To My Half-Brother, We're Still Family, Never Forget That

I know sometimes we cannot find the words to communicate the way other siblings do but I want you to know that I do care for you, immensely. I find little pieces of myself in you every single time I see you and I wish we could be closer but I know it isn't that easy. It kills me that we don’t share memories together and that we’re not closer. 

I wish we could be the kind of siblings that always go on adventures together and find their inner child by being around one another. The kind of siblings that have their own secret codes and know when to irritate their parents. The kind of siblings that never break promises and always have each other’s backs.

It’s hard to be that when all we know is each other’s names and that we share a parent. I find myself trying so hard to connect with you because I appreciate that you exist although I know you think I get everything, there’s one thing I know you get more than me… that’s motherly love. The first born is always the parent’s first love. Sometimes I wish you could see just how much they care instead of pushing away.

I’ve always wanted an older sibling. Someone who could motivate me and have my back. Someone I can look up to. Someone that knows my struggles and understands what I go through and cheers me on! I know you think that I probably don’t see you as much of a sibling but trust me, I do.

I admire you for so much more than you could ever imagine. I admire your strength, your bravery and your courageous nature. I have seen your every struggle and I know that you may think that I accomplish so much more than you do or that you are labeled as the “black sheep” but trust me, you are what I strive to become… strong.

I have no backbone, I trust easily and I always get hurt and what keeps me going is that I tell myself everyday that if you can be such a strong individual, so can I.

You probably think I don’t really acknowledge you because I am always in my own world or stuck in a room instead of talking, but that’s because I never know what to say and whether or not you’ll engage with me. I hate that it has to be that way, but it really doesn’t have to.

I want you to know that I love having a big brother even though you are hardly around. I love having to say that I have such a brave, intelligent, strong and courageous brother who I admire for living through so many struggles. I don’t think you give yourself enough credit for being the individual that you are.

Sometimes I wish I could hug you and be like “hey big bro, missed ya!” but then I remember that you might not be comfortable with that. There are so many things I want to share with you about my life and advice I want to receive but I just don’t know how. There are so many things I wish to learn from you without sounding annoying or weird. Sometimes I wish we just grew up together without the constant fights and jealousy that took over our little brains about who is the favorite and who gets what.

My half brother, I love you very much and cannot imagine a day without your existence. I want you to know that I talk to God about you every single day, hoping that somehow we will be brought closer because having a sibling is a blessing and you are truly someone worth having around. I know I might not always show it, but I truly do appreciate you and I am proud to be your little sister.

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This is How You Say "Fuck it" to Your Self-Doubt

Why do we feel broken when we are meant to complete ourselves more than anyone else and yet who is to blame for this endless feeling of fear and insecurity?. We do this to ourselves.

It’s an indescribable feeling when you are left in your own company and you search for companionship in the worst places because you realize that you cannot be alone with your own thoughts.

I have always blamed others for not finding the good in me merely because I never fully accepted the bad in myself. I chose the bad every single day instead of realizing that the good outweighed the bad. I found myself searching for goodness in others because I failed to find it within myself and where did that lead me to? 

It led me to broken promises, broken hearts and broken words. Everything that I assumed would bring me happiness just ended up tearing me down and I never quite understood why … until I was forced to confront myself.

I stood there, in front of broken glass, watching the broken edges sharpen their way through the deepest thoughts within my mind. Looking at the reflection through the glass beneath me. Wondering when I would ever realize that I was meant to save myself instead of breaking myself down. 

Staring at my eyes as they slowly started revealing all of my insecurities without uttering a single word.

Why is it so easy for us to blame ourselves and hurt our own hearts thus allowing others to break us down even further? I looked at my reflection and I hated the person staring back at me. I thought that I looked horrendous until I looked up and saw the ray of sun beaming down at the glass. Watching the glass brighten while I was being reflected upon it.

That was it! That was my moment! I realized that the emptiness was always there but not because of broken people or broken promises but my brokenness. The way I saw myself was the way others saw me. I thought I was hiding it when I was showing it subliminally.

It changed my entire perspective. We become so consumed with everything around us that we tend to forget that we have to be our own best friend in order to find those worthy of us. We have to treat ourselves the way we would treat our best friend. We have to love ourselves the way we love those around us because the love from within reflects the love we receive.

You cannot expect to be loved or to fill the void of love that you lack within yourself. It was something I had to learn gradually. I never found myself to be someone worth loving and that led to me never being loved the way I deserved. 

I always thought it was the person I was with but instead it was the fact that I allowed them to treat me less than worthy knowing that I deserved more but still feeding onto my insecurities.

I realized that I was to blame not for my life but for the way I was living and yet I don’t regret it because it taught me how important it is to love yourself. It taught me that I am worthy and forever will be. It showed me how different life can be once you accept yourself and become your biggest supporter. It taught me that love finds those who love themselves because once you start loving yourself unconditionally, nobody else matters and settling will never be an option.

I chose myself over everything because through myself, I found happiness. I found my best friend. I found my greatest supporter and I found the love that was never lost but just needed to be found.

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When You Feel Yourself Burning Out, Read This

Even the most big-hearted, supportive, selfless people can burn out. Sometimes it happens without us even realizing because being other people’s support system has always come so naturally that we forget about ourselves. We give and we give until our hearts are running on empty, but somehow, we always find it in ourselves to give a bit more. 

It doesn’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong, in fact, it feels like we’re doing the right thing. We like helping people who needed us, being someone’s strength when they felt weak. But by doing this so constantly and unconditionally, we’re burning out our souls. We’re sacrificing our own well-being for another person’s happiness. 

Our minds are drowning in work and relationship struggles, but instead of facing it head-on, we allow ourselves to put other’s needs first. 

And this is how we burn out. Our patience levels plummet, we find ourselves feeling stressed all the time, and we stop caring about the things we once loved. Suddenly, we’re the ones feeling empty, we’re the ones feeling tired and lonely and there’s no one there to pick us up off the floor. 

We find ourselves walking around with no form of hope or support towards ourselves because we’ve given it out to everyone else. 

Our hearts are consumed by weakening factors that we’re too exhausted to fight off. We’re burnt out, emotionally drained, and lost in this world we once thought we knew. 

But the thing is, if life never knocked us down, we’d never know how to get back up again. Through every burnout, we learn more about ourselves. We learn about how to look at the world and make the most of every moment.  

It’d be easy for us to sit around and wait for our loved ones to notice we’re not okay, to ask if something’s bothering us, but we don’t want to wait forever. 

Instead, we find time to ask ourselves what’s going on. We think introspectively and find the solution instead of depending on others to fix us like we fixed them. Our hearts are too big to waste another minute feeling sad or forgotten.  

We learn to spend more time with ourselves and become more invested in our own growth rather than the affirmation of others. We learn to reflect on our progress and not forget the process. We learn to become more aware of our own needs and learn to find gratitude in all that we do. 

Instead of focusing on stress about work, studies, relationships, family drama or money, we focus on the fact that we’re blessed to have a job, the opportunity to learn something new and be surrounded by people who love us.  

There may have been a time where life knocked us down and burnt us out, but instead of remaining there we rallied. We pushed ourselves to our true potential, got up, and fought for ourselves. We deserve that.

We have the choice to change ourselves and relearn the way we handle life. No matter how we were raised or what we were taught growing up, it is always possible to relearn and be our true selves. 

Burnouts are nature’s way of telling us that we have been through a lot of emotions and our souls need revitalising. 

It’s time to put ourselves first, because if we don’t… who will?

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This is How Your Heart Breaks but Keeps On Beating

We have all experienced chapters in our lives where someone played with our heart. We end up feeling disrespected, trampled on and basically feeling as if we wasted time on someone that was not even worth everything we were giving. 

It is never time wasted, there are always lessons learned through these chapters. There should be no regrets in your heart because the truth is, you’ve gain so much from every heartbreak.

Just because you have a heart of gold doesn’t mean everyone else does and that’s ok. Some people will never acknowledge the good that you do merely because they do not have the heart that you do. 

Don’t ever blame yourself for someone’s inability to appreciate how much you’re capable of giving. It says a lot about themselves rather than you. 

Do not ever apologize for being a carefree spirit because your heart is a reflection of who you are and in the end it will be rewarded. But until you find the person who will appreciate you, be strong because…

You will cross paths with those people who will claim to love fully but in reality it’s just half ass love. Sometimes it’s genuine but most of the time it’s not. Indecisive people are the worst to be with. If someone second guesses your love then walk out. 

If they’re not ready to give you their 100 % then you should certainly not be ready to give your all to them. Do not allow anyone to make you feel as if you are not enough or good enough to be loved immediately. Don’t waste your time with these type of people either, in the end…

You cannot save anyone but yourself. We meet people and often assume that they are so broken that we need to help heal them but in the end, we end up breaking ourselves.  

Be careful of those who misuse your good nature. Some people smell happiness and innocence and decide to tear that a part with the notion of “if I cannot be happy, nobody can”. 

You cannot change people, they have to change for themselves. It’s called growth and nobody knows another person better than they know themselves. Save yourself the heartache.

People aren’t always who they say they are. People take on characters instead of being their authentic self. It shows that they are extremely insecure with themselves. They do not love themselves enough to show the world who they really are but are quick to judge others.

Love should never be a complicated. If the feeling isn’t mutual, don’t string someone along. If you are genuinely not ready, do not play games with someone’s heart. 

We become so involved that we forget that actions speak louder than words. People love differently but actions are always the same. The effort is all that matters. 

If someone does not take the chance to be with you or is not obsessed with the thought of you, let them go. You do not deserve to be confused or frustrated. Do not ever change your heart to please those who have let their beat to a slower drum.

You do not need anyone to complete you other than yourself. Why settle for someone less when you can be so much more on your own? You are unique and worthy of more than anyone can offer. 

Finding security within yourself is the greatest gift that nobody can ever take from you. Find it, Keep it and live it!

Time is never wasted but lessons are always learned. Whenever you make a mistake, just take a moment to realize that it was done for a reason. To make you stronger and make you wiser. So, never, ever regret your mistakes. 

Make sure that whatever you do, you do it with the greatest impact towards your own life because that’s the only life you are living. 

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The Best Part of Getting Lost Was Finding Myself

I lost myself constantly trying to please everyone.  I found myself living in everyone’s shadow without a clear description of what I had to offer, merely because I never thought that what I had was good enough.

I lived through validation and never quite accepted that I was different because being different meant living outside of the box, which society never seemed to praise. 

I lost myself making everyone else a priority while I was stuck being an option and actually being okay with that.

I was so consumed with the thoughts of others that I often forgot about myself and what I needed. I kept putting myself on the bench and letting other play the game. Watching other people score goals while I remain stagnant and being their biggest supporters without allowing myself to attempt to play the game differently.

Life was constantly a struggle, not because of what I was experiencing but because I made it that way by overthinking every single situation. There are so many past events that I wish I could change but when I look back, I am thankful for those events.

I looked back and I finally realized that I was lost

Lost in a life that I was not leading, a life filled with the validation of others rather than the acceptance of myself.

I was lost in a world where I tried so hard to fit in because I was scared to stand out.

A life where others played the buttons of the controller that I plugged in.

But I don’t regret it… because it was through losing myself that I found myself.

It was through the constant validation of others that I learned to not care about what others had to say. I learned to become my own voice, live my own dream and be who I never knew I was capable of being.

I found myself through the hurt and brokenness experienced by those I once trusted with my controller. I learned to put myself first regardless of what others expected and never looked back again.

I never imagined that finding myself would cause much of a loss but with every new chapter comes an ending.

Finding myself never comes to an end, it just begins to strengthen over time. You learn new things about yourself and others. You learn who to trust and who benefits from your misery.

Life is unpredictable but so are we. We find ourselves at the midst of losing others because we realize that we have more to offer than what others limit us towards.

I believed that having a companion was fulfilling or even having more than a handful of friends, until I realized that the only person I really needed was myself in the end.

I lost myself trying to please everyone else. Now I’m losing everyone else while finding myself.


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10 Reasons Why Mindy Lahiri is Definitely Your Spirit Animal

Mindy Lahiri, the doctor with a love for MacDonalds, Chick Flicks and of course men! She is the one and only lady all Mindy Project fans are obsessed with because everything she says out loud is exactly what we think. 

Mindy has become a character that many aspire to be each and every day, from her stylish ensembles to her over the top music playlist and her love for food without any concern of calories! 

Even though Mindy has an entire box filled with tantics, she is known for having the most hilarious sense of humour with her spontaneous sayings that leave us all to wonder yet wanting to be her. If you are not familiar with why we love her, here are 10 hilariously thought out quotes by Mindy Lahiri which proves why she is definitely our spirit animal;

1. “I’m not late, it’s 9:18, which is practically 9:15,  which is basically 9:00”

Mindy believes that if she arrives at the same hour that she is meant to be there, minutes do not really matter! How many of us live by this rule? The motto of “I am here, that’s all that matters!” Mindy ensures that she sticks between an hourly range when being present, as most of us females due because we end up spending so much of time getting ready! If I made it before the next hour, be thankful!

2. “My plan was to marry rich and then stop working or to  marry old and then, when the guy died, inherit all his money”

Come on! How many times have we seen younger women with older men who have pockets filled with cash? We sit at our work desks, waiting for the hours to pass and wonder what life would be like if we just married someone who could take care of us? “I need to be independent but a trip on a yacht sounds more inviting!” We feel so tempted yet we never actually do it because we know we can make it on our own just like Mindy!

3. “Oh my god! It’s my favourite kind of cake: gigantic”

Mindy is known for having a sweet tooth like most women regardless of whether we are on our cycle or not. Mindy teaches us that calories don’t matter because either way, we know we are going to end up tasting a piece of cake resulting in us blaming the cake stating it tripped and fell into our mouths! She definitely knows how to eat and shows us that one slice of cake is definitely not enough!

4. “You’re not Mindy, you’re a warrior and your warrior  name is… Beyoncé Pad Thai”

We have all had days where fear kicked in and we would want love to be anyone other than ourselves because being us just seems to make the fear even bigger! Mindy shows that women can be warriors with our own names just to separate ourselves from the fear by believing we are strong and then becoming it. No woman has become strong just by luck, it’s a process and Mindy shows us that by placing her mind somewhere else where she does not feel fearful or intimidated by anything. We all need an escape sometimes.

5. “My body is very attracted to your body but when you  speak my brain gets angry”

We all know a guy or maybe more who have the most AMAZING exterior with no form of interior. Pretty from the eyes but poison to the mind. We often find ourselves settling for men who either lack character and knowledge or just seem to have lost it somehow. We often tell ourselves that maybe they have more to offer than 6 packs but the moment their mouths open, our brains feel as if they are about to explode! We put aside what we need and focus on what we want based on appearance just to realise that ignorance is bliss and intelligence is needed to form a constructive conversation with someone. Have more to offer than a hot bod, please!

6. I figure if I’m going to be a mess, I might as well be a  hot mess”

Mindy, unlike many of us is not afraid to be unapologetically clumsy regardless of who is present. She knows her worth and is able to share her wit even if others find it uncomfortable. She is comfortable in her skin and shows it. Many of us are so concerned with the validation of others that we forget what we actually have to offer and that without offering it, nobody will know it actually exists! So whether you are a hot mess or just a mess on some days, own it!

7. “I don’t weight anything! I’m like a cloud!”

Mindy is able to make herself feel the way she decides even if others think otherwise. It is no secret that Mindy Lahiri isn’t part of the slender gang but that certainly does not stop her from feeling weightless. Mindy associates herself with her own idea of who she is and what she wants to be. Nobody else has a say in what she has to offer except herself which is something we admire. Women always tend to check the number on the scale instead of creating their own number that correlates with their happiness. A number on a scale should never define you!

8. “I am not picky, I just have standards”

Women always tend to be called picky for knowing what they want and often settle because they fear being alone, but not Mindy. She makes it very clear that standards are needed in this world, otherwise we would all be settling and become unhappy with ourselves. Nobody deserves to settle for less than they expect. Mindy shows us that having standards enable more awareness and more confidence in terms of our worth and what we need in a partner rather than settling for what we want.

9. “I want you to love me in a way that I can show on Instagram”

Most of us are not strangers with social media platforms, especially Instagram. We have all scrolled past the explore section and coming across couple pages. We end up spending 4 hours scrolling through pages filled with relationship advice, tumblr pictures and couples doing everything we wish we had. Only to end up forcing our partner to do the same with us and post our selfies to show others that they are happily taken. “Hashtag our names so we know it’s real!”

10. “I am a hot, smart woman with an ass that doesn’t quit”

How often do we wish we had the ability to feel the way Mindy does about ourselves? She constantly uplifts herself even if she ends up eating cookie dough to solve her problems! Mindy knows that what she says to herself matters, especially when she is the only company she has at times. We tend to say so many uplifting words to those around us and forget to say them to ourselves. We hate when others tear themselves down yet we so easily tear ourselves down! Mindy shows us that being a woman is inspiring and worth doing no matter what others say and that being confident helps you lead the happiest life!

So when life gets you down and you feel like nothing seems to work, just slap on some of your most comfy sweatpants, get some popcorn and watch The Mindy Project because trust me, she has a lot to teach us besides how single life can get even when you know you look good whilst eating a cupcake! Always remember that being your own role model might be weird but in the end, the only person you have to live up to is yourself.


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You Would Never Allow Your Best Friend To Settle For Less, So Why Do You

In our lifetime, I am sure each one of us have come across a friend who has completely lost themselves in the midst of finding Mr Right and it always ended badly with crushed expectations and a shattered heart featuring our shoulders to cry on. We become their guardian in those moments and often find ourselves lecturing them on what went wrong and why it was never worth crying over because she deserves ten times better! If only we took our own advice.

It is so easy for us to tell our closest friends what they deserve and judge their situations without looking in the mirror when we end up in the exact same situation. We tell them the guy never deserved them or that she should have never let him drag her along for that long, knowing deep down that we are capable of making the exact same mistakes.

We end up giving chances to those who would never lift a finger for us let alone chase us once we are gone. Ego is one hell of a drug and so many people seem to be overdosing.

We are so scared of being without someone that we put up with so much of their behaviour that we end up forgetting what we deserve. We allow ourselves to settle because it becomes all that we know.

We are so quick to pick on the decisions of our friends but we forget that we drag ourselves in the same direction. Why can’t we be as picky about our partners as we are about our friend’s partners? Why do we allow ourselves to settle but never let our friends ever consider settling while we are around?

The only logical explanation is self-doubt.

We become so consumed with the idea that our friends are more important than ourselves. We view them in an entirely different light and never want anything bad to happen to them yet we will risk our own lives just because we do not see our ultimate worth.

Imagine caring for yourself the way you care for your best friend. Imagine never allowing yourself to settle or allowing anyone to take advantage of your heart? Imagine being the person you advise others to be.

Nobody deserves to be half loved not even by themselves because loving yourself any less than others is the basis of how you will be loved in a relationship. Why would you want to have someone who does not fully love you when you can do it to yourself?

We wonder why people treat us a certain way when we give them so much of ourselves, well the answer is simple. We end up giving them more of ourselves than we have ever imagined giving our actual selves. We give them so much that we end up losing ourselves in the end and they gain more than they intended without knowing what to do with it.

You deserve so much more than you imagine. You deserve everything you think others deserve even if you think it is impossible. When you tell somebody that “he does not deserve you”, remember those words the next time you settle for someone who thinks your heart is a playground.

Remember to tell yourself everything that you would tell your best friend because you deserve the happiness you imagine your friend experiencing. You should never settle for anything less than someone being obsessed with you.

Ride the wave you describe whenever your friend is in a crisis, be the person you are when you guide them. Guide yourself. Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself when nurturing the fruits of others.

You are important too.


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My Dear, You Are Rare and Rare Love Is What You Deserve And Nothing Less

You are clothed in more than your skin, you are clothed in character that not many can comprehend. Character that some find intimidating just because they know you are worth more than their mediocrity.

You are shaped in ways others find uncomfortable because they are not able to shape themselves due to the manner in which they mould themselves into society’s greatest gift being the common person we all are meant to effortlessly relate to.

You are misunderstood for either being too soft or too strong and no matter which character you portray there always seems to be someone critiquing your performance as if it’s their show.

You are told to behave a certain way just because others are not familiar with the unique qualities you exude within your natural poise and sense of originality.

You are different

You are one of a kind and I know sometimes it can be threatening to many but trust me, you would not just want to be another pretty face because that is easier to come by.

You have so much more to offer than just a flashing smile and curled eyelashes. You are more than the expression on your face and the articulation in your voice.

You do not deserve to be treated as mediocre by mediocre itself.

Those who make you feel less worthy are a reflection of how they feel about themselves, trust me that is not the company you wish to keep.

You are stimulating to the point where others feel limited and if they feel intimidated then know that they planned on belittling your knowledge by gaining more control over you and you do not need that surrounding your every move.

You have the world at your feet and the wind at your fingertips, you have the air breezing against you.

You are strong and being strong does not necessarily mean you are heartless but courageous enough to know the difference between wasting your time and allowing someone in.

We all know how hard it is to trust those around us, you might think someone is able to give you the world and they end up taking the world from right under you.

You deserve love that is experienced at its peak, filled with nothing less than pure joy and endless soul.

You deserve to be unapologetically you with no explanation because you know that you have the ability to change others in a positive way

You are exceptionally brave because you have faced troubles and you overcame it by being the person that you are today. Those troubles shaped you into the courageous person you face each and every day.

Your life is a reflection of your mind set. You can only be as good as the life you choose to live. Nobody can change that but you. You do not owe anyone anything except the person you genuinely are.

You are who you were meant to be without a filter or a cape because you are the hero of your own story regardless of the page you are turning.

You are rare, there is nobody else like you so why try and replicate what you see when you can be something completely different with no limitation.

Be you because nobody else will and the world will reflect the life you wish to live.

You are unique, rare and everything different that this world needs with a living purpose, rare love is something that will find you once you end up finding yourself.

Do what you can to change the world you live in but do not end up losing yourself while saving others.


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Maybe I Just Have to Accept that We Weren't Meant to Be

It sucks when my head is constantly filled with the thought of you because I don’t even know whether or not you are thinking of me.

I’m constantly telling myself that maybe I just need to say something differently or act a certain way for a different reaction. Forcing myself to change things because of the fear of letting go of something that could feel like the end of the world.

I find myself laying in my bed every single night wondering why I feel this way and whether or not I should let it all go… funny thing is… God never answers me…. Or maybe I just don’t listen

I replay your favourite song just to think about the beginning when everything seemed so perfect, telling myself that nothing has changed and that nothing needs to change.

Telling myself that you slowly drifting away is normal and wondering why I cannot seem to find a way to fix this.

I don’t think there’s a way to fix this because there’s nothing to fix in the first place. I have to really contemplate the idea that maybe we were never previously fixed and our broken pieces just keep dwelling around.. refusing to find one another.

It baffles me how two souls can so easily find each other yet scares me that they can so easily let go whenever they feel strain. It’s not easy finding someone you can be comfortable so losing that comfort is extremely scary.

I cannot begin to imagine how heartbroken a person must feel when watching the person you have given your heart to effortlessly walk out of your life as if it meant nothing.

They always say that every bad experience is never wasted by is worth a lesson learned but what if your not ready to accept the lesson?  

What if I wasn’t meant to be yours and you were never meant to be mine? What if we just crossed paths to help each other heal….

Why does it seem so complicated?

I never know whether you are here to stay or whether or not I am part of your next chapter or only worth a page. I hate being perplexed but then again nobody said love was easy

I feel the heavy weight of my heart consuming my entire body as if it cannot calm itself in this wave of love

I guess I will never know how you truly feel, I will never realize what could have been but in the end I can say that I tried my best and you didn't try at all.

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I Never Imagined Love Being This Destructive Until You Came Along

Laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling wondering whether or not love is meant to feel this way and if not, why I allow it to feel this way…

Maybe it’s the way you look at me, or the way you randomly start to care once I give up.

I never thought I would find myself having sleepless nights for the wrong reasons. I always imagined being wide awake because my reality would seem better than my dreams yet I am afraid to close my eyes because I fear that my dream would be filled with something that I could never speak into existence.

I feel my body freezing and warming up simultaneously with the thought of you. The confusion rambling in my brain whether or not it’s worth the hurt. The fear of loving you knowing that I might end up hurt no matter how hard I try to make everything work.

My fingers tingling as I stare at my phone, wanting to send a text yet knowing that I probably won’t receive the response I want. Knowing that I might not be the only person on your mind regardless of how often you are on mine.

Finding myself dream about how happy I could be if only I did something differently, maybe if I was not so demanding or moody all the time. Maybe if I allowed myself to become more open to the idea of being good enough for now. But why should I allow you to take advantage because you can.

It sucks that you know I have a weak spot for you. It’s like I find myself slowly drowning and instead of helping me up, you’re pressing on my chest, right on my heart for that “one last chance, I promise”.

I feel my eyes well up more than light up at the thought of how intimidated I feel in a crowded room because I know you might find someone better than me in spite of the fact that I am not even yours.

I never found love this destructive before, a love so fragile that it becomes broken before it even begins.

A love so destructive that makes you more concerned rather than content.

I always imagined being in love with someone utterly obsessed with the thought of me but I find myself being obsessed with someone who could go days without speaking to me.

I find myself constantly thinking about you, wondering how you would describe me to someone else and whether or not you ever think about a future with me.

Love feels like a bottomless pit and I feel myself gradually falling lower and lower into the pit with you standing at the top watching me fall instead of being beside me and falling together.

People keep saying it is unhealthy, it’s toxic, it’s not something worth fighting for, yet I refuse to give up because I know there is more to you than the façade in front of me.

I see your heart beating through your torn eyes and I can feel the beat of your heart in your melancholic tone of voice whenever we talk.

I don’t deserve to be treated like this, but you also don’t deserve to be given up on as well…

You are broken.

I hate that no matter how hard I try, you refuse to let me mend those pieces but once again, you are the only person who can change your own situation.

I want you to know that your brokenness does affect me, even though you try so hard to push me away… I can feel it through the love I so often try to give to you.

Love should never be this destructive to a soul but then again nobody said love would be easy.

Maybe love was not meant for the broken or maybe love affected the broken so much that it cannot be found again.

Maybe our brokenness is worth the love or maybe we are just both complicated

What if maybe we are meant to be together and we just did it wrong?


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