Author: Maddie Shorkey

For years, I thought that if I could just wait it out, everything would get better. 18 year old me will have better friends, 20 year old me will land a killer job, and 25 year old me will be madly in love. And me 6 months from now will be skinnier, and me a year from now will be more confident, and me some time from now will be better somehow.

It took me a long time to realize that life doesn't work that way. Older doesn't mean happier or easier, and it certainly doesn't mean better; it just means older. Life isn't a well plotted screenplay, or a checklist, or a waiting room. Life isn't about growing up to be all that we've ever wanted; it's just about growing. It’s about love, and change, and crying yourself to sleep when it’s all too much. 

And working a crappy job, and kissing your best friend even though they might not like you back, and calling your mom all the time because you miss her. Its fights, and promotions, and hospital visits. It’s school and the start of jobs, and the end of friendships and relationships. 

And then it’s another wedding of another college friend, the fourth one this year, but this time you meet a guy who’s just as down for love as you and you dance all night. And then before you know it, it’s him with tears in his eyes when you say “I do” and you have a baby girl with your eyes and his dorky ears.

It's all of these things, and bad things, and good things, and the raw realization that it doesn't get better or worse, it just gets different. It always changes. And somehow that makes it more wonderful. Because future-you may have the friends, and the boy, and the job, but you didn't get it by waiting around. 

You are a product of every action you make, right now, tomorrow, changing and growing every moment that follows. Maybe you worry too often about what people think of you, maybe you still don't have it together. And maybe that's what I've learned after all this time: nobody has it together.

We're all just here, floundering around in pursuit of being something more. Broken, thoughtful creatures with too much time on our hands, desperate for the companionship of someone who reminds us that we are not alone. We don't have much of anything figured out. Maybe we never will.

But more importantly, I think that's how it's supposed to be.

Name a better girl than the sarcastic girl to be in a relationship with… I’ll wait. She’s chill beyond belief, has a heart of gold, and the quickest wit you’ve ever experienced. Sure, there are times when you wish she wasn’t so harsh, but every endless tease, every time she mocks you or bursts out laughing at you is pure love. 

Her brutal honesty and ability to make even the most mundane tasks fun are what makes her such a keeper. If you cross paths with a sarcastic girl, don’t let her be the one who got away because you sure as hell are going to regret that. 

1. She’s almost always messing with you

Don’t take it too seriously she’s playful. Joking is natural for her and honestly, if she’s not making jokes then you have something else to worry about. 

2. And if you don’t know if she’s joking, safe to assume she’s joking

The default mode of your phone is silent, and the default mode of her mouth is sarcastic.

3. Yes, she is laughing at you. But that’s because she likes you

She wouldn’t laugh at you if she didn’t think you could laugh at her, too. Your misery might make her smile, but only because she wants to be the one to help you up and hug you after you fall down.

4. Those mean comments are her version of PDA

There’s nothing more intimate or affectionate than her calling you an asshole and kissing you afterward.

5. Oh, and she’s going to remember every embarrassing thing you’ve ever done

That time you tripped outside the movie theatre, that time you fell down the stairs, the time you said something that was supposed to be funny and came off as weird, she’ll remember it all. She likes to keep her joke bank fresh, so don’t think that anything goes unnoticed or is off limits.

6. But you can (and should) make fun of her too

She can honestly take a joke better than anyone else because to her it’s not the end of the world. It’s fun when you bite back.

7. Those times she comes off cocky is just a front

She’ll say inflated things about her appearance, like “damn I look good” when she’s at her worst. She doesn’t spend hours on her face and she doesn’t actually think she’s the shit… well, okay, she kind of does, but she will not say it like that.

8. Because underneath that hard exterior is a soft, gooey center 

She’s only this sarcastic because she has mad layers of depth and feelings. For every mean thing she jokes about, she has five more nice things to say about you.

9. So learn to take a little hit, okay?

She’ll shove you, playfully punch you after a good joke, and obviously hit you with a verbal shot to your glass jaw. The better you take it, the more she loves you.

10. If she’s ignoring you in a big group, it means she likes you, yes you

Don’t get used to the loads of attention she pays you when you’re alone. She’s not really about PDA or making you feel like royalty when there are a bunch of people around. She’ll never be the ball and chain, and the more she ignores you, the more she can make eyes at you and mouth “I hate you,” which is basically a sign of head-over-heels, stupid crazy affection.

11. I hate you = I love you

Always. Always. Always.

12. But sometimes she will say something really mean and immediately wish she didn’t say it

It’s almost like sarcasm is this involuntary reaction and SHE CAN’T STOP.

13. And she will occasionally say something incredibly sincere, but you won’t notice because you’ll think it’s sarcastic

…And then she feels pretty foolish for putting herself out there.

14. Because the truth is, being sincere doesn’t come easy

So when she gets serious, you need to pay attention. (And cherish it)

15. It may not seem like it, but she’s not trying to play it cool

She’s sensitive if that wasn’t obvious by now. Too sensitive. Could be why she is so sarcastic, but whatever.  It’s dumb, but she’s cool.

16. That’s why when it comes down to it, she’s so awkward at making moves

She truly, honestly does not know how to give you the signal that she likes you or that she cares about you. She’s hoping you will see through her sarcasm.

17. She actually has a lot of feelings… like a lot, a lot

She’s not an emotionless robot, she’s just a sarcastic lady. She likes to joke and mess around, but that doesn’t mean she’s a numb rock.

18. And no, there’s actually nothing in her eye

She’s actually having an emotional reaction to something and her eyes are sweating. You don’t need to stare at her like she’s on fire. She has feelings!

19. In the truest reality, you’re dating a sensitive, affectionate, loving person

Right? Right.

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If there’s one wish I could make, it’d be to be able to save you, my little sister, all the heartache, all the tears, all the sleepless nights that I’ve had to suffer through. I know as you grow up you want to experience life to the fullest, and on your own, but if only you could learn from my mistakes, life might be a little bit easier on you. The world is a scary place and I’ve learned that the hard way so that you don’t have to and you can stay my sweet sister forever.

I want to be able to tell you everything I wish I had known when I was growing up so that maybe your future will be brighter. If I could fight your demons for you I would, that’s how much I love you. But I can’t, so instead, I’ll be the big sister you can turn to when life becomes too much, the person you can run to no matter what time of day it is, no matter how minuscule the problem… I’ll be there, I promise. 

There will be times in life when you’ll feel so overwhelmed you can hardly breathe. Sometimes, it will feel like there’s no coming back from it and that you will feel like this forever. But believe me, you won’t. It’s scary to feel alone and it’s even scarier to have to pick yourself back up, but you need to– and on your own. I know from the bottom of my heart that you are beyond capable of doing it and in the end, it’s only going to make you stronger. When you fight your own battles and stand up for yourself, you’ll grow as a person. I know you can conquer just about anything in this world if you put your mind to it. Plus, I’m just a phone call away to help.  

If you trust every person who enters your life, you’re going to get hurt… a lot. People don’t always have the best intentions, especially guys. They will break your heart and be mean to you and it’s going to really suck, but it won’t last forever. And sooner or later, you’re going to be able to laugh about it with your friends, but it’s probably going to be later.  When you get your heart broken I promise to be there for whatever you need. Whether it’s bringing you ice cream, listening to you vent, agreeing that the person who left you is an idiot or plotting revenge. You name it and I’ll be around. But just know, even if you don’t want to hear it, I will tell you when it’s time to move on. I’ll let you get it all out because heartache takes time but when it gets to that moment I’m going to tell you to snap out of it. This will show you how strong you are.

And just like boys, your ‘friends’ aren’t always going to be your friends. Your hometown friends might become the friends that you see once a year, or maybe even never again. And that is OKAY. It happens. People grow up and change, don’t hate them for not reaching out to you. There comes a time when you move on from each other, but don’t be upset about it. Remember your good times and smile when you think of them. You will eventually find your lifelong friends who will be there for you always and you will realize why your old friends aren’t your friends anymore. 

But your parents will always be your parents no matter what. They are going to drive you crazy, and the rules are going to seem absurd and annoying. But I promise you they mean well. It took me a long time to figure this out. Even at twenty-something I still think some of the things they do and say are ridiculous. But eventually, you will come to realize that they are only doing it out of love. They just want to see you happy and to succeed. 

You are truly one of the bravest people I know. You stand up for what you believe in, love with your whole heart, and do everything with the utmost kindness I’ve ever seen.  You are one of the sweetest, most loving, strongest, stubbornest people I know. Don’t change that for anyone.  You may be my little sister, but I look up to you. You inspire me every day without even trying. You make me believe in myself and encourage me to follow my dreams and to fight my own fights. You teach me more about myself.  

You have both, directly and indirectly, taught me how to be patient, considerate, and responsible. I just hope I can do the same for you. 

I always wished that I would be able to pass down all the lessons I’ve learned to you to help you be the best that you can be. There is one difference in what I teach you, and what you teach me: I pass down knowledge to you knowing that these are lessons you will inevitably learn yourself from life, with high hopes you never have to learn them the hard way. 

But you, on the other hand, teach me how to be a protector and a better person. Whether you can see it or not, I will always be rooting for you.

Mental illness has been a weight on my shoulders that has held me down, making even the smallest things nearly impossible. It was like a bulldozer cruising through my life, demolishing everything in its path. It pushed my happiness aside and made itself the star of the show. Moments of excitement turned into moments of fear and panic in a split second when it decided to make its presence known. It put me at war against myself for what felt like an eternity, taking any self-confidence and burying it in doubt and insecurities that were made up.

When I finally found the courage to seek help and walked into the building for my very first therapy session, I felt nauseous. To be honest, it went horribly. The woman was not a good fit for me. And because of that, I didn't admit to her just how much my mental illness was affecting every aspect of my life. But I came to realize that finding the right team of people to help takes time. I am a very impatient person, but I knew that if I wanted to get better, I had to accept trial and error.

As dark as some days have been, that darkness only allows me to better appreciate the light — weeks spent traveling the world seeing unforgettable sights; nights spent at concerts, surrounded by hundreds of strangers, feeling connected by the beat of the same song; days spent laughing with family and friends; accomplishments that fill me with a sense of pride; the day I walked across that stage and received a diploma I had poured my heart and soul into. My mental illness may have taken so much from me, but it could never take my sense of hope. It has not and will not diminish my belief that tomorrow can and will be better than today.

I used to be too ashamed to talk about my struggle publicly. I would have been ashamed to tell people that I have been to a mental health agency, that I take daily medication, and that I saw a therapist weekly. But you know what? I'm no longer ashamed to admit that. Because everyone has their own method of conquering whatever it is they are battling and I know I’m not alone. 

I just hope that everyone who is battling a mental illness knows they are so worth it. Each and every soul is unique, wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, curious, kind, smart and an inspiring human being. Everyone deserves a good life. And the world is full of light and darkness, but that’s okay that’s just the way life goes and there is nothing wrong with that. Each soul is filled with light and darkness, black and white, happiness and sadness. This doesn’t mean anyone is broken, damaged or split even though at times it feels as though we are. 

People treat us differently as soon as they hear the words “Mental Illness.” They change, but please, stop thinking that’s your fault. They just don’t deserve us. We are better than them. I want everyone suffering to know that they are supported, they are not alone in this journey, and that they are truly and deeply loved. And most importantly, I want them to know that they are meant to be here in this life.

It didn’t happen overnight, but I’ve finally come to the realization that mental illness may be a part of my life, but it will never, ever define who I am.

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• Prepare for the morning the night before.
• Get up 15 minutes earlier.
• Spend time with friends.
• Take a bubble bath.
• Cuddle in bed.
• Say “no” more often.
• Don’t rely on your memory…write it down.
• Light some candles.
• Listen to music.
• Set priorities.
• Avoid negative people.
• Use time wisely.
• Ask for help.
• Unclutter your life.
• Smile.
• Be prepared for tough times.
• Pet a dog.
• Pet a cat.
• Walk in the rain.
• Believe in yourself.
• Stop saying negative things to yourself.
• Develop your sense of humor.
• Have goals.
• Dance.
• Ask for a hug.
• Look at the stars.
• Read a book.
• Do something new.
• Stop a bad habit.
• Buy yourself flowers.
• Find support from others.
• Have vent sessions.
• Be responsible for your feelings.
• Go to a zoo.
• Become a better listener.
• Know your limitations.
• Exercise.
• Spend a day outside.
• Watch movies.
• Cook your favorite meal.
• Keep a journal.
• Always remember your options.
• Have a support network of people, places, and things.
• Quit trying to fix other people.
• Get enough sleep.
• Step away from social media.
• Change your attitude.
• Breathe.
• Pursue hobbies.
• Relax. Take each day at a time.

I am a college dropout.

There is a lot of social stigma attached to that title. People automatically think you're a loser who wasted time and money and who has no motivation. They believe you're lazy and didn't try hard enough.

However, I am a college dropout purely by choice, and I wear the label with pride. I realized that my mental health and well-being was more important right now than figuring out what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. And honestly, I don’t know what I want to do. I am at an age right now that allows me to do things like this freely. I have a great full time job, a roof over my head, and the rest of my life ahead of me. Why would I not take this chance? School will always be there, it isn’t going anywhere.

In high school, I thought I had an idea of what I wanted to do. It had always been something in the healthcare field. Or so I thought. I was scared; I wanted to make sure I was heading in the “right” direction. All my classmates had clear ideas of what they wanted to do and where they wanted to go.  I wanted to make sure I was setting myself up for many opportunities and decent pay in something I thought I wanted to do. I found myself taking extra math and science courses, even though I hated them. And before I knew it, I was enrolled in college taking prerequisite classes for the radiography program. A year later I was in the EMT program and then the nursing program. And the year after that I was back to radiography. Big picture being, I had no idea what I wanted to do. 

I don’t regret my choice; I only wish I had come to my senses sooner. Do I feel like I’ve wasted money? Yes. Do I feel like I took a bunch of pointless classes and wasted time? Yes. Did I ever think I’d be at this point? No. Do I think I’ll be happier taking time off and figuring out what I want to do later on? Yes. 

The stigma that you have to have a set plan of what you want to do right out of high school is bullshit. You are 18 years old. There is no way that you are supposed to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. I quickly realized I needed to take responsibility for my own happiness. I was constantly stressed out worrying about if I was making the right choice or not and it weighed down on me. I didn't want to be unhappy forever. Life is too short to make such critical choices that will forever affect our futures.

So here is my advice to you–IT IS OKAY to drop out of school. College is hard. And it’s even harder when you don’t have any clue what you want to do. You're not giving up, you're moving on. You're exploring your options. You're testing your abilities. You're discovering the world on your own terms and you'll settle down when you're ready.  If you realize after you've begun school that you're not in the right place, it’s okay. It's okay to switch programs, it's okay to drop out, it's okay to take a year or more off and it's okay to say it's not for you at all.

There shouldn't be one standard all people are held to once they finish high school. There shouldn't be a rulebook we have to observe when it comes to deciding our fates. Do what makes you happy, and be who you want to be. And, if you find you've taken a wrong turn, don't be afraid to make it right.

I’m going to tell you something you already know, and that is that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a nasty place, and no matter how tough you are, it will knock you on your ass and leave you there if you let it. Nothing is going to hit you as hard as life will.  And right now, there are people all over the world who are just like you. They’re lonely, they’re missing someone, they’re in love with someone they shouldn’t be, they have secrets you wouldn’t believe and they’re just as stressed as you. They wish, dream, hope, and watch out the window whenever they’re in the car thinking that things won’t ever go up.  And you cannot, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life. This life is yours and it is what you make it. It is inevitable that you’re going to mess up sometimes, everyone does. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up.

You are in charge of your life.

Just because you fail once doesn’t mean you’re going to fail at everything. You need to take wrong turns and talk to strangers. Open new doors and close old ones. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out. Be curious and smart and bored. There are so many adventures that you might miss because you’re too busy waiting or too scared to try. To find them, look for new and interesting things. Step outside your comfort zone and remember that you are always making it up as you go.

Remember that on your journey through life, nothing will ever be perfect and it never has to be; there will be times when you are broke, there will be times that you feel lonely and sad, but there will be times you will be happy. There will be good and bad, but I promise the good will always outweigh the bad. Just take things one day at a time and remember to breathe

Keep trying, keep holding on, and always believe in yourself. Because if you don’t, who will? Keep your chin up and keep smiling. This life is a beautiful thing.

I could list all of the simple things I’ve learned in life, such as never use the popcorn button on the microwave unless you like burnt black popcorn. And that chocolate is okay in moderation in times of emotional desperation (or always), and that a smile has more of an impact on a person than you think.

Or, I could list more important things, like making sure to never go to bed angry or to always leave the house with pants on. But instead, I thought I would share with you a few other things I've realized in my 20 some years of being alive.

1. Not everyone is going to like you.

You could be the absolute best person and there will still be someone who doesn’t like you. But that’s okay. That’s not your job to make them like you. And more than likely it’s a problem within themselves.

2. Mistakes don’t define you.

Making a mistake is not the end of the world. It’s taken me a long time to realize this. But we are all human, everyone messes up, you’re not the only one.

3. Don’t let someone else define your worth.

You don’t need a boy/girl in your life to show you that you are worth something. You are perfectly capable of being on your own and still being the very best person you can be. No boy or girl is ever going to prove to you more than you can prove to yourself that you are worthy of everything.

4. You don’t have to have a ton of friends to be happy.

There is no reason to think that having 50+ friends will make you happy. Instead of focusing on the amount of friends you have in your life, focus on the quality of the friendships that you have instead. Your few close friends are your support system.

5. Comparing yourself to someone else is bullsh*t.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. You were made how you are for a reason. There will always seem to be someone who is smarter, funnier or better looking than you. But that doesn’t mean you need to beat yourself up about it at every possible moment.

6. Trust your gut.

99.9% of the time it’s telling you the truth.

7. Learn to say no.

We often feel obliged to say yes even when we want to say no. I’m definitely guilty of trying to please everyone, but you need to remember to put yourself first and say no if you really don’t want to do something.

8. Stop apologizing.

Yes there are some occasions that you do need to apologize, but you don’t need to say sorry for every little thing you do.

9. Do things that scare you.

Do things that you wouldn't normally do. I'm not saying risk your life, but do something that scares you. Something that makes you nervous because you will probably look back with a smile and not regret doing it. You will also learn the most out of your comfort zone.

10. Say ‘I love you’ more.

We don't appreciate people as much as we should. We assume they already know they're loved and we don’t have to say it to them. But, you should still say it. Say it to your parents, your roommate, or a close friend. You should let people know how much you care and appreciate them.

11. Take as many pictures as you can.

I’m not ashamed to take pictures at every new place I go or of every new thing I see. I love pictures and capturing the moment. Take pictures, so that you can look back with a smile. Take pictures so that you can remember how happy you were at a certain time. If the memory fades, you will always have the picture to look back on.

12. Have a reason to keep going.

The world is going to push you down over and over and over again. And people will do the same, but you need to always find a reason to get up and keep fighting. Just have a reason because the world is a better place with you in it.

13. Be kind.

Even when you’re angry or frustrated. Even when you are tired and cranky. Even when you least feel like it. Everybody has their own battle ahead of them and you want to be remembered as kind and not an asshole.

14. Your parents are right 99.9% of the time.

That crappy friend they told you about a year ago? They were right. The boy who screwed you over and broke your heart? They were right about him too. You might not always agree with what your parents tell you but they're always right when it comes to finances, relationships, and life. They really do have your best interests at heart.

15. You are not alone.

I spent so many years thinking that I was alone and it's not a way to live your life. In fact, it sucks. So look around you and figure out who's there for you. I guarantee it will be more than you expected.

16. Set aside time for yourself.

Always being around people can get tiring. Set aside a few hours a week for yourself. It really does the body good to relax for a while.

17. Stop complaining.

It fixes nothing. If you don’t like something, change it.

18. Celebrate the little things.

If it's raining outside, go dance in it. If it's snowing, put on a jacket and build a snowman. If it's nice outside, go for a walk. Celebrate life's little pleasures because you'll look back and regret not enjoying them when you had the chance.

19. Time does heal. 

It sounds cheesy but it works. From personal experience, I've learned that how sad you are feeling right now will never last. The feeling of heartbreak will diminish and you will learn to love again. The pain you are experiencing now will eventually fade. Tomorrow is always another day.

20. Your best is good enough.

Find the things that you love and the things that you're good at. Pour your energy into them and realize that your best is all you can do. Your best is good enough no matter what anyone else tells you.