Author: Maggie

1. We don’t have energy to go behind your back. The energy we do have is usually used for more important things like food, and oh I don’t know, showers. 

2. We will never say no to lazy days. Like ever. 

3. We can fall asleep literally anywhere. Road trips are extremely peaceful with us. 

4. We like to snuggle, even if we’re mad at you. We more than likely will not push you away though you pissed us off ten minutes ago because cuddle buddies are the best accessory to the perfect nap. 

5. We will never be mad at you for playing video games or choosing a stupid movie. We won’t be up for much longer anyways. 

6. After we have bad days, you won’t have to come home and hear us complaining. We’ll just be sleep it off. 

7. Less time awake = less money being spent on us. You’re welcome. 

8. Christmas and birthdays are super easy. New blanket, pillow, aroma.. 

9. If you’re late, we don’t care. We actually prefer that. That only means we have time for a cat nap. 

10. What’s cuter than a sleepy girl? I mean really…

What I hope for you… Is simply complex.

I hope you grow up with a soft heart and a loving mind. I hope the world we live in does not turn you cold and bitter as it has for me at times. I hope your soul stays wild and your spirit remains free. I hope you never feel the need to give up your right to choose who you want to be due to other people’s lack of individuality.

I hope you love the way the flowers grow on our back roads. I hope you learn to love the leaves changing colors and wind blowing at your back door. I hope you watch the thunder storms through your window at night and create names for the lightening bolts. I hope this town truly feels like home for you

I hope you believe in yourself. I hope you know you are capable of anything and you have the power to create your own world. I hope you always bet on yourself and never put your money on another individual. I hope you know when people are mean to you, that nothing is wrong with you. I hope your faith in yourself never dulls, even on dim days. 

I hope you always take the high route. I hope you fight the bullies and mean creatures of the world with kindness and intentions of understanding those actions. I hope you find the strength in you to forgive those who are lost, which led them to treat you unfairly. 

I hope your heart opens to those who have lost their own and you help them find it again. I hope you care for the heart of others, even if it seems to be nonexistent. 

I hope you live every day like it’s your last. I hope you don’t stress over the future and refuse to live in the past. I hope you don’t waste time on things that are done and over with. I hope you give your worries to God and trust in his plan. I hope you take the chances and never have to wonder “what if.” 

I hope you never settle for less than you deserve. I hope you hold the people in your life to the high standards you hold yourself to. I hope you never let anyone take advantage of your kind and loving soul. I hope you are smart and make the wise decision. I hope you are young and wild but know when enough is enough. I hope you call me when you need advice, text me when you’re bored, and ask me to keep you company when you’re feeling alone. 

I hope you never let anyone treat you like you are ordinary because you are not. 

You are not just an ordinary girl. You are smart, you are kind, you are caring. You are brave, you are courageous, you have dedication. You are valuable, you are important, and you are powerful.

I hope you understand there is more good than bad in the world. I hope you can see the light in the darkest days but you don’t ignore the darkness. I hope you know how much I love you, how much I cherish you. That I will do everything to protect you. 

Above all – I hope you never forget that as your sister, I will never let you down. 

It’s been awhile since we’ve been together and trust me, I get it– you’re over me. You’ve gone out of your way to not only tell me but tell every single living soul who’s ever known us, that you are, indeed, moved on. 

That’s great and all, I’m just wondering if you’re “over me” then why are you still requesting me on social media? Why do I still wake up to “I really need you right now” texts you sent when you were drunk? Why do you still proceed to ask to me “catch up” if you’re over me? 

Honey, if you truly moved on then my name wouldn’t come out of your mouth at all. And yet here we are: me just chillin’ and you still talking about me to your friends and asking if they know how I’m doing. 

And don’t think I’m completely oblivious, I feel your awkward glares when we are in the same vicinity.

I see the way you throw a fit that your friends are civil with me. In all reality, I never did anything to you, you were the one who messed up. Newsflash buddy, you did not care in the slightest when I walked away. 

So you shouldn’t threaten friendships over a simple “hello,” being said to me.

I understand any breakup sucks, I’m not being insensitive here. We all move on in our own ways and at our own pace. But I don’t see why you feel the need to parade around the fact that you don’t have feelings for me anymore when you so clearly do.

I would’ve been happy to be your friend, too. I’m one of those rare girls who actually can be friends with an ex. But you blew that chance by periodically making your rounds, attempting to slowly pull me back into your mental battles. 

Sorry to say, but I told you karma would be shitty. 

I’ll help you out one last time. Since all contact has been blocked off in order to keep you at a good distance, I will answer the messages you continue to send me. 

“What’s up?” My IQ and self-respect, which is why we don’t speak. 

“Can we talk?” No. 

“Want to catch up?” Also, no. 

“I really need you right now.” No, you don’t. You’re lonely and drunk and should be sleeping. Can’t relate, sorry. 

I’m doing great. Work is awesome. Family is doing well. My dog is growing up so fast, I’m still loving it. My car is running like a dream. Yes, I’m busy tonight. No, I won’t make time for you. And no, you can’t have another chance. 

You are just a mere memory to me — a past individual with no significance or relevance in my present. I no longer feel for you. 

I will continue to respect your name, I will keep your flaws and secrets to myself. I am a respectful human being and I will not run you into the ground. 

But for your own sake, for the little bit of self-respect, I hope you still have, let it go. I have made peace with the past and you are no longer a person of interest. 

I’m sorry I had to cut you out, but maybe that can help you finally do what you said you’ve already done. I know you’ve never been good at telling the truth, but maybe you can change that now.

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You came into my life some time ago, and it’s taken me awhile to realize it, but you saved me. 

Because I didn’t have a dad. I didn’t have that man to look up to, I had a person who chose alcohol over my family again and again. I had someone I dreaded seeing and counted the hours until I could be away from him again. 

I was so young, not even a teenager. I lived for gymnastics and cheerleading. I didn’t have much care for anything, that was one of those things I guarded my heart from feeling. I was too small to understand why somebody would leave another person's life. But now, I do. 

I get it. Now that I look back, I realize why that man had to leave. And it wasn’t because of the bullshit he threw at us, not at all. It was because I was meant to have a dad who cared and loved me no matter what. And that dad turned out to be you. 

You took the role of a good man not even a year after I met you. You protected me, you helped me, you did everything you possibly could to give me a good life. It wasn’t your job, you didn’t have to do anything for me. You weren’t required to take care of me nor did I anyone expect you to. 

But you did, and you did it without hesitation or question. 

So here I am at 1am with tears rolling down my face in shock of how long this took me to figure out. 

I’m beyond blessed to have you in my life, so let me take a few minutes to give you the appreciation you deserve, the proper recognition you've earned. 

Thank you for taking me on harley rides. Thank you for taking me to gymnastics. Thank you for buying me food, for making me breakfast every morning. Thank you for picking me up from school. Thank you for earning my love without aggressive rush.

Thank you for buying my first car, and surprising me with it. Thank you for teaching me how a man should treat a woman. Thank you for teaching me how to be smart and wise, for pointing out bad decisions and helping with solutions. Thank you for putting up with me, in all reality you really don’t have to, it’s not your responsibility. And let me tell you — I was not an easy teen to deal with. Yikes. 

Thank you for treating my mom like the wonderful woman she is. Thank you for enhancing not only my life, but also the rest of my family’s. Thank you for being so hard on me, without that I couldn’t have become such a determined and hard working person. Thank you for keeping it real instead of always agreeing for arguments sake. Thank you for pushing me, accepting my flaws, and taking me in as if I was your own. 

Thank you. I can’t explain how grateful I am for you. 

Without you I would be a complete and utter mess of a person. I wouldn’t be half as smart, wise, or determined. Without your presence, in all reality, I would probably be a piece of shit. 

Because you caught me in my lies and hidings. Though I didn’t like when you did, I am now extremely grateful for it. 

You are by far the best man I have ever come across, and I’m so damn lucky to call you my step dad. 

I love you more than you’ll ever know. And even though you’ll respond with “yup,” to such a heartfelt thing, I know you love me too.

Not all who wander are lost.. But maybe you are right now. 

And that's okay. 

I'm going to take a wild guess you're in the age bracket between 18-25. If I'm right, this is exactly what you need to hear. 

I know you're confused and feeling a little helpless. There are so many reasons you could be feeling this way and let me just start by saying I'm so sorry you feel so helpless, but you are not. 

You are not helpless. 

A few months ago I was just like you. Waiting for someone to save me, waiting for something to change my life. Waiting for a miracle, a saving grace. I spent a lot of time waiting for that something. Wanna know what changed? Here's my secret. 

I woke up one day miserable, per usual, puffy eyed with my body exhausted from anxiety attacks and horrible thought processes. I started to get ready for the day and I looked at myself… Holy shit did I look awful. It wasn't even me. I felt like I was wearing a mask, like I was a walking zombie or something. And then, I decided I didn't want to live my life like this anymore. I am done. 

I'm done letting my thoughts take over. I'm done letting my anxiety get ahold of me. I'm done hating my life and hating myself. I'm done waiting for something to change my life. 

I'll do it. I'll change my life. I can do it on my own. 

I started to take care of myself. I took a personal two week vacation, I traveled to my friends, my family, new places. I started to wear nicer clothes and doing my hair and make up again. I started to wake up early and do things that were productive, I went to bed at a decent time and quit wasting time on self destruction. 

I began to eliminate my negative thoughts and replaced them with self loving statements. I began to look better on the outside, which then made me feel more confident on the inside. I woke up every day and told myself three positive things I like about myself. I began complimenting others and reducing my negative comments. I started to be a better person. 

By changing my life style, I got called to my dream job, which has now became my favorite thing to do. I started to workout which led me to more self security and less negativity. I began working full time and my career has sky-rocketed. I started to feel okay.

I waited for months and months for someone to come save me, for some damn miracle to occur. 

But all I needed to do that whole time, was fix my life by myself, for myself. 

Nobody is going to save you. Nothing is going to happen to change your life until you make the move to improve your inner self. I don't care if you meet your Prince Charming, he won't save you from your mental abuse. 

You were not meant to live miserably and confused. You were not put on this earth to sit around waiting for some unrealistic thing to happen. You aren't here so you can be another time-wasting, self deflecting, negative human being. 

You have a purpose and you have a bright future, but you will never find that until you decide to change what you don't like for you. You may be lost right now, and that is completely okay, but you will never see the light waiting around. 

I thought I needed a superhero, but all along I just needed some damn self love and self motivation. 

Which leads me to this..

You do not need a hero. You do not need saving. You do not need a miracle or some God sent magic. You need your damn self. You can do it on your own. 

I know it's scary, but you CAN do it. Save yourself.

1. I'm a beautician, not a magician. As much as I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it happen, my color brush is the best I have. I'll try my hardest. 

2. Please don't hit on me when I'm cutting your hair. I'm awkward enough in general, don't make me feel more uncomfortable. 

3. My products make your hair look and feel great because they are high end, your hair is my canvas and I treat it with care. If you leave and use that $3 shampoo from CVS, chances are the color will fade and all of my work will be gone sooner than need be. Stop with the discounted low-end products. 

4. The picture you're showing me is probably either 1- photoshopped or 2- six sessions in. Sometimes it's going to take a bit to get where you want. Patience. 

5. Generally, you should tip your hair dresser. As we work long hours and do as much as we can to make you feel and look beautiful, a general rule of thumb is to tip for our quality, not quantity.

6. I have a life, too. I do have family and friends outside of the salon. So when I don't reply to you at 1am, please don't take offense to my absence. My job is demanding, but my sleep and free time is cut down enough. I can't stay up all night to talk to you about your split ends, however I would be more than happy to help you during business hours. 

7. This isn't a spa treatment for me, it's for you. Relax, chill out. Yes I'm doing this right, yes I'm sure. Let me do what I need to do, I promise I won't ruin your hair. 

8. Your child is running around in freshly cut hair (good luck getting those hair splinters out,) and screaming like a maniac. Please be courteous at least of my other clients. Control your child. 

9. If you come in with black hair and want to go blonde, expect orange. Like I said, I'm not a magician. 

10. I don't care if you use your phone during your appointment, however please be courteous of my time and job. Please keep the phone calls limited while I am personally touching your hair.

But I was only 13.

I was 13 when you took my hand. I was just a teenager, more so still a kid. I was young, dumb, vulnerable, and beyond all, I just wanted to be wanted. I wanted to fit in, we all do at that age. You knew that, that's how you got me. 

It wasn't your charming looks or materialistic items. It wasn't money or a nice car. It wasn't your attraction or values, truly you didn't have any. It's that someone was giving me the attention I craved, and that was enough for my young heart to melt. 

You were 16, almost 17. You said you would show me what love was like. You told me you would teach me what it felt like to live a perfect fairy tale. You told me to take your hand, and never look back. You would treat me like the princess I am. I fell for it.

Damn, you're a good liar. 

I was called stupid and pathetic. I was constantly being torn down for being with you. But I didn't know any better, I didn't know they were right. 

Because I didn't know that love wasn't yelling and crying. I didn't know love wasnt lying and hiding. I didn't know that when you loved someone, you didn't hurt them. I figured that's how you grew closer, through fighting and arguing. You got over it and moved on, stronger than before. 

I didn't know that I should be able to say no to sex and not be forced into it. I didn't know bruises from being thrown around over an argument wasn't acceptable. I didn't know it was abnormal to break picture frames by my feet to scare me or to break my phone in half. I didn't know being mentally destroyed wasn't what love was. I didn't know about the other girls sleeping in your bed. You mentally and physically abused me for two years and I didn't even know it at the time. 

I didn't know that you were the most mentally and physically abusive guy I'd ever meet. 

I didn't know, but now I do. 

It's been 5 years since we were together. Now I'm finally able to talk about it. I'm finally okay. 

Since then I've graduated high school and college, you've gotten married and moved across the country. I'm 21, you're 24. I have a full time job and you are in the military, or you were. Not sure anymore, but that's not important truly. You have a kid and I have a dog. We live very separate lives, I never see you, but you still reached out. 

A few months ago you messaged me. Normal conversation, normal topic. Confusion was raised to its peak. I wondered what the hell you could possibly want from me, after 2 years of being my worst nightmare and 5 years of not speaking. What the fuck do you want?

And here it goes. "I think I still love you."

My heart dropped. Speechless. You're kidding, right? This must be a sick joke or something. 

Nope. You're serious. And apparently, stupid too. 

My heart just hurts now. Not specifically because of you, but because you're still a piece of shit and someone is now your victim, for life. 

I feel so awful for the innocent girl you married, who believes your life together is great. I feel bad for your family whom you are obviously not dedicated to. I feel terrible for your son who looks up to his daddy, when daddy can't even be a man. I feel more than crushed that you have not learned a damn thing, and now someone is stuck with such an unfaithful, careless human being. 

I'll end this with the following:

Im sorry that after 5 years you felt the need to try to rekindle a fire that has been burnt out for so long. I'm sorry you are so caught up in the past you can't appreciate the wonderful life you have. I'm sorry you are "still inlove" with me and "miss" me. 

But let me remind you 5 years ago, when you choked me to almost unconsciousness and took a gun to your head, you lost every sense of respect and feelings I have ever had for you. I may have assisted in saving your life, but you almost took mine away from me. 

You will never be in my time, thoughts, or emotions again. 

Please, tell your wife how you actually feel. Let her in on your twisted thoughts. She deserves more than that, but I know you can't offer such things. Be a man for your son who loves his daddy more than you could imagine, he needs a role model instead of a monster. 

I can't believe after this long you haven't changed a bit. I'm so sorry you will never grow out of the stage of an abusive, cheating little boy. 

Get your shit together, and get the fuck over it.

I could never understand why..

but now I do.

You needed change. Constantly. You always needed something different, something new. Something bigger and better. You were always searching for the best, the most valuable thing in every sense. You were always looking for something that was better than what you already have, you were always looking for something that would light a fire in you. I never understood. I never got it. I could not even begin to fathom why you could never just be satisfied and thankful for what you have.. and now I do.

It's currently 4am and I just had a dream.. well, more like nightmare.. about you. This doesn't happen very often anymore, however this specific night, I'm glad it did.

Because this time, it lit a light bulb. My wheels started turning and kicked into high gear. Because right now, at 4:06am, I finally get it.

You always needed something to keep your mind entertained. You always needed another compliment or pick up line. You always needed something that was going to deflect your mind in the direction of self assurance or self worth. You always needed another person to be telling you how "amazing" you are.. why? Because you are so insecure on your own that you have made your happiness dependent on those whom see your outer mask.

Let's face it, you treat people like shit. Your friends, family, significant others, hell.. even your co-workers. You treat people badly in general, and I didn't understand that either. I did not get how you could be such a heartless human being.. Now I realize that's not the case.

This is what it is — you feel so badly and you view yourself so lowly that you feel the need to pull others down to your level. I honestly do believe it's unintentional, I think deep down maybe you're more human than a "heartless robot." But you don't see yourself as much more than that, and that is just another reason as to why you always need change so badly.

Because that change pulled you into a high. It gave you the fix you needed. It keeps your mind occupied and turning. It keeps you from remembering how insecure you truly can be. It keeps your mind so busy that nothing else is going on but that new fix. For a few days.

But then, you come down from cloud 9, feel the insecurity, and go back to looking for something new. Something fresh. Something you haven't tasted before, or for awhile. You go back to searching for that high that you can only get from anything but yourself. You search for the new, the better, the best. You find it, get your high, then come back to reality.

I never understood how or why you always needed more. I never got why change was always a necessity. But I do now. Finally after sleepless nights of wondering and countless days of confusion, I get it.

It's not that nothing is enough, you've actually been given more than enough. You were literally handed a well-paying job, a nice home, good friends and family.. you were given 99% of things that others must work for. But it wasn't good enough for you, you couldn't truly be satisfied because what you really needed and still do need, is a sense of self love and inner security.

Maybe that's a surprise to you, honestly I don't think you realize why you do the things that you do, and that's okay. I understand not everyone has it all figured out, but I finally do. Well, most of it.

I finally figured out why you are so unappreciative and needy. I figured it out because I had to sit here for months wondering why you needed everything and everyone, received what you wanted, but were never truly happy.

But please, don't feel bad. Don't apologize. I am understanding more about todays human population more than I ever have due to your lack of self love. I've actually grown to have more self love than ever by watching you lose yours. There are too many people out there like you and I never want to be one of them.

But I do hope you figure it out, and I do truly hope one day you can learn to be content and satisfied on your own, without the girls and constant changes in your life. I hope you grow and prosper and learn to live complacently and with bliss.

You said you’d be here no matter what.

You, and tons of others.

Ya know, I get it. Sometimes you can’t always be there for others. We all have our own shit to deal with, our own sadness and frustration. Sometimes it’s too much to take on other people's feelings. Sometimes, it’s just too damn hard to remember others have issues and you’re in their life as a trusted advice-giver and true friend. Sometimes our own personal problems feel as if they are much bigger than someone else’s tiny issue.

I get it, sometimes you just cant be everything. That’s okay.

But when sometimes becomes all the time, that’s when I get offended.

Because I can’t name a single soul I have turned away to help. I can’t think of a single person I did not respond to, did not care for, or did not try to help through a difficult situation they came to be with. Why? Because when I say I am a true friend, a life-long person, a person who will do anything for anyone — I actually mean it.

You can ask the dozens of people, whom I barely even know, who have come to me for advice or a pick me up. You can ask my closest friends who have called me at 4am for help. You could even ask some of the people who have hurt me the most, because even after they crushed me, I was still there for them.

It’s not because I don’t have my own situations, trust me, I do. But I honest to God find more joy in helping others and doing as I promise than I do ignoring it. Helping others helps me in a sense I guess.

But I understand, not everyone has the same heart as me. Not everyone is going to care like they say they do. Not every person I meet is going to actually give a shit about my well-being.

I just wish I would have known that sooner.

But unfortunately, I’ve just recently come to that realization. I spent a lot of time wondering what I have done to you, and the rest, for you to not care about me. I spent a lot of nights trying to come up with what I could have possibly said to make you not care. Then, it hit me.

It’s not personally me. It’s not about me. If it were, I wouldn’t have a best friend of 19+ years. If I were really that bad, I wouldn’t be able to maintain a friendship of states away and years apart. If it were me, I would be able to come up with something — anything — that I’ve done. I may be blonde, however, I am not clueless.

So this is my letter to you. This is my reminder that I’m still alive, but I no longer exist to you because you don’t need anything at the moment. This is my reminder that I also have issues, maybe more than most, but I have never once turned you down to help or assist in any way. This is my reminder that I do care about you, but I no longer see you as a caring individual.

This is my reminder that when I called you with a panic attack – you couldn’t answer because you were “busy,” aka at the bar or at home with a different friend. This is my reminder that when I went through some of the worst times of my life, you were too busy to notice I was falling apart. This is my reminder that I cried and begged for some kind of friend to listen to me and help me through, and you didn’t want to be there.

This is my reminder to you, that you left me in the dark.

Most importantly, this is my reminder that I am thankful for you. I am thankful you have opened my eyes which then forced me to realize who my true friends are. The ones who answered my calls, who wanted to help, who made sure I was okay day in and day out. The ones who showed up where I was just to give me a hug, who stayed on the phone with me for hours at 3am just to calm my panic attack, when they had to be up in a few hours.

I’m so thankful you have left me without notice or reason. Only because it shows me who has truly cared for me and always will — regardless of their own personal life.

I want you to know, I will ALWAYS be here for you, as I have promised. I will absolutely always take your calls and respond to your ranting texts, no matter how “busy” I may be.

I care about you as a person and I care about your mental health. I care about your problems and will never have a problem helping you through the toughest times you encounter.

But you will never be the one who does that for me. And I’m finally okay with that.

I hope you’re doing well, and in case you were wondering, I’m doing pretty damn great now.