6 Lies We Tell Ourselves At the Start of the Weekend

The start of any weekend is always ripe with so much promise — possibilities of so many things to get accomplished. We head into the weekend telling ourselves that we’ll do them all or most, but deep down we know the simple truth: we’re liars.

1. We’ll clean the house.

Over the course of the week our rooms have a tendency to become strewn with old outfits and take out containers. It’s understandable, we lead busy lives. So the start of a weekend is that golden opportunity to clean up a little.

We never do though, for a number excuses — hungover, tired, we’ll get it done next weekend, etc. Our place ends up looking like a polluted street and having a clean refrigerator has to wait another day (or year!).

2. We’ll go through and respond to all our emails.

In this modern tech age, we have accounts on so many different websites. And apps, and they all continuously barrage us with a never ending stream of emails.

Maybe we were interested in that website — at some point — or we’re just too lazy to unsubscribe from their email blasts; But one thing is for sure — we don’t have enough time to look through let alone even click on these emails.

Thus, our inboxes have become infected hives of unread and disregarded emails. The wide open weekend is perfect for clearing our tech house, but that would require clicking through them all.

3. We’re going to be good to our livers.

The past few days or weekends have been lots of fun and games. And we’ll totally remember to detox. Often times we start the weekend telling ourselves we’re going to take it easy, but then we get that evening text from a friend, and we promise to only have one drink.

Fast forward six hours later to when we have somehow managed to get ourselves home, and now we’re foraging through our refrigerator like a starved zombie raccoon.

4. We’re going to be social.

On the other hand — some weekends — we promise ourselves that we will actually go out and act like we have a social life. We reach out to people, but there’s nothing overly-enticing that’s going on, and that’s when it happens — the siren call.

From our bedrooms we hear the alluring voice of Netflix, calling to us, and once our beds join in on the chorus we’re hooked. We grab the Nutella and a spoon, and dive under the welcoming sheets. So much for being social.

5. We’re going to get a head start on that project.

Even if it’s a Friday night — and we just finished work or school for the week — we tell ourselves we should really start that project looming over our heads. Yes, we think, yes we will be productive, just after I watch this one episode, but then that episode turns into 10.

Then before we know it, the whole weekend has blown past us, and all we have to show for it is a hangover and a bruise on our arm that we can’t figure out where it came from.

6. We’re going to see that one friend we’ve been meaning to see.

We all have one. That one friend that we really do love and care about, but can never seem to find the time to see. We promise ourselves that this is going to be the weekend for our grand reunion.

Yet when push comes to shove, the plans don’t materialize, and we don’t see our friend. It was the thought that counted right?

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Why You Should Sleep With Whoever You Want Whenever You Want.

Sleeping with…..

Sex is arguably one of our favorite activities as humans, so why do we throw so much shade on it?

Down with sex negativity! Up with sex. Love your sex.

1. Sex will keep you from dying.

First of all, you wouldn’t even exist if your dad wasn’t smooth enough to woo your mom during their years of young lovin’. So appreciate sex.

Lots of sex boosts your immune system, lowers your blood pressure, lowers your chance of heart attack, improves your sleep, eases stress, amongst others! Have sex, be healthy.

2. Your sex is your business.

Simple as that. Some people like to tell others, others dont — pick your poison. People who get mad at you for sex are just jealous anyways. Wash your hands off of all those basics.

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22 Reasons You're Only Adding to Your Stress if You Don't Speak Up

Day after day the world confronts you and throws itself right in your face. You can either grab it by its horn and throw to the side like the Herculaen beauty you are, or you can you know… avoid it like that one acquaintance you see on the street but don’t really have the energy to interact with.

You’ll stew on it.
No seriously… all day you’re just going to boil about what you should have said at that moment.
You’ll be stuck on it a like a vhs looping and looping into eternity.
You’ll think about all the different outcomes that could’ve been…
Would they have disagreed with you but your willingness to put yourself out therre?
Or would they have crowned you as the queen you are…
One thing is for sure though…
… It would have definitely turned out better if you had gotten all those feels off you chest.
You’ll worry that people will see you as a doormat they can step all over…
The anxiety that this is going to be a new trend makes you start to feel sweat dripping down your back.
You know that deep down you’re 100% a boss a** b*tch…
… but that’s not how the rest of the world sees you right now.
You kind of just feel like an a**.
You’re also going to spend the day thinking about what sort of vindictive act that will launch you back to that boss a** bitch level.
But sadly deep down you know that no level of sass is going to make you feel better about not speaking up in the moment.
You’ll imagine what their slight “I’ve been knocked down a peg” cringe face would look like.
And it feels so good to enjoy their diminished sense of self…
But then…
It all comes crashing down as you snap back to the reality where you didn’t say anything.
All you can do is patiently wait like a tiger in tall grass for your next opportunity…
To say what you actually think!!
Reign supreme, boss b*tch, reign supreme.

22 Reasons Every Occasion Calls for Wine

There’s no such thing as a situation were wine is’t appropriate. Basically, no mattter what the question is wine is usually a pretty good answer.

Wine is holy.
I mean the Greek gods were complete winos, and they were pretty successful at life.
Like… they were gods.
Basically drinking wine = goddess status.
Friends are so, so much easier to make with some wine.
Like so much.
You can make friends by bringing wine, by being brought wine, by gifting wine, or…
Just being wine drunk with people who’ll give you all those friendly feels.
Wine will make you feel classy as f*ck.
I mean, if we’re really being honest wine is the classiest of any alcohol.
Stick your pinky out while you indulge.
Basically wine will make any situation look good.
Burp all you want, just make sure you have wine on call.
Shave your legs with a glass of wine in hand, you’ll feel all the classier.
There’s nothing wine can’t make a class act.
Wine will give you confidence for no matter what situation you find yourself in.
You have to meet your boyfriend or girlfriend’s seemingly nice but terror inducing mother? Bring the wine.
You have your final presentation of the semester on microbiological nanobots? Bring the wine (white wine… in a water cup, for camouflage purposes).
Or you’re finally going to cut the string of your slowly unraveling relationship? Bring the wine.
People change…
Wine will never turn its back on you.
It’s wine… shouldn’t that be reason enough?

8 Things Only People Who Suck at Lying Will Understand

Lies range from big to small, from superficial to serious, but it doesn’t matter to us because all lies are stumbling blocks. No matter how small, a lie is a lie, and we’re just the absolute worst at it.

1. Sunglasses are necessary for survival.

They’re the great black shields behind which we can mask the ways our faces give away our lies. With our impenetrable shades up, our friends can’t see the ways our eyes nervously dart back and forth or the way our eyebrows twitch.

Our sunglasses basically let us pass for normal people.

**2. All of our friends know that we can’t lie for sh*t.**

It’s common knowledge in our friend group that looking up at the ceiling while talking is a sure sign that we’re constructing a fib. Maybe it’s time we got some new friends…

3. We have no such thing as a pokerface.

Either our lips curl into a slight uncomfortable smile or we make just the slightest squint with our right eye as we finish speaking. All bad liars have their own special brand, we can’t help it. Our facial muscles just love to make it all so obvious.

4. We’ve given up on lying to anyone close to us.

What’s the point? It’s just a big impossibility to get anything past them at this point.

5. We practice lying in the mirror.

We stare ourselves in the eyes and say, “My name is Barack Obama and yes I am the Leader of the Free World.” We scrutinize our faces for our lie signs, and then concentrate all our mental strength on lying without the signs.

Too bad we’re never successful. I guess we are just eternally damned to always be awful liars.

6. We don’t know if it’s better to be an obvious liar or too blunt.

If we tell white lies to make our friends feel better, they always know we’re lying to them. But if we just tell them what we really think then we come across as assholes. Is it better to be an a**hole or a liar? Probably an a**hole…

7. We compensate by giving way too many details.

When we need an “us” day we should just tell our boss that we’re sick, plain and simple. But instead we give them this whole long spindly adventure tale about how we finally went to this new restaurant we had really wanted to try, got something a little out there, and now we’ve been suffering from horrible food poisoning since 3:47 in the morning. I guess the truth isn’t in the details.

8. Our Google search history is filled with lying tips.

“How to lie,” “What are the body language signs of a lie,” or “Classes on lying, NYC,” and “How many lies does it take to kill a friendship…” Just to name a few.

20 Things Only People Who Are Tired, Like, All the Time Will Understand

Being exhausted isn’t just some fleeting feeling we get over the course of our day. Tired is pretty much our general baseline state of being. It’s not a lifestyle choice. We were born this way:

No, coffee is not just “a morning thing.” We need it all the time…
Even out at the bar.
Without coffee, we wouldn’t be functioning members of society.
We can sleep anywhere…
…At our desks using a computer as a pillow or at dinner getting cozy in a bowl of spaghetti.
We had to give up reading…
…Not because we don’t enjoy it, just because anytime we read it’s guaranteed that we’ll be fast asleep in two minutes, tops.
Surviving lectures is obviously a challenge.
We had to deal with the random moments of dozing off and drooling throughout every class.
We just pray that no one saw it happen.
Naps are not a mere convenience, they’re an absolute necessity.
Without a nap to get us through the day, well, we simply aren’t going to make it.
There’s just no chance.
We set, like, five alarms for the next morning.
Because if we aren’t annoyed to the point where we are going to smash our alarm against the wall…
…We aren’t going to wake up.
If we’re in a relationship with someone, we pray they don’t make the foolish mistake of disturbing our sleep…
…Even accidentally…
…Cause five seconds after we realize what happened…
…They won’t be seeing us anymore.

9 Signs He Might Have Resting F*ckboi Face

Fuckbois are the new “it” scourge of the modern age. He might not necessarily be a fuckboi, he’s proabbly actually a really nice guy, but he certainly has that resting fuckboi face…

1. People will actually whisper behind his back in public, saying ‘look at that fuckboi’.

And all he can do is helplessly lower his head. You can check out what he is wearing all you want – it’s definitely not his clothes… It’s just his resting fuckboi face.

2. People avoid him at bars and parties.

It’s almost like there’s a magic repulsion force field around him. No matter which way he walks there’s a 3 foot radius of people walking away from him. It’s not fair. Did people not remember their first lesson in kindergarten? Don’t judge a book by its cover, duh…

3. People just love to tell him — rub the salt in the wound, why don’t they?

Either the first thing someone will say to him when we walks up into them in a bar is “F*ckboi be gone” or they love to tell him about how they thought he was a grade A f*ckboi when they first met him.

He always ask for clarification, like why they thought he was a f*ckboi, but they can never give a concrete answer. They just say it has something to do with his “aura” or some other mythical bullsh*t.

4. He’s unshaven a lot of the time.

Shaving your face sucks okay?! It’s easier to just not shave, and have a scratchy exterior. But unfortunately for him, the lack of facial attention might just lead to him to looking a little like Kevin Federline… so like major f*ckboi status.

5. He can zone out not matter what he’s doing.

He doesn’t mean to, he just get lost in his thoughts really easily. When he gets distracted, he looks like he generally doesn’t care about anything. And so he looks like a true stone-hearted f*ckboi.

6. People are constantly giving him dirty looks.

You aren’t sure, but you have a hunch that it’s because they think he is f*ckboi. You get it, people don’t want to be around f*ckbois, but he isn’t a f*ckboi, he’s just misunderstood.

7. You have to keep track of his expressions.

It’s exhausting, but anything to keep away the fuckboi accusations. The worst is when you let your guard down for a minute and then he get’s labeled immediately. How can people be so cruel to a fellow human?

**8. People buy him f*ckboi shoes as presents.**

Like, thanks for the Yeezy’s? He appreciates that someone spent so much on his present, but this is just not his style. You wish people would buy him things he actually liked, like a book…

**9. Everyone keeps tagging him in ‘fckboi’ articles – he is NOT a fckboi.**

Not a day goes by where his Facebook and Instagram notifications aren’t all about various f*ckboi articles that his friends just couldn’t wait to rub in his face…

Wait a second though… maybe he just might be a fuckboi?

8 Signs He Literally Loves You Like Kanye Loves Kanye

Ahh yes, Kanye and Kanye, the Romeo and Juliet of our time — a true love at first sight saga that’ll inspire artists for generations to come. If he loves you as much as Kanye loves Kanye, then you’re one lucky person.

1. Giving you a nickname – that plays off his name.

If his name was peanut butter, then he would 100% nickname you jelly. He loves you enough to spend hours thinking about a name for you. Just as long as it complements his perfectly because nothing goes as well with him as he does.

2. Having a picture of himself framed next to the bed turns him on.

You go to bed and have sex, you wake up and have sex, and there’s always the sex sprinkled in throughout the day, but you always have to remember to have his framed picture somewhere within sight.

You get him in the mood, but good sex becomes perfect sex when he gets inspiration from staring deeply into his own eyes.

3. He wants to have kids with you — because how cool would little mini him’s be?

He can see them now, 3 to 4 little kids all running around the house with his light curls and his devious smile. It’s like the best daydream he has all day. He knows how lucky you must feel to have been picked to carry his spawn.

4. He’ll write you auto-tune music.

Screw acoustic romance songs strung on the guitar. High pitched metallic shrieking is the new sound of love. Kanye knows it, and so does your boy. Can’t you hear his pitch perfect crooning now?

5. Tweeting about how amazing you are – as a couple, that is.

Kanye loves tweeting about Kanye, so if your man really loves you, except some pretty over the top indulgent tweets about just how amazing you are (together, that is).

6. Designing a pair of shoes and naming them after you.

No these aren’t going to be the next set of Yeezy’s, he’ll name them BAEzzy’s. Fashion world look out, your next avant-garde couture and overpriced sneakers are coming for you.

7. Letting someone else finish what they’re saying, just to tell ’em that you’re the best girlfriend of all time.

And by letting ‘em finish, we really mean that he’s going to interrupt them immediately to go into a monologue about how you’re actually the best girlfriend of the year and that you deserve whatever award is being thrown around.

He’ll cut off a whole auditorium of people, that’s how much he loves you.

8. He rarely smiles…but the only time he will is when he’s with you.

But it’s only for 2 seconds max because how embarrassed would he be if anyone saw any hint of joy spread across his face.

9 Things To Do Tonight Instead of Going on a Date

Tinder, Hinge, Happn, OkCupid, Bumble, the list goes on! It’s so easy, almost too easy, to get a date whenever you want. 5 minutes to secure a date? Challenge accepted. I’m all for dates, but don’t forget to date yourself!

1. Netflix & chill… with yourself.

It’s all the rage right now, but instead of watching some emotional heart-tugger and crying into the brawny shoulder of some tinder hulk, why not weep sentimentally into your own shoulder? You’ll be just that much more intimate with yourself. Go get that self-knowledge.

2. Mani Pedi.

Treat yo self.

There’s just something about laying back in a chair with someone attentively going over the little flaws of your fingers and toes, fixing them like they had Tide-Yo-Go Pen but for your body.

Dates are stressful, so lay back for a night and let your extremities be worshipped like the treasures that they definitely aren’t.

**3. Cook yourself a fancy as f*ck meal.**

Make yourself something so ridiculously over the top that it takes like 8 courses to eat. It’s time to fall in love with yourself all over again.

4. Base Jumping.

If you think about it, going on a first date with someone off a social dating app could be potentially dangerous. Like, how do you know if they’re a serial killer or not?!? Danger is sexy, so why not redirect it into something more obviously dangerous?

Grab a parachute and sprint off the top of your closest big building. Think about all those endorphins.

5. Wine night with a book instead.

50 shades of wine, am I right? Real men on real dates never seem to match up to their profile photos were they portray themselves as dashing intellectuals traveling the world to save humanity from itself. They’re just always so bleh in person.

But you know who isn’t bleh in person? You, with a glass of wine and a book. Grab a glass of wine and settle down with your literary sweetheart.

**6. Do some cultural sh*t, like that one museum exhibit you’ve been meaning to see.**

You could spend the night listening to some boy giving you a little too much information about his mommy issues, or you could see that exhibit before it packs up and heads to another town.

Not to mention you can totally use it as an interesting talking point when you’re on a date with a more mentally adjusted man.

7. Work out all your sexual energy.

Run on a treadmill until your body has relinquished every ounce of sweat it has and your cramping muscles chase away any fantasy of some steamy skin-against-skin action. Working out is just a much more constructive alternative to the cold shower.

8. Get a pet to ease your loneliness.

Who needs a man named Hank, when you could have a labrador puppy named Hank? Your four-legged hairy hunk will never leave your side. He might actually help you and bark the f*ccbois away.

9. Go to a movie… and throw popcorn at people on dates.

Think of it now, two people on a date seeing a romantic movie. Their hands slowly dancing around each other as they intertwine. They look at each other, slowly leaning in, and then bam! They get hit by a hail storm of sloppy butter popcorn.

10 Things Only People Who Love the Rain Will Understand

Most people hate rainy days, but then you’re not most people. You fully embody the Singing in the Rain mentality, and you just want to yell it from the rooftops… in a rainstorm.

1. You’re a rainy day homebody.

Your ideal day is staying snuggly under your covers with a hot drink. Rainy weather totally grants you full permission to do so. No more of this “it’s so nice out, I have be outside” mentality.

2. Umbrellas are a sign of weakness.

It’s ridiculous to you when people pull out their umbrellas at the slightest hint of a slight drip. Like when was the last time rain ever seriously hurt someone? To you, using an umbrella is the ultimate sign of disrespect for your favorite weather pattern. As my favorite Southern belle always tells me, “You ain’t made of sugar, you won’t melt.”

3. Rainboots are you favorite boots.

They’re actually just your favorite shoes in general. You wish that it was okay to wear your rain boots on clear days just so that you could pretend it’s raining outside. Hey, who knows, you probably actually do wear your rain boots on blue sky days.

4. You love the feeling of surrendering to the rain.

There’s that one moment in a real downpour when you finally accept you’re going to be soaked. You’re tensed shoulders relax, your head tilts up as you embrace the oncoming curtain of water, and it’s in this that you find true rainstorm freedom.

5. Rain is just a shower for the soul.

…and possibly a legitimate shower for your body. No judgment.

6. You know that rain is the perfect time for deep thinking.

You can’t use your headphones or phone because they’ll either break or electrocute you, and no one’s going to bother you on the street because they’re freaking out about the weather. Rain gives you total freedom to lose yourself in your thoughts.

7. Clouds bring the drama.

You’re a total drama queen, and dark clouds on the horizon have a way of adding a touch of seriousness to the world below. Not to mention the great insta photos you get from cloudy skies.

8. You can’t sleep at night without some sort of rain sound.

Laying in bed at night with the gentle tapping of rain on the window is the only bedtime story you’ve ever need. You actually have a rain soundtrack on your computer or phone that you play at night when you can’t get your fix with the real thing.

It might not be the same, but it’s better than hearing drunk people in the streets below.

9. Rain makes you feel alive.

It’s the times like when your skin gets pricked by the first drops of rain and the skin on your back tightens and your skin erupts into goosebumps. It’s this moment of tickled sensation on your skin that reminds you that you feel and sense the world around you, and that’s what it is to be alive.

10. You don’t understand why people describe rainy weather as “gross.”

It’s just water falling from an incredibly high altitude, and the last time you checked it’s a process that sustains all life across the world. So you would please like an explanation from someone about what’s so gross about your fav weather pattern.