According to the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN), one out of every six American women will a victim of sexual assault in her lifetime. These outrageous numbers are not an exaggeration. Look around you, think about the girls you know- chances are at least one of these ladies has lived through this nightmare.The truth is, It is a heavy pill to swallow but this is what you can do if a friend tells you she’s been the raped.
Believe that what she’s sharing with you is the truth. A lot of people have this misconception of what a sexual assault actually is. Some think that rape happens in dark and scary alleys. However, that is far from the truth. Yes, there are times when maniacs are hiding behind dumpsters stalking their prey but the truth is that a lot of women know the men that sexually assault them.
The scary truth is that perpetrators of rape can be anyone, from your spouse to your friend to even your boss. These people can be accomplished, family men but that does not mean that they are not capable of rape.
Just because it does not fit your idea of what rape looks like does not mean it did not happen. If she is confiding in you, hear her out, believe her, because if she is sharing her story of how she got raped, it means that she needs your support.
Understand her trauma without falling into victimization. For a lot of women, keeping the fact that they’ve been raped a secret has to do with the fear of being victimized. We as humans tend to treat people differently when we know what they have been through a traumatic event. We tend to choose our words carefully and shield them from the reality that they have been hurt.
Just because you talk about it, just because you know what she has been through does not mean that you should treat her differently. Understand what she has survived and understand that it is necessary for her to move on from the incident, not forget, but accept.
The sense of feeling dirty or damaged is part of RTS (Rape Trauma Syndrome ), the natural responses to rape victims deal with. Regardless of your experiences in life, everyone has dealt with different things. Try and understand why she is how she is, do not pity her, but show compassion.
Offer your support even if she doesn’t ask for it: Regardless of how strong she seems, or how “over it” she says she is, your friend has been sexually assaulted and that is not something that can be overcome so easily so you must assist your friend through the process of healing the trauma of being raped.
Someone who has been raped needs to share their story in any way they can. According to RAINN for many women who are sexually assaulted, 13 percent will attempt suicide at some point in their lives. They need the support from their loved ones to be able to get through the horrific emotional aftermath of the sexual assault.
If someone who’s been raped is capable of sharing their traumatic story, it can actually help the healing process. A lot of victims of rape not want to bring it up. You friend might not want to be reminded of the nightmare she survived but the reality is, it is constantly on her mind. The reality is that she is thinking about it every second of every day. It is a lingering pain that will always be part of her, which is why she needs your support.
Ask questions, even if she does not want to answer them, show her you are there for her. Do not let her feel shame- assure her it is not her fault.
Call it what it is because there is no shame in it: Some victims of rape seem to be afraid to say the word rape, as though if they use this word, they are victims. The reality is, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
Many rape survivors pretend that what they went through was not as bad as it really was. These victims of rape make excuses for their attackers, especially when it is someone they know. These victims tend to forgive their perpetrators before they forgive themselves.
Yes, he could have been drunk, he could be a nice guy, he could have made a mistake, but the reality is that rape is rape and it is not something that we as women should be making excuses for.
This kind of thing infects a rape victim’s life, it will forever dent her sexuality, her notion of what safety is and her ability to trust anyone, including herself. It infects her spirituality and her physical being- it can leave her feeling broken.
As much as it may pain you, when she goes into darkness, remind her of what happened to her, remind her that she has experienced a trauma but that she will survive her. Do not be afraid to use the word rape, do not allow her to feel ashamed. Your friend might have been raped but it doesn’t define her.
Assure your friend that she is not alone in her healing process: One of the most helpful things for someone who’s been raped is to assure her that she is not alone. The internet is filled with places where you can connect with others who have been the victim of rape and very similar experiences.
Being raped is something that sticks with you, it is something that makes you feel lonely. It is great to open up to your friends about what happened, however, the best way to heal is to speak to someone that has either been through it or to speak to someone that has professional experience with this.
