Recently, one of my best friend’s articles went viral, another friend landed her dream job, and a third announced she was having a baby.
Little old me on the other hand, got knocked back from a job waiting tables and to top it off, my air conditioner broke. So now I have all this free time to sit at home and sweat through every article of clothing I own. Awesome.
I could have easily turned this sweat fest into a pity party, came down with a serious case of comparison-itis, and sent myself tumbling into a shame spiral.
But instead I went into full blow cheerleader mode and and got as excited as humanly possible about my friends’ successes. There were proud congratulatory messages, celebratory drinks, and if I wasn’t so broke I would have had flowers delivered to each of them.
My friends are wildly ambitious go-getters, if I was threatened or discouraged by others success, I would probably never make it out of my pajamas. Thankfully, I’ve worked out a way to be genuinely happy for my besties’ successes and really freaking proud of their achievements without letting that green-eyed monster of jealously get in the way.
My friendships used to be super competitive. There was always this underlying contention about who was currently ‘winning at life’.
If one of us got a great mark on an assignment, landed a job offer or hooked up with the hot lifeguard, the others would immediately convene behind her back in a conversation that was less congratulatory and more passive aggressively diminishing.
It was fucking horrible. We didn’t know how to deal with our own insecurity and fear of not being good enough, so we lashed out in jealousy and bitterness. Not supportive, not friend-like.
But that’s what happens when you live with that mindset. Jealousy comes from the thought that there is not enough love, success and attention to go around.
It’s our egos persuading us that we need to be the best, so we struggle to thrive, thinking we have to step on other people to get where we want to go. It’s a limiting thought that inevitably leads feeling inadequate.
But what me and my friends have come to realize, is that if you’re authentically yourself, you have no competition.
When we write our own definition of what it means to be successful, we build our own first place pedestal and we get to decide when we’ve earned the right to be up there. Sometimes other people recognize our success, other times the internal victories are the most rewarding, either way, there is room for all of us on our own podiums.
The next time you feel a pang of jealousy, get your pom poms out and start cheering, secure in the knowledge that the more you celebrate other’s success, the greater your capacity to experience it in your own life. And be grateful for the cosmic nudge, giving you the motivational push you need to get out there and earn it.
Your time will come, and when it does you will not only have the intrinsic pride of achieving with your integrity intact, you will also have a whole army of supporters in the stands ready to return the favor.
