An Open Letter to My Younger Cousin

Hey Cuz,

Coming from a small family, there wasn't really any kids, so when I found out that your mother was expecting, I couldn't help getting excited. I mean, there was going to be a new baby in the family! 

Even before you were born, I had all these ideas on things I wanted to do with you like going to the park to play, or to the spa to get our nails done, girly things.

Seeing you for the first time, and holding you in my arms was such a magical experience, I already felt a bond between us already, a bond that can't be broken.

I don't really see you as much as I would like, but watching you becoming a newborn, to a toddler to who you are today is amazing and I'm so glad I can witness this growth right before my eyes.

From when we do spend time together, I've realized how much of an impact I have on you. 

When I walk in the door, you get so excited and run into my arms, screaming my name. You always want to be with me and spend time with me, not caring about anyone else. It really makes me feel special and even loved.

You're like the younger sister I never had.

You are a ray of sunshine and I love you so much. I can't wait to continue watching you grow being the best person you can be.

Love,

Your "Sister/Cousin/Best friend"

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To My Future Child

For years, I had wondered about you. When will I become pregnant with you? Will you be a girl or a boy? Who will you look like more, me or your father?  Those are some of the many questions I have.

Regardless of these, I know that you will be a blessing in my life. Here's a few things I would like you to know, from future mother, to child. 

You will have a father in your life.

I'm going to make sure you have something that I didn't have growing up, an active father.I may have done fine without one, but I feel like it's important for you, my child, to have a mother and a father.

I would hope that throughout your life, him and I are still together,watching you grow up. 

When you're older, I want you to look back and say "Wow, I want a relationship like my them"

If that is not the case, and him and I are not together., I don't want that to affect the relationship you have with him. Just because I'm not with him, doesn't mean he can't be apart of your life.

I'm not perfect. 

I'm going to be new at this mom thing  and I'm human. With that being said, I'm going to make mistakes.

 I know some of them are going to cause you to be upset. 

Just know, that I'm trying to be the best mother I can be to you.

The last thing I want to happen is for you to be upset because of me, but sometimes, it's just unavoidable. 

You will be loved.

You will not be loved by just me and your father, but by your grandmother(who will spoil you to death), your uncle, your great grandparents and my friends. 

Those are just the people on my side. You'll have them, plus the people on your fathers side,  so don't you ever feel like you aren't loved or wanted because you are and always will be.

I will be there every step of the way.

From when you take your first steps, to when you get your first heartbreak and beyond, I will be there. There will be times where it will get tough for both of us, but you better know that I'm not going anywhere. 

I will support you no matter what

Whatever decisions you decide to make, I will support you and whatever you choose to do, even if I don't agree with it. 

If it turns that you are gay? Okay cool. You don't want to go to college? Well alright. I'm not going to look at you any different. You are my child, and as long as you are happy and healthy, that's all that matters. 

I love you so much, and I can't wait to see you come into this world, not just giving me, but everyone you know, pure joy and happiness. 

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5 Things I would tell my 14 Year Old Self.

Dear 14 Year Old Self,

You currently are an 8th grader going into high school soon. You always thought that it was going to be like how it was in those TV shows you used to watch. You assumed that you were going to go to parties, have all these friends, get good grades, and have a boyfriend.

You couldn't be more wrong.

From my years going through high school and into college, I've learned a lot. Here are a few things I've learned and that I wish you would know.

1. Don't Procrastinate. 

You've done this in the past, hell, you're doing it right now, but it only hurts you in the end. You'll be stressing out and not do your best work. With that being said, try to avoid doing everything last minute. There's going to be things distracting you from getting things done, but please ignore them. 

2. Don't Care About Other's Opinions

This is one of your biggest problems. You shouldn't care what people think about you, in the end, their opinions mean nothing.  I mean, why should you care? They don't pay your bills!

Wanna wear those shoes? Wear them! Wanna wear your hair down? Girl, do it! Show off your curls! You'll be much happier, and feel free.

3. Be Careful on Who You Trust

You will meet people that you think are your friends, but in reality are two faced and will stab you in the back.

I'm not gonna lie, it's not pretty. Be careful, and watch what you tell people, because you never know what they're going to do.

4. Be Patient.

Another one of your problems. You think all these things are going to happen right away. The truth is they're not going to, it's going to take time.

You have to relax. Remember, good things come to those who wait, and trust me, they have. 

5. Stay Strong. 

Within the next couple years, you're going to go through things that you've never expected to happen to you. Your family and your personal health will be affected. 

It's going to be hard, no denying that, but you need to stay strong, for them, and yourself. It's worth it at the end. 

Life is one hell of a ride. They'll be times where you just want to give up, but please don't. The pain, the crying, everything will be worth it in the end.

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To My (Internet) Best Friend

When I was younger, I was always told not to talk to strangers online. Yet, one of them turned into my best friend, you. 

It was about 4 years ago we started talking online because of a mutual friend. It seems like it was forever ago. You lived in Europe, while I lived in good ol' America.

With each conversation we had, we grew closer and closer.

 They ranged from my family(that adore you as much as you adore them), to random boys I had crushes on, to the artists we both liked(*cough* Justin Bieber *cough*). 

Sometimes I think you know me better than I do. You were there for me when I needed someone, time differences set aside, and I'm more than grateful for that. 

The first time I talked on the phone with you, is a moment I will never forget.. Finally! After years of talking, we got to hear each other's voices!

 I thought you had the cutest voice with your accent .You seemed to think otherwise.

I can't wait until the day, I see you standing before me. No more distance between us, no more time zones to worry about. 

Thank you for being there for me, even though you were thousands of miles away, when no one close to home was. 

An open letter to my estranged father

Dear Dad, estranged father,

One year, there was only one year you couldn't see me and that was when I was a year old, for reasons that will remain unknown to others.

 grew up without a father going to my dance recitals, my soccer games(which i did oh so poorly in), and other activities I did in my childhood years. I had so many questions for you. Why didn't you come back? Did I do something? I could go on and on. I knew that I wanted to meet you at least once to get these answers that my young self wanted. 

When I was 16 years old, you somehow found me. You wanted to pursue a relationship with me, and honestly, I was excited. I get to have my father in my life! Mom wanted us to meet halfway in a public place, which made sense. I mean it was going to be our first time meeting and she didn't know what you were capable of all these years later, even though you claimed that you have changed.

I don't remember how or why, but we somehow talked on the phone and you said something I never expected to hear. You wanted a paternity test. I knew that deep down inside, you knew I was yours, but a certain someone made you think otherwise. It hurt. I mean you want to pursue a relationship with me, yet you denied that I was your own flesh and blood. 

In the end summer of 2015, when I was 19, you contacted me again. You jumped in head first, claiming that you loved me and that you'll be in my life, if I let you, You were trying to be father of the year. Honestly, I felt uncomfortable. I felt like you put so much pressure on me.. Having an estranged relative, especially parent, in someone's life again is huge and something that I believe that you have to take slow. Get to know me. 

You expected me to message you first and got mad when I didn't. The thing is, you should've been the one making the effort. I mean, you were the one who missed out of 18 years of my life. Ask me about school, my plans for the future, my LIFE, anything, not just how i'm doing. I bet you don't even know my birthday. You were like this this through most of the fall. 

Around Christmas time, you decided to send me those chain letters, that kids would send to each other back in middle school.."Send this to 10 friends you love and if you get 5 back you are loved!!" or "happy new year! Send this to 10 people within 10 minutes or else you'll get bad luck". You sent them every day. Every time I would get a notification saying that you messaged me, I was thinking, "Oh no, not again". Your daughter should not be annoyed every time her father contacts her.

 I felt like I had to say something, so I did. You claimed that you were "trying" and hoped I would respond to the chain letters. Well, congratulations. I did, just not just in the way you hoped. 

Within the next couple months to March of this year.you messaged here and there, You were showing me pictures from when you were in high school, and your other children, who you said were my "brothers and sisters". I will never consider them my siblings, even though they are by blood. I've never met them and probably never will. As far as you are concerned, I have one brother.

 It was all about you, you never asked about me, which is a shame. Don't you want to know your own daughter?

There was other things that went down, that will not be mentioned. Regarding that, you need to realize that I am 19 almost 20 and that I can make my own decisions. I'm a grown woman and not the baby that left with my mom almost 2 decades ago.

My mom was right. You are selfish and only care about what benefits you. I wish I realized that sooner, but I was blinded by my desire for my father in life. You hurt both of us and honestly have no desire to have a relationship with you.

I've realized that I don't need you in my life. The few times you were only caused me a nuisance(and a major headache at some points). Not to toot my own horn, but I think I've grown up to be a decent person without you here. Besides, I have an amazing mom that has raised not just me, but my younger brother, and father figures that make up for your absence. 

I hope for the sake of my "brothers and sisters", you don't treat them like you did me. 

From,

Your "daughter"

9 Struggles of Being a Short Girl.

In life, there are many things about yourself you can change, your hair, your clothes, your attitude are among them. One thing you probably wish you could change? Your height. You can't help how short you are, and you've had many struggles. Here are a few.

1. Being told "Wow, you're so short!", when you tell someone your height.

 Really? I had no idea. Thank you for telling me this brand new information!!

2. You get called cute all the time

 I mean I was trying to look sexy, but alright.

3. You're used as an armrest 

I'm a human being, not a piece of furniture!

4. Wearing Maxi Skirts/Dresses. 

That's the thing, you can't wear them, it'll look like you're drowning in all that fabric. 

5. General Admission Concerts.

 You'll be swallowed in the sea of people and will just see the artist's shoes, if you're lucky. 

6. You can't reach the top of anything. 

You either have to climb on the edge of the shelves, have a mini ladder/stool with you at all times, or embarrassingly ask someone to help you.

7. Having your feet not touch the ground when you sit.

 You'll be able to swing your legs like you used to when you were a kid.

8. Wearing heels all the time just to be as tall as everyone else. 

You probably can't where them for long periods of time. I mean, those suckers hurt your feet! 

9. Trying to find pants that fit. 

You either have to buy them in petite(which not all stores have), or roll them up. 

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