5 Lessons You Must Learn before You Can Have a Good Love Life

Finding true love isn’t easy. If it were, we’d have far fewer hit songs about heartbreak and far more songs about how awesome marriage is.

Turn your radio to any station, and figure out which of those topics is more popular.

Of course, in the long run, if you really want to achieve romantic success, you certainly can. However, getting there involves some personal growth. There are lessons you need to learn, and for the most part, you need to learn them through the painful process of heartbreak.

Thankfully, once you do acquire this knowledge, you’re unlikely to forget it. Before you can fully find happiness in your love life, you have to realize that. . .

1. One Person Can’t Complete You

While it may not be romantic to admit this, it needs to be said: your partner does not make you whole. Your partner may make you the best version of yourself that you can possibly be, but you can’t depend on any other person in your life to complete you. You have to value yourself, first and foremost.

In early relationships, far too many people put far too much emphasis their partner. While this is sweet, you run the risk of forgetting about yourself. You need to forge your own identity, one that you share with a significant other. You can’t expect your significant other to give you one.

2. You’ve Been Lied To

Movies, music, terrible teen vampire novels…they’ve all been lying to you. If the entertainment industry is to be believed, true love is perfect, patient, kind, loyal, and terrifyingly inhuman.

Listen, love isn’t about being entirely ecstatic all of the time. Love is about being a human being. It’s about being annoyed with your partner, being pessimistic about the relationship at times, and still finding a reason to stay together.

If you can be honest about your relationship, if you can understand its weaknesses, and you can still make it work, that’s something that’s truly valuable.

3. Sex Isn’t Everything

It seems obvious, but it needs to be reiterated: there’s more to love than a physical connection.

The problem is, we first start feeling true, deep emotional connections with other people at the same time that our hormones start telling us that sex is one of life’s major goals.

Granted, once you get past that stage, you’re more likely to control yourself, but at the end of the day, many people still think that physical attraction is the key to romantic success.

It’s not. It’s certainly important. Don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t worry about being attracted to your significant other; it’s pretty much an absolutely necessity. That said, attraction that is steeped in shared interests and values will last much longer than attraction based purely on how someone looks.

4. Respect Is Key

Passion is wonderful. Passion is liberating. Passion leads to some of life’s most profound experiences.

However, passion doesn’t tend to last. While there may be some couples out there who find a way to remain infatuated years into their relationships, more often than not, those initial sparks fade away.

Respect, on the other hand, has a tendency to grow, so long as it is earned. You and your lover may not be as crazy about each other as you were when you first met. But as long as you respect each other, admire each other, and value each other’s success, you’re doing well.

5. Sacrifice Is Wonderful

Love just isn’t human. We’re not wired to spend our lives devoted to one person. We want freedom, we want other opportunities.

Some people don’t want to admit this. They believe that it tarnishes the notion of love.

Not at all. It celebrates it. It tells us that love is about putting aside our selfish, natural impulses.

In other words, love is about sacrifice. If you find yourself angry about the compromises you must make in a relationship, either the relationship itself isn’t healthy, or you need to step back and realize the truth. Those sacrifices may not feel good to you. But you are willing to make them, because you are in love. And love isn’t about avoiding obstacles, it’s about having the strength and desire to push through them.

5 Healthy Ways To Combat Stress In College

When you’re first starting out, college can be stressful. Obviously, there are academic concerns to consider, but when you add in the fact that you are away from home, surrounded by strangers, it simply makes sense that you would feel a little uncomfortable with yourself from time to time.

Unfortunately, in this setting, there are plenty of unhealthy ways to fight back against this stress. Excessive drinking, drug use, trying to become a -sack master…all imperfect ways to counter the pressures you face.

Thankfully, there are also some very positive ways in which you can deal with stress at school. The next time you’re feeling worn-down, try some of these. . .

Meditation: It’s a classic, but for a good reason; it works. See, while some may think that meditation is intrinsically linked with a spiritual practice, that’s not actually the case. You can follow any religious path you want, and still meditate. Meditation, in fact, is simply exercise for the mind. That’s not an over-simplification, either. Scientific studies have pretty much confirmed that meditation does for the brain what lifting weights does for your muscles. While going to the gym may make you increase your physical strength, meditation has been shown to boost your ability to handle stress.
Exercise: Another well-known remedy for the stressed-out individual. Working out is a fantastic way to burn off nervous energy, feel good about yourself, and improve your overall health in a general sense. Instead of adhering to a strict regimen that doesn’t fit your personal style, find a type of workout that you actually enjoy. Some people like running, some people like lifting weights, some people like yoga, and some like rock climbing. Either way, all of it is good for you. Whicever seems most appealing, pursue it.
Journaling: Sometimes, you just need to vent. Unfortunately, therapists are expensive, and friends may be too directly tied to your personal life to be able to offer any sort of objective opinion. You may love your best buddies, but you don’t want them to know every single thing you’re feeling. A journal, on the other hand, can’t share your secrets with anyone. Simply taking the time each day to articulate whatever is stressing you out can help you step back, gain perspective, and decide how you want to address this issue.
Art: Listen: Anyone who claims that depression and anxiety are beneficial to artists should simply shut up. They don’t know what they are talking about. That said, plenty of great artists – in any medium, be it painting, music, or literature – have harvested their own stress to create something beautiful and moving. The act of doing so probably didn’t completely remove the sense of pain, but it most likely removed some of the burden. You can find the same sense of release if you identify a creative outlet that you to take what’s bothering you and transform it into art. If you have to live with this stress, might as well do something useful with it.
Counseling: If you feel that your stress levels are so high that they are resulting in serious side effects, such as depression, be aware of the fact that there is nothing wrong with seeking some sort of counseling. If you don’t feel as though you can afford a therapist, most campuses offer a counseling service that you can take advantage of. Simply sitting down with someone on a regular basis to work through your problems can help you to see a situation much more clearly.

College should be a time in which you enjoy yourself as much as possible. Don’t let stress get in the way of that.

5 Ways to Stay Positive After a Break-Up

Romance isn’t always easy. While we should all hope to find that perfect special someone in the long run, before we do finally get to that point, we’re likely to suffer the pain of a serious break-up or two along the way.

It’s not a fun experience, but it is one you can find ways to manage. If you’re going through it, try the following tactics in order to stay positive:

1. Explore Your Passions

Being in a relationship means making sacrifices. There’s nothing wrong with that; one of the reasons love is such a cherished, beautiful emotion, is because it is forced to withstand compromise.

That said, if you’re recently single, all the aspects of yourself that fell to the wayside in your relationship – the hobby you didn’t have time for, the trip you didn’t have money for – can be rediscovered. It won’t completely remedy your emotional turmoil, but it will help.

2. See Opportunity

Let’s be honest: no matter how deeply devoted you may be to your significant other, you are a human being, and odds are good that you still notice other potential romantic partners. That’s fine. Just as long as you don’t pursue them, no one gets hurt.

If, however, you’ve broken up with each other, now you have the ability to explore those other possibilities. It is a little bit of freedom you didn’t have in the past, and you should enjoy it.

3. Talk It Out

Friends, family, a therapist…whoever you have in your life to share your problems with, seek those people out during this time. They’ll provide advice, offer a new perspective, or simply let you vent. Either way, it will help with the healing process.

4. Remember The Bad Times

Sure, it’s nice to remember all the happy memories you shared with your ex. However, in the early stages of a break-up, it isn’t exactly healthy. You’re going to be thinking about this person a lot. You can’t really help that. In time, that impulse will fade. Until it does, though, maybe you should focus on the bad times. The fights, the stress, any moment where you weren’t perfectly happy with your relationship. In doing so, you’ll remind yourself not of what you miss, but instead of what you no longer have to put up with.

5. Make Positive Changes

In the wake of a break-up, there are two directions in which you can go: you can get depressed, eat unhealthy foods, and add to your own misery, or you can improve your life in some way. You’ve just been shown that you can’t control everything. A relationship you onced valued is over, whether you like it or not.

So, focus on what you can control. Start exercising. Spend your disposable income on yourself, without having to worry about the disapproval of a romantic partner. Change your career. Move someplace new. At this point in your life, you’ll either slip backwards, or move forwards. Choose the one more likely to make you happy.

Why The Library Is One Of The Coolest Spots On Campus

Every college has an abundance of “cool spots” that you discover during your time as an undergrad. The nearby bar that is more than willing to overlook the fact that the picture on your fake ID looks kind of like a screenshot of Arnold in The Terminator. The local coffee shop that hosts intense poetry nights. The dorm room of the international transfer student.

All places worth checking out. However, we should not overlook the campus library. While this spot is usually associated less with “good times” and more with “midterms week cram sessions,” when you need to take a break from whatever is stressing you out, the library can be among the most attractive places on campus.

That’s because. . .

It’s Quiet

Some people can party non-stop and never need a break. They are ready to get as much out of the college experience as they can, and if that means chugging enough Red Bull to kill a small child and staying up to hours of the night that you didn’t even know existed, then that’s what they’ll do.

Others, though, need some time to decompress every now and then. They need peace, quiet, and an escape from the endless loop of dance music that is ceaselessly blasting from an always impossible-to-discover source.

Unfortunately, on campus, there aren’t many spots where this is possible. There’s always something going on, and by “something” we mean “a party,” and by “going on” we mean “slowly driving you insane as you simply try to get some rest.”

The one place where you can count on finding some quiet is the campus library. It’s the only safe refuge you have.

You’re Surrounded By Knowledge

A full life involves continuing to grow, and never allowing yourself to become fully complacent. This means you must constantly seek opportunities to add to your knowledge of the world.

The campus library is the best place to do so. Wander the stacks, find a book that calls to you, and spend some time filling your mind. In between doing keg-stands and watching way too much Family Guy, it’s a tremendously useful way to spend your free time in college.

You Can Meet People

While the campus library isn’t usually the first place you think of when you consider potential options to find new romantic partners, it can serve that purpose, depending on what you’re looking for. No, it isn’t likely that a chance encounter there will result in a random hook-up, but if you’re seeking something a little more substantial, the library is a fantastic place to find people with interests similar to yours. They’ll pretty much be broadcasting their interests via whatever book they may be reading.

You Can Focus On Your Work

Listen, while some of us may not want to face this fact, it is what it is: college is about getting your work done. Parties, and everything else typically associated with the college lifestyle, that’s all fun, but the end goal is to get out of there with a very expensive piece of paper that tells potential employers you’re not a complete moron. As such, you’ll need to get some work done from time to time. This can be difficult in any other spot on campus, when you’re constantly bombarded with more appealing opportunities to waste your time.

In the library, you really aren’t in danger of getting invited to a party. You can actually get some real work done.

In short, if you’re in college, start spending some more time in the library. You may enjoy it more than you expect.

5 Profiles You Always Find On Dating Sites

The Internet has given all of us much for which we should be grateful. How else would we waste our time, if we didn’t have Youtube to distract us from getting any work done? Would we have to be productive? No thank you.

Of course, reasons to get fired from your job are not the only sites that the Internet provides. If you’re not into the bar scene, or if you’re so into the bar scene that you’ve successfully alienated every single person at every single bar within a 50-mile radius, online dating sites allow users to digitally connect with potential romantic partners.

Quite often, people use these sites successfully, cultivating positive relationships. Getting to that point, though, takes some effort. You’ll have to sift through a number of profiles before stumbling across your perfect match. During the process, you’ll run into the following types:

The Cynic

A lot of people turn to online dating in the wake of a major breakup. They may have been out of the dating scene for several years, and rather than relearn what it’s like to approach someone in person, they’re more comfortable kindling a new relationship via the Internet.

Some of these people, though, don’t expect much. They’ve been burnt, and now, while they may be desperate for romantic success, they’re not too sure they’re going to find it. As such, their profiles tend to consist of random rants about the absence of love in their lives and the futility of this new online dating endeavor.

We understand being bitter after suffering some serious heartbreak, but it’s best not to scare people 0ff right away with your unstoppable pessimism.

The Friend

Awkward. It’s a small world out there, and it’s an even smaller world when you find yourself amidst all the single people who’ve turned to these sites for help in finding love.

As a result, there will be instances in which you find a very familiar profile. And by that, we mean, you’ll find someone you personally know on these sites. More often than you think, they’ll be one of your “recommended matches.”

Don’t worry, you’ll both do a good job of pretending to ignore this and acting like it didn’t happen.

The One Who Shouldn’t Be There

Let’s be honest, here: some people don’t need online dating. They are so beautiful, successful, and socially-competent, that they probably get asked out dozens of times a day without the assistance of the Internet.

And yet, somehow, you’ll find some of these people on these sites. While you may feel tempted at first to message them, you’ll hold back, telling yourself that if someone this impressive has turned to online dating, they are definitely hiding something not revealed in their profile.

The One Who Wants A Soulmate

Online dating, in its essence, is a pretty casual concept, at least at first. You browse through profiles, trying to find someone with whom you think you’ll get along. Maybe you are hoping to find “the one,” but you’re not going to force it if it isn’t right. You’ll just see where this process takes you.

Not everyone feels that way. Some profiles make it abundantly clear: this person is here to find a soulmate. You should not contact them if you are not interested in engaging in a lifelong commitment the moment you two meet.

Because the best way to ensure success is to scare away anyone who isn’t also a lunatic.

The Sex Seeker

Unlike the individual mentioned above, this person doesn’t care all that much about love. Sex is the key goal. However, few people are comfortable blatantly admitting this right there in the profile. The idea of these sites, after all, is to connect people looking for substantial relationships.

So, instead of simply saying “I am here to have sex,” this person says “I’m looking for some fun” or “I don’t want to take this too seriously” or “Hey, we haven’t even chatted yet, but do you want to meet up in person at my place?”

Good luck, friend.

5 Reasons You'll Never Sleep In College

College is a time of life when health pretty much goes out the window. Between the overindulgence in alcohol and the casual adoption of a “fourth meal friendly” diet, you can’t expect to be in peak physical condition during these years.

The lack of sleep doesn’t help. Yes, while you may make a sincere effort to get rest every now and then in college, there will be quite a few factors working against you in your pursuit of this goal. Such as. . .

Parties

If you’re going to be living on campus in college, or in an apartment relatively close to campus, you’ll have to accept the fact that you’ll have annoying neighbors. Not the kind of annoying neighbors your parents had, who occasionally put up too many bright and irritating lights during the holidays, but the kind who will blast bass-heavy music 24/7, presumably as part of some bizarre sleep-deprivation experiment.

Parties are fun when you’re attending them. When they are keeping you awake, you just wish they would go away.

Fire Alarms

When you get to college, many of common annoyances of high school life go right out the window. You mean I can get up and go to the bathroom without asking for a hall pass? Are you sure? Amazing!

Unfortunately, most universities have decided that fire drills are still important. We can’t argue with them. Undergrads may have many life skills, but it seems like cooking a meal or microwaving popcorn without burning something is not among them.

Sadly, the school understands that fire drills do no good during the day, when most students are out of the dorm and in class. So, instead they schedule them at just around midnight, when students are actually in their dorms. And their beds. Sleeping. Or, at least, trying to.

Romantic Neighbors

We probably don’t need to delve into too much detail on this one. While college isn’t typically the sexual free-for-all that Hollywood depicts, there are certainly plenty of people there more than willing to give into their hormonal urges. And they don’t care if every single person in the building knows it. It’s not like anyone is going to knock on the door and ask them to be quiet.

Musicians

Just about every campus is home to a handful of aspiring musicians who, rather than booking a spot at a local open mic night, have decided that the quad is the best place to share their skills with the world.

They usually decide to provide these performances in the early hours of the morning, though. Listen, “Wonderwall” by Oasis is absolutely a terrific song, but not when it’s drifting through your window at three in the morning.

Homework

One of the many talents you pick-up in college is time management. Unfortunately, it usually takes you a full four years to do so. Up until your senior year, you will be more than ready to put off any academic task, certain that the universe will magically grant you some extra hours in your day to do it when you feel more up to the challenge.

The universe, however, does not oblige. So you’re stuck finishing up your papers at hours when only serial killers and vampires are awake.

5 Insanely Awkward Moments From College Orientation

College can be intimidating, at least at first. When you finally prepare yourself to ship off to a new school, you have to come to terms with the fact that you are going to possibly be living away from home for the first time in your life, among people you’ve never met before, in an unfamiliar environment.

As such, during your initial college orientation, the school will try to make the transition feel easy for you.

It usually ends up just feeling awkward, thanks to moments such as. . .

1. Summer Camp Activities

College is supposed to be the first major step you take towards becoming a fully independent adult. So, it makes sense that you should be treated like one during orientation.

That usually doesn’t happen. Instead, to break the ice, your orientation leader will have you participate in the kind of activities you normally associate with summer camp, like sitting around in a circle and telling people something you like that starts with the same first letter as your name.

It’s pretty tough to take those moments seriously.

2. Avoiding Parties

At summer orientation, the school knows that many students will immediately try to start some sort of party. They’ve seen movies, and they know that’s simply what you do at college. Obviously, those in charge will tell you not to do this, but inevitably, you’ll bump into someone who has ignored such warnings. They’ll invite you to a party, and you’ll have to find a way to get out of it without using the lame “I want to do as I’m told” excuse.

3. Serious Stuff

Part of college orientation involves finding ways to fully yet comfortably address the more serious issues that students may face in their time as undergrads. Sex, depression, insane roommates who you suspect want to kill you. . .there’s a lot of ground to cover.

Unfortunately, covering this ground isn’t easy, and many schools try to do so via some less-than-effective means. Students involved in the theatre department may perform a sketch that highlights the benefit of campus counseling services. Maybe your orientation leader will host a discussion session in which you all share your thoughts and fears on these topics.

You’re just trying to register for classes and pick a dorm to stay in. This was not how you planned on spending this time.

4. Getting Lost

It happens. You don’t know campus well, you break away from your orientation group for a split second, and the next thing you know, you’re lost. Of course, rather than admit as much – there is, after all, usually at least one person around who notices your plight and offers to help – you’ll simply pretend to know exactly where you’re going, wandering the area until you find a familiar landmark.

5. Meeting People

Hey, it’s simple, but it isn’t exactly easy. You’ve probably just spent the last twelve years of your life surrounded primarily by familiar faces. Now, you’ve got to meet an entirely new set of strangers and act as though you all know you’ll become lifelong friends.

No matter how socially-skilled you are, it’s not a natural feeling.

Thankfully, orientation tends to be one of the most awkward elements of the college experience. Even though it’s supposed to be one of the most comfortable.