Author: Hollie Belle

"Most men claim to desire driven, independent, and confident women. Yet, when confronted with such a creature, reverence often evolves into recent…" ~Tiffany Madison

It's easy to think that you want a girl who seems to have it all together. She has a good job, knows what she wants, has goals and isn't afraid to go after them. It's easy to imagine what that kind of relationship will be like. 

You will meet her and you will be so happy and enthralled in her independence that it will all just work so perfectly because she seems like she's already got it figured out.

Well while you're not entirely wrong, you have a long way to go before you get there. See, the thing about independent women is there is a reason they are that way. 

They have worked damn hard for what they have, so before they are willing to let someone come in an potentially enter into plans they have going for themselves you are gonna have to let her adjust from a "me" to a "we" situation. 

Here are a few things to take into consideration when you are falling for an alpha female:

1. Just because we CAN do it on our own, doesn't mean we want too. We would love nothing more than someone to be able to depend on, to know we have a partner. 

That’s so much easier said than done. We want to trust someone enough to make sure the mortgage is paid, and the kids are picked up from school, but we are so used to doing it on our own we might not recognize your ability to do so. Don't be afraid to remind us.

2. We have our own routine. From paying bills to cleaning house, we have a process for it. We know when and what needs to be done, and we probably have a specific way we like it done. If she goes to the grocery store on payday and you want to go, let her know. We don't mean to be distant or inconsiderate, but we have become creatures of habit and might need some help creating new ones. We have done a pretty good job of packing our schedule full with things like work, or classes, or hobbies that you might not know where you fit in, and to be honest we probably wont know right away either, but if we know its right, we will find a way. We have had tons of practice prioritizing. 

3. Be Patient. It takes time to adjust for us; we are not used to having help. It might have been a while since we needed to send a courteous text to let someone know we will be home late. We are not used to constant communication at all actually. We don't expect hourly text check-ins, and that might (will) actually push us away. It might be a process, but the end goal is totally worth it.

4. Don't look at us like a challenge. We don't want to be broke in, we are proud of the life we have built, and while we would love nothing more than to share it with you, please don't ever expect us to be completely reliant on you. It's not our nature, and it's a huge turn off.

5. Don't be lazy. This is probably the biggest turn off. We work hard, and we are not looking for another project. 

If you want the benefits of having a self-sufficient woman, you need to bring the same benefits to the table. 

We want to support you, but the moment you start to take advantage of it we will send you right back to where you came from. 

6. Let us spoil you! We work hard, to play harder. We will love you and want to give you everything we have given ourselves and more. 

Let us take you on dates, let us cook you dinner and buy you and your boys’ tickets to the big game. We want to do these things for you!

7. Don't be intimidated. We don't need you, but we want you. Once we are in this, we are all in. We will take all of the effort we have put into building ourselves up, times it by 2, and put all of that into you. 

If you ever ask us to play dumb, or pretend to be any less of the woman we have fought so hard to become we will bee line it right back to the single life. 

We cant make ourselves smaller to make you feel better, and you should never expect us too. 

8. We are worth it. We can be difficult. We know that. We don't mean to be stubborn, but inherently we are. 

We have proven time and time again that when we want something, we get it. 

You are no exception to that rule. If you are willing to give us time to adjust to your love, we will give it back to you a million times over.

Suddenly we’re in the era of ‘keeping it classy’ and #StayClassy, when we’re still the same hot mess express riders we’ve always been. So in an effort to save you all from total disarray, there are things you can do to make yourself seeeeem like you’re classy AF. Now, I don’t mean these things will turn you into 1950’s Daisy Buchanan sipping from her champagne flute as her pearls sparkle across her chest. I’m talking about being your sloppy, constant-state-of-blackout self while coming off as one classy hoe. So cheers to you ladies, stay classy (and sloppy). 

1. Find a wine you like and make it your staple. You can’t keep it classy by slamming back 5 long islands or tequila shots on a Wednesday. Have a glass of wine. That shits sophisticated. Have the girls bring over a few bottles. 

When your boss asks what you did the night before, you get to say you went to a wine tasting. He doesn't have to know that it involved singing Mariah Carey until 4 AM…

2. When choosing jewelry, wear pearls. Everything looks more classy when you are wearing pearls. And if you're passed out drunk in the snow on a sidewalk somewhere, people will usually give you the benefit of the doubt and think, "Oh she must not drink that often. Poor thing." ….Little do they know you call this a Tuesday. 

PRO TIP: Buy fake. Only use the real ones when you're trying to impress, like when you're meeting the parents for the first time and need to seem like you're the kind girl to bring home to mom (not the girl he picked up at Hooters 50 cent wing night….)

3. Two words to save your life: Dry Shampoo. Last night's makeup can usually fly at the office with a little touching up but greasy hair is a HUGE tell. Be sure to keep a can of this life-saving spray on deck. 

Your coworkers will never know the difference. (The glove box is a good place for this, you will rarely be without.) 

4. Have secret groups for your friends on social media and keep all other pages G rated. Social media is the easiest way to show your ass and not your class. Now I understand it's impossible not to want to spam your friends with foul and inappropriate memes, but lord knows grandma doesn't need to see that. 

In order to never miss an opportunity to shame your friends by posting their drunk naked pictures from vacation, just create a closed group where only you and your squad can see the unholy content. Feel free to post as vulgar and frequent as you want. 

Planet fitness this is what a REAL judgment-free zone is. Take note.

5. Check yourself before you go all out crazy. It's not acceptable to slash your boyfriend's tires in the adult world… unless all your girls agree. Whenever you can feel the blood rushing to your eyes and you know you're about to say or do something that could possibly get you institutionalized, be sure to make a phone call to a lady friend and assess the level of crazy you are on versus how much the situation actually warrants. 

Yeah, your teacher doesn't understand how much work you put into that paper, but before you go all Rambo meets the breakfast club, phone a friend and calm down. At the very least, call to confirm someone has bail money. 

6. Always have that ‘sensible sister.’ This is formerly known as a sober sister, but thanks to the creation of Uber that not always the case. However, the general rule still applies. You got a girlfriend that turns into the hulk if you add tequila? 

Sensible sister makes sure that the bartender knows not to let her have it. You got a friend that always takes her clothes off when drinking too much? Sensible sister comes up with a place to keep them so you don't lose an outfit along with your dignity.  

That one friend that always wanders off because "it's all about the journey." …Yeah, sensible sister makes sure she doesn't end up on a milk carton. The key to being sensible sister is just staying coherent enough to make sure the plan you all had to get home safely is carried out….and hopefully with minimal emotional breakdowns. 

7. And finally, fake it till you make it. And if you didn’t make it yet, you’re not done faking it. Hey, we will eventually grow up one day. (Or that's what our parents keep hoping) Until then, screw it. Drink the whole bottle. Dance on the bar. Slay that dark lipstick. 

I'm sure you have a few fabulous ladies there supporting it all….and probably photographing it. 

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When you first lay eyes on her, you don’t expect to find what you do when she opens her mouth and lets allll of that personality pour out. She’s strange and gorgeous and passionate. She quirky and emotional and everything in between, and she has found you. You embrace every part of her, and you deserve to be thanked. 

My best friend is a once in a lifetime kind of love. Both in romance, and friendship. She has inspired me and been there for me in more ways then I could ever express, and I have never wanted anything less than a phenomenal love for her. I have always been hoping she would find exactly what you have shown her. 

I once watched her pour everything she had into something, and I also watched it never be returned to her. From that moment her guard was up, and mine was even higher. She will never love herself as much as I love her, so while some guys seemed ok to her, I didn’t fold so easily. 

You where no different at first, and I didn’t want to like you. To me, you where another boy looking to put her on your score board, and I wasn’t having it. But the more I watched her fall for you, the more I did too. 

I have seen her through a lot of relationships. I’ve seen the good, the bad, and the tequila induced. But until you came along, I had never seen the great. You let her be the best version of herself. You encourage her to do the very best for her, and you have never asked her to tone down her weird. Which is exactly what we love most about her. You support her dreams, whatever they may be. You compliment even the most complicated parts of her. 

And on top of all that, you accept us. You have never made us feel unwanted, overbearing, or out of place. You respect our friendship, and let us enjoy each other. 

I just want to say thank you for showing up. Thank you for being the man that I always dreamed she would find, and thank you for proving your love for her. You’re doing a damn good job of being the man I didn’t know could exist. 

If you take me out to coffee or dinner, or wherever it was that you decided you would get to know me better then chances are you already know that I have a 2 year old little boy, I don’t hide that fact I’m actually quite proud of it. 

So when we made these plans I didn’t expect you to get all quirky when I bring him up like he’s Lord Voldemort. He is quite literally the best extension of myself. 

He has made me exactly the kind of woman I want to be. It’s a pretty bad ass woman too, but it’s too bad you won’t be here to find that out. 

That’s because the moment I see a flash of doubt or concern in your eyes over my son, I’ll drop you as fast as I dropped the pregnancy test the day I found out. 

If the fact that I’m a kick ass single mother doesn’t make you even more intrigued, it’s not worth it. If you are unsure you’re ready for a kid, then you’re not ready for a mom. 

It’s a package deal, and it’s always gonna be that way. 

You don’t get to pick and choose the parts of me you want, and I don’t have time for you to decide if this is “too much” for you. 

Single moms don’t have time for much, so I assure you we don’t have time for your bullshit. 

You’re not gonna become a dad overnight, in fact you will be lucky to meet my son before I have met and done background checks on your entire family and neighborhood, but you can’t act like he’s not there. 

I might have to cancel plans, or rearrange schedules, and lord knows I’ll still talk to my ex since he’s the father, and you should be aware of those things before the appetizer hits the table. 

These are not things I hid from you, so don’t be all dramatic when they pop up. 

If you have thought this through and your ready for the rollercoaster ride I can assure you this will be, then congratulations because you are about to win yourself a loving, thoughtful, nurturing woman with more determination and ambition than you can fathom. 

If you haven’t thought it through, then waiter, “check please.” It was nice meeting you. 

I haven’t met you yet. (Or maybe I have, who knows.) I’m not even sure if my sons father has met you yet, but I know if he hasn’t that one day he will. 

I always knew that one day there would be another woman in my sons life since the day his father and I split, and since we are now to that point I want you to know one major thing: 

I support you. 

I only want what’s best for my son, and I trust his fathers judgment almost as much as I trust my own. 

While we didn’t work out we have always and will always keep his needs ahead of our own. So the fact that you have been chosen to play such a vital part in my sons life, well I’m ecstatic. 

Maybe you have already had kids and are also bringing a sibling or two for my son, maybe this will be your first rodeo. Either way, I’m here. I don’t hate you, even though I’m supposed to. 

I won’t be upset if you go out of your way to spoil my child, he’s a cutie and it’s hard not too. I won’t be mad if you discipline him. He needs to know to respect you just like he does his father and I. 

Communicate with me, talk to me. The only way you could ruin the positive relationship I want our families to have is by pushing me away. 

I’m not looking to bring in any baby mama drama I assure you. 

I’m actually excited in the idea that my son could have two families who love him so much. I don’t want you to ever feel guilty for loving my son. I’ll always be his momma, but no one said he couldn’t have two! 

Now I’m not saying this will be easy, we will eventually disagree. Me and his father do, but it’s important we talk it out and compromise. 

We will have boundaries, and we will both need to learn to respect those. That might take a little trial and error, but that’s ok. Just always remember, at the end of it all I can’t hate someone my son loves. So even when it’s hard, remember that I support you. 

Welcome to the family girl, you’re in for a wild ride! 

If you have ever been a hostage in a group text, you can relate to all of these thoughts.

1.) Holy shit! 53 messages?! Who died? Who broke up?! Who got fired?! 

2.) "Oh wait….never mind. My friends cat just looked cute sleeping." 

3.) "Did I already text this to one of them separately?"

4.) "Why do we even try to text separately. It just confuses us."

5.) "Oh god we haven't heard from one of them in over 5 hours. Better send 45 messages to call her out and make sure she is alive." 

6.) "JESUS CHRIST IM ALIVE! IM JUST WORKING! WHY DID THEY SEND 45 MESSAGES?!"

7.) "Ugh. No one is responding to me."

8.) "They hate me. I'm sure of it."

9.) "Oh never mind, they responded. We're cool. 

10.) "We are hilarious. Why has MTV not called for a show yet?!"

11.) "How do I turn these fucking notifications off?!" 

12.) "What just happened? I can't keep up. Someone send me a 20 minute recap." 

13.) "…..these bitches." 

14.) "I swear my phone vibrates more than anything in the Hustler store…"

15.) "I hope they don't share these with their boyfriends…"

16.)"….of course they will."

17.) "I literally have no idea how we communicated before we had this group text. Carrier pigeons?"