Author: Mandie Foster

Love is sadly not a fairy tale, but you just can’t settle for anything less than what you deserve.

You deserve someone who wants to be with you just as bad as you want to be with them. Someone who puts in just as much effort as you do. Someone who will fight for you. Someone who’s excited to see you whenever you walk in. Someone who never loses that sparkle in their eye.

Someone who always treats you like a queen. Someone who respects you. Someone that is proud to have you. Someone crazy about you.

Someone who never makes you question where you stand or how they feel about you. Someone who doesn’t leave you worrying about what they’re doing when they aren’t with you. Someone who won’t ever be bored of you. Someone who will text you back.

Someone who doesn’t feed your insecurities. Someone who accepts and addresses them. Someone who is patient with you. Someone that will grow with you. Someone who won’t focus and point out your flaws. Someone who will accept and love you for who you are.

Someone who isn’t trying to change you or expect you to change. Someone that won’t belittle you or degrade you for things. Someone who won’t judge you. Someone who just gets you. Someone that will be silly with you. Someone who won’t play with your feelings.

Someone that won’t play games. Someone who’s comfortable enough in who they are that they won’t project their insecurities onto you. Someone that doesn’t need you to fulfill any of their needs or insecurities. Someone who is confident in who they are.

You deserve…

Someone who wants to know who you truly are, your mind and soul. Not just your body. Real conversations and not small talk. Someone who doesn’t try to control or manipulate you. Someone that trusts you. And someone that you can trust as well.

Someone who is honest with you. Someone who isn’t afraid to talk about their feelings and their flaws. Someone who will commit to you. Someone who is loyal. Someone who can communicate. Someone who respect and values your time.

Someone who is understanding. Someone who’s considerate of others. Someone who knows what compromise and sacrifice are. Someone’s who is caring and has a good heart. Someone who listens to you. Someone who keeps promises. Someone who will stay up late with you when you can’t sleep.

Someone who is mature, emotionally. Someone who’s been through a lot in life and love. Someone who’s been really hurt before because those are the ones that value love the most. They would never want someone else to feel that way.

Someone who can talk rather than yell and handle things in a mature way. Someone who never makes you feel like you are beneath them. You’re always on an equal playing field.

Someone who has their shit together. Who has their priorities straight. Someone who knows what they want. Who is honest about their intentions. Someone who isn’t afraid to say what they think and ask for what they want.

Someone whose actions speak louder than their words. Someone who proves they want you everyday. Someone who doesn’t stop trying after they’ve got you.

Someone who is doing something with their life. Someone who loves themselves because if they don’t they’ll never be able to love you. Someone who knows who they are.

It’s hard to find someone else if you haven’t even found yourself. And impossible to love someone else how they deserve to be loved if you don’t love yourself.

Someone who will challenge you. Someone who won’t always agree with you. Someone that knows when you push, but also when you pull back. Someone that knows when to fight and when not to. Someone who can connect on a deeper level with you.

You deserve…

Someone always trying to be a better person. Someone that isn’t afraid to make a mistake, but doesn’t repeat it twice. Someone who doesn’t bring drama into your life.

Someone who can put their pride aside. Someone who doesn’t get mad easily. Someone who isn’t selfish. Someone that doesn’t care about the opinions of others. Someone that will bring you support you unconditionally. Someone that will be there when you’re high and when you’re low.

Someone that thinks you’re more beautiful without makeup than with it. Someone that appreciates and love the things you love. Someone that understands you. Someone that gives you butterflies and makes your heart beat a little faster.

Someone that you could see everyday and never get tired of. You know you’ve got something special when you can be laying in bed with someone and be happy doing nothing, but just being with them.

Someone who makes you smile. Someone who makes you laugh. Someone who comforts you. Someone who makes you want to be a better person. Someone who can make you happy, without sacrificing theirs.

Someone who is thoughtful. Someone that makes doing nothing something and simple things, exciting. Someone who never makes you feel like a burden, but a blessing.

Someone that appreciates life is someone that will always appreciate you. Someone who values you. Someone who refuses to let you be the one that got away. Someone who won’t go to bed mad. Someone who knows how to make things right.

Someone who doesn’t need you, but wants you. Someone who wants to compliment your life and not complete it.

Someone who makes you feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Someone who will always choose you.

What you want is only too much if you think it’s too much. You deserve what you think you deserve. And this is what you deserve. 

“Powerful women are tired of trying for lovers who never try for them.” -R.h. Sin

Photo cred. Dani Diamond www.danidiamond.com

These are my five non-negotiable rules. It’s not too much to ask and should be common sense, but you know guys these days. I know how I deserve to be treated and I refuse to put up with anything less.

1. No games. Don’t be a fuckboy. 

I don’t have time for your games and lack of commitment. I’m not looking to jump into anything that isn’t right for me. I’m not looking to rush anything. But, I also won’t wait forever for you to make a decision. If you want me then be with me, if you don’t then don’t. Simple as that. I refuse to be another girl that you screw over and that falls victim to your immature ways. I respect and love myself enough to not put up with someone who isn’t good for me or wants to play games. I am not afraid to walk away. Understand that I don’t need you, I want you. So, I won’t put up with any shit. I’ve grown up and I want to be with someone who has too. 

2. Complete honesty

I’m a very straight forward and blunt person. I say what I want and I mean what I say. I lay it all on the table and I expect the same in return. I don’t hide anything, I don’t believe that I should hold back. I cut to the chase. I believe in talking about the stuff that is important on the first date and not just exchanging common courtesies and small talk. I’m not afraid to talk about my past or get deep. I want you to know mine and know yours. Ask me a question and I will answer. That goes with feelings too. I want to be on the same page and leave room for misunderstandings and ambiguity. I am who I am and I won’t ever apologize for that.

3. Good communication

I know you’re busy with your life, I am too. I don’t expect you to text me back every second of every day. I just expect you to be able to carry on a conversation and respond in a reasonable amount of time. And if you don’t reply, I won’t double text you. I won’t come chasing you. If you don’t walk to talk to me, I understand. I don’t want to talk to someone who doesn’t want to talk to me either. I don’t have any time or patience for someone who isn’t reliable and shows flakey behavior. I don’t have time for someone who wants to play communication games or withhold it. Be able to talk about things in a mature way and be able to express yourself. Be consistent and reliable. Be able to communicate like an adult.

4. Be able to make plans. Respect me and my time. 

I have a busy schedule and a busy life. I’m sure you do too. I won’t rearrange my life for you and I don’t expect you to rearrange yours for me. So if I give you some of my time, please respect that. Appreciate that and understand that if I want to spend time with you I think that you are worth it. I want to invest in you. I value my time and hate wasting it. I can’t just go with the flow and plan to do something in the moment. I can’t just decide to do something based on how I feel. I have to plan ahead of time and I need you to respect that. Be able to make a plan and if you need to cancel or reschedule have the common decency to let me know beforehand. I’m not trying to waste my time. We should both respect and value each other’s time. Because if you disrespect my time, you disrespect me. And I’ll give you once chance and then I’ll walk because I won’t be disrespected. 

5. Follow through with what you say.

Actions speak louder than words. I am way over the phase of being flattered and believing what people say. You won’t win me over or get in my pants with your smooth words. If your actions match your words then I will believe you. If they don’t align, I’ll leave. I don’t believe anything anyone says until they show me that they mean it. I don’t have time for people that say things that they don’t mean. Keeping my word and promises are extremely important things to me that I take seriously. I trust people who actually mean what they say and follow through. I respect people who are dependable and are big on actions.

Bonus: It’s not all about sex. 

I understand that physicality is important. But, before that I need to find a real connection. A deeper and intellectual connection. If we don’t connect in that way, I don’t want to connect with you in any other ways. I’m not like most girls. I actually want to get to know who you are. I need to be able to decide how I feel about you. And it makes it ten times harder if I involve physicality. I will not do anything before I’m ready or without being in a relationship. Don’t try me, don’t pressure me. So if you want that girl that you can sleep with before commitment, I’m not that girl. You either respect that or you don’t.

Sometimes it takes months, sometimes it takes seconds. It all just depends on the person. But, with you it developed so quickly and I didn't want to get ahead of myself. I didn’t want to scare you so I didn’t tell you, but I loved you. 

Because you saw me for me because it takes so much for me to actually care about someone that when I decide to care, love comes with it. A type of love. A kind of love. A love that I'm uncertain of how great or platonic it is, but a love nonetheless. It might be a love that wants more and it might be a love that wants less. It develops in stages. It grows with time. And with time I can tell better determine what kind of love it is. And that’s why I get attached to the people I care about because I love them. I’ve developed a sort of love for them.

But for me to even care about you in the first place, I have to love who you are as a person. I have to fall in love with that person and decide that you're worth caring for, that you're worth possibly getting hurt for. Because I'm giving you the power to hurt me. I wish I could care and protect myself at the same time, but unfortunately for me it doesn’t work like that. And giving away that power isn't something that I take lightly at all. But, I can’t always control how I feel about someone.

Caring is an act of love. A love that's extent and purpose has yet to be determined. A love for who you are. 

My heart is like an fortress built with walls strong enough to withstand anything that comes it's way. It can't be breached or broken from the outside. Strong from the outside, but weak on the inside.

I have to let you in. You have to be given a key. But, that's how you destroy a well protected heart. From the inside, where it is most vulnerable. 

And that's the extremely scary part for me letting someone in. Giving someone that power to hurt me by caring and letting them in because no one has ever taken care of it. No one handles my heart with as much delicacy and care as I do. Guests never stay, but they leave a mess making sure that I remember that they were there. 

This is me saying that I did love you. I loved who you were as a person. I still do. I care about you, I always will. 

I just wasn’t sure in what way and then the decision was made for me. My love would stop at the extend of friends.

We’ve lost our sense of value because we’ve forgotten how to be grateful. We’ve forgotten how to appreciate because we’ve gotten so used to expectation.

I’m not saying that you’re an ungrateful person or anything like that. I’m saying that society as a whole has forgotten how to truly show appreciation and be grateful. We might be thankful, but we've forgotten how to be grateful. There's a difference. One's a feelings and one's an action. Showing gratitude doesn’t come naturally for us unless it’s expected of us.

It seems silly to thank people for things that we don’t think we should need to thank them for. But, that’s where we go wrong. Because those are the moments that we miss to show someone we care and that we notice what they do for us. Those are the little moments that can mean nothing or everything.

Just because someone doesn’t expect recognition or appreciation for what they’ve done doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t show it. We live in a society where so much is just expected from each other that we take things for granted that we shouldn’t. And we don’t even realize the absence of appreciation because it’s just that normal. We don’t think we should be appreciated for the things that we do on a normal basis or for just being a decent human being. We’ve never thought that we should be appreciated for them because no one ever has. We expect things from people so we don’t actually notice them in a sense. And if we don’t notice them, we can’t appreciate them. But, expectation should never replace appreciation.

And when I say appreciation I mean genuine appreciation that comes from your heart. Not fake forced gratitude and appreciate because people can spot that from a mile away and that’s worse than if you never said anything to begin with. Things that you are really thankful for. Don’t just go around thanking everyone for everything just because you want to appear thankful. Show appreciation for the things that you truly appreciate instead of just noticing them. Take the time to allow yourself to notice them. Don’t be so focused on the result that you miss everything in between, everything that went into creating that result. Appreciation should be authentic coming from a place of true gratitude.

When you’re in a state of constant thankfulness and gratitude, you find a new appreciation for your life and everyone in it. You’re happier because you are able to fully live in the moment and appreciate everything that happens with a new found love.

We’re so busy with our lives and focused on ourselves that we don’t stop and appreciate everything that others do for us. We only show appreciation when we feel like it’s expected, we want something, or we feel like we have to. When someone gives us money or does us a big favor or something along those lines. But, it’s the small things that really make a difference. When you show appreciation for something that someone doesn’t expected appreciation for. Something that they would never expect you to say thank you for because no one ever has. They just do it and not expecting anything in return because no one’s ever expressed gratitude for it before.

We’ve gotten so used to not being appreciated for the things that we do that it seems like it’s okay, it’s normal. We don’t know how to fight for what we want because we’ve been under appreciated for so long that we’ve lost touch with our value. We’ve gotten used to not being appreciated for the things that we do that we don’t notice the lack of appreciation because we don’t think that we deserve to be appreciation. And that doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself or have any respect for yourself. It has nothing to do with that. Maybe you’ve just never been appreciated for the things you've done before and so you don’t expect it. But, that doesn’t mean that they should go unnoticed.

You don’t really understand or notice the importance of gratitude and appreciation until there is an undeniable lack of it in your own life, until there is a void. And then you realize how much is matters and makes a difference. How it makes people feel. How you treat people is everything. And when you show genuine appreciate and gratitude for the things that people do for you and what they bring to your life, they remember that. 

They remember how you made them feel and that you took the time to tell them you appreciate them. And they will treat you better and be willing to do more for you. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying be nice to someone just so you can get something in return because I’m not saying that at all. Appreciate someone because you honestly want to, not because you want something. Because if you only ever appreciate someone when you want something that’s not called appreciation, that’s called manipulation. It’s incredible the impact that showing gratitude has on people. A little appreciation goes a long way. Unexpected appreciation is one of those things that rarely happens. People might not notice lack of appreciation, but people certainly notice when you do show appreciation.

Often, it takes people off guard because they’re not used to being thanked for something that they just assumed they were supposed to do, something that they didn’t ever feel like they needed to be thanked for. Because no one ever showed appreciated for it and they’re not used to it. It’s weird at first, but I guarantee you that no one will ever hate you for saying thank you. People appreciate appreciation as cliche as that sounds. It should be common sense, but if it was we would do it more often and we don't. And when you let them know that you noticed what they did when no one else did and you take the time to thank them for that, they don’t forget that.

It’s not weird to thank someone that you’ve only known for a few days for being there for you when no one else was. It’s not weird to thank someone for always been on time. It’s not weird to thank your date for not being on their phones. It’s not weird to tell someone thank you for texting you back or letting you know they were going to bed. If you notice something, say something. People have gone through different things. They notice and appreciate different things based off of what they’ve been through. If it means something to you and you appreciate it, don’t be afraid to express that. It’s not weird to thank someone for something that everyone else thinks is normal. Normal doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t go unnoticed, it doesn't mean it should go unappreciated. 

Eventually, people stop doing things because they think that no one appreciate it. They think that no one notices so they don’t see the point in doing it anymore. Good people stop doing good things because no one ever appreciated them. No one ever expressed appreciation. People need reassurance and affirmation. People want to feel loved. People want to feel wanted and valued. People want to feel appreciation. And I think that is something that we so often forget until we are missing it.

We’ve forgotten how to be grateful because we don’t think it’s necessary to show appreciate for the very things that we should appreciate. We have to stop focusing so much on ourselves that we are able to stop and appreciate what other do for us and what they bring to our lives. We have to remember how to be grateful again. And how to make thank you a frequently used word rather than an occasionally used one.

People don't know that you're thankful unless you show that you are grateful.

People will say what they will about my generation, but there is one thing that separates millennials from any other generation.

Millennials want to make a difference. A type of difference that no other generation has been able to make.

Millennials have an innate desire to be a part of something bigger than themselves. They so desperately want to find purpose and a sense of belonging. They need to be a part of something. Because without feeling that sense of belonging, they feel lost. They genuinely care about their community and society. It’s just a part of their civic duty to make an positive influence in this world.

They might not know what they want to do, but they know they need to be a part of something that is bigger than themselves. They want to spur change. They aren’t afraid to stand up for what they believe in. They aren’t afraid to be bold. They aren’t afraid to break the rules and society’s molds. They aren’t afraid to go against the norm. They embrace the unknown. They thrive on the unprecedented. And they live for the unconventional.

There isn't another generation that has a greater influence than millennials. They are an incredibly intelligent. They are powerful and they know it. They have a voice and it will be heard. They refuse to sit by and let things happen. They take action and make things happen. They’re conscious of what is happening around them. They invoke change, big change. They make shit happen.

Millennials care about the things that are important, the things that other generations have brushed under the rug. They don’t mind paying more for organic and sustainable offerings. They actually care about social, environmental, and health issues. That’s why they love to support businesses who give back and stand for the right things. That is why so many millennial owned businesses make it part of their mission to give back.

They have been able to impact society in ways that no other generation has. Because they are a generation that unites and cares about others. They recognize and appreciate authenticity in others and businesses. They are unapologetically real and are attracted to others that are the same. They don’t tolerate inconsistent, fake people and businesses. They are a generation that won’t be fooled. They appreciate minimalism and like things that are raw and real. That is why they have such a fascination and growing fixation with hipster culture and things because of the unique and authentic feel. 

They are all about acceptance, love, and good vibes. They are open-minded. They are not afraid to express themselves. They are adventurous and excel with multitasking. Technology is a huge part of who they are and they are improving the world with it. They can live in the moment while they are documenting it. They don’t like to be tied down or defined by labels. They are free spirits and don’t believe in limits.

Regardless of what people may say, millennials are not a selfish generation. They want to help others. They want to give back. They want to influence. They want to be remembered. A generation that is generalized as me-centered, when it is equally, if not more we-centered. There is a reason so much change has occurred within the past decade. Millennials are confident in who they are and comfortable in their uniqueness. They aren’t afraid to push the limits and live outside of boundaries. 

They aren’t losing their humanity. They are reinventing it. They make the most of their role in humanity. And they know what it truly means to live.They are finding a new way to connect. They embrace being a millennial because to them that has never been a bad thing.

The millennial generation is a generation of change. A generation with a voice. A generation determined to be better. A generation that always moving forward.

They make a difference in the world. It’s called the millennial difference. And that is a positive difference.

A difference that will continue to change the world, with an impact that will last for generations to come.

Everyone always talks about being single like it’s this horrible thing. But, being single isn’t something that you should dread. It should be something that you welcome with arms open wide.

I know it can be scary to be alone especially when you’ve always felt like you needed someone else, but trust me when I say you need this time to be alone. You need to find yourself before you can find someone else. You need to figure out who you are. You need to figure out what you really want in your life. You need to love yourself before you can love someone else. And you need to learn that you don’t need anyone else to live. You need to find your independence. And you can’t find that with someone else. You have to choose yourself before you can choose someone else.

For the first time in a long time, I'm perfectly okay with being single. I actually prefer it. I’m not opposed to a relationship, but I am not looking for actively seeking one. I am fine doing my own thing. I remember that for so long I wanted to be in a relationship, but it was just because I had never been in one and everyone else had. I wanted to be in a relationship for the status and so I wasn’t single. I was lonely and I didn’t know who I was.

“Love when  you are ready, not when you are lonely."

Because when you try to find everything that you need to feel fulfilled within someone else, you’ll feel lost without them. You'll feel like you can’t live without them. You won’t know how to be independent from them. And we all know how scary it feels when someone who we think we can’t live without is threatened from being taken from our lives.

We stay in bad relationships because we are scared of being alone. We stay with people that are toxic because they have become a part of us and we wouldn’t know what to do without them. We stay for the sake of having something, someone. We settle for the sake of comfort. We become needy for attention and love because we need someone else to satisfy that need of ours. We are so desperate to be with someone that we jump into relationships with people that we should have never seen as an option. We stay just because they know us and our story. We stay because we are scared we won’t ever find someone better than them. We stay because we don’t think anyone else can possibly know us better than them. We put what we want secondary to what others want. We allow our self-worth and self-esteem to be based off of what others think of us and how they treat us. We allow others to determine our mood. We lose ourselves in them.

Being single is a very empowering experience, but only if you allow it to be. Instead of look at it as a curse, look at it as a blessing. You’re not single because there isn’t anyone out there for you. You’re not single because you’re not good enough. You have always been good enough.

“but  you’ve always been

good  enough

you’ve  just been giving

the best  parts of you

to the  wrong people”

                  -r.h. Sin

Embrace your time alone, your time being single and live it up. Focus on what you want. Do what makes you happy. Do what makes you want to wake up in the morning. Do what lights a fire inside you. Appreciate not having to worry about anyone else. Discover who you are. Enjoy being able to do whatever you want. Freedom is one of the best parts of being single. Stay out late, do something crazy. Casually date, have a one night stand with a stranger, make new friends, and be free. Use this time to grow into the best version of yourself. Fix yourself. Make memories that will last you a life time. Become so comfortable and confident in who you are that you won’t allow anyone to change that. Because when you’re doing your own thing and living your life without worrying about anyone else the right people will come into your life. You can’t find love, love finds you.

Learn how to make yourself happy. Learn to put your happiness first. Learn to put yourself first. Learn to not ever need anyone else except yourself. Because once you learn that you’ll never have a hard time saying no or walking away from someone or something that isn’t good for you. You will never settle for anything less than what you deserve. You won’t ever fear being single. You’ll learn to love being single.

“find  peace in being single

embrace  the solitude”

-r.h Sin

Photo cred. Dani Diamond http://danidiamond.com

We want to move on when we can’t let go. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go.

“One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go.Whether it’s guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy.”

                                                         -Mareez Reyes

We want to be better. We want to forget. We want to let go. But, it’s not that easy. It’s not that simple. It’s a process that we often want to skip straight to the end.

You can’t just let go of someone that has made a mark on you. It’s really hard to let go of someone that you loved and cared about. You might not have wanted things to end, but they did. And you can’t do anything about it now. You have to stop questioning things. You have to stop asking yourself what if. You have to stop trying to forget. You have to stop blaming. You have to stop trying to rush the process. You have to stop trying to justify and make sense of what happened.

“When someone touches your heart, they will infinitely there. But, when your mood became entirely dependent on them, it becomes a toxic relationship and you lose the love for yourself.”

                                                           -Anna Bashedly

We think that we can just forget about someone like they never happened. We can’t just erase someone from our lives and memory. We think we can move on like they didn’t matter to us. But,we can’t. We try our best, but the more we try the harder it is. We aren’t being real with ourselves.

Sometimes, we have so much trouble letting go because we still want to hang on to that person or the memory that it is attached to. We might say we don’t. But, deep down we do.

You have to acknowledge the good with the bad, the happy with the sad. You may not have ended on good terms, but there were good times. That person meant something to you at one point. And you cared for them maybe even loved them.

And sometimes, you aren’t ready to completely let go. And that is perfectly okay. You shouldn’t rush something if you aren’t ready. Rather than fight that you need to accept that. Because the harder you fight against it, the harder it will be to let go.

It’s okay to not be ready to let go.These things take time. And depending on how much that person meant to you it might take a while.

“It took time to get to know someone. It took time to open up to them. It took time to let them in. It took time to love them. So it will take time to let go and move on. Take that time. It’s unrealistic to think that from one day to the next you will be able to walk away from and forget something you invested so much time, energy, and emotion into.”

                                                               -Unknown

It’s a very difficult thing to lose our attachment to someone that we’ve gotten attached to. Attachment doesn’t develop in a day. But, at least you know that they meant something to you.

“It is a great sign of character and strength to be able to lose your attachment to anyone or anything that isn’t good for you.”

                                                               -Unknown

It’s hard to let go of something when you still want to know why. You still have so many questions and you want clarity. And you don’t want to accept that you might never get that. In fact, most of the time you don’t get closure. You have to accept the apology that you never got and be okay with the questions never answered. And the conversations that never happened. It’s hard to allow a chapter in our lives to close without closure. But, you can’t wait your whole life waiting for closure that may never come.

It’s never a challenge to let go of someone or something that meant nothing to you. You shouldn’t be trying to rush to something that you need time to process. Because if you try to move on before you let go, you’ll always be pulled back. Because you never really let go. You never made peace with what happened. Reflect on the good times. The bad times. And everything in between. Remember that they are human too.

It’s unfair to ask yourself to forget about someone in a day that you took days, months, and years to build something with. It doesn’t matter if it was a family, friend, or romantic relationship. You have to give yourself time and space to forgive, forget, and let go. And then you can move on. You can’t move on before you let go. And you can’t let go without finding peace with it. Maybe you’ll get closure and maybe you won’t. But, regardless you need to give yourself time to find closure within yourself. You have to give yourself time to heal.

You think that if you just knew why it happened that it would make it better. That it might be okay. That you would be able to let it go. You’d be able to let them go. And that you’d be able to move on…

But, the truth is most of the time you won’t ever know why. You won’t get your answers. You won’t get closure or clarity. And no matter how much you really want to know why, you’ll never know. I know it’s hard, trust me. I always want to know why things happened the way they did. Because we think that an explanation will solve our problems. But, most of the time I don’t get that and I have to learn to be okay with that. It’s a very hard lesson to learn.

You have so many questions that you want answered. You think that maybe if you knew why that you would be able to understand. You think that with knowledge comes understanding. And with understanding comes clarity. And with clarity comes closure. You think you would feel better knowing why. That you might be okay with it. But, you so desperately wanting to know why isn’t going to do anything but drive you insane. It certainly isn’t going to help you get to a good place. Knowing why won't make it right. And asking yourself why isn't gonna fix things.

And as long as you are hung up on why something happened or was said, you won’t be able to move on. You won’t be able to just let it go.

Take time to reflect. Feel what you’re feeling. Hurt and Grieve. But, you can’t spend your whole life being hung up on a why that might never be answered. You can’t keep waiting for an answer that might never come. You have to learn to accept all the unanswered why’s that are in your head. Because if you don’t they will consume you and drive you insane. You’re trying to understand something that isn’t understandable. You can’t move on if you are still stuck in your head.

Sometimes, it’s just so hard being okay with things left open and unanswered because it’s so hard for us to understand how someone could do something to you that you could never do to someone else. Something that you would never dream of doing to them or to anyone. You can’t wrap your head around why someone would think that it’s okay to treat someone like that. You just have to keep reminding yourself that not everyone has the same morals and ethics as you. What you think is okay and isn’t okay isn’t what everyone else thinks. What you think is right isn’t what everyone else things is right. And sometimes even with those thoughts, you still can comprehend how what has happened to you was okay in anyone’s head. You still can’t find any peace.

That’s the thing about people, they will always surprise you. They will never cease to amaze you. You think you know someone until one day they completely shock you. People will do and say things that will absolutely leave you jaw dropped wondering if they are even human. And the thing is you can’t do anything about that, you can’t change them. You just have to accept it.

Because you think that if you knew why that you would have closure. That you would finally be able to move on. But, sometimes the answer that you think you want is better left unsaid. Sometimes, not knowing is better than knowing. Sometimes, people don’t tell you why because they don’t know themselves.

You wanting to know why won’t give you closure. Because even if you get some answers, you’ll still have more unanswered why’s. The thing about understanding is that there’s always more to know. The why’s are never ending. And when you’re in the cycle of wanting to know why your mind is coming up with a million why’s. Knowing why won’t ever give you the peace you want.

You’ll never be able to completely understand why something happened the way it did. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to understand something that was always beyond your understanding. Because no matter how many answers you might get, it won’t ever be enough. And the explanation you receive won’t satisfy your lingering why. It rarely does. You can’t always understand why things happen the way they do and why people do the things they do. It’s a hard thing to accept, but it’s a fact of life. There are so many things in life that we want answers to that we won’t ever get.

You think you can find closure in knowing why, but you can only find closure within yourself. You find it in accepting the unknown. And you can’t get to a place of letting go and being ready to move on if you’re still trying to figure out why. You find it in not needing to know why.

I can’t keep waiting for something that might never happen. I’ve always waited for you. I’ve always been there for you. But, not anymore.

I can’t keep waiting for you to come around. I can’t keep waiting for you to decide you want to be friends again. I can’t keep waiting for you to want me. I can’t keep waiting hoping that what we once had will return.

“that’s why we stay longer than we should because it  hurts to watch something you love transform into something you should hate. We  sit and wait for it to return to its original state, in denial as we ignore the fact that what we see was always there and what is now, will always be.”

-r.h.  Sin 

Patience has never been my strong suit, but I made an exception for you. I always waited for you and never let your lack of punctuality and timeliness phase me. I accepted it knowing that it was just a part of you that I just had to accept.

But, I can’t waste my whole life hoping that with time you will come around. I refuse to keep playing these waiting games with you because this is my life we are talking about. Waiting for the text that may never come is no way to live. Waiting for empty promises like you’ve never let me down. Waiting for you like you cared as much about me as I cared about you. And waiting for my friend that may never show up is exhausting.

I always saw the best in you and gave you the benefit of the doubt. I gave you a million chances and stayed longer than I should have because I thought waiting for you would be worth it. I always thought you were worth waiting for.

Waiting for you is like hoping for rain in a drought and wishing for food  in a famine. I can’t keep holding onto someone that is hopeless. I’ve hoped for the hopeless. And it’s a childish hope that I need to let go of.

I know that making decisions and confronting conflicts has never been your forte. But, I have waited long enough. I won’t continue waiting around to be disappointed. I’m done waiting thinking I could salvage something, thinking I could fix this. I was waiting for someone that wouldn’t  wait for me. And my time waiting for you has expired.

“I waited, you ignored. I moved on.” –r.h. Sin

I won’t wait any longer. You’re too late this time. I won’t be here when you decide to show up. I’m done. I’m leaving without you…

“The hardest part about walking away from someone is  the part where you realize that no matter how slowly you go, they will never  run after you.”

 -Genereux Philip

Photo cred. Dani Diamond http://danidiamond.com

 

Somewhere along the line life happened. And you got swept off your feet into the vortex where you lost yourself. You got confused about who you were and who the world wanted you to be. You forgot how incredibly special and amazing you are. You’ve forgotten how talented and blessed you are. You’ve sacrificed who you are for who they want you to be. You’ve allowed other people to tell you who you are. You’ve forgotten everything about you that makes you, you.

“Do you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be” -Danielle LaPorte

For far too long, you’ve put your happiness in the hands of others. You’ve put others before yourself. And allowed their happiness to be more important than yours. You’ve allowed your emotions to be pawns in other people’s games. You’ve rather place blame than accept responsibility. You’ve look to them for fulfillment when you should’ve looked to yourself. You’ve forgotten how to love yourself. You’ve forgotten how to be you.

You’ve been so lost in the whirlwind of life that you’ve tricked yourself into thinking you’re happy until the high ends. Until your friends leave and you are all alone. Until you hit rock bottom.

You’ve become someone that you don’t recognize. Someone who you thought you were supposed to be. And you don’t want to be that girl. You’ve become that girl that you promised yourself you would never be, the girl that doesn’t know who she is.

You tell yourself that you’re happy. That you love the life that you live until you’re laying in bed late at night and it all hits you. Those fundamental life questions. What are you even doing with your life? Who are you? Are you satisfied with where you are at? Are you really happy? And you can escape the resounding no that you feel because you know it’s the truth.

You’ve tried to be what everyone else needed instead of what you need. You’ve conceded when you should’ve fought. You’ve tried to be who you thought people expected you to be, to please them instead of please yourself. You’ve gotten so caught up in everything else that you’ve lost yourself along the way.

You have spent so long living for others instead of living for yourself. You’ve looked for love in all the wrong places. And happiness in all the wrong people. You’ve constantly looked to others for approval and acceptance when you don’t even accept yourself.

You’ve done everything that the world has told you would make you happy and it has left you with nothing but unhappiness. You’ve been so desperately trying to fill that void, but nothing you do, get, or meet ever seems to be able to fill it. And at the end of the day, you feel empty. You feel lost.

With confusion comes clarity. Everyone has had a time in their lives when they felt lost. But, then they found themselves in the wilderness. You have to find yourself too. And maybe you need to lose yourself to find yourself.

You feel overwhelmed with life and everything that is going on in your life but you don’t know what to do. You’re stressed out and sometimes it almost seems like you’re drowning and there’s no escape. You look for help in others when you should have looked within yourself. Others can aid, but ultimately no one can save you except you. You have to help yourself. You’re the only person that is always going to be there for yourself.

You put so much pressure on yourself to be the person your family and friends expect you to be when all you’ve ever needed to be like you. You have only ever had to be enough for you. You’ve only ever needed yourself. No one else matters. You chose to let their opinions matter when they don’t. People only affect you if you allow them to. The question is when will it be enough? When will the cycle end? When all the noise of the world stops, how loud is your presence in the silence?

Life is speeding past you and you’re just a twenty-year-old girl that has no idea what she wants to do with her life. You’re panicking because you think you’re running out of time. You’re growing up and you feel the pressure to decide, but you don’t know how. You don’t even know what you want for breakfast in the morning. Everyone tells you that you need to get your act together and figure your life out. But, this whole adulting thing is new. Cut yourself some slack. You are still trying to find out who you are.

Regardless of what anyone tells you, you don’t have to have this whole thing figured out. You just need to find yourself. And once you find that badass, unconditionally love that person. Because once you love yourself, everything else will fall into place.

There are billions of people in this world. But, there is only one you. Don’t let anyone try to change you or tell you who to be. There is no one else in this world like you. You have the ability to make a difference. The size of that difference is up to you. But, please don’t waste your life not being true to who you are.

No matter how lost you may feel rest assured, you will find yourself again.