Author: Hunter Ann

I always thought I’d be the girl to give my all and fight back but never imagined myself being in the situation I was then in.

Why didn’t I do something more than just let it happen? 

I was told I begged for it, I wanted this, that I was the whore. How did I beg for you to rape me when I was sound asleep in my bed? How did I give you the okay when you held your hand over my mouth to keep my quiet?

There will never be enough words to explain what you’ve done to me. There could never be a greater pain than the pain you brought me that night you decided to make the decision you made to destroy me for the rest the of my life. 

I trusted you, my family trusted you but little did we know that our trust was placed in the hands of a person who could be defined as a son of satan. That terrible memory never slips my mind, never fades away. 

That memory replays every time a guy tries to get close to me. Every time I lay in bed I fear of the dark because that’s where your memory resides. I was taunted for what you did to me. 

How does someone half the size of you overpower you?

Being in this situation is something you can’t even begin to imagine. I always thought I’d be able to fight my way out of it, but in that moment that felt impossible.

How you got away with it is beyond me. Maybe there wasn’t enough evidence. But all I can remember was the pain I felt while you were doing what you were doing. I would’ve rather died than to live another day in pain after that night. 

I was scared, I was alone and I panicked. I felt disgusting, I felt dirty. I know I shouldn’t have showered after, but I couldn’t stand the filthiness you brought on to me, I needed that feeling off of me. 

But that feeling, it never left.

You destroyed me. How you live with yourself every day knowing what you did and how you got away with it is something I will NEVER understand. How do you sleep at night knowing you raped your friend?

I hope karma comes back around for you. You imprisoned me while you had your freedom.

I’m sorry for all that you have gone through. I’m sorry for all the pain you felt, all the losses you’ve had to cope with, all the fear of who you’d turn out to be, for all the sadness you endured during your younger age. 

I want you to know I’m glad you didn’t give up when you could have. I’m thankful to know that we made it to this day, to be here to write this letter to the girl you use to be. I’m glad to see how strong you turned out to be. I want to say we made it. I want you to know all your fears on who you’d be was all that it was just fears.

To see who I once was is a miracle because there was a point I never thought I’d make it this far. I’m grateful for all the things I’ve been able to do, knowing that at one point I didn’t want this life. I feel the pain of all that I have gone through and I see the scars, but I’m grateful for it turned me into the woman I am today. I’ve gone through what most people would just see in a nightmare. I know we all have our own stories and some worse then others, but I’m glad we made it to this day. 

I want to tell you who you’ve become. You’ve become a person with a huge heart, someone who cares deeply about others, someone who gives chance after chance to the wrong people. You’ve made plenty of mistakes but you’ve learned from them. You have insecurities but you are working on them. You are finally at a healthy weight, you overcome anorexia. You’re doing great in school, you dream of becoming a PA and you are working had on it. You have a smile and a laugh that brighten so many peoples lives especially your grandmas. You have an amazing family, though you didn’t always see it that way. You are becoming everything you once feared you wouldn’t be. You are strong and you are worth so much more then you ever gave yourself credit to be worth. You’ve made some great friends and you’ve also lost some good friends. You have people who love and care about you. 

I want to say thank you for never giving up even on the hardest days. I want you to know I’m grateful to be here today and I have you to thank for never taking that away. You made it, you are someone, and you will always be someone to somebody. 

To start a friendship seems so amazing, I mean what could be so hurtful after so many years? To the girls I'll love forever but the friends I need to let go of.

There are so many thoughts that come to mind when you think of a friendship that no longer serves you purpose. The memories are all that you have left. As you sit and ponder on all the amazing memories you have shared you also then ask yourself where it went astray. The years, so many years, growing up together, from all the laughs, all the fights, all the making up, all the sleep overs and tearing wiping moments every small detail floods your mind and starts to hurt. 

Having friends like you guys was nothing short of amazing, having unbelievable memories is nothing shy of forgettable. Everything you have ever done for me has never gone unnoticed, and I appreciate all that you guys have been there for and all that has been done for me. 

But it seems to be that our friendship no longer serves a healthy purpose and hasn't for quiet sometime. Because friends don't bash each other, they don't betray the trust of one another. Friends stand for one another and defend them right or wrong, but this friendship has turned into some kind of friendship that only serves a negative purpose. When bashing me for your benefit no longer works and you want to turn the tables around and try to be my friend, please don't. Friends don't secretly bash each other behind their backs and politely pretend to be friends when they are around. 

I thought I'd have you guys for life, through thick and thin, at least thats what we have always said. Your secrets I will hold forever and I will never have anything bad to say about you, but instead wish for nothing but the best for you. MY friends don't do the things you guys have done to me for quiet sometime, which is why I no longer need friends like you for the rest of my life. I hope one day you can find the peace you are all so looking for in your lives and stop turning my life into your entertainment.

Memories last forever, but not all friendships do. If you are going through the same problems and you are weighing the pros and cons of the friendship just remember this, FRIENDS DO NOT BASH THIER FRIENDS, that once a connection is made between a group of friends a bond is created and that bond should never be broken. You don't deserve people who make you feel like less of a person and then make you look like the bad guy, you deserve friendships that are loyal to YOU not loyal to the stories they get to tell about you behind your back.