Author: Josie Griffith

We are all guilty of it. The walk of the shame. The one night stand. The friends with benfits. The list  goes on and on and there is  nothing worse than admitting to yourself the truth behind all of it: you want someone to come home to, not someone to go home with. 

Sure there is this idea of fun and being wild and free and having no commitment or attachments but most night, it gets old. Playing the game is only a good time if your heart is in it. 

Here are six reasons why causal sex leaves us feeling a little bit more alone than when we left the house.

1. Aftermath

The next morning, there is nothing. Maybe you remember his name, but you would like to forget it. And while it doesn’t happen all the time, there is still a chance of having to grab your shoes and sneak out the front door trying to not wake up his roommates, who passed out on the kitchen floor while you two were getting sloppy all over his bed. 

2. You’re Better Than That 

Weather you want to say it out loud or not, you needed to feel wanted and validated. You wanted some guy looking at your from across the bar to tell you that you were the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. But that doesn’t always transfer to the bedroom. Every time you sleep with a random, even if it doesn’t  end up being a regret, you still lose that feeling the next morning. You hang you head in shame because he was not as cute or funny or smart as you thought after a couple glasses of wine. 

3. It Doesn’t Give you Want you Wanted

We all to feel something when we’re getting freaky with someone. It could be anything. It doesn’t always have to be lust of affection. But we do want something to resonate with us. When it doesn’t we end up feeling cheap and used and more broken than we were before. 

4. The More You Know 

Sex should be about comfort! If you barley remember where you are, what his name is, how can you really get anything out of it? When you look at him, slumbering next to you and you can’t turn back over and fall back asleep, was it really worth it? 

5. That Thing Called Feelings 

If you met him on Tinder or at some house party you didn’t eve want to go to, you were attracted and into him for some reason or another. But the longing that it goes on without “anything serious” the more attached one or you or both will grow to one another. Who are you kidding? If you scared of commitment, don’t give out the vibe that you want to be involved. It helps no one. 

6. What Are You Going To Tell Your Friends

We all want to be in love. It’s a basic human emotion, even in the one up generation. But there is something to be said about explaining what you are with someone. You tell your friends your busy, but really your going to hang out with some guy you met two weeks ago, get drunk, and leave early in the morning to wash the regret off yourself. How can you explain that you guys get together but aren’t together? You deserve more and they know it!

Putting aside the clear lines between dating and hooking up, is it really worth it? After all the time that you spend developing your personality so that you have more to offer than a cute face, does it really make sense to throw that away on a guy who doesn’t care what you studied in school, what you want to do when you grow up, the basics?

Even if it feels good at the time, even if you tell yourself your fine with it, eventually it won’t be fine anymore and you will have no one to blame but yourself. 

You will always be worth more than a good time! 

How are you? Of course it has been some time since I last saw you. I think that I remember it more clearly than you but that sometimes happens. 

I wanted to start by thanking you. You gave up on me before you had the chance to get to know me. Because you thought it wouldn’t work out or that there was nothing left here but you were wrong.

You were wrong about a lot of things, but not wrong for leaving. You were right about one thing: it wouldn’t have worked out between us. You can blame it on circumstance or me or you but in reality, we just didn’t fit. And if you hadn’t walked out on me I would have never understood that not only could I do better but I was the best thing to ever happen you you. 

When I say that I don’t mean to come off as vain but really, you were just another boy. Another guy who I could and did replace so easily. Sure, for a while I blamed myself and then spent some time hating you but there is nothing left to say now, because I am over it.

Over the same and the pain that you caused when you said you could never love someone like me. Guess what? I don’t know what you were thinking, but you are the kind of person that no one could ever love because you don’t care about anyone by yourself. Being with you was a battle, over and over again and that’s the part I don’t miss. 

When I started dating after you, there was long time where I compared everyone to you. Tried to convince myself that you were the only one for me, that you held my heart. But what you held was a long history of trail and error and then more error. I thought that because you were frustrating, you were different and good. 

But you weren’t.

All you gave me was understand, you taught me a lesson. Just because it didn’t work out with you, just because you gave up that doesn’t mean that I gave up on myself. 

It took some time, but now when I think about you, I don’t look back and wish that I could have changed anything. I am were I am supposed to be and I hope that you are to.

I wish you all the happiness, though you don’t really deserve it.

I hope that one day, she walks out on you, the girl who you will fall in love you. I hope that you feel as much pain and heartbreak as I did and then I hope that you learn the same way that I did, just because you want someone, that doesn’t mean that they want you back.

For all of these things, I thank you. I have let go of all of that hate when I let go of your memory, when I let go of the idea of you loving me because you never really did. 

I hope that someday, you gain the ability that I know you have in your heart.  

Sincerely,

The Girl That’s Going to be Just Fine 

I know that you love me and that you tried your hardest to be there. Growing up I was your little girl for the most part. You did what most dads do, protected me, loved me. But even though you had the title, you left much to be desired. I used to hate you. But slowly as I got older and grew up and moved away, the hate turned into sadness. 

You weren’t there for my first kiss, my first heartbreak. You didn’t know what my favorite subject in school was or any of my friends name. You never taught me how to drive, you never learned about the way that I write or who my hero was. You were distant. There was so much space between your world and mine and because of that, you forgot how much I needed you. A void somewhere inside of me that you were supposed to fill.

Sending a check every month does not make you a dad, it makes you a good person. And you are. You are stable and responsible. You have a good heart and make decisions based on logic. 

But you still left. You left before I can remember. And our yearly visits become less and less important. Because I wasn’t five anymore. I didn’t need you and I didn’t trust you. You let me go and because of that, I’m not sure I can ever really forgive you. 

I still love you of course. But I have reached a point where I can tried to collect memories of you and it all comes to me in flashes and images, short and lacking detail. Because there is so much you still don’t know and maybe never will.

I wonder if when you wake up, you think of me. How I’m doing, the person I am becoming. The adult direction that my life is heading towards. I wonder if you miss me, if you wish you could go back in time the same way that I want to and change things. 

I don’t hate you. 

But I do wish that I knew you better. I wish that you talked more, called more. Even if there is nothing much to say, I still want  you to show an interest because I am growing up. I finished school and moved across the country and when we talk, I feel like you are mad at me for some unknown reason but I’m the one to which things are owed. 

I don’t want you to be forever only around during holidays and birthdays. I don’t want you to see me from a picture and think about all the things that you never even knew. I want to build a relationship with you again. And even though I barley trust you, I know that you are the way you are for a reason and I don’t blame you anymore for never coming back.

I know you didn’t leave on purpose, I know that circumstances and timing played a role. I understand all these things and still even time I bring you up, I have take a breath and tell myself that the word dad is a title that fits you. 

So dad, I just wanted to say that there is still enough time. There are things to make for yes. And not all of them will renewed. I an;t forgive you for everything. But most things, I’d be willing to let slide just so that you could know me. Know me in the way that I also wanted you to. 

I love you always. 

I know that the word love is big and based off of my than attraction and affection. In most cases it is rooted in common interest, in comfort, in honesty and truth. But let’s face it, love is just as hard to fall into as it is to let it go. And the worst part of it all is that there will always be people in your life that make you rethink the way you have been loving for years. 

So here are some things I should have said or done or told myself before I ran like hell. As far away from you as possible and told all of my friends that I never even liked you to begin with. 

You made me so mad. More than anything you were always best at picking fights. It could have been anything and everything and your bad day at work and my wanting to go out. But if there was something that you felt was wrong, you told me, loudly exactly how you felt. While this could have been a problem before this moment, at the time it seemed like everywhere I turned you were being dramatic or making some kind of scene so that you could be right and I could admit that I was wrong. 

I miss that. Because it’s not everyday that someone can challenge you in the ways that you did. And it’s not all the time that you can find it within yourself to keep fighting because it means that there is so much care and affection that it would be nearly impossible to throw your hands up and walk away.

You always wanted to stay in. Night after night. Your bed, a movie, something to eat and you were content. While I lounged around, embaressed to be doing nothing for the third time that week. I didn’t know then but now I have to come to understand that you did all those things because being with me was enough. If I had asked you to go out with my friends, you would have said no because you weren’t dating my friends. When you said that I laughed because it sounded like an excuse to have my body pressed against yours with the lights off. But in hindsight, I think that it was the biggest compliment I have ever received. 

You didn’t care enough to lie. You were a lot of things but you never lied to me. Not once about your past or what you did or how you felt in that exact moment. In this world I have learned that too many people distrust honesty and because they always lie, it is never really them that you are talking too. But you were different because while some of the things you said I hated, I still trusted every word. 

When you called me beautiful, I believed it. I felt it all the way through to my heart. Even though I knew I was yours, you made sure to tell me over and over again. I felt wanted and apreicated constantly. I wasn’t worried about other girls because you weren’t worried about other girls. 

More often than not you were sober. You didn’t have to be trashed to spend time with me, to sleep with me, to hold me at night. You did all those things with a clear head. 

You called me to ask me how my day was going. Out of the blue. And when I would hear your voice I couldn’t help but smile because I knew from the tone that you were smiling too. Talking to me, listening to me made you happy. And because of that I was happy. It was a full circle affect that I have yet to find in anyone else. 

And lastly, after such a short time of being together, the feelings are still there. More than a year has passed and I see you often enough. I make sure to make small talk. But underneath my plastered smile, I want to explain to you why it’s taken me this long to understand what you meant to me. But sadly, I say nothing and talk about the weather and your job and my job. And there is a calmness about thing but also a thick layer of disappointment. Because I understand now that I should have fought for you.

I should have told you that I didn’t want to give up, that i wanted to change what I could to have you again. I should have told you about the fire feeling that I got from the first moment that I meant you. 

And I should say than you. For teaching me that not every relationship can end with one person walking away, but sometimes, there is something so great and big that there is not enough room to carry it. 

You don’t know me. We didn’t go to the same school, we didn’t have common friends and besides the man that you will one day marry, we are nothing alike. We laugh differently, we wear different clothes, our eyes don’t share shades but I wanted to tell you a few things. Not about myself but more about the way that things were before he found you and left me for someone that fit around him better.

I am not angry. I am not shamed. I am happy that you make him happy because he deserves that and so much more. He is the best person I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and while I’m sure that you know how lucky you are, I just wanted to tell you once more. Please keep in mind that even though you are here forever, I was there first and that’s something that I hope does not bother you. 

He knows more about you than he will ever lead on. He loves for two thousand different reasons and you ignite something in his heart that I never could. I don’t want to make this about me and you but more about him. Because out of all the men I loved before him and all the men I will love after him, he is the furthest thing from replaceable. 

We shared a lot, him and I. We liked the same music and read the same books. Some nights when there was not enough time for sleep we would stay up and talk and talk and talk. That’s another thing about him, he never runs out of things to ay because his mind is full and beautiful. I hope that you always see that, that you never take it for granted.

Sure, we were together for a brief moment. A small and flickering piece of both of our lives. But I was there none the less and n0o matter how much he doesn’t mention me, I am a part of history and because of that, I always need you to know that I was just filling the spot were you were always destined to stand. 

I have grown since we last spoke. I can remember the tone in his voice when he is angry, which rarely happens. But when he does get upset just know that it is only because he is passionate. He has a wildness in his eyes that most of us lack or lose, whatever comes first. 

He’s smart. Never forget that. He does not need to reminded of this constantly but you will always keep him interested and cause him to change and move forward. That’s why he picked you. That’s why he is not settling but settling down because he knows that he as found a match. And even though I could not give that to him, I’m so glad that he has found that in you. 

I suppose what I am really trying to say is take care of him. For the both of us. Because your fate has been floating through the air for a while and you should not feel anything but joy when you see him. When he enters a room, look up and smile because he loves it. He loves the way that your hair catches in light and because he loves for you for your whole being, through and through and forever.

So please, whatever you do, just keep telling yourself that you won. That even though there were girls before you, there is no one after you. No matter what I gave to him or what he took from me, it all led to you in the end.

I am not jealous but more proud that someone as nearly perfect and irreplaceable as he is found someone like you. 

So be happy and be calm and be insanely connected and committed to him. He has chosen you over everyone else in the world. And for that there is no substitution.

Sincerely, 

The Girl You Will Never Meet  

We all know what love is supposed to feel like. Maybe it feels differently the second or third time around but we can all relate to not just the falling but the downfall as well. There is nothing like thinking about forever and then finding out that forever was a lot shorter than you ever imagined. 

It’s okay.

There is nothing to cry about, to be ashamed about. Love does not always give you the things that you give to it. And that can take time to get over, to understand. Lots of sleepless nights. Lots of wondering and questions and unanswered phone calls. But I’ll let you in one a secret: Let It Go. 

Sure it’s painful. Of course it isn’t that simple. Say it. Do it. That never works even though it sounds so good. But there is something to be said about the way that we all let go. Because believe it or not, we do. 

And more importantly, we can. 

Letting love go is one of the most unsettling and frustrating things in the world, but sometimes, you have to look out for yourself before anyone else. It happens. Take it as it comes. No more. No less. 

Weather you love is a person you’ve spent two months with or five years. Weather you know his family, his sister is your best friend. Weather Christmas will feel a whole lot less merry this year, it’s okay to let the love that you two shared go because that’s what happens. People fall in and out of love with an equal quickness. There is no point in holding onto something that has too many crack in the foundation. There was be another love. Another day. Another year. Yes the world will keep turning, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much you tell all your friends you simply cannot live without him.

You can. 

Just like you did before he came along. It’s all part of the world. The lovely, messy, messed up world we live. You have to let go of the old. o matter how comfortable you are with his hands and his smile and those perfect eyes you melt into. 

There is a certain point where enough is enough. And it becomes less about care and more about obligation. When you reach this point, as we all have within some point in our lives, just open your palms wide and let it all come lose.

The rest will always fall into place. 

And remember, you are not the first or last girl that knows what the release feels like.