Author: Haresh Kapadia

It's easy for us to say that we aren't happy because of what is going on in our lives. We're unhappy with our jobs, we're having financial struggles, or we're simply in a rut. There's a seemingly endless number of obstacles in our lives. We all wish we could simply overcome all the obstacles that stand in the way of our happiness; however, human nature causes us to make things much harder on ourselves.

We're constantly beating ourselves up when we're most in need of positive reinforcement. For example, when we find out that we didn't meet a deadline at work, we end up beating ourselves up and doing everything we can to "punish" ourselves for this shortcoming. When we lose a competition, we immediately start thinking of reasons why we let ourselves lose.

I'm not saying that we should not take responsibility for our shortcomings; we should instead work on improving for the future and not let our failures define us. We all deal with obstacles, but we must realize that obstacles will lead to failure. Failure is unavoidable, so it's pointless to let it bring you down. Dwelling on failure is not productive; it is simply a way to increase unhappiness.

Your mind has a profound impact on your quality of life. Believe it or not, much of our happiness and overall success comes from developing the right mindset. Of course, this is easier said than done. For people who are suffering from depression, it's even harder to adopt the right mindset as the illness robs individuals of their happiness.

What determines a bad mindset? To me, a bad mindset is one that robs individuals of their ambition, their happiness, and plagues them with fears. An individual with this mindset will unintentionally find always find reasons to be unhappy. They struggle with finding their own happiness, so they believe that life is out to get them. This mindset is dangerous to one's happiness, and it prevents people from reaching their self-improvement goals.

What determines a good mindset? I strongly believe a person with a good mindset understands that life is difficult, yet chooses to embrace it. These people often find a reason to smile while most of us simply try and avoid negativity. They find the positive in every situation.

Lately, I've been doing some self-inventory, and I've realized that having a good mindset makes approaching self-improvement much easier. I find that people who have good mindsets are much happier and less overwhelmed by life's challenges. They're able to create their own happiness in a world that seems to be adept at tearing it down.

It doesn't matter how talented you are if your mind prevents you from taking steps in the right direction. On the other hand, a healthy mindset will push you towards your dreams.

We all know that if he/she really is “the one,” then it has to feel like it. But sometimes, the signs aren’t obvious that you aren’t going to work out. Watch out for these 30 signs that your relationship may not be as perfect as you think:

1. Your significant other wants to know where you are 24/7.

2. You can’t trust your lover to go to a party without you.

3. Your boyfriend/girlfriend expects you to constantly post about him/her on social media.

4. You or your significant other want to spend every moment together.

5. Either you or your lover needs a hobby.

6. You always argue over who’s right and who’s wrong and keep score.

7. You argue a lot in general.

8. Because of jealousy, you’re constantly being questioned about the people you hang out with.

9. You feel like you have to be a different person in your relationship.

10. You feel like you don’t get any say in your relationship.

11. You never hear back from your boyfriend/girlfriend.

12. Everything seems to always be your fault.

13. You catch your lover lying to you.

14. You both never have deep conversations.

15. Your future with your significant lover is uncertain.

16. You’re being compared to others.

17. You’re expected to act a certain way.

18. He/she gets jealous when you’re with friends.

19. Your partner brings up old mistakes and old arguments.

20. He/she doesn’t care about your goals or passions.

21. Your significant other ignores you when you’re together.

22. He/she is physically, sexually and/or emotionally abusive.

23. Your partner can’t respect some of your beliefs.

24. Your boyfriend/girlfriend only seems interested in sex.

25. He/she lets their friends and family control their decisions within the relationship.

26. His/her family or friends don’t like you.

27. Your friends/family don’t like your partner.

28. Your partner doesn’t seem to care about spending time with you.

29. Your boyfriend/girlfriend shares everything in your relationship with her friends and family.

30. You don’t feel comfortable opening up to your partner.

Confidence—a trait many of us admire. It’s easy to notice when someone is confident through the way they speak to others and about themselves. A confident individual knows who he/she is and believes that he/she has the potential to achieve greatness. A confident person believes in their goals and doesn’t let outside forces determine their worth. I strongly believe that developing confidence is one of the most overlooked parts of self-improvement. I also believe that it is one of most important aspects of self-improvement. 

The way you perceive yourself is crucial for anyone wanting to improve themselves in other areas. You need confidence to strive for a better life. You need confidence to build that life and continuously work towards achieving all your goals. In order to improve yourself, you must first believe that it’s possible for you. Simply assuming that you’re not capable of something will make it extremely difficult for you to push yourself to accomplish it.

I found this to be true for me for many occasions. I often found myself quitting when I had no confidence. While I wouldn’t say I’m the most confident person now, I’m definitely better off than I was before. For example, I quit exercising, dieting, and going to club meetings through my early semesters at college. I felt I didn’t have the motivation to stick to a workout schedule, I feared my cravings would get the best of me, and I was afraid of not making any solid friendships at these clubs. 

With this doubt in myself, I was able to convince myself that I couldn’t accomplish three activities that were important to my self-improvement. Ultimately, I realized that the confident person is the one who will go “oh what the hell” and strive for something even when they do not have significant reason to believe that they can accomplish it.

Motivation is hard to maintain, even for those whose reek of it. From time to time, we all need an extra boost to stay motivated. Life hits us with curveballs that throw us out of our routines and sometimes challenges our ability to stay true to our self-improvement goals. The truth is that we have the ability to stay motivated by recognizing when we're losing motivation and making changes to help remedy the problem.

Here are some tips for staying motivated:

1. Change up your routines. Are you feeling bored of your day to day schedule? Try creating some excitement in your life. Try a new activity or rearrange the times you do certain things. If each day seems like one long haul after the other, perhaps you need to make your day more interesting.

2. Make some time to enjoy yourself. Are you losing motivation because you're doing nothing but working? Try expanding your social life by scheduling some fun with friends. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how much you love your job–you will burn out without any ways to let loose. Plan a fun event or put more time towards your social life to make sure you don't miss the fun things in life.

3. Find ways to inspire yourself each day. This can be from reading motivational literature or finding role models that enjoy the success that you aim to achieve. Sometimes, it simply takes being around motivated people to inspire you. It also helps to ask a friend who seems highly motivated and learn from them. Moti

4. Build good habits. One cannot survive on motivation alone. You need to be able to push yourself to stick to your goals by finding what works for you. If you only have the energy to go to the gym before work, then do it. But do it daily. A good habit will keep you on track and keep you chasing your goals without seeming like a burden.

5. Include friends in your goals. Having someone by your side to push you to be your best is great for keeping you on track. Some friendly competition never hurt either. Whether you're looking to get in shape or learn to dance salsa, having a motivating friend will surely help.

Fun–something we all need to have more of these days. Whether it's work, school, or a hectic schedule, fun seems to be put to the side. We spend so much time focusing on what we see as more important, yet fun is quite important as well. Fun is looked at as extra or not a necessity in our lives. We all understand that fun is great to experience, but we feel that we can live without having it regularly.

The truth is that fun is a necessity. When you're working on pursuing your self-improvement goals, it's quick to burn out if you make little or no time to enjoy yourself. Many of us juggle our careers with our other goals, which often leaves little time for fun for the sake of fun. By that, I mean that we should schedule time for fun simply because we want to have fun. While we find enjoyment from pursuing our goals, we need time to unwind with just fun on our minds.

To me, this kind of fun is going out with friends, going on a date, visiting a new place, reading for pleasure, etc. The key is to remember to schedule time for fun for fun's sake. Not every minute has to be dedicated towards your goals. Remember that allowing yourself to have fun will also allow you to tackle your goals more efficiently and avoid burnout.

We like to think that we're self-aware. We like to believe that we know exactly who we are and where we struggle. While self-improvement involves utilizing self-awareness to figure out where you seek improvement, it's not always easy to recognize where you want to improve. For this reason, I have realized that others around you often notice things about you that you may not. Things like how you talk to others, how you present yourself, and what quirks you have are sometimes things we don't notice on our own. Here are some ways to get a little insight through the help of those around you:

1. Ask them directly. – This is probably a question that you should reserve for those who are closest to you, such as your best friends and close family members. These people know you well enough to be able to pick you apart. Being close also means they're less likely to sugarcoat anything and give you an honest answer as to where self-improvement may benefit you. It doesn't even have to be that direct; you can simply ask them how they'd describe you and your quirks. You can learn a lot about yourself and see if there's any room for improvement.

2. Pay attention to how they speak to you vs. how they speak with others. – For this, you can even ask your co-workers or anyone that only know you somewhat well. Do people in your life seem disrespectful when they speak to you? Do they still talk to you like a new intern? And do they not do the same for others they know equally as well? These are some signs that you're not good at getting the respect you deserve. Be aware of how others speak to you and see if that's due to something you can control.

3. Pay attention to how others act around you. – Do your co-workers ignore you? Do they avoid shaking your hand or offering help when you need it? Do they leave you out of the group bowling nights? And do they keep their distance from you at work? These are signs that you're not the most approachable person. Of course, this is just a particular example, but paying attention to the behavior of others is important for understanding how you are projecting yourself to the world.

4. Pay attention to their advice. – Do they often recommend the same piece of advice to you? Do you get the same criticism from multiple people? Of course, not all criticism should be taken seriously, but you should think about whether the advice you get could really benefit you. Also, try and imagine why you're getting a specific piece of advice and what motivates someone to give you that piece of information.

"I don't know how."

How many times have you avoided pursuing a goal because of this? Do you really think that not knowing how to do something is a permanent obstacle? The obstacle isn't that you don't know how to do something, but it's that you're not willing to learn how to do it.

Think about it. In the modern age of technology, it's extremely easy to find out how to do something. It usually doesn't require expensive college classes or a teacher to teach you. There are so many tools on the Internet and reading material to show you what you need to know. In addition, there are many people that would be more than happy to explain things to you. There are so many resources that have the information we seek.

Do you need to learn HTML for an IT job? No problem, there are millions of video tutorials online to help. Do you need to learn how MLA format works? Easy, there are many articles and websites dedicated to explaining the rules of MLA. While not everyone may have these tools, it's important to realize whether you're making an excuse or not.

It's simply not acceptable to avoid pursuing your goals if you're not willing to put in the effort to learn how. "I don't know how" is nothing more than complacency. Self-improvement is the opposite of complacency.

If you want to be on the path to adulting, you can't let yourself forget that the world is full of knowledge for those who seek it.

It's no surprise that humans are creatures of habit. Sometimes these habits happen accidentally, such as frequently cracking your knuckles. Other habits happen on purpose, like conditioning your body to wake up at 6 AM every morning by forcing yourself to do so. Over time, it becomes easier as the habit develops. Developing good habits is essential to achieving your self-improvement goals.

Here are some habits that I find beneficial to many individuals, including myself:

1. Get up early. – Whether it's to give yourself more time to devote to schoolwork, a hobby, or something else, being up early makes you more likely to be able to get it done. It's a great habit to develop early on in life. Are those extra hours of sleep really worth giving up the opportunity to achieve more? Limit yourself to a healthy and consistent sleep schedule. For most people, 7 – 9 hours is recommended. Those extra few hours could be what allows you to fit in that morning cardio session before work. There's a reason so many successful people swear by getting up early. Productivity doesn't happen when you stay in bed.

2. Plan as much as you can…and do it in advance. – Plan your day the night before so you're not scrambling in the morning trying to figure out what needs to get done. I recommend a to do list, made as specific as possible. Turn a simple to do list into a calendar, planning times throughout your day that you will dedicate to a specific task. Having all this set up the night before makes it easy to maximize efficiency in the morning, when your body is still adjusting to being awake. I recommend Google Calendar if you prefer to have access to a schedule on your phone and computer. For me, I use a large whiteboard and write down a schedule to get an idea of what I'll be doing at almost any given time the next day. In the morning, I wake up and try to adhere to this schedule as closely as possible. Planning is an effective way to make sure you maximize your time towards what's important and make the most use out of the day.

3. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. – This isn't something that just applies to people that are more introverted or have social anxiety. It's critical for anyone that understands that being open to more experiences helps you grow as a person. Are you really helping yourself if you simply follow the same routine every day? Why not go try something new like taking a meditation class or go to an event that you normally wouldn't go to. I was never a serious board game player, but going to chess club meetings in high school helped me meet a lot of my closest friends. In college, I decided to try spoken word poetry after attending a few open mic shows. I would not have experienced any of this had I chosen to say "that doesn't sound like something I'd like" when my friends asked me to go with them. Heck, that played a major role in helping me find my love for poetry and other forms of writing.