Author: Maddie

"Do what you have to do until you can do what you want to do," Oprah Winfrey. 

You have always been considered the sweet, innocent, nice girl to the people who only know you from a class or work. 

No one has got any dirt on you, knows any of the shenanigans you get into once the sun goes down, or who you really are behind your "innocent make-up". Not that you're bad-just a badass who doesn't need to broadcast her actions to her fake friends online.

Your girly flowered print blouse is replaced with a loose shirt and tank top and your wild side comes out of hiding; just like your other wardrobe. 

You aren't one for Instagram uploads of filtered bad decisions, or embarrassing moments you took of your friends that no one should ever see. In all honesty, no one excepts you to have this crazy, spontaneous, side to you. But hey, that's awesome; you can live the best of both worlds. 

Straight A student, dream daughter, but you're always up for a great time when everyone least expects it. 

You know that everyone thinks you're a goodie good who has never done one rebellious moment in your life, when really, you're a silent badass who loves tattoos, piercings and doing crazy things with your select few best friends. 

You're in the clear being the type of girl who doesn't consume her life in making everyone else apparent of her every life decision. That's all you are, you do what you want regardless of having to shove it down everyone else's face. 

This is what you live for; yourself. That makes you the biggest badass around. 

Sometimes the quiet, innocent face is the girl who has the best life behind the backs of those who post every drunken Friday night. 

You do you; you crazy little badass, you.

"Worry about loving yourself, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you," unknown.

1. You like all your own hobbies, obviously.

You don't have to force someone to partake in random, and sometimes boring, activities with you just because they are your boyfriend/girlfriend. You like road trips? Go solo. You like Christmas lights? Take yourself to them because you're an independent woman. No need to have a guy around to force into your many hobbies that you want AND should be out doing. 

2. You know AND love everything about yourself. 

You know that you have a little extra weight and you embrace it while pigging out in bed watching reruns of your favorite show that your ex boyfriend never understood your infatuation with. You got a zit? Not to worry, because dating yourself means you know how good lookin' you are underneath that pesky pimple.

3. You are always up for a hundred selfies. 

All you want is to capture every moment with a quick selfie to post about your adventure later. Without having a guy there to nag you about how slow and pointless it is to pose by the biggest boulder you see in the State Park, you can just take as many as you can without angering any impatient man. Embrace your inner selfie queen.

4. You always find yourself hilarious.

There is no need to awkwardly respond to fake laughter when you tell the punch line wrong. You know you're hilarious without even trying hard. You don't need no man to tell you you're funny. 

5. You can choose how much money you spend, whenever you want.

You want McDonalds? Go get it. You want to buy a new car? Why not! You can choose whether your date night for yourself will be a cheap date, or a go all out kind of date. Its your money. 

6. You can always pick the restaurant. 

No sharing, no picky eaters, you know what you like, so you can inhale it as fast your heart desires. No judgement included. Feeling classy, take yourself to Olive Garden and eat their finest meal. You're always in charge.

7. You always have fun on nights out because you chose the movie/concert/activity.

Yeah its always nice to see and try new things, but you'll never be disappointed taking yourself to the new Nicholas Sparks movie you have been dying to see.

8. You never have to deal with the awkward "goodbye, its not you, its me" break-up lines. 

You already know you're awesome and a keeper, no need to worry about anyone leaving you when you're dating yourself.

I’m sure that when people look at us in the halls they have no clue how we became friends in the first place.

You have always been on the darker side; darker colors, scary room decorations, and a fascination with all things horror and gore.

I like those things in moderation, but never was as interested as you were in those things.

It never occurred to us that we were so different. Even at a young age we had opposite interests. However, it never stopped us from being friends.

I was always the pretty in pink, little blond girl who did whatever my little heart desired. You introduced me to scary movies at such a young age, that now I am rarely phased by them. You never made me feel like we were from opposite ends of the girl spectrum because you became my best friend when I was 5.

I spent all my days with you when summer came. We would watch movie marathons, belt the lyrics to the same song on repeat for hours, pretend to be mermaids with our seahorses in the pool, and star-gaze every night.

Your job is bigger than just best friend.

You’re like a sister to me, my mom, a therapist, and a lover. We treat our friendship like we are a couple; getting jealous of future “friends” of the opposite one of us sitting at home complaining to our moms that we were being ignored by our ‘best friend’.

In all honesty, without you, I would probably be laying in some random grass field looking at the sky thinking to myself, “Man…did I mess up again or what? Another mistake added to my resume,” because you ground me more than anyone does. You talk the sense into me and know how to be brutally blunt and honest when it comes to my life decisions.

I look at you and see how you are the polar opposite of me in your skeleton shirt, black hair, black combat boots, and skeleton purse, while I stand in my pink shirt with a girlie scarf and sandals.

Even though we have different taste in, pretty much everything, I would never want a different person to call my best friend. I think our opposites attract and make us better friends.

You are the most bad ass, honest, trustworthy person I know.

I didn’t always agree with you, but now I realize you were always right.

I know I always tossed your advice aside and did whatever I wanted, yet you always were right when the end result came back and I had failed. I don’t regret doing my own thing despite what you suggested I do, because now I have learned that 1) I am not always right, 2) I should probably learn to listen to my mom because she IS always right, and 3) I am stronger now having screwed up certain things I have tried to accomplish.

Mom, thank you for always teaching me that I deserve better and shouldn’t put up with anyone’s crap. I didn’t always listen to your advice, but just know, I could hear your voice in the back of my mind every time I was going to do the one thing you warned me about. I am proud to be your daughter, because you have made me believe that I could accomplish anything I set my heart out for. I may not have told you how much I appreciated every little encouragement you would give me.

When I was little you made my love for nature and writing blossom, because without you, I would have never gotten as far with my writing as I have already with you encouraging my skills.

I love you.

I am happy that I am becoming a woman who is just like you. You find the best in everyone, and you are always there to make someones day a little brighter. You have ultimately become one of my best friends.

Thank you for everything you have ever done for me and everything I know you will still remind me of as I grow older.

You’re the best.

“Sometimes, the best way to be happy is to learn to let go of things you tried hard to hold on to that are no longer good for you,” unknown.

Sometimes the hardest thing you have to do is let go of the one thing you thought would be a constant in your life. Whether it be good for you or not, when something is no longer serving you well, it’s best to move on from whatever it is that is causing your life turmoil.

Toxic people create toxic lives.

I think as we get older we become the people we want to be, and sometimes that means growing out of certain people from our life. It could be a boyfriend or girlfriend who you have been with, for what seems life ever, or a friend that you have had since you were 5. 

No matter who that person is to you, letting go of what you can’t change is going to be one of the hardest things you will do in your personal life. 

You give so much time and energy to make something work, or to ‘fix’ someone who is having a negative impact on your life or relationship, that you fail to realize they haven’t changed once. You can’t change the toxic person in your life. 

They just do not work for you anymore.

It’s okay to let them go, doesn’t make you a bad person or selfish for leaving them when you have tried to make them apparent of their actions. You deserve better than the toxic person who is only bringing you into an constant cycle of promising to be different, only to fall back into their old ways shortly.

Let them go. You can’t change the f*** boy who keeps promising his love for you only to be texting four other girls at the same time. You can’t change the friend who keep backstabbing you whenever you aren’t talking for three days.

No.

Let the new year bring a new you.

Let go of what you can’t change, toxic people create toxic lives.

I never pictured a life without you, considering you have been there since I can remember my life. My first memory was meeting you at my new house when I was 3.

You became my best friend instantly. We spent almost everyday together, called each other right after having just been with one another, and spent holidays together whenever our families weren’t sick of each other.

We kind of grew together and formed apart of each other in a bond so tight I thought could never be broken. I shared some of my greatest adventures with you, spent nights crying with you over stupid stuff we shouldn’t have gotten ourselves into in the first place, and relied on you above all.

Whenever my world crashed, I would look for you to cheer me up, take me out, and have a night that we would never forget. You always reminded me that I was gorgeous, and I could do WHATEVER I wanted because I was a strong, independent, woman.

We would lounge around all day in our pajamas watching childhood movies and snacking on our favorite munchies until the next day we had such cabin fever we would drive until we found something to do.

No matter what, we always had a crazy adventure. Life without you bored me whenever we had our petty fights that resulted in ignoring each others presence for weeks on end.

I thought I would grow old with you, thought you would be my maid of honor, be there to help me raise my children and be their un-biological aunt, and help me unpack my things in my first new house.

I realize that childhood friends don’t mean life-long friends. It’s okay that people change and grow out of one another. I don’t blame you for anything, but I know now that we are not who we once were.

It’s okay to not agree with your friends choices in life. You don’t have to be apart of them. Sometimes enough is enough, and you have to let go. Childhood friends are not always meant to carry into our adult lives. 

I will miss you and our friendship; but, I cherish the crazy shenanigans that we got into together.

“A girl doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her,” Marilyn Monroe

 

Starting from day one, you were someone who was incredibly special to me. I had the oddest feeling when it came to you; one that made me believe that you were everything I had dreamed for in a guy, in every honest way. You made me feel alive honestly, and in a short amount of time I couldn’t go a few days without feeling your embrace. Granted, I was 15 when I met you, and when I fell so hard in love with you. I could not have asked for anyone better, because I thought you were the person you painted yourself out to be in front of me. I shooed off the ideas that insisted you were a crook. Tossed any accusation out the window. I believed you whole heatedly.

Shame on me.

You Tricked Me

You were such a pro at playing games that I actually believed you had changed for me. You had told me everything from your past and gave me a sense of trust. You became my security blanket and I needed you for every little pin prick in my life to keep me at ease. I gave you my heart at a young age, and expected you to treat it the way you said you had intended. Yes, we all make mistakes, but aren’t we supposed to learn from them and never do them again? You were not good at that.

You made me believe that I was the only girl that you truly loved and cared for, and never once would you do something sneaky behind my back. I believed and told all my friends how wonderful my boyfriend was because he did not even catch a glance at other girls walking by at the mall. I was in complete denial of the real you because you were the master of disguise and I was the only one blind enough to see that.

“I promise, I only love you”

Yeah, heard you say that just about a hundred times. Did you ever even mean it? Of course you loved me after 2 years with someone and having known every little flaw of them, you are bound to at least love them a little bit. Right? After one time with you failing to realize I was giving you my all and you left me for another girl, I should have ran for the hills then. But, unfortunately, I did not do that. Being young and naive, I figured, since he still talked to me while he was dating her and still wanted to hangout with me, maybe it was my fault and I was not a good girlfriend to him, this was my time to change. Right?

Wrong.

Getting back with you was the worst thing I could have done. You ditched me, lied to me, snuck around, but at the end of the day promised that I was the only girl for you. I should have listened to my parents and my friends, how many times would I let you convince me that you loved me while you were dating another girl? I had lost all respect for myself believing such a low life boy who was dating different girls on and off, while “loving” me at the same time, actually did love me. Love blinds you like no other, and learning this at such a young age, was definitely a blessing in disguise.

You Won’t Ruin Love for Me

Yes, two years I spent catering to you, loving you with no strings attached, and being your fall to girl whenever it was you needed me. You broke my heart several times, and I always forgave you and believed it would never happen again. You made me lose hope in relationships because you did not treat me right. I failed to see the ugly in you, because when I had first met you, you faked who you wanted to be just to win me over and find a girl who would never leave.

Well, you may have crushed me, but you will NOT ruin me. I am not built by your compliments, or made of your touch, I am not going to let someone who has no problem hurting the girl who would have done anything to see them smile, make me into someone I am not just because they failed to see what they really had. You are simply a player who knew the game to well. Your set of rules were every fuck boys dream to know. You promised me a future, love, and honesty, but all I ever got from you, was disrespect.

This is my final goodbye.

I have won the battle in the end. You may have ruined us, but you can NEVER ruin me.