September Is Pain Awareness Month And This Is What I’m Asking

September is a month to raise awareness about several different issues, each as important as the last.

One of the issues that September raises awareness for is Chronic Pain.

Why is it important to know about this issue? Because, according to John Hopkin’s nearly 100 million American’s suffer from chronic pain. John Hopkins site.

That is more than the people who suffer from diabetes, cancer, and heart disease- combined.

Think about that a second. We know how wide spread each of those diseases are. We can do the math to think of how it would be together, and then to think more people suffer from chronic pain.

We all have moments where we hurt. We all have moments where we’re uncomfortable. Now imagine that never going away.

That is some people’s reality. That is my reality.

I don’t know what it’s like to be pain free. I don’t know what it’s like to not hurt at least to some extent.

When I go to the doctor and they are asking me on a scale of 1-10 how bad the pain is, I have to ask them in general or a particular area?

Because yes, those are two different answers.

I have to think about which pain. That’s what is like sometimes to live in chronic pain.

You don’t know what it is like any more to feel normal. This uncomfortable, I hate wearing clothes, please don’t make me move, resting after a shower- that’s your new normal.

I am not severely over weight. I am not unhealthy really. I was just unfortunate enough to be hit head on one morning on my way to work.

Now I live with something that there is no cure to.

I live with something that doctors look at me like I’m a drug seeker before they read my chart, and after they do they want to know how I function.

I live in more pain than I ever knew was possible. That is my life. That is my struggle. And I am not alone.

There are millions of other Americans just like me. People who were living their life and then pain took over.

I am back working, part-time, but hey, it’s something. I am living my life still, even though I now do it in more pain than ever knew was possible.

There is no cure. There is barely any treatment. And the treatment, well it’s addictive.

There is no winning with chronic pain. You have to find a way to not let it control you. That’s all you can do. Do the best you can do.

That’s why we need to find a cure. That’s why we need to find other treatment options.

Treatment options that won’t make us addicts. Treatment options that don’t cause weight gain making our pain worse.

A cure would be ideal, and in a perfect world that would happen.

But I have learned we don’t live in a perfect world. That’s why it is my hope that you will join me in raising awareness for better, safer treatment options.

Everyone wants a cure, that’d be great. Instead, just give me something that helps.

What Color Is Love?

What color is love? More than that, what exactly determines love? Is it race? Or blood? Or is it none of those things, and something so simple we understand it as children but lose it as adult?

 

As adults we have so many skewed perceptions of what love should be, that complicate what love is. We make ourselves have types to fall for. We can’t love someone because of this or because of that, but the real question is why can’t you?

 

People are people. There are good people and bad people of any and all races. I have never thought that the color of someone’s skin determines love. Nor social status. Or much of anything really. I see people for who they are and I either love them for that, or I don’t.

 

I’ve always thought that race shouldn’t matter, but it wasn’t until I had a biracial niece and missed out on the first year of her life-because of a stupid boy- that I came to realize how much race really doesn’t matter.

 

If I Can’t Have Perfect, Then Perfectly Imperfect

Planning

I vividly remember laying in bed, and thinking, planning is the more accurate word, my life out, the night after I graduated high school. It wasn’t a plan I had just thought about that night, no it was one that I had thought about all junior and senior year. I thought about it every second until I left my parents house that summer to go to school.

I was set on what I was going to do- major in journalism, become a reporter, get married, have a family, live happily ever after. That was my plan and at 18, I knew that’s what I was going to do. Then, I went off to school, hated journalism. I hate it. I spent way to much time partying, and not near enough time hitting the books, and figuring out Part B of the plan, since Part A clearly wasn’t working.

 

I refused to give up on Part A.

I refused to seek other avenues, admit there were other options for me, even attempt to look at them, because I had been so set on journalism and that course since I was 18. And I started dating a boy, let him distract me even more. Because I was head over hills for him. And I let all/any of the first part of my plan, slip through my fingers, because I refused to acknowledge that there was a way to amend my perfect little plan.

 

 

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Helped Me Feel Beautiful Again

To The Guy Who Helped Me Feel Beautiful Again,

Let me start by saying thank you and not just for making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world; but for everything else you do to make feel like I could seriously take on a bear or rule the world. You make me feel like there are no limits to what I can do, I know there are but it is how you make me feel and I appreciate that.

 

I am pretty girl, I always have been. My entire life I was the pretty one and my sister was jealous of me. She wasn’t ugly by any means, but she was much smarter than me; I was jealous of her because I had to study my butt off.

 

What’s the saying God doesn’t give with both hands? Yeah. He gave just enough to both of us to make us jealous of the other. She was a straight A student with no studying. I was A, B student with a ton of it, so now apply the same logic with looks.

 

I never had any trouble with my skin. It was flawless, not a single scar, well up until a year ago that is.

 

 

20 Nicholas Sparks Quotes That Are Guaranteed To Give You All The Feels

Nicholas Sparks is best known for his incredible love stories — The Notebook, Dear John, The Longest Ride, all amazing, all written by him. Granted, I must admit, I’m a sucker for a good romance novel.

But it isn’t just the romance or the passion that draws me to his stories. It’s love.

Love is a huge part of our lives, in every sense. We love our significant others, our families, our friends, and some are even fortunate enough to love their jobs. even our love between friends. Love is the glue that binds us and holds our lives together.

Then it’s no surprise that writing about love, and the triumphs and tragedies that it brings into our life, leads him to write some of the truest words about life itself — that somehow, connect to our souls. 

Sparks has many memorable lines, like when Noah tells Allie that he wants all of her every day in the famous The Notebook scene, but what about some of his less famous lines, like the ones about life itself? The ones that speak such truth about what people go through on a regular basis, the trials, and tribulations, the ups and downs of this magnificent journey we call life.

It seems as if anyone can relate to Nicholas Sparks quotes, at least at some point in their life.

1. “People will tell you most of the story… and I’ve learned that the part they neglect to tell you is often the most important part. People hide the truth because they’re afraid.”
Safe Haven

2. “Don’t take my advice. Or anyone’s advice. Trust yourself. For good or for bad, happy or unhappy, it’s your life, and what you do with it has always been entirely up to you.”
The Best of Me

3. “When you chase a dream, you learn about yourself. You learn your capabilities and limitations, and the value of hard work and persistence.”
Three Weeks With My Brother

4. “In the blink of an eye, something happens by chance – when you least expect it – sets you on a course that you never planned, into a future you never imagined.”
The Lucky One

5. “I’m not sure anyone’s life turns out exactly the way they imagine. All we can do is to try to make the best of it. Even when it seems impossible.”
Safe Haven

6. “There are moments when mental overload can render words impossible.”
The Choice

7. “People want pretty much the same things. They wanted to be happy. Most young people seemed to think that those things lay somewhere in the future, while most older people believed they lay in the past.”
Nights in Rodanthe

8. What happens in the past, is in the past. But don’t be surprised if it comes back and haunts you.”
The Last Song

9. “You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
The Rescue

10. “When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them, it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.”
Dear John

11. “Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that.”
Message in a Bottle

12. “Life was messy. Always had been and always would be and that was just the way it was, so why bother complaining? You either did something about it or you didn’t, and then you lived with the choice you made.”
The Best of Me

13. “He often felt that too many people lived their lives acting and pretending, wearing masks and losing themselves in the process.”
The Choice

14. “Silence is pure and holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking.”
The Notebook

15. “It was just a normal day, a day like any other. But most of all it was a day in which everything was exactly the way it should be.”
The Choice

16. “I have faith that God will show you the answer. But you have to understand that sometimes it takes a while to be able to recognize what God wants you to do. That’s how it often is. God’s voice is usually nothing more than a whisper, and you have to listen very carefully to hear it. But other times, in those rarest of moments, the answer is obvious and rings as loud as a church bell.”
The Last Song

17. “Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it’s enough to break your heart.”
Three Weeks With My Brother

18. “Things changed, people changed, and the world went rolling along right outside the window.”
Message in a Bottle

19. “I’ve learned that we’re all entitled to have our secrets.”
The Notebook

20. “Maybe I don’t want to be defined by what I do. Maybe I’d like to be defined by what I am.”
Safe Haven

The Life of a Spoonie

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you've read or at the very least watched Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone/Sorcerer's Stone. If you haven't there is something wrong with you and you should run to your local book store and get it.

Now this may be because I am still a fan girl to this day or possibly because it's true, but today I came to realize that if you are spoonie, "you have a half life, a cursed life."

I should probably explain all of that. I'll start with the term spoonie, it is a term coined from "The Spoon Theory" developed by Christine Miserandino.

"The Spoon Theory" helps explain the struggle of having disabilities or chronic illness and the choices that have to be made when it comes to task that involve energy.

The quote of the 'half life, a cursed life'- that comes from Harry Potter. That's the line that the centaur in the movie tells Harry after Harry witnesses a hooded creature drinking the blood of a unicorn. 

The centaur tells Harry, that unicorn blood can save someone even if they are an inch from death, but it comes at a cost. If you kill something that pure, you have a half-life a cursed life.

Down in the dungeon when Harry comes face to face with Professor Quirrell, and there's a voice that comes from the back of Quirrell's head. The voice says 'let me speak to him', Quirrell's all 'master your not strong enough for this.'

Then it happens, then the voice says a line that all spoonie's can relate to- "I have strength enough for this."

It dawned on me today as I wrote thank you notes, and folded clothes, and took the dog out, and pick up the room, and then as I was doing dishes thinking about how badly I needed a shower and just couldn't because I was to tired- that I keep telling myself I have strength enough for this.

I watch myself as I fail to stay on top of laundry, and house keeping, and my husband never has a home cooked meal, because I can't. I only have so much energy.

I still like to think that I can do everything I could before I became mentally and physically disabled. The truth is I can't. I can only do so much, and thankfully my husband understands that.

My husband tells me to stop, to slow down, to not push myself so much because he knows I won't be able to even get out of bed for the next two days.

I have gotten better at ignoring that voice that tells me, "I have strength enough for this.",  because I don't. I have to pick and choose what I do, that way I have strength enough for what matters to me.

I may only have a half-life, and if that means that I'm a lousy housekeeper, then okay. I may have a cursed life in the sense I can't do everything, but I have blessed life because I make the choice to make the most out of my life.

And isn't that what life is about anyways? Making the most out of all we've been given.

From Childhood to Wedding Bands, I'm so Glad I Still Have You as My Bestie

People talk about their childhood best friend, their best friend in high school and even in college. They say this is their person. But very few have a person like I have in you.

We have dealt with distance, arguments, and anything and everything a friendship could possibly ever endure, and to top it off, we’ve been doing this since we were babies.

We played pretend and dressed up. Making believe you would be doing something in music traveling the world and living in New York. I was always somewhere down in the South somewhere being a wife and a mother.

Fast forward 20 years later, you’re living in the city and I’m getting married and moving to away. Seems like we always knew what was going to happen, even if the roads we traveled might not have been the smoothest, or most ideal.

The path we took, watched each other take, fought to come back from, and leaned on each other along the way- got us to exactly where we are now. Which is fulfilling our life long dreams.

Crazier still, we’re still together. Throughout everything life has thrown at us, our friendship is invincible. 

We go weeks, even months without speaking, and then when we do get a chance to get together or talk, it’s like nothing has ever changed. That’s just how we are. We understand we both have lives, but time doesn’t have an effect on us.

It blows my mind that we have been friends for so long. You know me better than I know myself, and I know you that well too. After all these years it’s almost a twin like thing the way our minds our synced. There’s really no explanation for it. 

When I told you I was getting married you replied, without missing a beat, and said “I’m assuming I’m going to be in your wedding,” 

Very few people have someone like that in their lives. I have the most amazing maid of honor. It is so much more than that though.

If you’re lucky in life you really will meet someone who is a true friend. A friend in every aspect. A friend like you and I have in each other.

Some people never have a friend like that and then to think I met mine when I was 18 months old, it’s insane.

You have seen me at worst, my best, and everything in between. You sat by deathbed, not knowing if I would live or die, and you’re going to be standing right beside me on my wedding day. 

I love you and I can’t believe after everything we have been through, both the good and bad, the person who knows me best will be standing right beside me as I say my vows. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, and I couldn’t be more thankful for my unbiological sister.

And I Have You To Thank For That

There are moments in time when the yin and yang in life is clearly seen. Moments when you can see why everything unfolded exactly the way it did.

I am marrying a man that the map of this life we live has lead me too. The map laid out in such a way that there is no denying he's the man for me.

My love life has been less than picture perfect to say the least. Every relationship I have ever been in has lasted for at least a year, if not longer, and I thought I would be married by 21.

I had two wonderful relationships before I found the one- one a puppy love high school romance, the second a serious, intense relationship where love ended up not being enough.

After that second relationship I started dating another guy. He wasn't my type. He wasn't anything I wanted, but he was there, and I was lonely.

He was controlling to say the least. One day he moved himself into my apartment without me really wanting him to. I knew I wasn't ready but I couldn't stop him, I was at my nephew's first birthday party.

I walked into my to my home and it was completely rearranged, and I felt like I just had to say okay, after all I didn't want to lose another guy.

And just like he moved in without my knowledge, or my consent for that matter, he moved himself out.

After a year of living together he moved himself out while I was at work, and proceeded to give me the key back and tell me if he had left anything to just throw it away.

While he and I were dating we associated with a group of people who I didn't particularly care for them, I did meet one person who would change everything for me.

That person was Lauren, a girl my age dealing with MS. I had just found out that I had fibromyalgia and that lead to us talking about anything and everything.

I thought maybe out of all of these people in the group. I found someone I actually liked. Turns out I did.

She and I started hanging out outside of the group. We would go to dinner and hang out and vent and talk and it was exactly what we both needed.

She knew how unhappy I was in my relationship and she kept telling me that I needed to meet her friend, Ray. She thought I would get along so well with him and she told me what an amazing friend and person he was.

Well one day I decide to just go and visit Lauren at work. We're sitting there gossiping back and forth and who walks in but Ray.

I thought it was a set-up. I thought she had texted him or something because it was to perfect to be an accident, but that's all it was. It was by happenstance that I met my husband.

My abusive ex, his group of friends I never liked, lead me to one person that changed everything for me. That person is best friends with both my husband to be and me. 

That person is going to be standing along side me as we say our vows in 2 months. That person changed everything and because of her and a random stroke of luck, I found the man that's my best friend and soon to be husband. 

On our wedding day, when we have our first child, on our 25th anniversary, I will look at Lauren and remind her that "I have you to thank for that."

To the 'Friends' Who Pretended Not to See My Ex's Abuse

Nobody expects the strong, fierce woman I am to cower before a man because I’m afraid he’s going to hit me, that I would put up with being treated the way that I am, even though they see it with their own eyes.

You’ve seen the bruises and you just dismiss it because you don’t see me as that type of girl. You can’t picture me staying with someone who would treat me less than I deserve because that’s not who she is.

Except for the fact that, that is exactly who I am. I am helplessly stuck in a situation for thousands of reasons and I can’t find a single person who is willing to speak up and tell me that they see me.

None of my friends or family acknowledge what I’m going through. All I need is for someone to tell me that what I’m going thru isn’t right, it isn’t normal, I deserve better and that no matter what they are there for me.

All I need is for someone to tell me that they believe me. That I’m not in this fight alone. But I don’t. Nobody says a word.

Nobody steps in to save me, making me feel even more isolated and alone- which is exactly what he wants because it increases his control over me.

I have to find the strength within me to leave him. It’s something I’ve thought about a million times and it’s something that the idea alone is enough to terrify me.

After I finally leave the abuse behind everyone pretends that they never saw the signs.

They say they would’ve never expected me of all people to be in an abusive relationship- even though the signs were all around.

We tell ourselves we didn’t know to silence that voice inside our head that kept nagging us to do something.

No more she’s not that girl because nobody is. Nobody seeks out wanting to be in an abusive relationship. It just happens.

And once it does, we don’t know what to do to leave. So step up. Ask questions. And if you think something is wrong, trust your gut.

Remember, nobody is that girl until they are. And then they need your help to leave.

You Aren't The Man Of My Dreams, You're Better

I waited for the day that I would wake up, roll over and kiss the love of my life. 

I was waiting for my knight in shining armor to show up one day and take me into his arms and whisk me away.

I was waiting for the man of my dreams. The man who was good to me, and deserved me. But never once did I dream of you.

See the man that I dreamed of looked different, had a college degree, and didn’t have tattoos all over him.

The man I thought that I would fall in love with, was never you. I never thought I would love someone like you.

A working man, who loves me more than I deserve, and who is obsessed with Hawaii and baseball.

A man who is perfect but talks way to much, and always wants to fix my problems.

A man who reminds me so much of my daddy sometimes that all I can do is laugh. 

And a man, who always manages to make me laugh, no matter how mad or upset, or whatever else I am.

I never pictured that man. But everyday, I am grateful that I have the best man in the world.

A man willing to sacrifice anything and everything to make my dreams come true.

I never pictured a man as perfect as you, because I never knew one existed.

I realize just how lucky I am to have you. You aren’t the man of my dreams, you’re better.

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