Inside the Mind of a Girl Who’s Terrified of Commitment

She always feels inadequate.

Whenever she sees her loved ones entering into these relationships, she feels a lot of things because she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to let herself enter a relationship when she is so terrified of them.

She wants to be in a relationship, she just doesn’t know how.

She wants the comfort of a relationship she knows was built to last, but she’s absolutely terrified. She doesn’t know how to be in a relationship when the very thought sets her off screaming on the inside.

And hearing “It’s really not that hard” and “Just do it” does not make it any easier for her.

To her, relationships are this unattainable thing, because they are so far out of her zone of comfort.

She desperately wants to believe it’s that easy, but it’s just not to her.

She spends evenings panicking about her future. Because the last thing she wants to do is end up alone, but she just can’t picture herself being with someone for life.

She dreams about a wedding, but she secretly wonders if she’ll ever have one.

While she can settle on themes and fabrics, she can’t settle on one guy. She feels like maybe she’s missing her ‘commitment gene’, because she can’t imagine ever being with one person for the rest of her life.

She has the biggest fear of settling. Settling for the wrong person, settling down… it’s all tearing her up on the inside.

What if she makes the wrong choice? What if she finds one guy, and then meets ‘the one’ down the road?

The thought terrifies her, so she refuses to agree to a guy if she could potentially hurt him in the future.

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15 Pieces of Advice I Wish I Had Been Given at Sixteen

1) Not everyone is going to be your friend.

There are people out there who will use your friendship to their advantage, and then drop you like a bad habit when they’re through with you. There are few people you will actually encounter who will be genuinely true friends to you, but when you find them, hold on to them.

 

2) Boys are jerks.

Though I probably did hear this tidbit of advice before, I wish they had said it a little firmer. Boys at sixteen don’t think with their head – at least not the one attached to their neck. They care about one thing, and they don’t care if they hurt you as long as they’re satisfied.

 

3) You do not owe anyone in this world anything.

There are people who will come in your life and make you feel like you owe them for things they have done for you. You don’t owe anyone a damned thing. You are in control of your own life.

 

Being Suicidal Does Not Make You Weak

When suicide strikes a community, more than just the onelife is lost.

Their families’ and friends’ lives are forever changed. Thelife they once knew is now over. 

Often, people are left with so many unanswered questions andthoughts. One particular one is repeated the most – “How could he/she be soselfish? Nothing can be that bad.”

The truth is, you could never know what one person is going through.While one experience may not seem that bad to you, it could be unbearable tothem.

Committing suicide takes a sense of such total loss ofcontrol, such devastation, he or she literally only sees one way out. 

It is by no means an act of cowardice. You could notpossibly understand it unless you have been there. 

Picture the worst possible thing that has or could everhappen to you, and then multiply it by three (for the power of depression andanxiety.

When you reach this point in your life, you’re not thinkingabout anyone else. All you can feel is your pain. While the act may seemselfish to you, he or she feels like no one would care if he or shedisappeared.

Feelings of invisibility, depression… in a way it feels likeyou are already dead. 

It’s unimaginable pain… but it can get better. No one isever truly alone. There are people who care and who want to help. 

Because even though it feels like it’s just you in this…when you’re gone? It leaves a hole that will never be filled in your loved ones’hearts. 

Reach out. Someone is willing to listen.

You are not weak because you feel this way.

You are not broken.

You will get through this and come out stronger because ofit.

You can regain control of your life. You can have the lifeyou want. You just have to get through this part right here. 

 

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She Doesn't Trust Love Because Her Heart Has Been Used And Abused Too Many Times

She feels broken.

In this irreparable state, she feels like she’ll never know what true love is.

After the damage she’s been through, she put her heart under lock and key. She isn’t sure she’ll ever be able to unlock it for someone again.

She’s been used and abused so much by a person she thought she could trust.

She doesn’t even know how to trust herself anymore.

While all her friends told her to run, her heart told her to stay.

She doesn’t know how she’ll ever trust her heart again to love someone when it betrayed her so much before.

She’s scared of any future her life may hold because the risk is so great.

She wants to experience all-consuming love that is healthy and nurturing, but she doesn’t know if that will ever be in the cards for her.

She’s trying her best to be the girl she was before, but there’s no way to ignore everything she’s been through.

All she can do is try and hope that others will have patience with her.

She’s worked hard to love herself, to believe in the good in herself… she just sometimes has a hard time believing it.

She’s going to keep working and keep believing that the best is yet to come.

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It's Never Too Late To Find Yourself

You lost yourself somewhere along the way of growing up.

You tried so hard to fit in and belong, to please everyone else, that you lost track of your hopes, your dreams, the person you are.

Your reality became what everyone else wanted you to be.

The person who stayed up at night dreaming of the life you’ve always wanted disappeared. You lost your hope. Maybe you even lost your faith.

You stopped believing in yourself.

One day, it hit you like a freight train. This is your one life to live, and you’re not even living it.

You started to reevaluate everything– the people you associate with, the hobbies you partake in… and you realized it wasn’t what you wanted. It wasn’t even close to the person you imagined yourself being.

And that's really hard.

It’s hard trying to find who you were when she’s been gone for so long.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The girl you once knew and the girl you are now can meet in the middle to make the girl you are supposed to be.

It’s never too late to find yourself.

Don’t let anyone hold you back from that.

If there are people in your life dragging you down, trying to prevent you from being the person you want to be, cut them out.

Don’t let others dictate who you truly are.

Always be true to yourself and follow your heart. It will rarely lead you astray.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

I'm Done Allowing You to Make Me Constantly Question Myself

I spent my majority of my life trying to please you.

I constantly found myself altering who I was to fit your expectations.

I was never good enough… you always found me lacking.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how many sleepless nights I stayed awake thinking of ways to make you happy, it was never what you wanted.

Your praise was sparse, and your criticism often.

Your harsh words stuck to me like glue, unable to shake myself free of the grasp they had on my soul. 

And as if that wasn’t bad enough, I found myself repeatedly criticizing myself in return. There was nothing I could do right, and my self-esteem was terrible.

I didn’t have the strength in me to make a decision without having to overthink every possible outcome, creating endless scenarios in my mind, driving myself crazy.

You made me question myself every day.

Made me feel absolutely worthless.

I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t for so long that I forgot who I even was.

You aren’t supposed to do that to someone you love.

You aren’t supposed to make them doubt themselves, turn them into your machine because the person they are isn’t good enough.

It took freeing myself from your toxic hold to finally find myself. I’ve always been there, underneath your smothering judgement. It took some time but I’m finally confident in my own skin. I can walk into a room without looking down or feeling like everyone’s making fun of me.

I realized that I deserved more, and that if you couldn’t accept me for who I am, I refuse to sacrifice myself anymore.

I refuse to apologize for who I am.

If you can’t accept that?

I really don’t give a damn.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

It's Ok to Want More

There comes a time when you question whether this is what, or who, you want to be.

You’ve been watching life pass you by for so long, when you know in your heart this is not how you want to be spending it.

You see others living out their dreams, and you want that to be your reality so badly.

You have suppressed what you’ve wanted for so long to please others that you lost track of who you are and why you wanted to be her in the first place.

You finally have reached a point where you know you have to take a different path in your life, or you will always regret what could have been.

It’s ok to want that. It’s ok to reach for the stars.

Yes, there’s a chance you might crash back down to Earth, but wouldn’t you rather do that than spend your entire life wondering ‘what if’?

It’s ok to want more.

What’s not ok is letting someone take away your dreams simply because they’re too afraid to find their own.

It’s not ok to push someone else down to raise yourself up, to hold someone back just because you are afraid to move forward.

It’s always ok to want more for yourself and your loved ones. Never feel ashamed of that.

Just strive to be the best for yourself, and you’ll know you’re doing what you should be.

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When the Heartbreak Feels Endless, Read This

It feels like she’s been stuck on pause in her life for months.

Ever since her heart was broken by the one person she trusted to never hurt it, it’s like time has frozen still, and she’s paralyzed by it.

She can’t see a future where she’s not in this desperation of pain, constantly gasping for air because it just hurts so bad.

She doesn’t know how she’ll ever be able to open herself up to someone again because he completely destroyed her – destroyed her trust, hopes, dreams, and love.

He changed everything she thought she knew about herself. She turned into the girl she swore she’d never be – desperate for his attention, lonely… pathetic.

She doesn’t know how it could get any worse, because pain like this can’t get worse, can it?

She spends her evenings with food, Netflix, and tears constantly.

She tries to put on her best poker face for her friends and family, but they see through her. They see the pain she’s in, and they tell her that she’ll move on, but she just doesn’t see it.

But that’s the greatest thing about life. When she feels like there’s no future for her… There always is. The pain starts to recede, day by day, without her even realizing it until it’s been a month and she hasn’t shed a tear.

She’ll go through cycles of missing him so much it feels like she’s dying, and then she’ll start to forget him – the sound of his voice, his laugh, the bad parts of the relationship. Forgetting sounds scary at first, but it’s so necessary in the end. 

She’ll eventually be able to look back with fondness over the memories she did have, but realize she’ll never be that naïve again.

She’ll have walls built up, sure. She’ll even find herself wondering if she’ll ever date again… but she will.

Eventually someone will come into her life who is going to knock down every wall she’s built. He will penetrate the fortress of her heart, and she’ll realize that love really is worth the risk again.

That day is coming soon, I promise. Don’t give up on love, because it’s the greatest thing to experienceeven the ugly parts.

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The Girl Who Overcame Trauma Is So Much More Than a Victim

“I’ve got shame, I’ve got scars that I will never show. I’m a survivor in more ways than you know.” – Demi Lovato, Warrior

This girl has hidden her past trauma for the majority of her life.

She was forever changed by a moment that shook her to her core. It was so shocking that she had no idea how to even begin talking about it.

So, she didn’t. She shut down that part of herself and hid it deep in the back of her mind. It changed her, turned her into a completely different person.

She became cold and bitter.

She couldn’t face what had happened to her, but she was so angry. She didn’t believe anyone could truly have her best interests at heart because someone she thought she could trust completely wrecked her.

So she turned her back on everyone because, in a way, she blamed them for not saving her.

She also blamed herself. She had always been such an independent, loving, carefree person, and that was stolen from her. She thought she could protect herself, but when push came to shove, she just couldn’t.

She numbed her pain however she could until eventually, that caught up with her too.

After awhile, she had no choice but to let herself remember the trauma, the terror she experienced, in order to truly move on.

She began to open herself up again. She stopped blaming everyone else and, most importantly, she stopped blaming herself. 

She learned to see her experience as something that, although awful, shaped her into the person she is today – strong, fierce, protective, and caring.

She started a revolutionary journey to love herself, find her way back to God, and hopefully, one day, love someone else again.

Her path is long and feels endless. There are days when she just wishes she could return to simply numbing the pain, but she refuses to be that girl anymore because she has so much more to give. 

She hopes to share her experience with the world one day, to use it to shape others’ lives for the better and help them cope with whatever they've gone through.

She can't take back what happened to her, and now, she isn't sure she would even want to. 

Because she's learned that she's amazing. She is a survivor, not a victim.

And she will always win.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

As Your Future Favorite Auntie, This Is My Promise to You

This little bundle of joy that hasn't even been born yet, but somehow is stealing the hearts of the whole family, especially mine. As you're about to enter my life, there are so many emotions rushing in at once, I’m not sure how to feel. All I know is that I will be your favorite auntie because I will love you the hardest.

Honesty is always going to be the base of our relationship, you can trust me with anything.

You don't know this yet, but the world is full of lies and dishonesty. As much as I'll try to protect you from it, but when i can't, I promise to be honest with you about whatever it is.

I will always be there as a non-judgmental listening ear.

You’re never going doubt if I'm really there, really listening to what you have to say, because I always will. You can come to me with any problem, any drama, and I will be a shoulder to lean on, and offer sound advice.

There’s nothing you could do that would ever make me stop loving you.

No matter what. I may be angry, and even disappointed, but I will never, ever stop loving you.

Your dreams will always be of utmost importance to me, I'll always support you. 

No matter how silly they may sound, or how many people tell you it’s not possible, I will always be there to listen, support you, and encourage you to pursue your dreams. I will help you do whatever it takes to get there.

Whenever you need something, I'll be the ‘cool aunt’, but I can also be the ‘strict aunt.’

I will always be there to let you have fun. I will make you laugh and be yourself, but if there is something you need to be disciplined about, I’m going to do that too. 

There will be times you will be so angry at me, you’ll feel like you’ll never get over it, but you will.

I promise to always be there.

Whether it’s sports events, school events, or even If you call me at four in the morning, drunk and scared to call your parents, I’ll be there. No matter what.

Never be afraid to wake me or call me for anything. I may fuss a little, but I will always come running for you, I just want you to be safe.

My little nugget, you are going to be so loved by so many people, but always know that your aunt will love you more than anything.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

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