Dear Dad, estranged father,
One year, there was only one year you couldn't see me and that was when I was a year old, for reasons that will remain unknown to others.
grew up without a father going to my dance recitals, my soccer games(which i did oh so poorly in), and other activities I did in my childhood years. I had so many questions for you. Why didn't you come back? Did I do something? I could go on and on. I knew that I wanted to meet you at least once to get these answers that my young self wanted.
When I was 16 years old, you somehow found me. You wanted to pursue a relationship with me, and honestly, I was excited. I get to have my father in my life! Mom wanted us to meet halfway in a public place, which made sense. I mean it was going to be our first time meeting and she didn't know what you were capable of all these years later, even though you claimed that you have changed.
I don't remember how or why, but we somehow talked on the phone and you said something I never expected to hear. You wanted a paternity test. I knew that deep down inside, you knew I was yours, but a certain someone made you think otherwise. It hurt. I mean you want to pursue a relationship with me, yet you denied that I was your own flesh and blood.
In the end summer of 2015, when I was 19, you contacted me again. You jumped in head first, claiming that you loved me and that you'll be in my life, if I let you, You were trying to be father of the year. Honestly, I felt uncomfortable. I felt like you put so much pressure on me.. Having an estranged relative, especially parent, in someone's life again is huge and something that I believe that you have to take slow. Get to know me.
You expected me to message you first and got mad when I didn't. The thing is, you should've been the one making the effort. I mean, you were the one who missed out of 18 years of my life. Ask me about school, my plans for the future, my LIFE, anything, not just how i'm doing. I bet you don't even know my birthday. You were like this this through most of the fall.
Around Christmas time, you decided to send me those chain letters, that kids would send to each other back in middle school.."Send this to 10 friends you love and if you get 5 back you are loved!!" or "happy new year! Send this to 10 people within 10 minutes or else you'll get bad luck". You sent them every day. Every time I would get a notification saying that you messaged me, I was thinking, "Oh no, not again". Your daughter should not be annoyed every time her father contacts her.
I felt like I had to say something, so I did. You claimed that you were "trying" and hoped I would respond to the chain letters. Well, congratulations. I did, just not just in the way you hoped.
Within the next couple months to March of this year.you messaged here and there, You were showing me pictures from when you were in high school, and your other children, who you said were my "brothers and sisters". I will never consider them my siblings, even though they are by blood. I've never met them and probably never will. As far as you are concerned, I have one brother.
It was all about you, you never asked about me, which is a shame. Don't you want to know your own daughter?
There was other things that went down, that will not be mentioned. Regarding that, you need to realize that I am 19 almost 20 and that I can make my own decisions. I'm a grown woman and not the baby that left with my mom almost 2 decades ago.
My mom was right. You are selfish and only care about what benefits you. I wish I realized that sooner, but I was blinded by my desire for my father in life. You hurt both of us and honestly have no desire to have a relationship with you.
I've realized that I don't need you in my life. The few times you were only caused me a nuisance(and a major headache at some points). Not to toot my own horn, but I think I've grown up to be a decent person without you here. Besides, I have an amazing mom that has raised not just me, but my younger brother, and father figures that make up for your absence.
I hope for the sake of my "brothers and sisters", you don't treat them like you did me.
From,
Your "daughter"