Karis Rogerson, Author at Pucker Mob

20 Things You Know When You're Competitive as Fuck

1. Life isn’t technically a competition

Only because most people don’t really care what you do.

2. But that doesn’t keep you from treating it like one

So what if the Joneses don’t care what you do? You’re still going to destroy them with one hell of a victory when all is said and done.

3. There’s no such thing as a prize for participation

Who even thought this one up?

4. Because you’re either a winner or you’re not

"Loser” isn’t a nice word, but let’s be real…if you’re not a winner, you’re probably a loser.

5. Your friends and family are your biggest fans…

They’ll cheer you on and build you up.

6. …And your biggest competitors

It doesn’t matter if you’re in the same race or not, you still want to beat them.

7. But if you compete too hard, you might lose them

So maybe you don’t always need to vocalize whether you’re winning or losing.

8. It’s important to celebrate others’ successes

Because a win for them doesn’t equal a loss for you (even when it feels like it!)

9. And mourn their losses

Because nobody likes losing, even non-competitive people.

10. And try to make friends along the way

Teamwork makes the dream work, after all.

11. When everything is a competition, it’s hard not to take things personally

You know you’d have a hard time faking that congratulatory smile when the Oscar goes to someone else.

12. But it’s important to remember that most things aren’t

Just because some else is good doesn’t mean you’re not.

13. Competition is the worst part of life…

When you let it get to your head.

14. …And the best part of life

Because winning is still the best feeling, am I right?

15. You know you can’t really be the best at everything

Because you’re human and, therefore, fallible (sorry).

16. But you’re still going to try

The fastest way to lose is not to try at all.

17. You’ll beat yourself up when you fail

But you’ve got to stop this.

18. And you might be hard to handle when you win

Even though they say joy is infectious.

19. But your friends will be by your side

Because they’ve got your back no matter what.

20. And in the end, you kind of win just by living

Cause there’s a lot of forces out there trying to defeat us humans, and every day you survive is a day you win.

And When I Forgive You, it's For Me

It’s not because I think what you did was right; you were so wrong.

It’s not because you didn’t hurt me; you really did.

It’s not because I’m over the pain; I still cry when I think of you.

It’s not because I think you’re sorry; I’m pretty sure you still think you’re right and I’m the bully.

It’s not because I want to restore a relationship; I’d really rather claw my eyeballs out.

It’s not because you deserve it; you don’t.

It’s because I need to be free.

You haunt me, like I’ve never been haunted before. I think about you more than I think about the first boy to break my heart, more than I think about the friends who’ve left me, more than I think about my childhood shames.

When I think I’m happy, when I think I’m finally free and ready to move on, you come to me in a nightmare or a daydream. I see you walking into my school, my work, my church, my home, see you smile and feel myself crumble.

I get chills and my stomach flips and instantly I’m a scared teenager thinking she should die for everyone’s good. Thinking no one will ever love me. Thinking I don’t even deserve to be loved.

You hurt me, really hurt me. I trusted you and you betrayed that trust by treating me like crap, by trampling on me and tearing me down and calling me a monster.

You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to love me like I was your own daughter. You were supposed to take care of me and make sure no one ever hurt me.

Instead, every word was a whip, every compliment a slap, every smile a lie.

I still ask myself why you chose me, what I did wrong, how I could have changed things, if I would have the scars I have if not for you.

I’m not free.

I’m trapped in an endless cycle of fear, anger, bitterness and self-hate.

The worst part is, I know what will set me free. I know how to move on, how to stop seeing your ghost and learn to smile.

I need to forgive you. I need to let you go. I need to take your memory and erase it from my mind and stop thinking about you. I need to stop hating you and just stop caring at all. I need to get to the place where if I saw you on the street I wouldn’t cry or scream or punch you, but would just keep walking.

I don’t need to smile at you, be your friend or say you weren’t wrong. I just need to forgive you.

I’m not there yet. I’m not ready to forgive you, because I’m still reeling from your attacks.

And just so you know: when I do forgive you, it’s not for you. It’s for me.

What to Expect when Dating the Girl who's Never Dated

That girl is pretty, funny, sweet, smart. She’s elegant or beautifully clumsy, demure or outspoken, just the right size and shape. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted. You want to date that girl. You want to wine her and dine her and sweep her off her feet.

The only thing is — she’s never experienced that before. She’s been hit on by creeps on the street (or Tinder), she’s been used for her body and treated like crap. Or, she’s been ignored, turned into heartbroken wallpaper, had unrequited crush after unrequited crush. Or, she’s never been interested in more than a fling, hasn’t gone to dinner and a movie or a romantic hike or just spent all day in bed, cuddling.

She hasn’t dated.

You want to date her.

What do you need to know?

She might not know how to respond

Once you gather up the courage to go up and ask her out, in the most charming and gentlemanly manner of course, you’re expecting big things. Fireworks, maybe. At the very least, a huge smile and an enthusiastic nod of the head.

But maybe, instead, she laughs nervously. Or asks, “Are you serious?” Or takes a few steps backward and then runs away. Or says “yes” but like a question.

You’re a little underwhelmed. Don’t be. It’s not that she doesn’t like you; it’s just that she hasn’t been asked out in a long time (or ever) and, frankly, she’s a little confused as to what the rules are these days. How is she supposed to react to this question?

On the first date, she might not know what to talk about

First dates, from what I’m told, can be awkward. There’s a lot of information you want to learn, but you also can’t turn it into a job interview because that’s neither sexy nor romantic.

If she’s never been on a date but she’s living in the 21^st century, chances are she’s gotten a lot of information about what you “should” talk about on said first date, but much of that information is contradictory. So there might be some awkward moments where she doesn’t know what to say or where to look or what to do with her hands. Accept it. It’s cool. It’s just the way of the world.

Once you’re dating, she probably won’t make you her world

She might. But if she’s lived a nice long life without a boyfriend, there’s a good chance she’s got her own life — her own hobbies, leisure activities, favorite songs and bands and movies. And of course part of dating is sharing and she’ll have to learn to share with you, but you shouldn’t expect to be her everything. Just because she hasn’t dated doesn’t mean her life has been lacking in anything and she’s not necessarily going to be aching to make up for it. She loves you, but her world doesn’t revolve around you — and that’s healthy.

If she does make you her world, it might be overwhelming

This is only true if she’s basically the opposite of the one above. But maybe, while having her own life, she’s always longed for love. And maybe in the beginning you’ll feel a little suffocated. Give her some time.

She’s never dated, remember that. So she might just be excited or scared of losing you and she’s trying to hold on tight. Patience (and communication) is the way to go.

But here’s the thing — she might not want to go out with you at all

Listen, I get it — you’re a stud. But you can be a stud without being everyone’s stud, you know what I mean? Maybe you’re just not her type. Or maybe she’s not ready to date again. Or maybe…I don’t know, the options are endless.

But the fact remains, she might say no. And you’ve got to be OK with that. It’s her choice.

What it's Like to be a Depressed Extrovert

As a depressed extrovert, I never want to be alone, ever, not even for a second, because between the energy boost of other people and the thoughts that attack when I’m alone, “me time” becomes “depression time”.

As a depressed extrovert, sometimes I can’t tell you I love you and I sometimes I tell you so much you want to puke.

As a depressed extrovert, I like to make plans far in advance so I know I don’t have to spend my Fridays alone…but when Friday rolls around, it’s all I can do to make myself leave my apartment instead of chowing down on a tub of ice cream.

As a depressed extrovert, I get my energy from being around other people and working, but some days I don’t have the energy to get out of bed. So I lay around and stare at the ceiling and wish I could be somewhere — anywhere — else.

As a depressed extrovert, I process everything out loud, multiple times. But how many times can you tell the same friend that you’re sad and you don’t know why? So I spread my stories between countless friends because my worst nightmare is to drive someone away because they’re bored of my sadness.

As a depressed extrovert, I can’t wait to make new friends, but during the introduction I can’t help but wonder — Do they think I’m pretty or ugly? Does this dress make me look too fat? If I make this joke, will they laugh or be offended? What if they don’t like me? So instead of smiling and being myself, I retreat into my shell like a turtle who thinks that’s where safety lies.

As a depressed extrovert, I don’t always know when to shut up, and when I sense that someone’s annoyed I spiral into concern, worry, anxiety, stress, because if someone is annoyed with me once it means they’ll never love me again.

As a depressed extrovert, I want to be approachable, and I wish I could offer a smile to everyone I meet. But sometimes my world is imploding, tears are right about to fall and it’s like someone attached weights to my cheeks. A smile is the last thing I can manage. So I look down or up or to the side or anywhere but at you and I don’t smile and I’m sorry.

As a depressed extrovert, I want nothing more than to be a fearless leader, an entrepreneur, a game-changer and trend-setter who shakes up the world and leaves her mark…oh, and I want to never get out of bed, sink into my sheets until I’m invisible, and cease to be.

As a depressed extrovert, I’m straddling the world of high-energy, mover-and-shaker, people-lover, vivacious and the world of downtrodden, inward-glaring, sleep-craving, isolationist. It’s like I can see myself trapped in this mind that just won’t give. I want to jump out and run among the flowers and frolic in the sunshine and get that vitamin D but I can’t, because my mind is an unforgiving cell that won’t let me.

As a depressed extrovert, I’m confused and torn and I think I’m getting whiplash from this constant back-and-forth.

20 Insanely Inspirational Quotes from Young Adult Novels

Life is hard, there’s no doubt about that. Between people being rude, your luck turning inexplicably bad or your eyeliner being finicky and giving you raccoon eyes, “keeping your head up” can be hard. But when you’re struggling to find a reason to smile or push on, some of the best young dult novelists have got you covered.

1. “I will never submit again. I will never stop fighting.” — Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen

2. “I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is.” — John Green, Paper Towns

3. “Someday starts now.” — Martha Brockenbrough, The Game of Love and Death

4. “It's never occurred to me that the stars are still up there shining even in the daytime when we can't see them.” — Jandy Nelson, I’ll Give You the Sun

5. “You look like a protagonist.” — Rainbow Rowell, Eleanor & Park

6. “Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

7. “I am not pretty. I am not beautiful. I am as radiant as the sun.” — Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games

8. “It is the hottest fire than forms the sternest steel.” — Pierce Brown, Red Rising

9. “I have a feeling that once you live through something like this, you become a little bit invincible.” — Gayle Forman, If I Stay

10. “As much as life can suck, it always beats the alternative.” — John Green, Paper Towns

11. But maybe that was what it meant to grow up and have the seemingly infinite possibility of childhood vanish in an instant. You had to press on, no matter how dark and narrow the path ahead seemed.” — Martha Brockenbrough, The Game of Love and Death

12. “I don’t have to be so afraid of good-bye, because good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.” — Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

13. “At some point, you have to stop running and turn around and face whoever wants you dead. The hard thing is finding the courage to do it.” — Suzanne Collins, Catching Fire

14. “It's not victory that makes a man. It's his defeats.” — Pierce Brown, Golden Son

15. “She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.” — Gayle Forman, If I Stay

16. “Even death has a heart.” — Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

17. “Looking for a thousand years is worth it, if in the end you find what you need." — Scott Westerfeld, Afterworlds

18. “Maybe there isn’t such a thing as fate. Maybe it’s just the opportunities we’re given, and what we do with them.” — Marissa Meyer, Cress

19. “Names are not important. It's what lies inside of you that matters.” — Sarah J. Maas, Throne of Glass

20. “She took a step and didn't want to take any more, but she did.” — Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

23 Things To Accomplish By The Time You're 23

1. Meet someone famous

There seem to be more and more celebrities spawned every day, and it's not too hard to find one on the street and snap a quick photo. It's a rite of passage you have to go through once in your life.

2. Visit a nightclub

Visiting a nightclub is just one of those things you have to do, whether you like parties or not. After 23 it gets a little sad to go out and party all night, though…

3. Score a free drink at a bar

This is practically a rite of passage. Go to a bar with a friend and find someone (random patron or bartender) to give you a free drink.

4. Change your hairstyle radically

Some of you have been dyeing and chopping your hair for years; others, like me, have shied away. I feel like 23 is the year to change things up and get rid of the fear that's kept me from altering my hair.

5. Learn a new language

Being multi-lingual is great for so many reasons, including desirability in the job market and overall culture. And the older you grow, the harder they are to learn. Plus, then you can more easily do #6.

6. Visit a new country

Preferably alone so you can fully embrace the terror and grow from it. The perfect time to travel is while you're young and unattached, so pre-age 23 seems right.

7. And meet a stranger in a bar

There's no need to make out with him in a bathroom, just have that experience where you have a long, deep chat with someone you barely know and never see again.

8. Do something physical that terrifies you

Like sky-dive, bungee jump or scuba dive. Like jump off a cliff into the water or stand on a clear platform over a ravine. Anything that will make you uncomfortable and get your heart racing. Anything that you've been avoiding doing for a while.

9. And something relational that terrifies you

Like go on a date with a boy you really like and be 100 percent yourself — even if it comes across a little crazy. If he doesn't like you on the first date he won't like you on the fifth.

10. But first, learn to enjoy being single

Maybe you're more mature than I am and you're already OK with the single life, but if not, now is the time to get there. Now is the time to learn to enjoy having your Friday nights free and your Netflix to yourself.

11. Know the ins-and-outs of makeup

If Kylie Jenner can have her own make-up line by the age of 18, the rest of us can darn well learn how to apply it before we reach the ripe old age of 23.

12. So you can successfully wear makeup regularly

You know, like a real adult with a real job who puts effort into her appearance. Makeup can be a struggle to put on every morning, but I always find that wearing makeup helps me feel better about myself and more accomplished.

13. Get in shape

So you can be healthy and live for a long time. Do it now, while your body is still (mostly) able to do the exercises you should.

14. But learn to feel beautiful, every day

Even if your hair is frizzy, your eyes are droopy and your rolls are showing. It’s a mind thing, not a body thing.

15. Make sure your wardrobe is professional

And up-to-date. Yes, the tops you had in high school might still fit, but that doesn't mean they look right for a good job.

16. Make strides toward your dream career

Part-time jobs can be fun but it's time to really make strides toward whatever dream career you have. Whether that means getting a degree, an advanced degree or an internship, you should work on this before age 23.

17. Get a pet

Ideally a cat, because cat videos = happiness, so obviously a real cat is even better. But dogs are great too, and overall pets teach responsibility, something everyone should have by age 23.

18. Find a reason to smile every day

Look for little things that make you happy, and write them down in a journal, so you never forget that you're lucky to be alive.

19. Learn what it means to be joyful

There's a good chance the next decades will be just as difficult (if not more so) than the ones leading up to age 23, so it's important to learn the secrets of joy so you can face hardships with a smile.

20. Develop good habits

Instead of turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, find good ways to deal when life gets hard. Once you enter your mid-20s, it becomes increasingly less tolerated to have bad habits, like drugs, binge-drinking, etc…Find tools that help you, not hurt you.

21. Become nice

Genuinely nice, even to people you don’t like, even to people who don’t like you.

22. Truly forgive

There are tons of people who have already hurt you and more will hurt you in the future. The only way you can pass age 23 with any modicum of happiness is to really forgive them.

23. Support your friends

Even, especially, when they succeed where you fail. If you can't do this by 23, you'll have a real hard time in the future.