Author: Erica Alisse

Dating an outgoing introvert can be confusing. It may seem like she has a split personality, but really she’s just more reliant on her emotions than most people. 

Her personality and energy levels can change drastically based on her surroundings.

Once you are able to figure her out, though, you’ll never want to let her go.

Here’s why:

1. She loves to have fun. Outgoing introverts love to go out, dance and just have fun. She may even be the life of the party…for a little while.

But social settings will drain her, so she will need a lot of alone time to recharge after any big event.

2. She also loves to just stay in. She’s really happy doing anything, but one of her favorite things is just staying in for the night. 

She loves to spend intimate time just cuddling, talking, or watching movies.

She’ll never get bored with you.

3. She’s introspective and self-aware. She spends a lot of time in her own head, so she understands herself. She can tell you her feelings, her flaws, and her strengths.

She is also very observant and a pretty good judge of others’ character.

4. Her emotions can fluctuate suddenly. She tends to feel things more deeply than most people. She relies heavily on her emotions, and she feels compelled to act on them when they strike.

Because of this, she will be more receptive to your moods and feelings, and she will be genuinely empathetic.

5. She’s a great listener. She’ll know when to just let you talk, and she’ll do anything she can to help out.

She’ll always make time for you and even put you ahead of herself. 

6. She understands the need for time alone. So she won’t mind if you want a night out with your friends or just time for yourself.  

She might even feel a little relieved.

7. She’s very picky about the people she likes.  She prefers a small, close group of friends. 

She won’t waste her time on people she doesn’t think are worthy. 

So, if she has chosen you, consider yourself lucky!

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I’ve had a few serious relationships in the past. At the time, I thought they were normal. 

I thought they were all supposed to be hard, painful, and mostly one-sided. I never knew anything else until I met you.

Now, I finally understand what people mean when they say they’ve found a partner.

You get me.  You understand me even when I don’t understand myself. I can’t keep anything from you even if I wanted because you see right through me.

You listen to me.You actually want to know what’s going on in my life.  

You’re the first person I always want to talk to about everything, good or bad.

You support me. You not only encourage me to reach my goals, but you match me in my efforts and help me get there.

You make me feel safe. I know that I can trust you, and I don’t have to worry when we’re not together.

You make me feel happy. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off me. I’m no longer anxious or sad, I just feel optimistic and joyful every day.

You respect me. You don’t put me down. We may disagree on things, but we can talk about it openly and without judgment.

You make me feel like myself. I don’t have to hide who I am with you.  I finally feel like I can just be myself.

And at the same time, there’s nothing I want to change about you.

You make me proud to be with you. I want to show the world how lucky I am to have you.

Now that I have all these things with you, I realize that anything less would have just been settling.  You’ve shown me what a real relationship is supposed to be.

And I can never go back.

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“I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” 

– John Green, The Fault In Our Stars

I knew soon after we met that you were going to be important to me. I just didn’t know how much.

The more I got to know about you, the more I became convinced.

And the more it scared me. 

I never wanted to make myself vulnerable to anyone else again.

It was so easy to keep my guard up in the beginning, but you slowly started tearing down my walls and fighting your way into my heart.

I knew I was starting to fall for you, but I thought I had time.  I could still comfort myself by pretending it wasn’t happening. 

And then suddenly, everything changed.

The first time you introduced me as your girlfriend, I knew I was in trouble.  It only took one word from your lips, and I was done for.  

I looked over at you, and it hit me. I realized I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.

All of the little things from the last couple of months came rushing back to me.  

All of the things I liked so much about you suddenly because the reasons that I loved you.

They had been building up for months into something much larger. 

Something I now knew with 100% certainty. 

I had fallen completely, head over heels, in love with you, and there was no turning back.

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Being in a relationship with someone who suffers from anxiety is not easy. Believe me, I know. 

There will be probably be days where you get fed up and want to give up on me.

On those days, please try and remember these things:

1. There is no off switch…  Contrary to popular belief, I don’t like being anxious all the time. I don’t enjoy worrying, and I don’t do it intentionally. 

So please don’t tell me to relax, calm down, or to just let things go.  I literally can’t.

2. Texting can be a curse…  When you don’t respond for a long period of time, the anxiety sets in. And now there are time stamps to tell us exactly how long that is. 

Or even worse, we can now see exactly when you are active and online. 

3. I know it is not rational… I know that you are busy and unable to respond, but my anxiety isn’t logical.  If I don’t hear from you all day, I will start to question your feelings. 

I will start to fear that maybe you don’t think about me.  Maybe I said something wrong. Or maybe you changed your mind about me. 

The doubts are endless.

4. Unanswered texts are the worst…  If I take the time to send you something, I hope you at least take the time to read and acknowledge it even if it isn’t right away.  

Please don’t just ignore it by responding with something completely unrelated. 

I feel like you don’t think it’s worth your time.   

5. I hate initiating conversation… I worry that I am annoying you by sending a simple ‘hi’ or ‘good morning.’ 

But at the same time, if I don’t hear from you first, I will feel neglected and compelled to say something to at least get your attention. 

6. Sometimes my body shuts down… Panic attacks are serious and can be triggered at any time. 

If it happens, please never yell at me or freak out because it will only make me hyperventilate even more.

Calmly hold me, support me and remind me to breathe.

7. It isn’t your fault… I may snap at you or overreact to something. I want you to know it’s not you, it’s me and my anxiety.

Please don’t take it personally or hold it against me. 

8. There will be days I just feel down… I usually can’t even explain why if you ask. I will snap out of it, just be patient with me. 

Gaslighting is one of the most cruel and damaging forms of emotional abuse. It’s essentially a game of mind control.

If someone is gaslighting you, their goal is to destroy your self-esteem.

They will tear you down until you are so insecure and afraid, you will have nothing left but them. You are left weak, confused, and helplessly under their control.

If any of these feel familiar, you may be a victim of this abuse.

1.  You start to question your sanity.

You may remember something in vivid detail, but a gaslighter will assure you otherwise. 

They may say things in anger, but if you point it out, they will deny using a specific word or tone in order to call you a liar. 

After a while, you no longer trust even your own memories.

2.  You are constantly blaming yourself.

A gaslighter will convince you that anything bad is your fault. 

They will never accept any responsibility and will just continuously put you down and turn things back on you.

3. You are frequently told you are too sensitive or just overreacting.  

They may assault you or call you names just to spark a reaction from you. 

If you do react, they will accuse you of being overly dramatic and unnecessarily picking a fight. 

4. You are no longer able to make decisions. 

They will belittle you, laugh at you, and tell you that your opinions and feelings don’t matter. 

You will no longer have the confidence to assert yourself or express any form of an opinion, even in a simple decision. 

5. You withdraw from everyone else around you. 

You feel so depressed and anxious all of the time that it’s impossible to be around even close friends and family.  

A gaslighter wants you isolated so that you have no choice but to stay under their control.

6. You are constantly apologizing.  

Your self-confidence is so shot that you now just blindly accept that everything is your fault. You apologize mainly out of fear and shame.

You would do anything to avoid a confrontation even when you've done nothing wrong.

7. You no longer remember who you were.

Over time, you will forget who you were before this relationship. 

The things that you once liked or had are in the past, and you are left with nothing but a shell of your former self.

8. You feel that you will never be good enough. 

No matter how hard you try, nothing you say or do satisfies them.  You try so hard to regain their affection only to fail.

If you feel any of these things, GET OUT.  You are in a toxic relationship that will only continue to destroy you.

You probably feel too ashamed and guilty to leave, but remember that this is not your fault. You are being manipulated into feeling this way.

You are not crazy. You are not alone. 

And you CAN get past this.

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Saying ‘I Love You’ for the first time is something that intimidates most people.

In “How I Met Your Mother,” Robin had an extremely hard time telling Ted. She even said “falafel” once instead.

Here are the four stages that she went through and how they may apply to you:

1. “The moment when you think it???

If things are going well, you are probably infatuated with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

You can’t get enough of each other, and you tend to overlook any flaws or red flags. 

You get butterflies when you see a text, and you start to miss him or her the second you’re apart.

You’re also probably having a lot of sex.  

2. “The moment when you think you know it???

You begin spending more and more time together and getting to know each other on a deeper level.

You may even have your first argument.

The more intimately you get to know him or her, the more you start to feel like you might be in love.

3. “The moment when you know you know it but you just can’t say it???

For many people, this is the most anxiety-ridden stage.

When you picture your future, you can no longer imagine it without this person.

You want to say it so badly, but the words just won’t come out.

Like Robin, you may even start to say it a few times and then quickly cover it up. 

4. “The moment when you know you know it but you can’t keep it in any longer???

You’ve been holding it in for so long, you just can’t wait another minute.

Maybe they do something cute that prompts you or maybe they’re just sitting there doing nothing at all.

Before you know it, the words are out of your mouth and there’s no turning back. 

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I fell in love with you for so many reasons, it’s hard to name just a few but I’ll see what I can do…

1. You’re passionate beyond belief… I love the way you light up when you talk about something you really care about. 

You get so excited about life in general, it’s contagious. 

2. The way you selflessly love those closest to you…You always make it clear that in any situation, you would put your friends and family ahead of yourself. 

You’d rather see them happy and cared for before anything else concerns you.

3. The way you look at me… You make me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. 

When I look over and you’re already staring at me, the look in your eyes gives me chills.

4. Your brain and the little things it says to me… We can talk for hours and never get bored or run out of things to say. 

You never fail to impress me with how much you know about so many different things. 

5. The way you talk to me when we’re alone… You’re not afraid to be open and honest with your feelings. 

You never put me down or make me feel bad about myself. 

6. The way your ass looks in those jeans… ‘Cause damn.

7. The way we just naturally connect… It’s so easy I can’t even believe it.

It feels so easy and right when we’re together. Being with you is effortless.

8. The way you say my name… Whether in person or through a text, my heart skips a beat every single time.

9. The way you hold me in your arms… When you pull me in close, everything around us disappears. It’s the best feeling in the world. 

10. Your personality is pure… You’re genuinely a good person, and I admire you so much for that. 

11. The way you put my anxious mind at ease… You are always so easy-going and patient with me. 

When I’m with you, I just feel at peace. 

12. The way you kiss me… I could easily kiss you for days straight. It takes my breath away each time. 

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The girl who overthinks may be hard to love at first, but she will be worth it. She’ll be unlike anyone you’ve ever met. 

If you’re lucky enough to find this girl, here’s what you should know about her:

1. She is genuine.

She knows who she is, and she doesn’t pretend to be anything else. 

2. She will never lie to you.

She is always upfront and honest. She will never tell you anything she doesn’t mean with her whole heart because she wouldn’t want you to do that to her.

3. She will challenge you.

She will over-analyze every word you say, and she isn’t afraid to call you out or disagree with you. But she will never judge you or intentionally put you down.

4. She won’t trust you immediately. 

She has been hurt before, so she will be cautious. She will read way too much into things and silently question your every word and action. But once you earn her trust, she will never doubt you again.

5. She is loyal to a fault. 

Once she lets you in, you are in for good. She will never leave you or stop fighting for you.  She will always have your back unconditionally.

6. She will give herself to you fully.

She won’t hold back, and she isn’t afraid of commitment.  She is always thinking of new ways to make you happy or show you how she feels. She will love you with everything she has, but she will expect you to do the same. 

7. She won’t play games. 

Her heart is pure. She won’t mess with your emotions or manipulate you. She can’t stand ambiguity, so she will always tell you exactly what she is thinking and not leave you to figure it out for yourself.  She will never make you jealous or use you. 

So,if you find this girl, hold onto her. You won’t regret it.

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It’s been a long time since we first called things off.  

At first, it was hard. We kept talking for a long time, which is only natural after being together for so long.

But we finally agreed to cut off all communication months ago. We both knew it was for the best. And I’ve honored that.

Then out of nowhere, I started to get bombarded by texts, phone calls, sometimes emails. You even started to find new ways to reach me when I didn’t answer.

A little time passes between each episode, and then it’s always the same thing. You tell me you miss my beautiful face. You tell me you’re sorry for the countless pain you caused me, and now you want to win me back.  

But it’s all just one giant power trip. You can’t stand the idea that I may have moved on, and that I no longer need you.

You always beg for “one last goodbye.” But I said goodbye to you months ago, and I haven’t looked back.

I don’t respond to you because I refuse to give you that control over me again.

But here’s what I would say if I did:

You had your chance. You had me, and you never appreciated or even respected me.

I fought like hell for you, for us. But I was the only one fighting.

Now that I’m out from under your grasp, I am FREE. 

I don’t miss being under constant attack. 

I don’t miss being put down, criticized and berated for everything I said or did. 

I don’t miss hating myself and feeling like I was never good enough. 

I don’t miss being isolated from everything and everyone I cared about. 

While these memories will always be a part of who I am, please know that I have moved on. 

I don’t spend nights crying myself to sleep anymore. I don’t lie on the floor sobbing for hours because of the devastating pain I thought would never end.  I actually don’t even remember the last time I cried. 

I am free of you for good, and  you will never control me again. 

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