Kady Turcol, Author at Pucker Mob

10 Crucial Questions to Ask Yourself Before Taking a Chance on Him

We all want to fall in love, it’s natural. But before you take the leap, make sure you know your partner well enough to be certain he’s truly the one you want.

1. What’s really going on with his exes?

No, I don’t mean stalk them on Facebook.

Listen to what he says about them when they come up in conversation. Are they all “crazy?” Are any of them trying to get in touch with you or, even worse, still calling him constantly?

If so, that’s a major red flag.

2. How hard is he trying?

Is he courting you? Making you feel special? Trying his best to make you smile? Or does he make you feel amazing one day and then blow you off the next?

It’s rare that someone is truly too busy to send a text, so if he starts throwing that excuse around before you’re even officially together there’s a good chance that things will only get worse.

3. Does he treat his mother well?

Does he respect her? Is he helpful and loving?

Any man who doesn’t respect his own mother, the woman who gave him life, is a man who’ll never respect you. If he blatantly disrespects his mama, get out asap and consider him a dodged bullet.

4. What’s he like when he’s angry?

Pay attention to how he acts towards you when he’s frustrated. Does he punch walls or break things? Does he stop talking to you for a few days?

The signs of abuse are always right there in front of your face, you just have to be willing to catch them. Make sure you’re on guard so you can spot them before it’s too late.

5. Do you agree on commitment?

Do his expectations meet yours? Be sure to discuss what you both want from the relationship so you can decide if you’ll be satisfied with it.

6. Is he able to deal with your busy schedule?

While it’s great to talk to each other and hang out often, don’t give up on your friends.

How does he respond when you’re busy? Does he blow your phone up constantly? Clingy men tend to also be very jealous and that’s not something you have time for.

7. What does his big picture look like?

Find out what his goals are, both in life and in a relationship. Does he want kids? Is he still holding on to those childhood dreams of being an astronaut despite not putting any effort into learning how?

Sometimes you fall in love with a guy who doesn’t have much and that’s totally okay. But don’t allow yourself, the ambitious go-getter, to settle for someone with no determination. It’ll only cause problems.

8. Is he willing to work to be involved in your life?

Make sure he asks you how you’re feeling and what you need. If he doesn’t care enough to do it now, he’s not going to bother down the road.

Look at how he reacts after you tell him something that’s going wrong. If he makes an honest attempt to help, that’s a great sign. If he doesn’t? Well, at least you found out sooner rather than later.

**9. Are you two actually compatible or is there just a spark?**

If you’re constantly clashing over the smallest things, don’t try to push a commitment. Who wants to be stuck in a relationship full of arguments?

Observe how the two of you work together. If it feels anything but easy, which it should be in the beginning, walk away before you get in too deep.

Any relationship that starts off rough is likely to end up even worse.

10. Is he a liar?

If you start catching him in lies already, don’t waste your time. Save yourself the heartache.

You are beautiful and amazing. If this guy is truly the one for you that’s fantastic, but it’s not the end of the world if he isn’t. Don’t try to find a relationship just for the sake of having one.

Love yourself enough to be picky; you have that right.

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8 New Years Resolutions For The Big-Hearted Overthinker

This New Years Resolutions post was originally published in 2016 and the meaning is so true, especially for this year. So we updated it out of gratitude and thanks to the writer. Enjoy!

Everyone always makes New Years resolutions each year, and few ever actually follow through with them. For over thinkers who have big hearts, we rarely have time in our busy lives to work on ourselves, but remember, when you’re in a plane crash, the first person you need to put the mask on is yourself. You can’t help others if you’re injured. This year, try these 8 things.

1. Practicing self-care.

You’re always so busy putting everyone else first that you forget to take care of yourself. Take some time to decompress, reflect on things, and relax. You deserve it.

2. Accepting life for what it is.

You are constantly searching for reasons behind everything. Unfortunately, sometimes life just sucks. There’s not always an answer or a solution. It’s important to understand that some things are best left alone while you wait for better things to come along.

3. Ridding yourself of toxic people.

Sometimes no matter how much you love people, they’re not meant to be in your life. People can be brought into your life to teach you a lesson, but aren’t meant to actually stay. Don’t break your own heart by keeping people in your life who don’t deserve to be there.

4. Do something spontaneous

You overthink everything, rarely ever doing anything without thinking it through first. Let loose, think of something fun and just do it. Don’t think twice. Thank me later 😉

5. Be proud of who you are.

We are all human and there is always room for improvement, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not something to be proud of. You are a work in progress and you are beautiful in all of your imperfections. You are one of a kind. Embrace it, love it, take pride in it!

6. Learn how to set healthy boundaries.

You have such a big heart, and because of that, some people will suck you dry. You don’t have to take on more than you can handle, it’s okay to say no! And remember, no is a complete sentence, it requires no explanation.

7. Develop an optimistic thought process.

Once you start to think more positive, your days will become brighter. There is always a positive for every negative. Work on trying to draw on that. Wake up everyday and tell yourself “today will be a good day.” You’d be surprised how far that kind of mindset can take you.

8. Become a little less reactive.

Every action does not deserve a reaction. Sometimes your silence can speak a thousand words; not everyone deserves to get a rise out of you. Choose your battles, learn when to hold your tongue and when it’s necessary to speak your mind.

2021 can be an amazing, life changing year for you if you let it be. Change takes time, so if you can’t get it down one day, try again the next. You can become a healthier, happier you. And I have faith that you will.

If You Miss The Girl You Used To Be, Read This

Everything used to be so easy. Loving, trusting, letting go, being strong. You were such a happy person, who never let anything steal your shine. You look back now and wonder what changed. Why is everything that used to come naturally so hard now? Someone you took pride in being happy.

You had your heart broken.

Some asshole came along and loved you just long enough to reel you in, and then let you go.

Your pride took such a hard hit, you’ve been struggling to make a comeback. Now you’re skeptical of everything, you don’t know who you can trust.

You’re scared to love, scared to give your all, busy building those walls up as high as you can to protect your heart. You focus so much now on becoming the person that you “used to be,” that you don’t even realize that you still are that person.

You’re still strong.

Your heart, though it now has scars, is nothing less than precious.

Though you wish you never allowed him to hurt you, it was actually a blessing in disguise.

Pain, it comes to us in the worst of ways, but it builds our character. It feels like it’s making you weak, but in reality, it’s making you stronger.

These situations come along to teach us a lesson, to show us that no matter what life throws at us, we can handle it.

And you do.

You learn that people treat you the way that you allow them to treat you. You learn the way that sometimes you will come across shitty people, and because of this, you are able to detect a red flag from a mile away.

You learn to use the hurt, the pain, and the heartbreak to become a better person.

You learn that your history does not define you and that you can handle anything and still come out on top.

You are still beautiful, still smart, still amazing.

The person that you “used to be” no longer exists, and that’s a good thing.

You are where you are for a reason. And like a plant, just a seed, to begin with, you needed both the sunshine and the rain in order to blossom into the beautiful, unique, colorful, flower that you are.

Spend less time focusing on who you used to be and spend more time living.

You have plenty more to grow.

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To My High School Besties, You’ll Always Be a Part of Me

“High School changes people. Some for the better some for the worst but if one thing is true; you find out who your real friends are.”

High School will always be a crucial, important part of my life, especially because of the amazing friendships I was lucky enough to find in all of you. I still remember how naive, awkward we were, trying to find ourselves and define our identities.

We were young and our hearts were full of dreams. Your friendship made my high school years unforgettable and that’s why you will always be a part of me.

High School years are confusing and tough for young girls but I’m lucky to say that they were fulfilling years thanks to you guys. We went through our ups and downs together. We were always there for each other, being loyal, understanding and supportive. When we felt like the world was against us, we knew we could find comfort in our friendship.

We enjoyed every moment; from the hours we spent gossiping and talking about our dreams to all our boy drama. We experienced our first heartaches together, and being there for each other made a lot of our first experiences with love more bearable.

It’s impossible to forget all the moments that we shared laughing until our stomachs hurt and then a bit more. Even the times that we fought with each other for stupid things, like that time we gave each other the silent treatment for a few hours – We could never be mad at each other for too long because our friendship was stronger than our immaturity.

The amazing memories that we built together made us who we are today and I’m so grateful that we found each other so young, in a moment in our lives where we truly needed it. Thanks to all of you I always remember our high school years with a smile on my face.

Back then we felt like we had our whole lives ahead of us and in a way we did. We used to dream big and couldn’t wait to be adults to take over the world. We always said that we would stay in touch no matter where I lives would take us. For the most part we’ve stay connected, adulting can be hard on friendships especially when we’re miles apart.

Our high school years are far gone but I’m grateful that we’ve made an effort to keep our friendship in our hearts.

11 Types of Friendships Every 20-Something Knows Too Well

Urban Dictionary defines 'friends' as, “People who make you laugh till you pee your pants. When you don’t have enough money to get an ice cream, they chip in… Someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.” In a perfect life, all of our friends would fit that description, but we know all too well that isn’t always the case. Throughout our lives, we come across so many different people and make such different types of friends that we begin to see patterns. These are the 11 types of friendships every twenty something knows all too well.

1. The Backstabbing Biotch

This is the type of friendship that starts off strong… too strong. You hang out often and trust her with your life and then one day she does some shady shit leaving you hurt, pissed and confused. She’s a conniving hoe in disguise, so watch out.

2. The Social Climbing User

This friend acts like they care about you, that they cherish your friendship and want to be besties for life. But in reality, she only needs you for the time being. You’re just another step on her social climbing ladder. She’ll call you if she needs you, but only when you’re beneficial to her grand scheme. Girl, bye.

3. The Big Mouth

At first, this friendship is so entertaining. They always have the hottest gossip to tell you and there’s never a dull moment. They're always asking you about what's going on in your life and acting like they care, they make you feel important and interesting. Until you start hearing your own personal shit come back around and realize there’s only one culprit: the big mouthed bitch you confided in.

4. The Hoe Bag

She seems fun as hell at first, but then she gets annoying. This type of friend is always trying to hang out with guys and gets irritated when you're not feeling it. A part of you doesn't even feel right bringing her around your guy because you never know what she might try. Hell, you can't even go out with her when you're not single because she's always pushing you to do some hoe shit with her.

5. The Part-Time Friend

This “friend” only comes around when it's convenient for them. They always have an excuse as to why they bullshitted you or why they can't do something they said they would. They have a good heart, but not a very committed one. And believe me, it gets old after awhile. You'll eventually cut them off and they'll act confused but in the long run, they’ll just go be a part-time friend elsewhere.

6. The Party Friend

She's always ready to take you out and show you a good time. From going to a bar to throwing her own house party, she’s always down to drink. Going through a bad break up? Call her ASAP. She’s great to have around, but once she’s found someone new to party with, she’ll cut you out like you never even existed.

7. The Work Wifey

You know when you wake up dreading having to go to work, then you walk in and she's standing there ready to help you laugh your way through the day. She's the shit and makes your day go by fast. But once one of you quits, the friendship just falls apart cause at the end of the day the only thing you really had in common was work.

8. The Overly Possessive Friend

This is the one that's clingy as hell and annoyingly jealous. Always questioning you about who you were talking to and about what and who you’re hanging out with and why. They want to be the center of your world and if that position shifts, they get mad. And god forbid you don't reply fast enough, you’ll have hell to pay. Kinda crazy if ya ask me.

9. The Best Friend Turned Ex-Friend

There's always that one friend who you thought would stick around forever. The one person you’ve been through so much with and then she turns around and finds a way to betray your trust. And not in a little way, in a there's-no-coming-back-from-that way.

10. The "I'm In a Relationship Now, So I Ditched All My Friends," Friend

This friend is always around, is a ton of fun, then gets a boyfriend and disappears. You’ll call, you’ll text, but you only ever see her when she’s with her boyfriend. But heads up, when they break up, you’ll start hearing from her again. *eye roll*

11. The Forever Friend

Out of all the friends, this is the one to hold onto. She has been there for you through the best of times and the worst of times. She's given you nothing but loyalty and honesty since day one. Yes, you've had ups and downs, but she's your ride or die and nothing will ever change that.

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11 Things to Know Before Dating The Girl Who's Perpetually Hungry AF

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. If that's true, you're in luck. This girl loves to eat and you, my friend, will never have to worry about being hungry because 9 times out of 10, she's been planning her next meal since she ate her last one. But before you start dating the girl who loves to eat, keep in mind…

1. If she says she's having a bad day, tacos will never make it worse.

2. If you're short on time, don't ask her what she wants to eat unless you want to go back and forth for an hour. What do you want to eat? I don't know, what do you want to eat? Have takeout ready for her.

3. She will emotionally eat. She will eat when she's mad, she will eat when she's sad. She will eat when she's having a good day and when her day hasn't been so great. Pretty much whatever mood she's in, food always helps.

4. Breakfast for dinner is always an option… and I mean the whole display. Pancakes, eggs, meats, potatoes, etc.

5. If she's mad at you, break out the surprises. And I certainly do not mean flowers. Chocolate covered strawberries? Thank you.

6. Going out to eat? Hope you set aside a lot of time, it's going to take her forever to order. So many choices and everything looks so good. Oh and I hope you just got paid because yes she wants the appetizer, the entree and the dessert.

7. Netflix and chill? Don't you dare forget the snacks. Yes, plural – a girl needs variety.

8. No need to ask if she's hungry, she is.

9. Hangry is a thing. Make sure she eats if you don't want to see the beast.

10. Good luck on saving money, and don't even think about asking her where her money went. Her stomach, duh.

11. And don't even consider questioning her about how much she eats. You're damn right she's going to eat all that… and some of yours, too.

You see, dating the girl who's perpetually hungry AF is a breeze, just don't forget the pizza please.

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14 Times Ian and Mikey AKA Gallavich Literally Gave Us the Chills

After the season finale, we were all left to wonder what the hell is going to happen to Ian and Mickey. The Gallavich relationship literally changed love as I knew it. And the evolution of Mickey has been something so beautiful to watch. These two deserve a happy ending, damn it.

M: Who gives a shit about everyone else. What fucking difference does it make if I lie to them?
I: Because… you’re not free.
M: Ian, what you and I have makes me free.

M: Hey, excuse me! Can I get everybody’s attention, please? I just want everybody here to know I’m fucking gay. Big ol’ mo.’ Just thought everybody should know that. *looks over at Ian* You happy now?

M: This really where you wanna spend your day off?
I: You’re here.

I: Just wondering if we’re a couple or not.
M: Of course we are.

F: He might have to be hospitalized.
M: What do you mean? Like a psych ward? No fuckin’ way. No fuckin’ way! He’s staying here.
F: He could end up suicidal.
M: Then we hide the knives until he perks up. I can take care of him, okay? Let me take care of him until he’s better.
F: It can be weeks. It’s mood swings, okay? It’s almost impossible to handle.
M: Don’t fuckin’ tell me what’s impossible! We’re taking care of him here. You, me, us. He’s fuckin’ family.

M: He’s not going to some fuckin’ nut house, you hear me? He stays here. He’s staying with me.

I: You don’t owe me anything.
M: I love you.
I: What the hell does that even mean?
M: It means we take care of each other.

I: I don’t want you sitting around worrying, watching me, waiting for me to do my next crazy shit.
M: It means thick and thin. Good times, bad times, sickness, health, all that shit.

M: This is you breaking up with me?
I: Yeah.
M: Really? Fuck.

M: What are you hoping I tell you not to go? Ima chase after you like some bitch?
I: I didn’t come here for you.
*Mickey chokes up*
M: Don’t.
I: Don’t what?
M: Just… *starts to cry*

I: Gallagher’s spelled with two L’s.
M: No it’s fucking not. *laughs* Been thinking about you. You ever think of me? You gonna wait for me?

M: Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to man. Eight years is a long time.
I: Yeah. Yeah, Mickey, I’ll wait.

M: You should come.
I: Come with you to Mexico?
M: Thought a lot about you inside. You’re under my skin man, the fuck can I do?

M: What’s the matter with you? Let’s go.
I: I can’t.
M: You can. Get behind the wheel, drive the damn car. Hey, we’re one step from the finish line.
*Ian tries to hand Mickey money*
M: What the fuck is that? I don’t want your fucking money. I want you to come with me. Don’t do this.
I: I love you.
M: Then get in the fucking car.
I: I’m sorry.
M: That’s it, huh? Fuck you, Gallagher.

I could literally go on forever.

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Dear Heroin, Please Give Him Back To Me

I keep him grounded, but you are his kryptonite. To him, you are beautiful, but, I am only ordinary. I cannot compare, and believe me, I have tried.

The way that you melt with the fire ignited by only his touch, it makes it hard for him to stay away.

You are risky, daring, enticing. Me? I’m cautious, careful, and unwilling to take risks that are too costly for my future.

He’s escaped you before, but you always find a way to creep back in, slithering like a snake right before our eyes.

He knows you’re dangerous, but you’ve gotten inside of his head; poisoned his brain and twisted his thoughts.

I know that you can snatch him away from me at any time, just as you’ve done before. But you are toxic to him. A soul who is beautiful and genuine and pure – you shower with darkness.

A mind who is thoughtful, caring and selfless – you fill with lies and manipulation. You tell him that he needs you to survive, that no one can love him like you can.

Eyes that once were filled with wonder, that shined so bright, will become blinded – lifeless.

You take his money, every last penny without giving a damn about his responsibilities. A house that was once filled with luxurious things will slowly, but surely, become empty.

You fill his head with empty promises that will never come true. “We’ll be fine,” “you don’t need them,” “they don’t really care about you.”

You will turn him away from his friends, his family, his soulmate. You will turn him away from love; darkening his soul with each minute you spend with him.

You tell him that I am the enemy. That I do not truly know what’s best for you, that I’m just trying to ruin his fun.

And even though deep down, he knows these words are untrue, he will listen.

He does not belong to you. He is smart and amazing and deserving of a life filled with all of the finest things. You do nothing but hurt him; leaving behind bruises, scars, depression, loneliness.

You deprive him of all the good things in life, making him feel isolated and alone so that he has no one to turn to but you.

But I know your twisted games, I’ve seen this before. I know he loves me, but you have taken over his brain with your sick, twisted disease.

And I know you don’t care, so I am asking you, just this once – to please try to have a conscience. Please try to show him that there is more to life. Please try to let go of him before it is too late. Please set him free.

You’ve had your time with him, but now it is our time.

Please give me back the love of my life.

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Despite Everything, I Still Can't Find It in Me to Hate You

After everything you’ve done to me, I still can’t bring myself to hate you. But God, I wish I could. You deserve it. Unfortunately, I just can’t.

But if I could, I swear I would hate you for pretending to give a shit about me.

For painting me a beautiful, brightly colored sky, only to turn around and splatter sad colors of gray and black all over what used to be the most amazing piece of art I’d ever seen.

I’d hate you for gently giving me a handful of diamonds- affection, surprises, thoughtfulness, trustworthiness, genuineness, only to snatch them away the second I blinked my eyes.

I would hate you for giving me a box full of pain and convincing me that it was love. I’d hate you for manipulating me into believing that this is it, that the idea of love I had in my head was fake; that it never actually happens like that.

I would hate you for every time you ignored me when I cried out for reassurance. For making me question my self-worth, why I’m not good enough.

I would hate you for all of the times you made me feel low. For all the time I spent looking at other girls. Their hair, their face, their bodies, just wondering… If I looked like them, maybe you could love me better.

For ever believing it must be my flaws that are incapable of being loved.

I would hate you for all of the times you held me back from greater things. Because I was so worried about what you would think, how you would feel, I kept myself inside of a box, thinking if you can’t shine, why should I?

I would hate you for all of the times you said I was just too needy, too crazy, too clingy. And all of the times that I actually believed you.

I would hate you for ever pointing those beautiful, addictive eyes in my direction, making it impossible for me to say no; for me to just walk away.

I would hate you for the times that you laughed with me, you listened to me, and you pretended like I was all you ever wanted.

I would hate you for never realizing that what you were doing was wrong and that I did not deserve the heartbreak that you were continuously dishing out.

If I could, I would hate you for allowing me to pour everything I had into you, even if that meant giving away pieces of myself that I desperately needed. I’d hate you for being so quick to take and so slow to hand back. I’d hate you even more for walking away when I had nothing left to give.

I would hate you for walking into my life and turning it upside down. I’d hate you for changing the way that I feel about love and for showing me that it is not a beautiful thing, it is a scary thing.

And above all else, if only I could, I would hate you for making me love you.

But that would mean that I, too, have a cold heart full of bitterness. That would mean that I, too, would be capable of an emotion so dark, so cruel, so demeaning.

If only I could hate you, that would mean that I, too, am just like you.

And that is something I will never be…

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If You Opened Your Eyes, You Could See She's Terrified

You tell her you’re not a mind reader, that it’s not your fault. Because how are you supposed to know that something’s wrong if she doesn’t tell you?

But if you only took the time out to pay attention, you could see the sadness in her eyes when you ask if she’s okay. You could see the welling of the tears, as she pushes them back so they don’t drip down her face.

If you only listened a little harder, you could hear the desperation in her voice when she tells you she needs more. She needs you to show her you care, to take that extra step. To remind her that you’re willing to fight for her, for everything you have together.

If you only looked a little deeper, you could see the emptiness in her glare, as feelings of never being good enough rush over her when you look into her eyes. You would see the hundreds of scenarios flashing through her mind like lightning in a vicious storm; the fears of you, too, seeing the same flaws that she obsesses over, and leaving because they’re just too much to handle.

If you just paid a little more attention, you would feel the beating of her heart; it races when you’re near, as her mind tells her that something isn’t right. You’ll never stay.

If you just paid attention, you could feel the hesitance in her touch, as she pulls back to prepare herself for what is to come. As she prepares herself for the day that you find someone better.

If you only listened a little harder, you could hear the shakiness when she speaks those three beautiful words, I love you. As she’s scared to keep giving such large pieces of herself to people who don’t cherish them; to people who give her their love, then take it away.

If you only paid attention, you could hear the raging of the silence, as her thoughts take over in the darkness of the night.

If you only paid attention, you could see the pain. You could see the emotions, as they squeeze her vocal chords, choking her just enough to send a warning. So she does not speak for the fear of rejection, the fear of judgment, the fear of misunderstanding.

If you only paid attention, you could see that she’s crying out for you. Dying for you to pull her close and tell her everything’s going to be okay. She is screaming for your affection, your reassurance, your love.

If you just paid attention, you could see that she has been hurt, but she needs you. You could see past the “I’m fine” and the “It’s okay.” You could see that she… she’s afraid.