Madelyn Wozniak Watts, Author at Pucker Mob

To the Person Who’d Rather be Heartless Than Heartbroken

I know how it is when you’ve been hurt before, probably by someone who thought would never ever hurt you. But they did, and now, here you are…

A little older, a little wiser, and a lot more careful about who you let in.

You don’t like to give your number out and when you do take the chance and start to let them in you make sure to be the one who cares less, and you make sure to walk away before they can. You don’t ever want your happiness to depend on someone else.

Not after last time.

You tell your friends that you guys just didn’t ‘click’ but you know you didn’t even give them a chance.

You don’t want to be vulnerable, because vulnerable people get their hearts broken.

You’ve found out that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one.

You convince yourself that you like to be alone and that this is exactly what you want.

But it isn’t.

It might seem better to be heartless than heartbroken but that’s no way to live your life.

So stop it.

When you get something wrong you don’t just give up. You try again, you know a little more, are a little more careful, and you continue.

So no, don’t let your happiness depend on someone else, but don’t be afraid to let people contribute to it either.

As hard as it is to believe, not everyone will hurt you like that and you’ll appreciate the ones who don’t a little bit more than before.

Don't Wait For Him

How often do you get online and see someone romanticizing unrequited love? Reasons you should wait for them to change their mind, things to do to get them back, even articles justifying still being in love with them.

I’m. So. Sick. Of. It.

There is nothing romantic about pining after someone who frankly isn’t interested. You convince yourself that they’re going to see what they’re missing and come running back.

Well this is your wake up call.

How someone treats you says a hell of a lot about what they think about you. And as hard as it is to accept it; if they wanted to be with you, they’d be with you. You’re too full of life to be half loved.

I know it hurts, but it won’t hurt forever. Better things are coming, girl!

Someday someone is going to walk into your life and everything will make sense. (at least that’s what they tell me.) So there’s no reason to be around people who make you feel like you’re hard to love, because the right person will think it’s the easiest thing in the world.

I Never Asked You To Fix Me

I asked you to hold my hand.

I asked to you to listen to me sing.

I asked you to stay with me.

I never asked you to fix me.

The thing about being in love that a lot of people don't understand is, you'll do anything you can for that person.

But I never asked you to fix me.

I saw my faults and had grown to accept them, you said they couldn't stay.

It was fine I forgot to eat sometimes, you insisted on cooking for me.

The darkness in my mind and I got along just fine, but you tried to chase it away.

You showed me what I knew was true, nobody wants to love a broken girl.

I wanted you to embrace my mess,

but you wanted to fix me.

I never asked you to fix me.

I don't want to be fixed.

A Goodbye Letter To My Toxic Frienship

Dear, you

When you came into my life you were exactly the friend I needed. You were strong, opinionated, you helped me break out of my shell and find who I wanted to be. You picked me up when I was broken and you helped me put myself back together. It was never easy though and I feel on some level friendships should be easy. That's why I think it's time to walk away.

I’m tired. Tired of putting more effort in than you are. Tired of walking on eggshells to keep you happy. Tired of taking the blame for everything and apologizing when I haven't done anything wrong.

Remember when you taught me that it was okay to put myself first? That's exactly what I'm doing now. I'm taking myself out of a situation that I no longer am happy in, just like you taught me. I could have tried harder, could have been more stubborn, could have stood up for myself more.

I didn't though and I'm sorry, this is just as much my fault as it is yours. Maybe even more my fault for letting it go on for so long. I'm sorry I was never the friend you tried to shape me to be. I'm going to miss you though and I wish you the best, honestly. I hope that boy stops playing with your heart and that your favorite band never splits up.

This is just what I need to do right now. I'm putting myself first just like you taught me to. Thank you for everything.

All my love, your equally toxic friend.

Stop Telling Me "You'll Find Someone."

“Oh, you’re single? Don’t worry you’ll find someone.”

I. Am. So. Sick. Of. Hearing. This.

It literally drives me crazy. Am I not worth anything if I’m not in a relationship? Do I need someone else to define me?

The answer is No. I f*cking don’t.

I’m not in the place or stage in my life where I want to be attached to someone all the time. I don’t want to text someone constantly, or tell someone where I am all the time, I don't want to feel obligated to spend all my free time with someone.

I like to be alone.

I was in two pretty serious relationships back to back and have spent more of my young adult life in relationship than out of them. I'm not in any rush to give this up.

No, I don't like being single so I can stay out late and hookup with random people or talk to a bunch of guys at once. I actually don't do either of those things.

You know why I like it?

Because I am defined completely by myself.

I'm not (Insert guys name here) girlfriend. I am me.

I can go for runs without telling people, I can make impromptu plans with friends without checking with someone, I can do whatever makes me happy.

I can be selfish.

Everyone should have a point in their life where they can just be selfish.

I'm not saying I'll never date again. I'm sure one day I'll want someone to check in with, someone to spend free time with, and someone to text all the time. For right now I like being on my own.

So please stop telling me "You'll find someone." because I'm not looking.

An Open Letter To The Person Everyone Thinks I am

Dear You,

I don't even know what to call you. Miss Outgoing, Miss Happy, the person everyone thinks I am, the person I want to be.

I see your Instagram posts, beautifully captured selfies with carefully chosen quotes. I see your smile, your tattoos, the look in your eyes. You're fearless.

I wish I was fearless too.

We kind of resemble each other if you really look. Same hair color, eye color, but you look so happy.

I wish I was happy too.

But I'm not fearless, I'm not happy, and I'm not perfect.

I'm broken, I'm sad, I'm terrified, I'm lonely, and I'm tired of walking on eggshells to give everyone this illusion that I have my life together.

Because I don't.

I might one day though. Even if I never become the fearless, happy person that everyone sees when they look at you. At us. That's really okay, because even though I may be an absolute mess the journey is just as important as the destination.

The Truth About Long Distance Frienships

We've all seen the movies or read the books, it's a basic plot. Best friends move away from one another for the summer, a year or two, or go away to separate colleges. They spend time wondering how they're going to live without each other, but they make it look easy. Constant texting, video chats, cute packages. It makes it look simple, like anyone can do it. Wouldn't that be great? If distance really didn't alter friendships?

But it does.

You can both try as hard as possible but things get in the way.

You're being adults and trying to have lives.

You're working different schedules

The time change ruins everything

You can be getting out of work just as they're going to bed

When you need them most they don't always answer the phone

and either do you.

Distance isn't easy, It's not for the weak, and a lot of times it doesn't work out and friendships don't last.

However, sometimes it does workout and sometimes it's as if nothing has changed when you finally get to see them again.

As you grow up you're going to meet a lot of temporary people.

Hold on to the ones who make your soul happy.