enough of you. I’ve always had a hard time asking for help from anyone; I just feel like too much of a bother. I’d rather tough it out on my own.

6. I will never expect you to take care of me, financially or otherwise.  

I have my own career, and I don’t expect you to have to babysit me. I know how to take care of myself, and I’d never put that heavy burden on you.

7.  I will never try to control or change you. 

Sometimes I get a little jealous, and yes I do get a little controlling at times. But it will never be more than that. I’ll never put you on a leash or tell you how to live your life. 

8. I will never do anything to betray your trust. 

I’d never lie to you or put myself in a situation I know would upset you. I expect certain things of you, so why would I act any differently?

9. I will never act in retaliation. 

If you do something that upsets me, know that I will never act out in revenge. We’re sure to have a few heated fights, but I will never take it any farther.

10. I will never hold the past against you.

I won’t bring up previous arguments or issues just to get the upper hand. If I say I’ve forgiven you for something, I won’t use it against you to prove a point or “win?? a fight. The past is the past.

Now, I’m not saying I won’t make mistakes. I will, and it will probably happen more than once. I’m human and by no means perfect. 

But I will do my best to learn from them and not make the same mistakes twice.

That is my never ending promise to you.

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The term “needy?? has come to be associated with being insecure or overly dependent. These days, men are so quick to label a woman as needy if she’s a little too outspoken.

If a woman asks for too much attention, she must be needy. If she sends too many texts or calls too often, she’s needy. If she wants to know your plans or be included in them, she’s obviously needy.

I’ve had a few men in the past brand me as being “too needy.??  But when it came down to it, they were just lazy. 

They didn’t want to put in the effort, so they acted like I was asking for too much. They were the insecure ones who couldn’t own up to being the problem.  

But guess what? There’s a difference between being needy and knowing what I want.

I know what I need, and I own it. If anything, that makes me more secure, not less. I’m gutsy enough to say what I want and why. 

I want my needs met just like everyone else; I’m just not afraid to say it out loud. 

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

If that makes me needy to you, then that’s too damn bad. Yeah, I might be more assertive or vocal than you’re used to. But so what? 

If you can’t handle it, that’s your issue- not mine.

If I ask for attention, it’s because I’m not getting enough. If I send too many texts, it’s because I feel like they are being ignored. 

If I ask too many questions, it’s because I want to know about your life and I’m feeling left out of it.

I want a relationship where we are equal. I want to be respected enough where I can voice my opinions or needs without being judged or labeled for it.

I want to be a couple that spends time together. I want to go on vacations with you and plan ahead for the future.  

I don’t want to be two independent people living our own separate lives. I want to share a life with you, not just watch yours from a distance.

If I could, I’d see you every single day. Even if only for a few minutes. The truth is, I hate being away from you for too long. I miss you, and I’m not ashamed to say it.

I love hearing about your day, and I want you to ask about mine. I want to know what’s going on with you because I care about you. 

You’re always the first person I want to talk to when anything good or bad happens. I get so excited to tell you I can barely wait.

I’ll never stop wanting more; maybe even wanting too much sometimes. That’s just who I am.

So if wanting a certain type of relationship makes me too needy, then so be it.  But I’ll never change or apologize for it.

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What is up with men these days? Can we even still call them that?

Manliness used to be something that was based on strength or courage. Real men were rugged and well-built. They spent time outdoors, and it wasn’t just for show.

It wasn’t about how they dressed or what they ate. And it definitely wasn’t about the selfies.

A real man is supposed to make you feel safe and protected. He has an almost fearless, dominant personality. He doesn’t whine or want you to pity him. He takes care of his own shit like a grown ass man should.

It’s incredible how much society has changed. Nowadays, manly men are basically an endangered species. It’s like trying to find a rare unicorn in a sea of effeminate hipsters.

Here are a few trends that need to disappear, like yesterday: 

Skinny jeans

When did skinny jeans become a thing…for MEN? What girl wants to date a guy who wears tighter jeans than she does? Dating a man used to mean getting to steal his t-shirts or sweats when we spend the night.

How am I supposed to do that if your clothes are smaller than mine? 

Talk about a blow to my ego –  I can’t even fit my foot through your size 0 pant leg.

Looking homeless

Grooming yourself does not make you less manly. In fact, it’s the opposite. Manscaping is sexy. Taking care of yourself is sexy. Looking like a hairy, homeless bum… is not.

And seriously, what in the hell is a “man bun???? I have one cardinal rule when it comes to dating: never date a man with longer hair than mine.  And my hair is pretty long.

I want him to be pulling back on my hair, not the other way around. 

Lumbersexuality

Being “lumbersexual??? does not automatically make you a man. And it isn’t sexy. Anyone can throw on some flannel or grow a scraggly, poorly groomed beard.

Most of these pretentious plaid-wearing wannabes have never had to do a single day of manual labor in their entire life. Sorry but your callous- free, manicured hands kind of give you away.   

Quit pretending like you work a rigorous, back-breaking job. You sit at a desk all day.

Manorexia

Women want a man that can pick them up and throw them around a little. No woman wants to date a man she might accidentally snap in half like a twig.

What is up with all these super skinny, puny men? Hit the gym and grow a little muscle.

Scrawny is not the new sexy.

Pseudo-intellectualism

Fake it until you make it doesn’t work in every situation. There’s a difference between actually being smart and just acting like you know everything. 

These new, faux males have an opinion on every topic, and they think they’re experts on every one of them.

These pompous assholes need to quit blindly believing everything they see or read, and pick up a damn book already. If you don’t know what a word means, quit trying to use it. You only sound dumber. 

A real man can admit when he’s wrong or when he doesn’t know something. Shocking, I know.

Enough is enough. The joke’s over, and we aren’t laughing anymore.

It’s time to bring back the real men.

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