Author: Jenny Lynn

I never wanted perfect, I just wanted you. I wanted every fault, every imperfection, every bad day that you had. I wanted to be your shelter from the storm of life. Your life raft in that raging ocean of your mind that I see brewing behind those beautiful eyes.

Instead of letting me in, you pushed me away. 

Instead of weathering the storm together, we drifted apart. I was waving my white flag at you letting you know that I’m still here for you and on your side.

I waited for you to tell me that walking away was a mistake. 

I waited for you to tell me that we were worth it in the end and that you cared for me as much as I still do for you. All I got was radio silence…a smile and a slight wave once in a while when we see each other.

I was ready and willing to work on myself and my own insecurities so we could be better. But you weren’t ready to face your own and fix yourself.

It hurts me every day to put on a brave face and a fake smile when I see you. 

It hurts to pretend that being near you doesn’t cause a sharp pain in my chest and a lump in my throat. To ignore the fact that I know you're staring at me from across the room waiting for me to look up at you and reciprocate.

I just can't bear any more of it. I can't keep letting it eat away at my heart and my soul anymore. I can't let all the "what if" scenarios keep circling around my head.

I can't wait any longer for you to come to your senses and realize what you’ve let go of. 

I refuse to allow you to break any more of my already shattered heart. So, I've accepted your decision to move on in separate directions, and in doing so, I've chosen to completely let you go.

Just know that I'll never regret letting myself fall for you and I will always hold a safe place for you in my memories.

Healing a broken heart is harder than you think, especially one that has been shattered multiple times.

It doesn't even have to be from many people either, it could even be from the same person letting you down over and over again.

It can get to the point that you're standing in your own shards of glass, cutting yourself on every piece with super glue trying to put yourself back together again.

The thing is… that heart will never look the same again, it will never be beautiful and whole. It will have bumps, ridges, curves and sharp angles.

It's almost like looking at a stained glass sculpture. Some pieces are red, some blue, some parts are yellow, and some purple from the bruises you've endured.

The part you need to look at is the beauty of what you are now seeing. Your heart may no longer be perfect, but it is stronger.

It may be bruised but it is wiser and knows what it wants and needs from another human being in the future.

It know's what is acceptable and what isn't and what you deserve should be better than the best.

Maybe you should try listening to that new piece of art that's hiding in your chest?  Let the sun shine in and show the world the brilliant person you have become.

That glue you used to put yourself back together has made you into something unbreakable.

Just because you are no longer whole and perfect doesn't mean you are not worth anything anymore.

My friend you are now a rarity in a world full of clones. So embrace it, love it, and live it as it is what make you the beautiful individual you are.

I may be wrong here but how many of us male or female have been called “needy”? I literally sat back and asked almost every single person I know what they thought neediness was to them, and you know what? Every person gave me a DIFFERENT answer, so technically it’s all in how an individual perceives it. I’m sure all of us at some point have needed some reassurance from our significant other because we are having a hard time. So when did this become an issue? When did it become taboo to be dating someone and you start to care about them and how they think of you?

So the little voice inside your head starts running and doesn’t stop. But wait!!! You’re not allowed to care right? That’ll scare them away!! It’s wrong to act like you might give a flying fuck or two about that person because then you’re considered needy…. The dreaded awful term of the soul sucking, time consuming, crazy person who can’t handle being by themselves. Or something along that line, am I right?

Yes, yes, I understand some people can definitely be suffocating and in your face and that’s a different thing altogether. When you’ve been hurt countless times you are more reserved in the beginning of any relationship. You do your best to not compare people but you still have your reservations and red flags that pop up here and there.

Plus if you are any girl EVER whether you admit it or not you have quite a few thoughts flip through your head… what did that smile mean? Why didn’t he text me back? Why did he STOP texting me back? Oh My God Becky, maybe he thinks my butt is to fat?! But if you sit back and pay attention a bit, why wouldn’t we think those things? These thing float through most of our head’s because we are starting to care. There is so much relationship advice these days where it talks about how men do not like to have their freedom taken away and as soon as they sense this they run the other direction. Ok what the fuck is that crap. Is that not what dating is in the first place? To see if there is a possibility that you have a future together?

Then you add in a person who isn’t much of a communicator and BAM you have a mental and overthinking catastrophe on your hands. No you do not need another person in your life to make you happy, you only need you. But when you plan to share your life with someone your thinking shifts, and that’s OK! You wouldn’t be human if you were together with someone and you gave zero fucks about them or how the see you through their eyes. That’s what makes things so exciting in the beginning of a relationship, possibilities…

I guess what we need to realize is when people start seeing each other they made the choice to see you right? They made the choice to hang out and get to know you, to add you to their life. People make those choices because they want to, not because they need to. If what you bring to the table and what you need as an individual is considered needy to one, it may not to the next person.

Don’t feel the need to change who you are because the person in front of you cannot accept you. As a couple you can either grow and compromise or make the decision to leave and walk away. Either way a person’s happiness shouldn’t suffer for it.

I’ve never been a believer in the saying, “If you can’t handle us at our worst then you don’t deserve us at our best?, because really that’s just ridiculous it is an excuse to mistreat someone. I’ve also never agreed with putting your best behavior on in the beginning of a relationship either. It just seems like a lie or fallacy that the person you’re getting to know isn’t who they truly are. 

I’ve read so many things lately that express what a girl needs to do to get and/or keep a guy. Don’t move to fast, don’t be needy, don’t cut into his guy time… don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t. I understand many of these points but what I can’t seem to grasp with some of them is why. Why can’t we be a priority? Why should we cancel all of our plans and put him first but they can’t give us the same respect? Why is it that we ladies are the ones to over analyze everything, over plan, to literally over care too much. Yet we are the ones who get shafted in the end because we are too forceful, aggressive or whatever term they decide to give us that day. Which generally ends up being crazy, insane, or some other psychoanalytic term that just pisses us off more.

Well I say FUCK THAT! We know what we want, and we deserve it just as much as any other person does. If you take the time to ask a girl to do something then ditch out because the guy’s want to go for a beer then you had better be ready for some of your so called “craziness"? 

Do you know the girl you asked to hang out had taken the time to do her hair, her makeup, pick out the perfect outfit? She did all that for you because she wanted to look good for you because she cares… about YOU! 

Now let’s reverse this for a moment, how would you feel if we asked you over and you got ready and you were excited to see us? Then at the last minute we cancel because we decided that something or someone was more worth our time. Would you not be a little ticked off, a little hurt? Maybe it seems like we don’t really care about you and we are just using you as a filler until something better comes along? 

Honestly screw the term men are from Mars women are from Venus, it’s seriously bullshit. It’s called having mutual respect for the person you’re seeing, or dating, or in a full blown relationship with.

If you can’t handle that then allow someone else to step in and take over for you. Someone who will appreciate our time, energy, and effort that we go to, to make you happy.

What is abuse? When a friend, family, loved one, or even a stranger on the street comes up to you and asks you this question, are you prepared to answer it?

There are many forms of abuse whether it be physical, emotional, mental. 

You may be dealing with a manipulator, controller, or narcissistic personality. Or maybe it’s all of the above wrapped into one giant shit storm.

Everyone has their own opinions on this and that is what makes us human. But try and take a step back and look at this from the victims point of view. 

Here are some things to help you help them:

1. Yes we are a victim, but we are coming to you for help. We want to be a survivor not another statistic.

2. Sometimes all we need is someone to listen to us.

3. Just because we’ve never mentioned it before does not mean that it didn’t happen. In most abuse cases if the survivor is caught talking about it, things will become way worse for them.

4. No we are not just trying to make the abuser look bad, the more you make those accusations the more we become another statistic.

5. We will absolutely have triggers, so think before you speak or act. Yes it’s emotional for you to hear but we need you to be calm.

6. Be our strength where and when we have none.

7. Do not under any circumstances allow the abuser to be left alone with us. They are manipulators and know how to control us as it is, we will end up leaving with them.

8. Do not EVER ask the question, “well why didn’t you just leave?”. It’s not that easy and until you know and understand the whole situation (which may never actually happen), you will not fully comprehend what we went through.

9. Do not push us to divulge everything all at once. It makes time to go through things and many things have been repressed to a point that we don’t even remember.

10. Remind us that it is not our fault. That we should not harbor anger and guilt against ourselves.

11. Do absolutely convince us to go to counselling.

12. Not everyone can go to the authorities, but if there is substantial proof and not just hearsay try and get us to go. It may take time and convincing but it’s for the best.

13. We will cry and get angry – A LOT!! Most of the time even our emotions were controlled, now we finally get to break the dam that’s been holding everything in so let us.

14. Make us laugh. I mean huge belly hurting, tears rolling down our faces laugh.

15. Remind us we are not the only one’s going through this and we are not alone. We deserve better than what we went through, and did NOT do anything to deserve this.

No matter what you do if it’s all, a part, or nothing of these things, above all else be patient.

It will take time for us to come around, the wounds may not be visible on the outside but they are fresh on the inside. 

I have always advocated that the bruises may heal, but words never go away – remember that.

Life’s never easy, and sometimes the fairy tale you had in your head was just that – in your head. 

Whether you’re going through a divorce or a break up there are many things you feel and go through on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis that you need to know are OK!

1. Allow yourself to hurt – bawl your eye’s out! Grieve your relationship, your dreams you had.

2. Allow yourself to be angry – burn pictures, smash stuff, scream in your pillow. Be mad that things didn’t turn out the way you had planned!

3. Listen to music, crank that shit up and let the words sooth you, move you, or make you weep. Nothing calms a soul more than a good song.

4. Ask for help. Do not feel like you have to go through this alone! You’re friends and family will be there for you to listen and have a shoulder to lean on. Do not deprive yourself of a helping hand.

5. Get out of the house! Go out with friends, have some drinks, go to dinner just do something. Do not seclude yourself from the world for too long, the world needs you!

6. Remind yourself you’re worth it. You are bad ass, and as long as you love yourself you can get through anything.

7. You do not need anyone else to validate yourself. You do not need anyone to make you happy, your happiness comes from you and you alone.  

8. Date yourself! Dress up and go out for a nice dinner by yourself. Nothing feels better than treating yourself good.

9. Go on a vacation (or stay-cation) by yourself. You’re free to do what you want, see what you want and eat what you want. Best of all you’re giving yourself some time and space to breathe and think. Everyone needs time to process what has happened, allow yourself that time and peace of mind.

10. If you were cheated on, do NOT under any circumstances blame yourself. Yes, it absolutely takes two to tango – but their actions were their own choice, not yours. You are more than enough for someone, never doubt that. They were just too blind to realize that, and they will regret it one day.

11. Until you are happy and whole again you will only attract broken people. Once you are you, you’ll attract whole partners.

12. Treat yourself and your body with respect. Exercise, eat healthy! Your body is your vessel treat it right.

13. Its ok if you need to go get help from a doctor. Whether it be a therapist or medication, do not think low of yourself for needing a boost through this trying time in life.

14. Do not be afraid to smile and be happy again. It’s ok to move forward in your life, do not let anyone tell you that you have to wait a certain period before you can be free. Everyone is different, do not let their restrictions become your own.

15. Do NOT compare the new partners in your life to the old. They are not them! Yes, you may be afraid of being hurt again, but they are not them. Give them the benefit of the doubt – innocent until proven guilty.

16. Love to love. (Tis is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all – Alfred Lord Tennyson)

17. Be alright with being alone. You’re never truly alone in life, it’s all in how you perceive things. Be comfortable with yourself, you do not need someone to fill that void in you. You need to fill it with self-love.

18. Take some time to learn who you are again. Relationships change you whether you notice it or not. Find out who you are again and what you want for your future.

Be brave, be you, be magic. Be a fucking unicorn in a world full of sheep (spiritgoddess.org). But first and foremost love yourself as you are worth more than anything else in this world. 

For the people who “enjoy” the holiday shopping experience…

1. Ok! You can do this it’ll be easy… Right? Just in and out wham bam thank you maam!

2. Oh Christmas music! How holiday spirit-y!

3. Why do I always get the cart with the fucked up wheel?! It sounds like I’m killing a cat.

4. Hot guy two o’clock! He’s looking at me!! Oh wait he’s covering his ear’s… damn cart!

5. I just need to get to that area right there! Maybe if I cough the person will move.

6. Ok, seriously I’ve coughed 16 times now would you move?!

7. Why… Why must you block the way through? It should be like directing traffic. You don’t ditch your car and run do you?!

8. If you don’t get out of my way my piece of shit cart is going to move you instead!

9. Ok cool, I got this calm down… It’s Christmas!

10. Where the hell is that Lego set he wanted?! How hard it is to find Lego!

11. Oh great it’s sold out, guess I’ll have to go to another store….

12. I can’t breath there are too many people here.

13. Is it ok if I open this box of short bread cookies, sit in the isle and cry?

14. If I hear this Christmas song one more freaking time, I’m not liable for my actions!

15. Falalalala la la la fuck this shit I’m out!

16. This is the express lane why the fuck does he have a cart full of shit?

17. Dude seriously there’s a grand canyon gap between you and the other person, move forward!

18. Oh M&M’s! I think I’ll just snack on that now while I wait until Christmas next year to get through this line.

19. Dear, sweet baby Jesus in a manger its that fucking song again! I swear I threw ear plugs in here somewhere.

20. Finally let me just unload these ear plugs, short bread cookies, empty M&M bag and tinsel onto the counter from my cat killing cart. I’ll Amazon the rest of my shopping thank you very much!

Why is it that we can’t seem to let them go? Why do we allow ourselves to be stomped on repeatedly and keep coming back for more?

It’s not like we are sadomasochists and enjoy being hurt, no one enjoys this kind of torture. 

Could it be that if we love them enough we hope they will change, even though they’ve proved time and time and time again that will NEVER happen?

Maybe it’s our own self-worth. Do we not believe that we are worth more than what they have to offer? 

That we will FIND more than what this proverbial douche canoe is serving to us on this silver platter full of shit?

When do we say stop! NO. No more, peace out I’m done kiss my ass on the way out the door.

No more calling us when it’s convenient for you after we’ve sent you countless texts, made thousands of phone calls, have even waited MONTHS for you to even just text us back. To no avail, no reply, no nothing. 

Then for you to turn that around on us saying “oh, what you don’t care about me anymore?!”

To that, I say, “DAMN STRAIGHT, SKIPPY!“. We DON’T care!!

We don’t care about your thoughtless actions that only prove we mean nothing to you. We are done with your head games, your cheating, and your abuse. 

We are done shedding tears for someone so undeserving of our time, love, and compassion. 

Your narcissistic ego will be your downfall, but it won’t be ours anymore.

It’s time we say goodbye to assholes.

How do you measure success in life? Is success even measurable? Or is it a point-of-view in which we base or dreams, morals, and values in life? Better yet what does success truly mean to you as an individual?

Many people base their successes in life on their own past and present circumstances. Now not everything that happens in life is caused by your own actions. Many could be caused by friends, family, your job, a whole multitude of things that turn into the proverbial shit storm that is called life.

Now people have “coined the term??? that by being wealthy it means you are successful in life. To an extent that is true, and probably well deserved. 

You’ve worked hard to advance yourself in school, college, your career, to build a solid foundation for yourself and your future. But does all of this truly mean you’re successful? It definitely could, and if so than I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors!

Let’s also take a minute to flip the coin over and play the devil’s advocate. What about your attitude? If you sit back and look at everything in your own life, are you truly happy with where you are now? 

You could be the wealthiest man on earth and have everything that money can buy but does that really mean anything in the end?

How do you enjoy the successes in life if you are not happy with the way things are? Someone very special to me always says “forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you???. Are you blaming other people or situations for your own lack of success in life? 

If you change your way of thinking could you not be just as successful as the man sitting next to you on the train in the three piece suit? What makes a career man/woman any more successful than the stay at home mom/dad? By achieving your own life goals are you not successful in your own right?

At the end of the day the only ones winning will be the people who are happy and have positive attitude.

Your attitude defines everything around you, and every situation you are in and how you react or what you learn from it. 

You could walk away saying you tried your best or you could get back up and find a different way to accomplish your goals.

You base your success on yourself, not on other people or the situations you are in. As long as you’re going through life with a smile on your face, and love in your heart you are the real winner.