Author: Kat

You were always my backbone, my defender, my best friend.

You helped me to see that not everyone has my best interests at heart, but that you always did.

I know now that it’s perfectly fine to be independent, but there should always be someone in your corner– you were that for me.

You lifted me up when I was at my lowest of lows, held my hand when I was lost in the dark, and made me laugh when I thought I would never smile again.

Thanks to you, I built my own backbone, and learned to stand up for myself against those who consistently knocked me down. You showed me my dreams weren’t crazy, but obtainable. You showed me how to start living life for me.

Acceptance is something people search their whole lives for, and possibly never find. I'm so blessed to have you, because from day one, you welcomed me with open arms. 

Being around you I'm completely myself, I never had to worry about you judging me, because this was our safe space. Together, we built each other up until we were on top of the world, side by side.

You taught me what it meant to love me, because no matter what you always did. You stuck around, stayed by my side, even when I was way off the deep end. 

If you could tough out my storms, see my flaws, hear my insecurities, and still love me, then I must be worth it.

Because of you, my strongest relationship— besides ours, is the one I have with myself. I can never thank you enough for that.

Without you, I'd only be half the person I am today.

No matter how much time passes, or where we go, you will always be my best friend.

I love you more than any words could ever explain.

You're my rock, my person, my forever friend. 

You're everything to me.

For more Kat, like her Facebook.

You were, by far, the love of my life. When it came to extraordinary, all-consuming, inconvenient love, you definitely had me. 

You showed me a glimpse of what love was, but then you took it away just as quickly.

You gave me the best times of my life, but you also gave me the worst.

I never knew what a completely happy memory was. Anytime something was going good, you'd ruin it. 

You made me see how temperamental a man’s ego can be, and you made me realize how fragile my self-esteem was. I realized that not everyone can be trusted, even those closest to you.

If I wasn't lifting you up, you were tearing me down, and that became our normal. As much as I tried to support you, it was never enough. You needed more assurance than I could give you. 

And without getting any in return, my light faded. And that was too much.

Loving you was never easy, but leaving you was.

I had to learn to stand up on my own, and find a way to move on from the biggest heartbreak I’ll probably ever experience. I finally realized that love isn’t always black and white– there are shades of gray that can consume you, making it hard to ever explain.

When I look back, I see that you simply just never cared enough. And that’s the root of it, isn’t it? You didn’t care enough to fight for me.

So you continued to push me away until I didn't come back.

Your loss.

This love was hard, and I know now that only the best loves are difficult. 

But what separates what we had from what I'll have in the future, is that when I love someone, if it's right, leaving would never be easy.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

His love was unlike anything she'd ever known. It would push her to the heights of bliss, only to knock her down to the depths of despair. 

He made her feel like a goddess one day and then utterly worthless the next.

He was the first person she ever felt truly comfortable around, the only person she could be herself with. He made her laugh like no one else.

But he made his own boundaries in their relationship, unspoken rules that she was never quite sure of. The "rules" varied day by day, based on his mood and any number of invisible factors.

She tried to keep up with what he expected of her, but he refused to talk openly. When she accidentally broke one, he made her feel like she'd committed an unforgivable crime.

He taught her so many things: how to fight for what she wanted and stand up for herself, how to love fiercely and hate just as strongly. The line between the two became so fine, she was never quite sure what she felt for him.

They were trapped in a cycle of indecision, hate, and love. She never knew which way was up.

He put her on the backburner for so long; she was there when he needed her, but he never bothered to reciprocate.

He broke her in so many different ways, and yet still, she would have stayed…but he constantly pushed her away.

She fought for them for so long that, eventually, she forgot what she was fighting for. She realized that she needed to fight for herself, and love herself, with all the intensity she'd been giving to him.

So, as much as she loved him, she decided that she loved herself more. She chose to give herself a chance at happiness and realized that she'd have to do it without him.

Sometimes, she still misses him and the memories they shared. She misses his touch and laughter and the way his eyes lit up when he looked at her.

She wishes him nothing but the best and hopes that maybe they’ll meet again one day… but she knows that, for right now, she had to make this decision for herself and it's the best one she's ever made.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

Every girl wanted to be Carrie Bradshaw (or at least raid her closet,) but it takes someone special to actually claim the title. We all have that one girl in our friend group who is a little… extra. She's charismatic and could basically talk to a rock and dresses like every day is a fashion show. The Carrie Bradshaw of your group is easy to spot, and if you can relate to these 7 signs, you're definitely her. 

1. You choose shoes over guys on a daily basis.

Your closet is filled with so many shoes, most people wouldn’t even know how to handle it. You have shoes for every outfit (and a lot of those too).

You know how important a good pair of shoes is for making a statement and you make more statements in one week than many people do in their lifetimes.

2. You spend your days (and nights) writing about your experiences.

You've lived through so many entertaining stories, you have no choice but to share them. 

You want others in similar positions to know they're not alone in their thoughts and feelings and you have so many thoughts zooming around in your head that you need to get them out.

3. You believe in love, but you believe in having fun first.

Love is so important, but so is living your life without strings holding you down. You want to have it all – the fun life, the boyfriend, the friends, and no regrets.

4. You believe your art should be in your closet, not on your walls.

You work hard for your money and you want to spend it on things you can share with the outside world, not just visitors to your apartment.

5. Your friends are your soulmates.

You have a few select friends who match you perfectly, and you couldn’t imagine your life without them. You value them more than any guy because you know they'll always be there.

6. Someone stole your heart when you were young, but you still believe there's another great love out there.

Sure, Mr. Big was great. He was also emotionally traumatizing and mentally straining. He gave you some of the best days of your life as well as the worst and you don’t truly believe you'll end up together.  

You had your moments with him, but you believe there's a love waiting for you that won’t make you question who you are. A person who loves the same version of you that you love most.

7. Most importantly, you've learned to truly love yourself after struggling through life's messes. 

You've come to realize that the person you are is pretty amazing. The relationship you have with yourself is challenging, sometimes hurtful, and the most important one in your life. 

You spend every day with yourself, so the easiest thing to do is learn to fall in love with yourself and let the rest of life's pieces fall into place around you.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

When you’ve experienced trauma or intense emotional pain in your life, it changes who you are.

And while your past does not define who you are, it does shape the person you will become.

You go from an innocent person with all of these dreams and plans to someone who understands the harsh reality a little more than before.

It is easy to watch movies, read books, and think that there is someone out there who is going to come ‘fix’ or ‘save’ you from yourself.

That there is a knight in shining armor just waiting to come fix you, but the truth is? You shouldn’t rely on anyone else but yourself.

If there is one harsh truth that everyone should understand, it’s that you can only trust completely in yourself.

Others can be so fickle, changing their minds, promising to be there, only to turn around and leave.

You shouldn’t rely on others to fix you. You should want to fix yourself first.

When you are truly damaged, that damage never completely goes away, but you can get help. You can push forward and try to be the best possible version of yourself before putting your past burdens on someone else.

This will lead to an unhealthy relationship and become toxic.

Work on yourself before you try to be with someone else. Don’t depend on others to fix you. You can fix yourself. You can be happy again.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you.

One second, you and your siblings are children, and the next they are having children of their own.

You are not anywhere near ready for children, and you can’t imagine having someone solely relying on you for all of their needs.

But… suddenly your siblings have children and everything changes.

Your life stops being just you and your siblings. Suddenly there’s this little bundle and your life is linked to him or her.

It’s like everything you knew before is gone. This baby is part of your wolfpack, now.

You find yourself wanting to buy him or her things all the time, wanting to be with the baby, wanting to give your niece or nephew a playmate.

Suddenly, you are responsible for a human being, even when you thought the responsibility was your sibling’s alone.

You see things differently.

You want to be a better role model for this new baby who is looking up to their aunt.

You want to tell him or her all of the mistakes you made, so that they won’t make the same ones.

You want them to live a life you only dreamed of. You want to provide for them, be there for them.

You want to be the cool aunt, but you also want to be the responsible aunt who they can always turn to.

Your life is no longer yours alone, it belongs to this little monster wreaking havoc in your living room… and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

The person who once only brought a smile to your face, suddenly became the person who caused the tears that are running down your cheeks. In that moment, the world is ending. 

The hurt you’re feeling seems like it’ll never end, and in some ways it won’t. You’ll continue to carry the sadness of this lost love with you, but the feelings of hurt will morph into other things before finally, they’ll evaporate completely.

Disbelief.

Chances are, when you’re blindsided by a breakup, your first reaction will be, “Wait, what? It’s over? It can’t be…” 

You’ll resort to calling or texting him, trying to just reason with him or change his mind.

Pain.

When it finally sets in that he’s really gone, your heart will feel pain in ways it never has before. 

You’ll feel defeated, empty, and broken. Nothing can stop the endless tears that steam down your face.

Loneliness.

After weeks, months, or years of feeling like the perfect match to someone, suddenly, you’re alone. 

Everywhere you turn there are happy couples, and you’re by yourself. You feel like you’re missing a crucial part of who you are.

Feeling lost.

No longer a member of a pair, you’re by yourself, you aren’t even sure who you are anymore without him.

“What now?” You ask yourself. You have to rediscover who you are outside of your relationship.

Becoming strong.

In re-finding yourself, you discover what it means to be an individual. You become stronger because you are the only one you rely on.

You were pushed out of your comfort zone and now you’re stronger because of it.

Healing.

You no longer feel responsible to answer to anyone else, and you no longer fear what he or anyone else would think. 

You start living life the way you want, and feeling like your own person for the first time since he left.

For more of Kat, like her on Facebook.

Everyone who has ever meant something to her in her life has abandoned her in some form or another.

She isn’t afraid of settling down, she’s afraid of settling with the wrong person. She isn’t afraid of forever, she’s afraid of being left alone.

She longs to be needed, wanted, and loved…but all she’s known is abandonment, hurt, and disappointment.

She doesn’t know how to trust because every single one person so far has betrayed the faith she had in them.

She wants to believe you are in it for the long haul, but she’s just been proven wrong so many times she doesn’t know how to believe in love anymore.

It’s not that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, she’s just so tired of being let down.

She has lived her life constantly opening up to someone who always just turn around and leaves. It always ends up being like they were never there in the first place. 

Somehow, she always ends up being “all alone, again.“

Somewhere along the way, she shut part of herself down. 

She just turned off the part of her that feels, she shut down her very own heart. She decided she wouldn’t let anyone else hurt her anymore. 

If you don’t believe in them, if you expect nothing from them, they can’t let you down, right? She started living by this mantra, but life quickly became so vastly empty, and loneliness crept into every corner of her soul.

She thought that if she didn’t feel, she could never get hurt.

But soon enough she began to realize that it also meant she would never have a chance at finding real love.

There was a part of her heart that is constantly searching…searching for someone who will prove her wrong, someone who will stay and be there for her.

So she started to slowly but surely, open up her heart again. 

She met you, and he brought that real, genuine smile back to her face…the one that had disappeared for so long. You showed her what caring means, and that someone could hold her heart with tender care. 

When the road started to get a little bit bumpy, you held her tight and you stayed. Little by little, she’s starting to think that maybe her heart is safe with you…she’s starting to get a feeling she never thought she’d find again.

She’s falling for you.

And she wants to love you with her whole heart — she’s going to. Just be patient with her.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

This girl has been through things you can’t even imagine. 

She’s felt pain that has left her curled in a ball on the floor, not knowing where to go from there. She has hit rock bottom. She has contemplated ending her life because she wasn’t sure it was worth living.

And yet…she lived.

She went through the darkest of times and came out on the other side. She’s seen how bad it can get, and she knows that there is so much good ahead, if she just holds on.

She’s going to have a positive outlook, but she’ll also be realistic. This girl understands life isn’t always a bed of roses, but she still knows what she wants from it.

She won’t settle for less than she deserves because she’s experienced it too many times before. 

So when you give her your whole heart and show her all your love, she'll be fiercely protective and loyal. Whatever trials may come, she'll always defend you.

No matter what, she's always going to love you hard. She knows real pain and knows what it's like to be completely and utterly all alone. The last thing she wants is for you to feel that too, it's just not gonna happen. 

Your heart will always be safe from the world with her. 

She will help you in the best way she can to get through own pain and suffering, and always make sure your rise up strong. 

She loves fiercely, lives life vibrantly, and believes there's good in everyone, even those who have wronged her. She will fight until the end for the ones she loves, and she won’t be defeated.

She’s tough, beautiful, and a force to be reckoned with. She’s the girl you need on your side.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.

You’re supposed to pretend you’re ok even when you’re not. You’re supposed just ‘get up, get over it,’ and go about your day as usual. You’re supposed to sit quietly, keep your illness to yourself because 'it’s not really an illness.’

What is it that would make depression qualify as a sickness then? Do the countless number of pills given to you by doctors to ‘fix you’ not count? Do the days spent in bed, physically paralyzed by your thoughts, prove invalid? 

Depression is a taboo topic that no one ever really wants to talk about. It makes other people uncomfortable. It makes people question why you think you’re depressed and if you’re just being dramatic. 

No one wants to hear about the monsters in your head or how you don’t even know what it feels like to be okay anymore. 

Not once does anyone ever ask, “How are you feeling?” “What would you like done differently?” “How do you think this can change for you?”

People want you to hide your depression, they don’t want to know you’re suffering. They don’t want to hang out with someone who’s being such a “downer,” they want things to go back to how they used to. 

Well, so do those who fight depression on the daily. They want to smile and laugh like they used to before their depression swallowed them. They want to be able to wake up and take on the day like everyone else. But the thing is, they physically and mentally can’t. And as hard as it may be to understand for someone who isn’t affected by depression, it’s a really heavy burden to carry around every day. 

Depression is not something that should be hidden, it should be talked about everywhere. It’s something that should be widely known to everyone as a DISEASE and not just something someone is making up because they want excuses to be lazy and fall short.

The hard truth of depression is it has the power to turn you into a person you don’t even recognize. No matter how hard you try to will it away, there are times depression has complete control over you. 

It’s about time people started understanding that.

For more Kat, like her on Facebook.