Author: Josie Griffith

She’s always down. No matter what she’s going to have a good time.

But don’t confuse her for a girl who’s just a friend before you get to know her. Give it some time and before you know it, you’ll fall for her.

And there are some things that might surprise you.

1. She knows what she wants and she not afraid to say it. But she always know how to pick her fights.

2. She’s not girly. But that doesn’t mean that she wants to think of her as one of the guys. She has a feminine side.

3. She’s the sexiest girl you’ll ever meet.

4. She won’t ever try too hard.

5. She doesn’t beg for attention. She just gets it all the time.

6. She’s never shy. If she wants to get to know you she’ll make a point to let you know.

7. She’s never been petty.

8. She doesn’t believe in drama. If she’s not feeling a situation, she’ll walk away.

9. She knows her worth.

10. She wants to be your best friend and then your girlfriend not the other way around.

Just because she’s not the hottest girl at the party doesn’t mean that there isn’t something about her that you are drawn too. That everyone is drawn too.

Because she knows what she wants and she knows how to get it.

But she’s also down for doing nothing. She’ll never make you feel like you need to do something else or be someone else.

She doesn’t believe in playing games because her life is one big adventure.

And the most important thing to know before dating a girl who loves a good beer is that she enjoys the simple things in life.

So the next time that you think that she’s playing you, talking about every little things you’ve done wrong, think again.

Because more likely than not she’s having as much fun as you are.

I know that life gets busy.  I know that we’re always trying to make things work, even when we know that they just don’t fit. But it’s a little different when you want something you know you won’t ever be able to fully have. That’s what’s happening with us.

I know that we care about one another. I know that you’re good, that your intentions are never bad and that someday, you’ll be able to love the way that I love you…without holding anything back.

But I’m tired. I’m tired of always feeling left out.

Of you making plans and then never coming through. I’m tired of always coming out of things empty handed. I’m tired of giving you my heart and while you hold yours just out of reach.

Even though I know you’re not trying to hurt me, the things that you’re doing, everything that you’re making me go through right now…it’s killing me. It’s making me lose my mind.

It’s one thing to feel alone when you are alone, but it’s another to feel alone while someone is right there holding your hand. Feeling alone is far worse when you’re supposed to have someone right beside you…when you do have someone right beside you, but they feel so far away.

I shouldn’t have to fight this hard for your heart.

You’re starting to cover me with scars that I did nothing to earn. You’re starting to make me feel like I did a long time ago: Unworthy. No one should have to feel like that, especially with the person that’s supposed to be their rock…with the person that’s supposed to be their forever. 

I don’t blame you for any of this. I know that you aren’t being unkind on purpose. But the guy I thought you were when we first met, I can’t find him anymore. I don’t know where he went. And more importantly, I can’t wait for him.

Because I took a long time to build this…my life, my heart, who I am, and who I’m still becoming. You’re taking that and breaking it down with every mistake that you make. With every letdown and every disappointment, I’m starting to lose myself a little in the way that I care about you. And I can’t let that happen.

So please, just let me go now — let’s just end this before it gets worse.

Let’s end it before you break my heart just a little more. I can already feel the pieces starting to crack. Call it bad timing, or lapse of judgment, but I really did see all the good in you, even if you couldn’t see it in yourself.

I know that you never meant for any of this to happen, to make me feel like I have to fight for you to love me. Like I have to scream for you to take notice of me or to know that I was even there at all. So I couldn’t possibly be angry with you.

I’m hurt and I can’t possibly take it anymore. So, I’m giving up on you.

I don’t know where exactly it went wrong or why, but I do know that whatever I thought this was going to be, it’s just not anymore. I know now that no matter how much I wanted you, I can’t anymore. It feels like I’m drowning.

I don’t want to end up hating you, so I’m going to leave you with this: I could’ve loved you. More than I think you’ll ever know. But I love myself more.

This weight that I’ve been carrying around? I shouldn’t have to bear it. Just know that I hope you find everything you’re looking for, even if you couldn’t find it in me.

I never wanted to give you up, but you made love feel like a battle that I couldn’t win.

I really wanted it to work out. We have so much history…once upon a time, you were a really good thing. Good for me and good to me. I thought that you were going to be the last one. The last kiss. The last I love you. I had plans for you and me, and they were something close to forever.

But then, all of that changed. All the parts and pieces of who you are that made me love you, those started to disappear. I started to feel something that was altogether different from how I felt in the beginning…

Regret. 

Regret for spending so much time trying to please you, so much effort trying to make you love me. You made me work hard for it, and that’s the worst feeling.

I shouldn’t have had to beg for your attention. Not then. And not ever.

So yes, you did change me. You did make me feel something that I never really believed in. And yes, I learned things from you.

But in the end, when it all came crashing down, you weren’t there. I don’t know if I expected too much, if I let you led me on, or if our hearts were just on different paths.

But whatever it was, whatever it could have been, it’s all gone now.

I don’t hate you because that would be far too easy. I don’t want you to take pity on me because you didn’t break me.

I just want you to know one thing: you really blew it. 

I’m not saying that I’m perfect, because I know I’m not. No one is. I’m not saying that no one is going to love you like me because maybe they will.

I know one thing for sure, without a shadow of a doubt:

I would have loved you through anything. I would have stayed by your side no matter what, I would have cleared a space for you, no matter where my life was taking me, no matter what was happening. I don’t think that you’ll ever understand what it means to love someone the way that I loved you.

Without reason. Without any sort of cause. I never needed an excuse to love you. It was just what I knew.

And now I know that I should have been giving all of those things to someone that cared. I should have given by heart to someone that wasn’t so quick to smash it to pieces.

So I guess when it all comes down to it, you were a good lesson. Not just a lesson in life, but a lesson in love.

Now I know that it’s okay to fall in love with the wrong person. That it’s okay to admit that you made a mistake.

As for you, there is not a single thing I want from you.

I don’t want to hear about your day, how your year is going, what all your friends are up to. Because that’s not mine to care about anymore.

You pushed me out of your life and you don’t get to come back in whenever you want. 

I don’t want to hate you.

I don’t want to forgive you.

At this point, I just want to forget you. 

Just know that at some point, maybe tomorrow, maybe next month, maybe ten years from now, you’re going to remember me.

And you are going to regret losing me, even if you can’t see it now. Because you made so much room in my life for someone to really show me what it feels like to be loved the right way, I know it’s going to kill you when it happens.

Because sometimes, it just takes a little time to see how much of a mess we really made.

Falling for someone doesn't take as much time as we'd like to think. One day, everything is going on the way it always does and the next, he's all you can think about. It happens in the blink of an eye. So quickly that you don't even have time to catch yourself. 

Because that's what I thought you were going to do. I thought that you were going to be there. At least that's what you made me believe. 

Even if you can't admit it to me or anyone else, you knew what you were doing. You knew all along that when we locked eyes, my heart beat a little faster. That when you said my name, my smile got a little wider. You knew that I was already in too deep. 

I don't know if you thought I would get over it. Or you thought that I was playing a game, that everything would go back to normal. That I was just using you. Like so many others before me. But believe me, I get having baggage. I have some myself. Which makes all of this so much worse. 

I didn't just fall for you, I trusted you I trusted you to be true to your word. To make promises and keep them. To be there when you said you were going to be. But somewhere along the way, you fell short. 

And I keep thinking that maybe if I hold on a little longer if I hold on a little tighter, you wouldn't hurt me. You wouldn't be the one to break my heart again. It's getting a little tiring. Trying to find the silver lining when there isn't one. 

Because falling for you, trusting you, letting you into my life was so easy. But watching you fade out of it was so much harder than I thought it would be. 

When I finally understood that you weren't who I thought you were, it stung. I'm not saying that I've never had it worse, because I have. But something about you, something about knowing that you would rather walk away then figure it out, that's what hurts the most. 

And maybe I should have been more careful with my heart. But you should have been careful too. it doesn't take much to lie to someone. It doesn't make you more of a man because you have me in your back pocket. 

Just because you have the upper hand, and always did, doesn't mean that you have won. 

In fact, if you give it a little time, I think you're going to find that your loss was much, much bigger than mine. Even if I'm the only one that's crying, I won't be the one who carries this around. Sooner or later, you're going to think back on this moment, on me, and ask yourself why you weren't just honest. 

Why you couldn't give me what I wanted. Maybe it's your parts that are broken, not mine. 

Whatever the reason, I want you to know that I don't wish you the best. I don't hope that you find someone new. Because the way that you treat people, that's what you deserve to get back from the world. And the way you treated me, all you deserve is someone that hurts you back. 

Someone who builds you up then tears you down with a couple of words. Someone who never calls. Someone who makes you wait. Most importantly, you deserve someone that's going to make you truly believe that they are capable of loving you. 

But all they do in the end is walk away. 

He was nothing but bad news. It was hard to figure that out at first. In fact, it took a lot longer than I ever imagined because we had been through so much. We've given each other all the best parts of ourselves. I thought that my heart was sure of what we had. 

But of course, sometimes when we are so sure that something will work out, it only ever fails. So I held on for as long as I could and my heart would allow it. I tried to make sure that I would be ready if he decided to come back. 

I worked on myself. I owned when I was wrong. I said sorry more times than anyone ever really should. Probably, because I thought that it would make him want to love me again. 

In the end, when it all comes down to it, that's all I was ever really asking him. Just to love me back. Just to love me like he did before. 

Time changes us all though. Maybe I was too much for him to love. Maybe he never had any intention of coming back. Leading me on was easy for him, so he could have just taken the easy way out. 

Finally, after all this time, I'm forgetting him. It may have taken a little while. I may have tried before with little success. But I feel different now, there's a heaviness that isn't there anymore. The same one that would always remind me of him. That would tell me time and time again that I shouldn't give up. That I should wait just a little longer. 

Because he would come back and we would love each other the way that we did when it first began. But that's all over now. 

I'm not waiting for us to have a happy ending, because I know that's no longer possible for us. There is no happy ending when one person is breaking and the other is looking to move on. 

When I tell him that it's finally over for me, I mean it. I know that at some point he's going to try and come back again, because that's what he always does. He was never good with timing. And he's just going to be too late now. 

I might have taken him back before, but this time I'm walking away for good. And it feels good to detach myself from the mess that we were. And I'm never going to look back. Not now, and not ever. 

Losing him was hard. But Letting him break my heart time and time again, was harder. Honestly, I don't even know how I ever believed that he was good for me but I'm glad I was strong enough to walk away.

I don't blame him anymore. I don't hate him. I don't miss him or think about him from time to time. He's a ghost now. A memory that has played itself out in the back of my mind. 

Now that I know how sweet goodbyes can be, how important they really are, he's never going to get anything from me. Not anymore. 

We fall in love everyday, and sometimes we don't even think that we are until it's already done. Until our hearts have made up their minds. It sneaks up on you and suddenly, you're thinking about that person constantly. 

That's what you did to me you know? I don't know if you knew what you were doing, I don't know if you were planning on it or if it was only by mistake. I don't know if you had a million reasons or no reasons at all but I do know one thing for sure. 

I would rather cross the line with you than stare at the chance I didn't take for the rest of my life. And that's what you are. Just another chance. Another leap of faith. Just one more time that I let someone in, someone that I want to stay. 

So please believe me when I tell you that I'm not taking any of it less lightly. I never thought that it would go this far, that we would get this close. But here we are. 

I don't think that I could tell you the exact time and place when I looked at you and thought, oh well this is it. This is the person I want. I don't think that it happened slowly. I think that it happened all at once, I just wasn't paying too much attention. 

Because I know with guys like you, there's always a risk involved. There's always a chance that you could decide that you're not really sure about me. It happens all the time. There's a chance that you could decide that what you really want is to walk away. And I have no control over that. 

It's not because you're a bad guy, I know that sometimes it seems that way. But you come with a history. You come with baggage just like me. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm crazy about you. For so many different reasons but I think the most important one is that I know that I've let you close enough to hurt me. 

I know that I trust you, and to me, that means way more than "I want you" or "I need you" or even "I love you". Because without even trying, you broke through all the walls I've built up over time. Just one look from you and they all came crashing down. 

I'm not saying that I need you to read my mind, that I want to spend every waking moment with you, that I see forever with you because I don't. I'm just hoping that in the end, this all works out for the best. It might be a mistake to tell you, but I'm counting on you. 

To be careful with my heart. To take the time to get to know me, not just the person that stands beside you and smiles when you say something funny. I don't believe in second chances, not after all this time. And not after so many let downs. 

I don't want you to fix me because I know you can't. And I won't try and fix you because that damage was done long before I met you and it made you who you are. It made you the guy that I wanted to lean on. 

But when I say that I'm hoping and preying that you know what you're doing, that you know that you're already in too deep to walk away easily, I hope you know that I mean it. It's not everyday that people get into one another's lives and really belong there. 

But I think that this is different. I think that you are different. So, I want you to know that when I say I'm giving you my heart, this time it's real. And I just hope you don't break it. 

You love someone and you want them to love you back. And for a while, they do. But then, for some reason, it all falls apart. And in turn, so do we. 

More often than not, it has nothing to do with timing, even though we all use that as an excuse. It mostly has to do with one heart not wanting something the other one wants. And there's no fixing that. 

And that's what you did to me.You made me the weaker one, the smaller one. You turned me into everything that I never wanted to be. The girl who had to keep begging. The girl who walked around and waited and waited for you. 

I am so much better than that. It just took a little time for me to realize it. And it took a little more time for me to understand that just because you didn't want to love me back does not mean that I deserve to feel like I'm nothing. 

But I want you to know one very important thing. One day, my heart is going to stop needing you. In fact, one day my heart might even stop wanting you, which is more important than anything. Because it's about so much more than moving on, than finding something better, than learning to love yourself. 

What it's really about is giving your heart enough to recover. And that's what I've been trying to do and will continue to do.  

I don't want to be your friend, I don't want you to tell me how you're doing. Not because it would hurt too much but because by the time my heart has given up on the idea of you, so will I. 

I'm not going to want to make sure that you're doing ok because I already gave you my kindness. I know it's not going to happen overnight, and I know that it's going to take some time to get you out of my system. Mostly because I thought those imprints that you left were going to stay. When I thought about you, I only thought about forever. 

However long it takes, I know that when it does happen, when I don't grow weak at the knees from the sound of your voice or the way that you smile when you think that no one can see you, I know that it will all be for the best. 

Because I know deep down that no matter what you do, you'll always be searching for me in someone else. And you're never going to find that one thing that you crave. 

You could have had it all and now you have nothing. But you know something, for the first time, I don't feel sorry for you. I just want you to remember that when I walked away, you lost it all. 

So now, that's all that I have to leave you with. And sometime soon, it's going to be the one thing that you wish you could forget.