Author: Katie Finken

Let me ask you this…

What do you do at the gym? Do you stick to the cardio machines, maybe stretch, or “do some abs”? Are you intimidated by the free weights section or just maybe assume it isn’t for you?

Allow me to broaden your horizons.

1. Lifting weights is not a man’s hobby.

Do you have muscles? You do?! USE THEM. 

2. If you are afraid of looking masculine…stop right there.

You are a female. Your body is going to look feminine and strong. Unless you are taking massive amounts of steroids (not necessary) you don’t need to worry about bulking too much. Which brings me to my next point…

3. Once you start routinely lifting, you won’t want to stop. 

This process is meant to be scaffolded. You are going to love seeing yourself go heavier and heavier and be impressed when your muscles start showing. Looking “toned” will be a laugh to you because flexing makes you happy and confident!

5. You can buy more gym clothes and not feel guilty.

Because hell-you are going almost everyday! Outwear the leggings. These bad boys aren’t just lounge clothes anymore.

6. The rest of your clothes will fit better.

I am wearing things I thought I would never pull out of the closet again. Your confidence rises as you begin the process. Your endorphins are higher! Of course you will feel amazing.

7. Fat Loss

I lost more weight since I began lifting than I ever did before.

The amount of crap you are burning through will amaze you. Trust the process. Cardio is still an important factor in weight loss, but less effective alone.

8. Stress Reduction

There is almost nothing to the feeling of going to the gym with your headphones in, blasting the tune-feels of the day and getting a lift in. Tune out the rest of the world. Sweat, blood, tears baby.

9. Noticeable health benefits

I no longer get winded walking up stairs. In general I have more energy and I have a more positive outlook on life. Other health impairments I had have gone away or reduced, and I know I am reducing my risk for diabetes and heart problems.

10. There is so much VARIETY

Shoulders? Back? Chest? You can make your lifting schedule how you want it. If you have weak points, do them more often. Find the groove that works for you. Change up your exercises for that day, there are literally endless youtube videos* of exercises. *hint: please only reference professionals to avoid injury

11. THE FOOD

Welcome to the world of an increased metabolism. Your body will take a few weeks to adjust, but soon you will be able to eat three rolls of sushi and not feel like you ate 20 minutes later. Keep in mind we all need cheat meals, but make sure the majority of the food is still healthy. (Not to mentioned the protein shakes are delicious)

12. The pride

Honestly you rock. You are now a gym rat. You can walk around the weight section as the only girl surrounded by 30 guys. And you don’t give a flying fuck because you’re doing your own thing. After a year I finally tore the calluses on my palms doing barbell shrugs. And it was AWESOME.

13. Lifestyle Change

After a period of time (it’s different for everyone), the gym isn’t a chore anymore. It is actually the time in the day that you need to get by. It is that 1-2 hours that allow you to work on yourself. So be selfish, be proud, be strong. 

You’ll be glad you did.

Instagram: ketifink

It’s happening. 

The panic starts to set, and I am feeling the paralysis move in. I know I am suppressing these emotions because I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable and get hurt again. I have experienced some of the worst let downs and heartbreaks and I refuse to see it happen again.

But there you are. Staring at me with your perfect eyes, giving me that 100-watt smile. You love talking to me, and I love listening. Talking about myself is hard and I feel stupid because I’m used to the criticism. I am used to something toxic, something negative.

I've seen the worst of emotional abuse, and I lost trust in my gut. Am I really seeing the person you are? Or am I wearing my rose tinted shades and being overly optimistic that you are as good as you seem? I have so much skepticism and certainty that things won’t work out.

No one knows the future. But I do know how I feel.

I know immediately if I am attracted to someone. I can tell within fifteen minutes of meeting a guy if they can hold my interest. You had me hooked after five. 

I feel like I trust you already. There’s something in your voice when you tell me stories. You are a very open, and honest person and I feel like I know you more every day.

My friends like you and most haven’t even met you. Your actions really do speak louder than words. You've already started proving to me that you aren’t like the rest. You shared your candy bar, hand fed me waffles, and cuddled me until the sun came up. Girls love that shit.

You meet me halfway. I ask you to come over tomorrow, you politely oblige. If you can’t you find a solution. I see you at least once every couple of days. 

You are a stand-up guy. You're modest, yet you're honest in your accomplishments. You are self-confident, but not cocky. You could be a huge jerk to girls, and yet you treat me with so much respect and care. 

We have an unspoken agreement. We clearly just enjoy being around each other. Who knows what any of it means or where it will go, but for some reason I’m not concerned.

Or am I? 

Actually, I'm scared shitless.

Scared to get my hopes up, to get swindled. The voice in my head is screaming “you know better. Stop it”. Time and time again I have allowed myself to get excited when there is ultimately only one path this could take. 

Imagine a cynical, tough exterior, with the warm, gooey, “believer in true love” interior. I will protect my heart until the end, but deep down I want to remember how the butterflies feel.

So this is me, laying myself on the line. I refuse to let past mistakes ruin my chances at feeling whole again. I will keep trying until I get it right, although maybe after this I won’t need to try so hard anymore. So, here’s to shutting out the fears and anxieties. I will raise my glass to the girl who is optimistic even after everything she’s faced. She will make it.

You never hurt me physically, but you didn’t need to. The emotional scars you left are my worst nightmare. 

You have to look closely or else you might miss them. They appear when I hear your name. They show up when I think they have gone for good. My face will show a shadow of pain that I will hide at all costs.

I was afraid to do anything wrong and you knew you had that power over me. I would clearly not do the things that I knew would bother you. I was becoming the girl you wanted me to be.

I thought my ex before you was my soulmate, but as time went on things were happening in my life that were out of my control, and I was not the happy, energetic person I used to be. I wanted to be everything he needed and I couldn’t, so I left. 

Then I met you. Too quickly, too impulsively, we started dating. I had lost so much of who I was that I was desperate for anything to make me happy (even superficially). I let you in too quickly, I let you have all of me. 

Luckily for you, you were looking for someone who would give up everything. But you needed so much that I was quickly drained again. I was even more lost and confused. I knew what a real, functioning relationship was and this was not it. 

I constantly felt overwhelmed by you. I couldn’t figure out what was causing my depressed, and anxious mood swings and I thought it was me who was impairing our relationship. Little did I know, it was the exact opposite.

When I found my opportunity to exit, I took it. It took much longer than it should have, but I am fortunate it ever came. I felt like I had drowned in the emotional distress, the constant fighting, the sickening turbulence on an endless flight. 

I was an empty shell of the girl that loved life, laughing, and making other people laugh. I was bitter, resentful, and cold. I had unintentionally become like you and I refuse to ever be that person again.

It took months to remember how to be myself. I forgot what self-care and self-love were. I forgot how to be independent and be alone. I wasn’t lonely though. I was more lonely when we were together. 

I strengthened relationships that faltered during our time together, I created new friendships that would have never prospered with you around. I remember being with my friends and thinking, “Is this really how happy normal people are all the time?” 

And although I have healed, scar tissue is a tough son of a bitch. It is ugly, and it stands out like a sore thumb. I am not proud of these scars, but I am learning to be proud of how I prevented any new wounds. 

Now I barely bat an eye thinking of you. You are hardly a blip on my radar. But as any broken heart knows, we remember our lessons for a reason.