Mar-li Pitcher, Author at Pucker Mob

Workplace Anxieties; 10 Daily Frustrations

One of the most difficult things for those of us suffering with anxiety is going to work. Of course, we know that the people we work with do not get up in the morning thinking “what can we do to drive them crazy?” (we’re thinking it but we know it’s not true), but nevertheless, throughout any given day, there are a number of occurrences that make us seriously consider quitting (or strangling someone):

Riding the elevator with a co-worker: For some reason this seemingly innocuous occurrence fills a lot of us with dread. You mutter “hi”, they offer a polite smile, then you spend the remainder of the ride trying not to blurt out something random in a pitiful attempt at small talk. Thank God for smart phones!
Unsolicited advice: “You know what would be great?”…Yeah, if you didn’t finish that sentence, walked away and left us alone, that’s what would be great. Please, we don’t need any “helpful hints”, we are still working through the list of improvements we gave ourselves this morning, we really don’t have time for yours.
Office cliques: You know, When the same three women (who, inexplicably, seem to look alike) spend half the day whispering and giggling. What are they talking about? Are they laughing at us? Why do we feel like we’re back in high school?
Space invaders: The real reason we can’t get any work done? Hyper vigilance of our work space. We are constantly on the lookout for pen stealers, snack-swipers, and people who, for some reason, insist on sitting at our desks the second we walk away. Ugh! It’s enough to make us want to channel our inner Sheldon Cooper and shout “That’s my spot!”
Office politicians: The temp who is vying for permanent status…by stealing other people’s ideas (namely, ours), the receptionist whose campaign for employee of the year consists of comparing herself to everyone else (somehow, she always seems to come out on top…), the HR guy whose weekly e-mail blast always includes a veiled hint about increased productivity (maybe I should stay at the office later…); honestly, how are we supposed to accomplish anything with all these distractions?
Never ending workdays: We already spend an inordinate amount of time analyzing everything that happened at work…sending work related e-mails or texts after hours ensures that we spend most of the night analyzing it too; after all, no one would message us about work stuff if they didn’t want us to attend to it immediately…would they??
Corporate social gatherings: The only thing worse than trying to navigate the minefield that is our workplace is having to navigate the uncharted minefield that is company mandated social events. If we don’t know what to say to you people in an environment where there is common ground, how on earth are we supposed to handle socializing with you?
Hoverers: Yes, we see you, standing there, bouncing on your toes while we’re on the phone. What do you want? And, more importantly, why are you standing so close??
Food police: Walking past our desks with witty commentary on our lunches (“wow! I wish I could eat like that”). What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Aside from making us wonder whether to eat out from now on…
Cryptic messages: “Hey, do you have a minute to chat later?” What? Why? What’d I do??? Just tell me now!!!!!!!

15 Reasons Dive Bars Are Better Than Clubs

You’re stuck at work, diligently churning out those TPS reports when your mind wanders to…the weekend. You can hardly wait ditch the workplace and hit up the best dive bars. That’s right, not clubs, dive bars. Those ill lit, wobbly stool, neon-sign loving establishments that seem to blend into the landscape, what could they possibly offer that a swanky hot spot doesn’t? Glad you asked:

Location, location, location: Going to a club in an undisclosed location with a complicated entrance can be fun but sometimes you just want to straight up drink and for that, it helps be able to find the place. Dive bars: they’re everywhere you want to be.
No Cover: Let me say that again; No. Cover. Dive bars have this innovative concept; you only pay for drinks. You can just just waltz right in and order, no cash, no secret password, just and ID and a burning desire to do shots, the way God intended.
No shoes, no shirt, no problem: Dive bars are a continual “come as you are” party, even if “as you are” happens to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle “toga” (bed sheet) and worn-out Sketchers…
Thrift shop throw down: At clubs if you don’t like the music there is only one thing you can do about it: leave. However, at dives, all it takes to set the mood is a trip to the jukebox and bam! Macklemore time!
The regulars: Many dive bars open at 8am and any dive worth their Jager has butts on the stools by 8:05am. These folks have been drunk longer than you’ve been alive and love to share their experiences with you. Seriously, where else can you discuss politics with an ex clan member while perfecting your dart game?
The buyback: Only found in the most basic of dives, this is when the bar comps you a drink after you’ve purchased a few. Talk about a rewards program.
Stiff drinks: Ever notice at clubs the drinks are at least one third water? Yeah, dive bars are havin none of that, they have drinks with names like adios motherfucker and they mix them like they mean it
Game on: Want to take Chutes and Ladders and Trouble to the next level? Grab them off of the shelf at a dive bar and turn them into a drinking game! Ages 21 and up.
Freebies: Yes, yes, we’re all aware that free popcorn and pretzels are a ploy to get you to drink more but who cares? Popcorn is wonderful and you were drinking anyway…
Bartenders who know their shit: If you ask a bartender at a club to create something for you, you’ll be met with a blank stare. Make this same request at a dive and the bartender will hook you up with her homemade bacon moonshine and the recipe.
Logic, people!: Here’s a simple equation; you have $50. You can either get four drinks at a club or ten drinks at a dive bar, you do the math.
Home away from home: At a dive you can put your feet up, have dinner and get phone calls (the bartender may even take messages). Try this at a club and you’ll likely be thrown out.
Tiki, trailer park and Christmas: Or any number of wacky bar ideas. Theme bars are technically their own category but with features like over-the-top decor and costume nights, they are close enough to their plainer dive cousin to warrant a shout out.
K.I.S.S (keep it simple stupid): You wanna beer? Miller on tap, a bottle of Sam, or Bud in a can. Oh, you fancy huh? For you, Blue moon, with or without orange slice, your choice. Wine? No problem, what color. If you’re looking for a complicated cocktail menu, there’s the door, don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out…
What is happening here?: If this is your first thought upon entering a bar, grab a stool and stick around! Unlike club which need no explanation because they have no identity, dives are often a bit confusing at first. They have a stature of a melting cow? Must find out why…

Woo Hoo! 10 Signs You're the Crazy Friend

We all have that one friend. The one who keeps the rest of the group guessing. The one who is a walking reality show. If you are unsure of who this colorful person in your group is, it may be you! Here’s how you can tell:

Your friends are more interested in what you’re wearing than what they are: Before every outing you have received several texts with suggestions on what to wear, or, more to the point, what not to because:
You’ve been known to show up wearing a ball gown, complete with tiara and scepter: And it was nowhere near Halloween. In fact, on Halloween you’re usually dressed normally, because, for you, “normal” is a costume.
When you go to a bar, while everyone else is getting Cosmos, you order champagne: And if anyone asks why you tell them“because it’s Tuesday.”
When you order coffee, you give the barista a name other than your own: And if your friends question you, you say “That’s who I feel like being today” and they accept that, because you’ve done this before.
When you say “you’ll never guess what happened to me” your friends light up: You have the most awesome stories and everybody loves them!
You’ve been known to take theme parties to a whole new level: Party city plates and mustache glasses? Please. Try complete stocked costume trunks and movie quality sets.
You have lost entire weekends tracking down toys from your childhood on E-bay: And you have called out of work to play with them. More than once.
You have decorated your apartment to resemble various movies: And you are constantly re-decorating on account of how often you change your mind.
Your pet’s bed is nicer than your own: And it was wayyyy more expensive.
On the rare occasion you aren’t “bouncing off the walls” people worry about: You’ve been greeted with “what’s wrong” and a concerned look just because you said you were too tired to dance!

Movin On Up; 10 Perks of Having a Grown Up Job

There are things we all strive for in this life: Strong family ties (be they blood relations or the family you find along the way), someone to confide in and commiserate with (even if that “someone” is your cat), and money in your wallet.

In order to accomplish that last one you need a job. And, more than likely, the first jobs you ended up with tended to be a bit, shall we say, lacking, what with their time clocks and employee handbooks, and their team spirit…rah, rah, rah. But eventually, you found a job that actually boosted your self worth, as well as your wallet, and if you haven’t, you are frantically looking for such a gig because:

Grown up jobs don’t require a name tag: Either your co-workers know your name or they don’t, there’s none of that faux familiarity nonsense.
Grown up jobs actually respect your lunch time: It is not possible to change, go from point A to point B, purchase lunch (after waiting on a line with the 100,000 other peasants who are also on lunch), and eat in 30 mins, it’s just not. A “grown up” job gets this, as does a “marginal” job, but the “marginal” job doesn’t care.
Having a grown up job results in a consistent paycheck: One of the wonderful perks to having a “grown up” job is that you will work the same hours (more or less) week in and week out, resulting in a paycheck amount you can actually rely on. No more “your hours are being cut because the manager is in a bad mood.” And, while we’re on the subject…
When you have a grown up job, workdays never change: You will have consistent days off (more often than not), allowing you to actually plan your life. Novel concept, right?
With grown up jobs, there’s no yelling, haggling, treat-me-special-cause-I-know-your-boss types to deal with: If you work for a company that sells something, and that company is not a franchise, the prices of your wares are firm and customers accept that. No one will ask what the price is for them, thereby restoring your faith in humanity. A little.
Rewards cards? Not here: At your “grown up” job you will never have to use your powers of persuasion to talk someone into handing over all of their personal info in return for a 3% discount on Wednesdays. Thank God for small favors.
Conformity, yes. Uniforms, no: While, at a “grown up” job you may be expected to wear “appropriate” clothing (your “legalize it” tee will most likely be met with disapproval) you will also be able to wear your own clothing, as opposed to a bright colored, one-size-fits-none, polyester gunny sack.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…Because at a “grown up” job you won’t have to spend your holidays dealing with people you aren’t related to. Plus, you can deal with the crazy holiday crowds on YOUR terms (I.E: skipping the stores altogether and shopping online).
At a grown up job, people who secretly critique your performance no longer exist: The only “mystery” at a “grown up” job is who the hell keeps taking all of the spoons…
Grown up jobs allow you to join the same time zone as the rest of the human race: When you score a “grown up” job your schedule streamlines with the rest of the adult world. No more missing weekend events cause you have to work. Of course, this also means your “Maury Povich” time is going to take a serious hit but, such is life!

Worriers Rejoice: Science Says You're Smart!

Aparantly, there’s a silver lining that comes with the non-stop worrying commonly known as anxiety, a condition that usually tends to focus on a person’s shortcommings (both real and imagined). In addition to the constantly-growing list of signs and symptoms associated with this fustrating condition, there finally comes something positive (however small) and with all of the negative connotations associated with near constant worrying, it’s nice to know there can also be an upside; namely, that continuous worrying is a sign of higher intelligence.

While no one is exactly sure why the tendency to over-analyze things to the point of excessive worry is a mark of intelligence there are several theories: One such theory suggests that “It is possible that people who suffer from Anxiety are able to consider past and future events in greater detail, leading to more intense rumination and worry.” Ain’t that the truth. There is also speculation that the link between anxiety and intelligence is evolutionary and may play a role in our ability to adapt, since worrying, in it’s purest form, is simply an attempt to plan for events, both expected and unforeseen.

The science may be cold comfort for the 40 million of us that battle anxiety daily and it is by no means an “endorsement” or “validation” of anxiety and the havoc it creates in our everyday lives. Anxiety; the diagnosis, causes, and treatment is a constantly changing field, worthy of continued study and discussion, and this information should be used as nothing more than a piece of the larger “anxiety puzzle”.

The link between anxiety and intelligence might explain why so many people who suffer from anxiety tend to score lower on standardized tests. And, before you message me with the definition of contradictory statements think about this: Many standardized tests consist of multiple choice (and perhaps an essay question or two). Multiple choice has been referred to as multiple guess but, in an anxiety-riddled mind, it’s more like multiple second (and third, and fourth) guess. We can know a subject backwards and forwards and yet those little bubbles on the Scantron taunt us, mocking our knowledge and daring us to find the right answer among the cleverly worded (read: designed to trick us) fakes. Again and again our knowledge is challenged, with those infernal bubbles jeering “are you sure?” No! We’re never sure, damn it! We’re never sure, which is why we tend to fail tests we were totally prepared for.

For years people with anxiety and other mental health issues were thought of as being below average intelligence (oftentimes by ourselves) for this very reason and anything that helps set the record straight is a welcomed asset to the cause. Besides, what was the last time anxiety and good were in the same sentence?

Wait! What? 15 Things Only Unobservant People Will Understand

There are some of us that tend to miss things, even things that happen right in front of us. In fact, especially things that happen right in front of us. When it comes to breaking news we are always the last to know; not because no one told us, but because, even if they did, there’s a good chance we weren’t listening (We weren’t ignoring you, it’s just that we got distracted…).

Such is life for the unobservant, If there ever is an elephant in the room, there’s a good chance we genuinely won’t notice it. It’s just something you come to accept when you’re a bit on the unobservant side, along with:

Using the phrase “when did that happen?” on a daily basis.
People constantly shouting at you “How do you not see that?”
While you still have no idea what they’re looking at…
Constantly feeling like you “came in halfway through a movie.”
Missing your stop on the train. All. The. Time.
Doing things like using a corkscrew on a twist off bottle of wine, or a can opener on a can with a “lift” tab…
More than once.
Living with the constant feeling you’ve forgotten something…
Because you probably have.
Constantly confusing the buttons on the microwave (30 secs, 30 mins; BIG difference!)
NEVER knowing where you parked your car.
Or where your keys are…
You really hate deadlines, mostly because you never remember when they are…
You are constantly surprised by what time it is, but only because you never know what time it is to begin with…
Or what day it is for that matter…

15 Signs You're Smarter Than the Average Bear

On a daily basis, how many times do you think to yourself “What is wrong with people?” Conversely, do people often give you blank looks, wondering what you’re talking about? Do you know what the word ‘conversely means?’ If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these chances are, you are of above average intelligence.

Whether by nature or nurture, the simple fact is that some people are smarter than others. Wondering if your IQ is above the norm? See how many of these science based things apply to you:

You collect Civil War Era Medical Supplies: Or sugar packets, or back scratchers, or anything offbeat. Apparently, an interest in the strange is an indicator of an elevated IQ.
You were a virgin in high school: Research shows that Adolescents with an IQ score above 110 (90 is considered average) are more likely to be virgins. That’s okay, smarter people are also pickier…
You play an instrument: Or have at least taken lessons. There is growing evidence that musicians have structurally and functionally different brains compared with non-musicians. In other words; reading music is hard, playing music is hard and figuring it all out takes some serious brain power!
You believe that nothing good can be accomplished before noon…Aparantly, being a night owl is a trait of higher intelligence. Of course it is, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed…
You use Social Media…but not to excess: You like to learn about people and enjoy feeling connected, but you have no use (or patience) for check-ins at work (shouldn’t they be working?) or a zillion hashtags. #eyeroll.
You’re a cat person: Enough said.
You’re a bit of a heavy drinker…for a girl: The Telegraph reported in 2010 on a study at the London School of Economics finding that: “The more educated women are, the more likely they are to drink alcohol on most days. Oddly enough, the opposite is true for men.
You can fill out a sweater: A 2011 study of 1,200 women found that women with large breasts were more intelligent. Perhaps they’re filled with extra Grey Matter?
Your glass is always “half empty”: “Western culture lacks esteem for intellectual values.” In other words, our society tends to focus on superficial things such as looks and athletic ability which is why we pay athletes millions and teachers pennies and why those of us who know Pythagorean theorem but can’t hit the broad side of a barn tend to have self esteem issues. This is also probably why a lot of people with higher IQs also suffer from mental illness.
The only thing “social” about you is your Facebook page: You are all about “liking” that hot new club that appears on your newsfeed but actually going there? With other people?? That would require an evening of over thinking; What am I going to wear? Who else is going to be there? Please don’t let me say something stupid! Ugh! You’re exhausted just thinking about it…
You wear a cape to the office and spend a lot of time wondering about alternate universes: You are offbeat, in your own world, and dancing to the beat of your own drum. The box is not for you, the box is for everyone else…
Your siblings are smart: Studies show that intelligence tends to run in families so if your siblings are brilliant, odds are you are too!
You talk to yourself…But only because, more often than not, you’re the only one who will understand.
Geminis rule: One of the many, many, many reasons to love Geminis is that we’re the smartest! We know but it’s nice to be noticed!
Etch-A-Sketch was your favorite childhood toy: Because you loved to doodle and you still do! Research suggests that making random scribbles is a sign of a high IQ.

10 Things Independent Women Want Their Next Partner to Know

Independent women are almost always labeled as cold, bitchy, and any number of other pointless, negative names. And when it comes to dating? Please, don’t get me started! There are a plethora of stupid stereotypes that we come across when dating that, as any independent woman would confidently tell you, and far from the truth:

No, we’re not all in a huge rush to get married and pop out babies: Have a party we can’t afford and then destroy my figure and spend the rest of my life chasing after miniature terrorists while you sit on the couch watching Sports Center? No thanks.
Contrary to popular belief, not all women who have one-night stands are easy: This one really gets us going (and not in a way you’d like). Why is it that if a woman is comfortable with her sexuality and chooses to bring a guy home after a night of partying, she’s automatically a slut? Because we’ve done it once doesn’t mean it’s a regular thing…and if it is, it’s no one’s business but ours…
Independent women are just as attainable as everyone else: Just because we have our shit together doesn’t mean we’re any less interested in a relationship.
We are NOT prudes: If we frown at your crass jokes it doesn’t mean we’re not interested in sex, we just don’t think the boardroom is the appropriate place to discuss it. Also, we’re a little old for guys who are scared off by foreplay.
Who says we can’t hold our liquor?: While it’s true that, because of our water-to-fat ratio, women will generally get drunk faster than men, this has nothing to do with why we don’t play beer pong. We don’t don’t play beer pong because beer pong is stupid and we’re not in high school anymore.
Also, we are not constantly on our periods: If that were the case, we would die of blood loss. If we say something “bitchy” to you assume it’s because you’re a jerk and the truth hurts, not because it’s “our time of the month”.
We don’t always order some fruity, Disney princess crap when we drink: I mean, we might, If the bar is out of whiskey.
Yes, it is possible for us to be both smart and fun: Shocker right?
Sorry, we don’t always need a man’s help when it comes to fixing things: Unless of course, the “thing” is that needs fixing is your narrow-minded personality, in which case, us frail, little girls are totally going to need you to handle that for us, okay darlin’?
And no, we don’t all secretly love rom-coms like The Notebook and want to be princesses so we can be rescued by our prince: Many of us would rather watch The Hangover than The Notebook, and as for being rescued? Please, we’re not holding our breath to be rescued by a group that (generally speaking) has the attention span of a goldfish. The reason we want to be princesses is because princesses wear tiaras, duh.
We dress how we want, when we want: It has nothing to do with you, so if you don’t have anything nice to say…
All women with short hair are NOT lesbians: There are many reasons for short hair, sexual orientation not being one of them.
Not all of us are lonely, emotional shoppers: Shopping is a blast but you know what we like even more? Building a savings account and laughing hysterically when mr.man tells us about his retirement plan consisting of a jar of pennies and investing in flying cars. And we are not lonely! We have a cat…
We are not ice queens either: Cold? Excuse me, but not bursting into tears because we’re having a bad day or not dropping what we’re doing the second you call to chat does not make us cold, it makes us an adult. And seriously, why are you texting us 100 times a day? How insecure are you that you need to “check in” that often?
We will only date someone who can keep up with us: If you have a successful career, money in the bank (or at the goal of having money in the bank), and are able to take an occasional vacation (even if it’s only to the next city) are you going to date someone who’s only source of income comes from visiting the pawn shop? Probably not.

Seriously? 10 Examples of Horrible Roommates

We’ve all been there, in a way it’s a right of passage; roommates. Whether it was college or your first apartment, most of us have had to share living space with someone we weren’t related to. Roommates can be awesome, some of them even become our BFFs (hi Wes). And then there are those roommates that make you want to live alone in a cave for all eternity. If you’ve ever had the misfortune of having any of these roommates, you have my deepest sympathy:

The mooch: Work was hell and you are sooo looking forward to a glass of wine and Netflix. Then you come home to a sad, empty bottle and a note, “Thanks for the wine dude.” Noooooo!
The two for one special: You meet this awesome person, they move in and everything’s great. Then one day their bae drops by…and never leaves. Suddenly, you’re living in an over-crowded apartment with your clueless roomie and Sloppy McFloppy (Take that any way you want…).
The passive aggressive note leaver: “Hey, it would be great if you could wait to do your laundry until I wake up, don’t worry, I should totally be up before 2pm”. Ugh! These things are all over the apartment; little suggestions and considerations left especially for you. They would never actually approach you with any of these asinine requests because they they know that if they do, you’re likely to punch them in the face.
The storyteller: They have the most incredible stories, usually featuring fantastical characters such as ninjas or pirates or Oliver’s Twist’s gang which it why their stories always end with them having their money stolen. And these stories always seem to happen around the first of the month, isn’t that crazy?
The this-close-to-going-postal one: This dude has serious issues. They are constantly yelling, scheming, throwing things, punching walls, etc. They don’t get mad, they get crazy! Now you know the real reason they’ve moved so often…
The train wreck: They come home with a different conquest every night (if they come home at all), you’ve never seen them eat anything that didn’t come in a “snack-pack”, and, on more than one occasion, you’ve come home to find them sobbing and saying that they really need to get their shit together. Yeah, they should really get on that…
The science fair candidate: That is the only way to explain the things they leave in the fridge for eight months; they’re not trying to gross you out, they’re searching for a cure for cancer!
Jack Frost/The Snow Queen: The cold never bothered them anyway which explains why the thermostat is constantly at 43 degrees, even in friggin February!
The Jenga master: Yes, they do see that the garbage is overflowing, but why take it out when they can use it as an opportunity to see how much they can add to the pile before it topples?
The toilet paper Nazi: They are constantly reprimanding you about buying the wrong type of toilet paper, or putting the roll on the wrong way, or using too many squares at a time (seriously?), basically, they are way too interested in what you’re doing in the bathroom…

14 Lessons Learned by Children Whose Parents Should've Divorced, but Didn't

I am the product of a two parent home and honestly? It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Now, don’t get me wrong, two parent homes are ideal for raising children; provided those two parents actually like each other. If, on the other hand, the parents’ relationship plays like a lifetime movie (Or the sequel to He’s Just Not That Into You) you may want to consider getting out before (or most definitely) after any major harm is done; you to or your kids.

Everyone talks about how hard divorce is on kids but, speaking from personal experience, painfully obvious unhappy relationships are worse. When you grow up watching the two people who brought you into this world treat each other like adversaries rather than partners, you unwittingly learn some relationship lessons you probably shouldn’t, such as:

As long as our partner is there physically: Watching two people participate in a relationship that only one of them cares about is awkward, really awkward. And it tends to send the message that the most important thing in a relationship is having someone there. Not there emotionally. Not their to encourage and support you. Just…there.
Living with constant arguing reinforces the idea that fighting is normal: And it is. Some fighting is normal. Fighting all the time, about everything, is not. Unless you’re used to it…
The “convenience” of marriage is worth the struggle: It doesn’t matter if you’re happy or if the person you’re married to treats you well, just so long as you are married, cause, you know, that’s what you’re supposed to do…
Marriage is not about happiness: Finding your s/o is about driving your friends crazy trying to create the perfect party for one day…and then driving your friends crazy complaining about them for the rest of your life. Happiness has nothing to do with it.
Communicating by screaming and/or using passive aggressive behavior, as opposed to actually talking: Children learn what they live; if they grow up watching their parents resolve differences peacefully (most of the time) they will mirror this behavior as adults. If they grow up with two people who are constantly at war…
We don’t count: If you are in the wrong relationship and you can’t get out for yourself, do so for your children. Not doing so may imprint upon us that we are not deserving of a calm and stable household…
We won’t be able to make it alone: A lot of people stay married for financial reasons. Wrong move. Our brains are hardwired to stick with the most convenient route. Or, what we think is the most convenient route. But there is nothing convenient about staying where you’re not wanted (or celebrated, or cherished). Is it harder to raise a child with one income, as opposed to two? More than likely, but think of it in these terms: What’s a better return on investment? A larger bank account or happier kids (and a happier you) ?
It is possible to change another person: Children who watch one parent wait for the other to change grow up believing that, if we try really hard, and are really patient, it’s possible to get our partner to change. It’s not. period. People don’t change for other people, they change for themselves. But what about all that “you make me a better person” movie crap? That’s exactly what it is. If a person says this in real life and actually means is what they’re really saying is: “I love you enough to work on my issues.” That realization still has to come from within, you cannot give it to them, trust me.
The difference between giving up and knowing when we’ve had enough: People often associate divorce with giving up but there is a huge difference between giving up the nanosecond things don’t go your way and recognizing that you are in an unhealthy situation and getting out of it. This is especially true when you’ve grown up with parents who are “sticking it out”.
Not building healthy partnerships: One of the major reasons marriages dissolve is the division of labor, or rather, lack thereof. When you grow up in a household where the majority of tasks continually fall to one person you tend to repeat this dynamic in your own relationships. We also learn to resent our partner, regardless of which side of the chore chart we’re on…
Growing up too quickly…or not at all: I’ve noticed two extremes in children whose parents are unhappily married; The tendency to take on the family’s problems, believing that they’re ours to solve…or checking out completely, disappearing into a world of our own, burying the fears and uncertainties inherited from our parents under a myriad of shallow endeavors and juvenile pursuits.
Acceptance: Acceptance is usually touted as a good thing, and it is, if what you’re accepting is your partner’s love of Star Wars. If, on the other hand, you find yourself being accepting of lying, manipulation, and public displays of crazy, you might want to re-think that. Cause, if you don’t, chances are we won’t either…
Controlling everything else is a substitute for controlling our relationships: Children whose parents pretended to be happy (or didn’t even bother pretending but stayed together) may be more likely to develop disorders centering around control, like OCD or Anxiety. The fear that your life is out of control is powerful, the drive to combat that fear is even stronger…
Not to trust anyone. Ever: If we learned nothing else from watching our parents’ suffer through a disastrous relationship it’s that we want to be nothing like them! Unfortunately, their’s is often the only relationship road map we have and while trying to create our own, we often find ourselves being driven by fear and doubt and end up on the road of mistrust, a road that, once started on, the exit ramp is not easy to find…