Author: Kayla Diebold

One decision, can change the rest of your life forever. May that be the decision to believe in yourself in that exact moment or the intuition you feel deep down inside telling you no. That’s all it takes, one decision to lay the foundation of your life story. A million things will seem to go wrong, but I can promise you that two million will go right. You will laugh, cry, love, hurt and regret. But most importantly, you will grow. As the days progress and you put one foot in front of the other, this is what I want you to know:

1. When you “grow up” you can be anything you want to be. Do not make the mistake of believing that you can only be one thing in life. You do not have to pick motherhood over a career. Nor, do not have to pick being a wife over being a CEO. Be ambitious, work hard and have it all. You can be that female business owner of the Fortune 500 company whose husband sends flowers every Friday and the PTO mom that makes it to every child sporting event. Your life is what you make it, dream big. 

2. Your girlfriends are your true soulmates, do not forget about them. Friendship will always be the one constant thing in your life, do not take it for granted. Life will happen, men will come and go but your girlfriends will always be there to stay. They say that if a friendship last more than 7 years,  it will last a lifetime. Nurture these friendships, because I promise you there will be many times that you need your girlfriends to dry your eyes and remind you of just who the hell you are! 

3. Be good to yourself. You are the only person who is going to give yourself everything. As William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” If you are going to bet on anyone, bet on yourself. 

4. Stay away from people who make you feel like you are hard to love. You will recognize when this happens and when it does, walk away. This person is not meant to be in your life, only a part of your story. Do NOT lower your standards, sacrifice your wants, or change the person you are. Doing so will only leave you unhappy, regretful and bitter. 

5. You get in life what you have the courage to ask for. Under no circumstances should you ever be the woman with a mind but not a voice. Speak up! Demand the raise that you deserve, confess your love and fight for what you believe in. If you never ask the answer is always no. 

6. You will know the truth by the way it makes you feel. There is a reason that your gut is referred to as your “second brain”. There are studies that prove actual nerve and chemical connections between the two, listen to it. If in any aspect of life something seems too good to be true or just does not feel right, it isn’t right for you. 

7. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want friendship you must first be a friend. If you want love you must love. If you want happiness you must first be happy. Anything that you attract in your life should be a positive attribution to what you already posse. We actually teach others how to treat us, always demand respect. 

8. Your worth is not determined by what other people choose to see in you. You will have one person in your lifetime that sees everything that you are. They will see the storm and the sunshine. The darkness and the light, knowing that each piece is what makes your heart beautiful. This will be the person that knows you better than you know yourself. Value this person's opinion and let go of all the others that make you feel as though you are not good enough. I promise you that you are. After all, they truly are not seeing you for all that you are.

it takes a strong person to remain single in a world that is accustomed to settling with anything just to say they have something. 

I have forever been that girl. That girl that spent most of her time in long-term relationships. That girl that always had a partner, even when the man was less-than worthy. That girl that couldn’t seem to realize that all I needed was myself. I did not wake up one day and just decided “oh hey I’m going to give up dating for a year” no, that is not how it happened. I did know that I wanted to give myself time to truly heal the scars from my past. However, the time frame was just something that happened. When you are not that concerned or seeking someone to share your life with, it’s surprising how clear your vision truly is. Let’s be honest, dating in society today is much like a miniature train wreck. Girl meets boy, boy meets girl, things appear to be going great, and suddenly out of nowhere it all just stops. That was something I no longer wanted to go through and in the process of not “dating” I gained the knowledge of better things…

Time heals all wounds, but time alone heals them better. We all know the saying, the one we dread to hear after a breakup, that time will heal your wounds. We are told this over and over again. We hear the words ringing in our ears, but the pain in our hearts make it seem as if it is almost unbelievable and at first it is. I learned that you have to be accepting of the time that passes and you have to fight with the time, not against it. You have to want to heal, to grow, and to conquer.

You learn the true value of friendships. I have also been that girl. That girl that has put her friendships on the back burner once or twice. It becomes so easy to be so wrapped up in this thing we call love we forget about the friends that loved us long before our partner did. Sure, it is great to have someone to hold you at night. Someone to share the good and the bad with. Someone to stand by your side. But, when you neglect the people that were there for you prior to your relationship, who will be standing by your side to wipe your tears and to remind you just who the hell you are?

Solitude can be a little piece of heaven. For as long as I can remember, I never liked being alone. I felt as if I always had to have someone by my side and that maybe it was the company I kept that made me happy. I learned that I could not have been more wrong. I like that now when I walk into the door from work I can relax for 45 minutes with no one talking. I like that I can choose to stuff my face with birthday cookie Oreos, popcorn and all the junk food that I want while watching my lifetime movies and watching “The Bolde Type” with no judgement at all. Did you know that when you are single that the dirty clothes actually end up in the dirty clothes basket and not beside it? My toilet seat is never left up and there is no one to talk back!

You learn what you truly want out of a partner. You always think you know. We at least want to think that we have good taste when it comes to giving our heart to another person, but often we settle. We settle mostly because we allow our heart to make the decision, ignoring the big red flashing sign that screams NO NO NO. It is true that you have to accept the bad with the good, but under no circumstances should we sacrifice our beliefs or expectations when choosing a partner. Get over the fact that he may not have the biggest package in the world but turn and walk the other way if he thinks it’s okay to entertain multiple women or is too emotionally unavailable.

Self-discovery. Self-discovery. And more Self-discovery. Day by day, week by week, and month by month I learned more about myself. I realized what I wanted out of life for myself. I chased my dreams. I faced quite a few of my fears and I conquered every battle on my own. I took the time to truly focus on myself for once without any interference. I now know that when the right man comes along, that I will be ready for him. Ready to add to his life and ready to accept what he has to add to mine. I am certain of this because now I myself am completely whole all by my damn self!

Not every relationship is meant to be forever, but there are certain things you can do to make sure your relationship lasts.

1. Even if it's hard, try your best to trust. 

More than likely one of you in the relationship if not both endured the agony of disloyalty before. 

Some are convinced that you should trust a person until they show you differently, and others believe that trust is a bond that develops over time. 

Sit down and talk about what trust means to you, and what the other can do to further develop the bond that is the framework of your entire relationship

 2. Know the difference between compromise and sacrifice. 

One partner in a relationship should not compromise more than the other. 

Neither partner in the relationship should ever feel like they must sacrifice their wants or needs for the other. 

A happy and healthy relationship consist of an equal balance of compromise from both involved.

3. Make the other the center of your universe… in a healthy way.

Always take your partner into consideration when you make important decisions, plans, or anything at all that will impact your significant other.  

With that being said, under no circumstance should your life be based on your partner. 

You both need to have a life divided from each other that includes hobbies, time with friends/family, etc. 

4. Never stop going on dates. 

No matter if the two of you remain together for six months or six years, never stop dating one another. 

Remember how wonderful the little acts of kindness felt in the beginning and continue to give them to keep the sparkle in each other's eyes. 

5. Really give it your all to get along with his family and friends.

Family and friends can be an “make it or break it” element if a relationship is not at its strongest point. 

Your partner loves their family and friends as do you love yours. Every effort possible should be made to support the people were in your partner's life before you. 

Encourage each other to still have nights out with the girls and boys.

6. Never stop trying to impress them. 

Ladies, do not go weeks without shaving your legs. Men, do not forget how important personal cleanliness is. 

Yes, lounge clothes are oftentimes more suitable for nights in but don’t forget to dress up for not only your partner but for yourself. 

7. Put them first every day. 

Always choose to love your partner, even when it’s hard to like them. 

You partner should be your best friend. Always speak with words of kindness, touch with tender hands, and listen with an open heart. 

Satisfy your partner sexually, don’t be selfish. We all like to reach the big O. 

8. Don't run away from anything, always talk it out. 

You should be listening to understand, not listening to reply. 

Make sure that your partners feel that you are there as a shoulder to lean on and that you support the effort being made to get through a misunderstanding or an argument.

Perhaps, we should love ourselves so fiercely that when others see us they know exactly how it should be done. – Rudy Francisco

?You’re that woman. The woman who puts the needs and desires of others before your very own. You live your presence each day just passing thru the motions of your daily routine. Forcing a friendly expression on your face as called for and laughing right on cue.  After all, you have pretending down to a science. You believe the longer you pretend, the harder you force yourself and others to believe you’re happy that after a while, you will be. The absence of pleasure you have from within doesn’t only derive from one significant thing, but a number of little messes jumbled together to make what seems like a permanent battle you must confront each day.

You glance into the mirror and stare at the reflection of the empty woman looking back at you, almost unable to even recognize her. You trace your fingers along the darkened circles under your eyes, flashbacks of all the sleepless nights you spent tossing and turning surface. Your eyes are not as bright as they once were and you notice your smile no longer lights up a room. You wonder to yourself what others see when they catch sight of you? Is this what they see? No longer even catching yourself revolving your world around others anymore because you've been dismissing your individual needs for so long it happens naturally now.

Life is suffocating you. There is no pleasure or passion, merely just feeling of endless longing to break out of the darkness. Baby girl, you need to love yourself. Not just any kind of love; An unselfish, deserving, satisfying type of love. Your body is the temple of your soul.  How can you hope for any level of happiness in your life if you remain unhappy with the person you are? Break away from the patterns you have formed of taking care of others before taking care of you. How does anyone expect you to be a gift to their life when you aren't even taken charge of yours?

My challenge to you today is to fall in love with yourself. I assure you, no other human being on this earth is better deserving of receiving the love you have to offer then you! Start a journal, pick up a few personal development books, take up yoga or a hobby that you placed on the back burner for so long. Anything at all that will make you a better you. I encourage you to write three small things every day you admire about yourself. Then I want you to write ways you can get back to that woman whose smile once took others breath away,

Do this for you, no one else but you. I promise you once you love yourself again all will improve. Your peace of mind, confidence, relations with others and you will notice yourself laughing not on cue but so hard tears build in your eyes. Only then will you flash back on the weak woman you once were and a genuine smile will form on your lips. 

?"In the end, we'll all become stories." — Margaret Atwood

Everyone carries a story, the past, a present, and a world to come. I trace my fingers across your scars, a roadmap of your story. Hoping to obtain knowledge of every past significance in your life story. 

I lay in your arms during your present, and the world around me stands still. All that is important at that precise moment is you. With my head pressing on your chest, I can make out the rhythm of your heart; perfectly in sync with mine. I want nothing more for you than peace, happiness, and longevity.

I believe every soul you come across carries a purpose in your life. Some you meet to be given a valuable lesson, others you come across to serve in teaching a lesson. Not everybody you meet is intended to go a lifetime with you, some are only a piece of your story for a season. 

On late nights, when I'm alone curled up in my bed, I oftentimes wonder where I fit into your story. 

Is it likely I could be the one? I know you feel it. I see it too. The intense sensation I get when I am with you. For once a home is not a place, it's the secure feeling I come to know when I'm in your arms. You are home for me.  A piece of my story and will forever be. I stand strong by your side through your interpersonal struggles…you fight with love, commitment, and settling down. 

Love scares you and as we take two strides forward in our adventure together, you panic and take five steps backward. 

One day will you glance at me in passing and mention me as “The one that got away?” As the years progress, will I be the woman you open up to your son about in desire for him to learn from your mistakes? Will I be the thought you replay over and over in your memory?

I've made an effort to come to terms with the alternative possibility…the one where I am only your lifelong friend. 

The woman you identify will forever be there looking beyond your personal demons, continually pointing out the real inside of you. The woman that will watch you love another female and smile on the inside because when you genuinely love one, their happiness matters even if you are not the one contributing to it.  

I do not see where I fit into your story…I only know you will always be a part of mine. 

You remain my person. The one person that I will never turn my back on. If fate takes us both our separate ways, know that you will always be in my heart. 

You have taught me so many valuable lessons in life that you aren't even aware of. I will cherish our memories, the warm tingly feeling I get when I am with you, and the vibes close to my heart. But I always find myself with the burning desire to know where I fit into your story. 

?Nothing about sex is “casual”. Sex is the most intimate act done. Communication is essential, without communication the question is not “if” a disaster will occur, but “when.”

You met someone, it leads to sex and suddenly before you are aware of it, you’re in it to win it. Whether it be something thought out, or it just sort of happened, you thoroughly enjoy having sex with them. 

Close friends are off limits.

Or somebody you already have any ounce of remote feelings for. You’re only setting yourself up to hurt if you want anything deeper than just sex. Not only will you lose out on good sex that emerged, but you will lose out on having that person in your life.

Never invite them to your family/ friends events.

It’s not like that. You should be comfortable enough to be open and straightforward with your partner, but not on a ‘help me pick out a name for my new puppy’ level.

Actually ‘talking’ should be kept to a minimum.

Unless you are discussing the ETA  to your house for a DTF text message, organizing on meet-ups, or setting boundaries. 

You both should communicate enough in the beginning stage of the arrangement to know what the other individual desires and/or requires, so unless something changes keep conversations brief and sweet.

No cuddling, sleepovers, or running errands.

Time spent together should exclusively be when sex is involved. When the deeds finished, it is time to go.

No glove, no love.

If your partner is having casual sex with you, they could have it with numerous partners too. It is always essential to protect yourself but the importance increases with the uncertainty of various sexual partners.

Let it bring out your inner freak.

In the bedroom, tell your partner what you desire, what feels good and if they need to move a little to the left side or a little to the right! Also, the more dirty talk the better, extend your vocabulary.

Don’t even follow each other on social media.

No-strings-attached partner means literally zero strings. If you were friends previously on any social platform, delete them. 

But neither of you are the other’s sex slave.

Do keep in mind that your partner is human. Respect needs to be given.

No mouth to mouth contact.

AKA kissing. If you are able to be satisfied sexually without kissing, don’t. Kissing is usually an intimate act you have with a person you have feelings for. 

The minute that any type of emotional feeling is felt, it’s over. Or it’s not… but it usually is.

?I always knew there would be a day you would try to come back into my life. The weak, fragile minded woman you turned me into feared for that time to come. 

Scared because I didn't know what my reaction would be and how It would cause me to feel. However, I am no longer that same woman. 

That chapter in my life has closed. I have put forth all the damage, pain and agony that our relationship caused me and I have built myself up to be stronger and better than ever before. There will never again be another “us”, and I stand not sorry.

You asked me not to make you go through the remainder of your life with the regret, and my suggestion to you: don't. 

Take all the lessons you learned from the toxic person you were and use it to help yourself become a more suitable man. Change for the better.

If you don't wish to change for yourself, then change for your child so that when she grows up, she doesn't submit to a man treating her like she saw her daddy treating others. 

You wish for me to forgive you. The truth is I forgave you the moment I walked away, but I will not ever lose sight of all the misery you put me through.  

I forgave you for myself. I forgave you because you don't deserve to cause me to go thru life carrying that burden. I deserve happiness that is why I have forgiven you. 

If you desire to do something for me, swear to never treat another woman how you treated me. 

Use your words to whisper encouragement into her, not to belittle. Use your mind to map out a future for the two of you, not to manipulate.  

Use your charm to make her fall deeper in love with you each day, not to please other females. Encourage your friends to accept her being a piece of your world now, don’t use them to lie. Take her hands when she needs comfort, not to lay hands on her. 

Most importantly, use your soul to love somebody the way they warrant to be loved, not only for your individual benefit.

As you were tearing me down, I was building you up. Through all the misery and trials you gained wisdom by your wrong doings on how you are supposed to love someone. 

Maybe I was meant to teach you a lesson, and you taught me one too.  You want my forgiveness, carry out this one thing for me. 

At the start of us, I could've never imagined myself encouraging you to love another woman, and now at the end of our chapter that is what I'd like for you to carry out. I wish you to experience love because thanks to you I know one day I will.

The advantage of you breaking me down was how I built myself back up again. You took every single part of me in your hands and shattered all of me. 

I broke into thousands of tiny pieces, having to reconstruct myself into the woman that I am today. I thank you for that, and I know that one day my future husband will thank you as well. 

This is our goodbye. This is your forgiveness. Take it for not only yourself but take it for her as well.

?Relationships, the dating world, men, and woman are all extremely confusing in the world today. This generation is not like it use to be for commitment, courting, chivalry, etc. I have had my fair share of times when I had to text my best friend 911 to get me out of an awkward date, I’ve experienced partners that say they want a relationship but only want the benefits of a relationship without the giving of commitment and let’s be honest it seems like chivalry doesn't exist in today's society. 

I have had guy friends reach out wanting advice on how to understand women. My girlfriends calling to vent about not understanding their man, and my own personal problems dealing with this thing called love. I know we all wished that we could have our own personal love/relationship, doctor. I am fortunate enough to know one and I wanted to share him with you today. 

I want to introduce to you, Johnathan Clark. Johnathan, “The DateDocta”  is a marriage and family counselor in the state of North Carolina. An author of three books: “How To Understand A W.O.M.A.N. A Man’s Viewpoint”, “His P.R.I.D.E”, and “How To Get Over Them in 10 Days”. Johnathan is 30 years old but feels as though he has the spirit of someone that’s lived and loved for double that age. He thanks God for the gifts he is blessed with in being qualified in this subject and his compassion for love and a desire to understand it from multiple levels. 

I am privileged to receive the opportunity to work with  “The DateDocta” and ask him questions I received from both men and women. I wanted to share this information with you from both a male perspective and a woman’s perspective.

• What is your best 3 pieces of advice you would give to men in the dating world today?

DateDocta: 

1. Make sure that you’re ready to compromise some of your desires to make room for your significant others.

2. Make sure you treat your woman the same way you plan for a young man to treat your current/future daughter.

3. Honesty in a relationship is equally important as wanting to socialize and hang out with your homeboys; remember that…

Kayla: 

1. Stay true to yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you're not to “get the girl”. It will save you both in the long run from future unhappiness; the woman that is meant for you will love you and accept you for who you are.

2.  Express what you are bringing to the table and specifically what you want out of your relationship together. If you want a committed relationship express that. If you're only seeking intimacy express that too. That way you give her the choice to take it or leave it and theres no room for miscommunication.

3. Treat her with the exact expectations that you have for how she should treat you.No double standards.

• What are your thoughts on men being intimidated by a woman that makes more money than him or is more financially stable? 

DateDocta: Depending on the guy, we’re designed to feel a certain way about our woman making more than us. We are exposed and taught into being the head, but I’m afraid that we have glorified that term “Head” as being the best in everything. If you think about it, whether she makes more than us, is there really such a thing as her making more if we’re together? What happened to us being a team that works together to be 1, not 2?

Kayla: Coming from a woman that is extremely independent, I can see why this may bother some men. However, times have changed. It is no longer uncommon for a woman to be more successful than a man, or to make more money. I can’t speak for every woman because I am not impressed by the size of someone's pockets, but I feel like as long as you are ambitious, setting goals, reaching them, and bringing something to the table you should not feel intimidated. Just like Johnathan said, you two are a TEAM.

• Is trust gained or earned? When you start dating do you give all your trust from the beginning or make them earn it?

DateDocta: Trust is both. One can not work without the other. Sometimes in life, we’re exposed to losing trust from those that abuse it so that inclined us to second guess giving it away so freely.

Kayla: I agree, I think trust is both given and earned. You have to be open to trying to trust the other person. But also, the other person has to show you that they are worthy of your trust. Actions speak louder than words, so it is easier to trust a person if they are “proving” to you that they can be trusted.

• How do you feel that men see the “Friends with Benefits” situation?

DateDocta: I think it’s a bit different but fair. It is a simple “SITUATIONship” with no strings attached. The issue nowadays is one party sometimes doesn’t know it’s without strings attached.

Kayla: That is exactly what it is, a “Situation”. I feel like this doesn’t work out more times than not because one party feels something that the other party does not. Women can be more emotionally attached thru sex then men are which can frequently lead to problems but I have seen it work both ways. I do feel this can be a successful and beneficial “Situation” for both parties involved if the honesty, communication, and respect is there. 

• Do you believe in “Once a cheater, always a cheater?” It is said that when men cheat it is only sexual, but when women cheat is usual for an emotional reason, what are your thoughts?

DateDocta: I believe once a cheater, the odds of you cheating again increases more than most. Men and women cheat today for both sexual and emotional reasons. Society installed the myth in our head that men and women cheat for separate reasons based on gender differences. 

Kayla: I agree, I feel when you make the decision to cheat once your odds increase of repeating the act. Some cheat and get away with it so it feels as though to them it is something they have the ability to do. I also know some people that have cheated, and it ruined their lives, so they may be less likely to make that choice again. Men may not be as likely to show their emotions but they have them just as women. Cheating can be for both emotional and sexual reasons from both genders. I do not believe it is solely just one.

• What do you think is the most effective way to solve a difference?

DateDocta: Depends on the relationship. Communication, sitting down to hear both sides of the problem and figuring out how both parties can come out on top of the resolution as a winner; leaving the option of losing out of the equation. 

Kayla: Communication is key. As you begin to learn your partner you figure out the best way to communicate with them. I feel as though compromise is very important.However, there is a difference in compromising and sacrificing. Sacrificing often is not healthy for a relationship and there should be an even balance of compromising because like I said before, you two are a team.

• How many dates is the right amount of dates before sex is involved? Of course, you want to be comfortable with your partner, but you also don’t want to rush into sex too soon. How do men truly view sex on the first date?

DateDocta: I would say 3-4 dates. I’ve known many couples that have had sex on the 1st date and are still successful to this day. Some men view sex on the first date as okay, whereas some men view it as the woman not being the “wifey” type because we are taught and exposed to women encouraging us to wait to get the goodies nowadays. 

Kayla: As a woman, I think the number of dates before sex is a personal decision. The level of comfort has to be there and for me, I require to feel that the man is worthy of my body. Your body is just that, it's yours and I do not feel like you should just be handing out your peach to everyone. As far as sex on the first date goes, we are all human but to me, I feel as if you do not have much respect for yourself if it is that easy for you to jump into bed with someone. But hey, we are all adults and things happen. No Judgement this way, it is just not my thing.

• What advice would you give to Men in their Mid 30s-40s that are still “Playing Games”?

DateDocta: Haha, just know that your kids are paying attention. Sometimes when we’re in our mid 30-40s still playing games it is because life has taught us that taking it seriously is out of the question. Life has taught us, men that were serious before, it didn't work out so now let’s just have a little fun while we are still alive.

Kayla: The main thing you just said is “while we are still alive”, you may want to stop “playing games” before either time passes you by and you wake up one day 50 and all alone or having to settle for a woman that isn't even half of the woman that you played games on. Or you will find yourself always referencing back to “the one that got away” because a person will only put up with so much of your bullshit.

• You wrote a book on Pride in a relationship, can you briefly explain to me how a man’s pride can ruin his relationship or hurt the woman in his life?

DateDocta: Lying, being afraid to open up to your partner, choosing based on how society views it and poor decision making stems from a lot of pride like thinking; now with that being said, do you see how such straits can ruin a relationship?

Kayla: Absolutely. I have witness pride not only ruining relationships but destroying anything good a person tries to gain in their life. I will explain in detail in a later post my thoughts on pride in a relationship when I review your book that I received, “His P.R.I.D.E” be on the lookout for this post and in the meantime you can purchase this book directly from www.thedatedocta.com! 

• What advice would you give to give to a woman that was in a previous toxic relationship, and is now trying to get back into the dating world?

DateDocta:

1.  Please make sure that you are open to anyone that is worthy of your time.

2.  Make sure you are with someone that is understanding and not judgemental of your situation. 

3. Make sure you are with someone that you are able to be yourself, as oppose to what he wants you to be.

4.  Be ready to love and be appreciated again.

Kayla: 

1. You need to learn how to love yourself before you try to love someone else.

2. Make a promise to yourself to never allow your happiness to be determined by a man or a relationship.

3. Make sure you are not finding the same toxic soul, in a different body.

4. Love has a way of opening up old wounds, try not to punish your present for your past.

I want to personally thank you, Johnathan Clark, for contributing to not only my blog but to my readers. I am looking forward to more work with you in the future.  I hope that everyone enjoys this article as much as I enjoyed preparing and writing it. Please leave comments for discussion below. Check out Johnathan “The DateDocta” Clark at www.thedatedocta.com and follow him on social media! 

?I wish I could have heard your cry for help. I wish I could have been there to tell you everything would be okay. That toughest battles are given to the strongest soldiers. 

I’d give anything to hold you in my arms as the tears rolled down your cheeks, proving to you that you are not alone. 

If you could only have seen yourself from my eyes. Seen the potential I saw when I looked at you, realized how much I believed in you, and caught sight of the man you were behind your demons.

I remember getting the phone call, the call that altered my world forever. I couldn’t believe you were gone. The only thing quicker than the thoughts racing through my head was the tears that gushed from my eyes. How would I ever accept this? 

I wanted to scream, but when I threw open my mouth nothing would come out.

To realize you felt so alone and suffered so much that you believed the sole way to escape the agony was to take your own life. You weren’t alone; I was forever there.

I prayed this was all just a horrendous nightmare and I would wake up and all would be okay again. Going to your funeral meant I had to accept you were gone. Never coming back. If I didn’t accept it then it couldn’t be true. 

Now, it’s my biggest regret in life, not telling you goodbye. I think of my best friend holding me as I broke down, explaining you wouldn’t have wanted me to remember you that way. Assuring me you never wanted me to go through any pain, and that it was not any different that day.

You came that night in my dreams. Standing at the top of a stairwell, looking down at me. You assured me everything would be okay, told me you missed me and assured me I would not ever be alone. When I rose from the dream, I could feel you wrapping me in your arms. 

I smelled the scent of your cologne I had grown to be so familiar with. It was the first moment since you passed that I  experienced any other emotion besides grief. You visited me many occasions after. It turned into something I looked forward to. 

I realized you were no longer fighting battles; you defeated the demons and saw your smile was brighter than ever before.

Everyone has a theory on what takes place to a soul after life is taken, but I know for certain that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. 

You are above, you are with your past loved ones and mine. I wish I had the chance to tell you all the things that I didn’t have time to say, but I know that you can see into my heart and I know that you are always with me. I carry you in my heart every day. 

Looking forward to those brief moments of certainty where I know you are near.

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. – Kahlil Gibran

I walk thru life every day capturing the attention of strangers solely based off of my outside physical characteristics. Noticing my bright green eyes, tan skin, charming smile and a nicely put together physique. Pretty, sexy, gorgeous have been terms used to express me. As much as I respect the compliments, I am deeper than an image.

There are many individuals who miss the woman I am, the soul I sincerely have. Imagine going into an art gallery, so many lovely articulate paintings overlooked by more loud collaborative paintings. The painting you’ve overlooked is still there, not requesting you to look at or take in, but once you look beyond the image, truly acknowledging the art; There is a beautiful message behind the delusion. If you fixate on my image, not penetrating beyond my exterior, you miss my value. The beauty is in the message of my soul.

I realized early in life that being pretty is generally more of a burden than a benefit. When meeting people, they grow interested in me because I appeal to their eyes. Being pretty becomes a disturbance, blocking out the ability of others getting to appreciate me for my inner radiance. From everyday situations to important career outcomes such as employment interviews, it astonishes me how much an outside image effects people. Landing a position based on my pretty appearance, not seeing I have the intellect to back it up. I was acknowledged as the cheerleader and not the softball player because I know how to put on lipstick and twirl my hair. The one that offends me the most is being stereotyped as a female without a mind because in civilization today you can't be both pretty and intelligent.

Pretty is described as attractive in a subtle way without being really beautiful. I don’t even feel the need to comment on that absurd allegation. Pretty has a unique definition to each individual. Everyone sees differently with the eyes. I believe, pretty comes from within. An attractive physical appearance means nothing if you have an awful heart. Like the familiar saying goes “What looks good to you, isn't always good for you”. Pretty is vague, I demand to be recognized and acknowledged as very much more than an expression with such vague context.

Although my face to you may be “pretty”, pretty I am not. I am a genuine beauty.  Beautiful from the inner surface of my heart. I am intellectual, confident, a dream chaser, determined, loving, warm-hearted, devoted, independent. A daughter, a sister, a noble friend, a learner and forever a shoulder to everyone that desires it to lean on.

My advice to every woman out there, you are more than just a pretty face. Realize that, enforce it, and live up to those words every day. “You can be pretty darling, but make it a point to be so much more.”