Offset Teases New Album With Graphic Footage Of Cardi B Giving Birth

Offset teased his upcoming solo album by slipping in some graphic footage of Cardi B giving birth, and people aren’t holding back thoughts.

On top of making this face every time the camera cut to him during Cardi’s performance, doddering up to stand next to her onstage as she accepted her Best Rap Album win, and inserting himself into every photograph taken of Cardi, the Migos rapper’s promo was…a lot.

The 45-second video intercuts clips of the rapper in the studio with clips his three children from previous marriages. Edited in towards the end is graphic footage of Cardi giving birth back in July.

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Doctors surround Cardi, in obvious labor pain in the delivery room.

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The trailer ends with a zoom on Offset’s shocked face before revealing the album’s release date, February 22nd.

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The clip keeps with the family theme of the promo, but many on Twitter wondered how necessary it was.

No matter what you thought of the promo, you undoubtedly came away from it with the same expression as everyone else—Offset’s.

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h/t BuzzFeed

Mom Squirts Boob Milk At Woman Who Complained Her Husband Was ‘Distracted’ By Breastfeeding

It’s incredible that we live in an era with self-driving cars and computers in our pockets, and yet there are still people out there who get offended by women breastfeeding in public.

If you are unwilling to admit there is a non-sexual purpose to the female breast, and that small children should be fed whenever they are hungry, then you’re the weirdo. Take one of those online “is this a male or female nipple?” quizzes if you disagree.

Anyway, an anonymous post written on the Dartford Gossip Facebook page a couple of years ago has been making the rounds once again, and you’ll fully understand why when you read it. It’s got everything! Drama, a grody husband, and body fluids.

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The post reads, in full:

“To the lady [at] Dartford park who thought it was appropriate to breastfeed her baby [whilst] my child and very easily distracted husband sat near by…I don’t think it was necessary for you to react the way you did just because I asked you to go somewhere private, telling me to f**k off and squirting me with your boobs was incredibly uncalled for. I hope you are ashamed of yourself!”

In case you missed that penultimate sentence:

TELLING ME TO F**K OFF AND SQUIRTING ME WITH YOUR BOOBS WAS INCREDIBLY UNCALLED FOR.

While most people agreed that the breastfeeding mother’s reaction was a tad uncalled for, the general consensus seemed to be: If your husband is that easily distracted, find yourself a new one.

Also: Get a grip, lady!

   

 

What is it with people and nipples, anyway? Why is there more outrage over female nipples than male nipples? Why is there any outrage at all? Will we, as a society, ever come to an agreed understanding that all nipples are created equal?

That being said, it’s never cool to splash bodily fluids on someone without their consent, no matter how much of a twat they’re being.

People Are Tweeting Out Their ‘Weirdest Confessions’ And It Just Proves We’re All Equally Psycho

Earlier this week, Twitter account @drakesbrother (not actually Drake’s brother…I think…) tweeted out, “Weird Confessions: let’s hear them.”

To say that Twitter delivered would be an understatement. If anything, Twitter over-delivered.

The confessions were, in fact, weird. Really, really weird. But what’s striking is the common thread running through all of them. They’re universal.

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Sure, you probably won’t relate to every single one of them. But odds are, you’ll read a good many of them and be like, “wait, what? I thought that was just ME!” If anything, this thread proves that we are all equally psycho, OCD, neurotic, what have you. It’s comforting, in a strange way.

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37 Tweets For People Who List ‘Eating’ As One Of Their Hobbies

Are you the type of person who gets excited about meals scheduled in the distant future? The type of person who has their final death row meal all buttoned up? The sort of individual who could never be in a relationship with a person who doesn’t enjoy food as much as you do, simply because the amount of joy it brings you may be slightly embarrassing?

If so, you’ve come to the right place.

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37 Tweets That Are So Wildly Specific It’s Hard To Believe They’re Not About You

Everybody knows the answer to the nature vs. nurture debate is “both,” but I think we can all agree that nurture plays a far more integral role in shaping our adult selves. After all, identical twins raised in vastly different circumstances and opportunities will end up very different people (just give Three Identical Strangers a watch!)

Point being, the way you grew up reflects on who you are now. It shows. It really, really shows.

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Hero Mom Hilariously Chases Down Package Thief And Gets Her Package Back

Wednesday night, @D_Swizzle22 uploaded a video to Twitter that quickly began to go viral, racking up over 92,000 likes and 25,000 retweets in less than 48 hours’ time.

The video kicks off with the voice many of us are all too familiar with: that of an angry mom.

“Girl stole a package off my front porch and I’m gonna corner her,” says mom, training the phone camera on the perp. “Yep,” she confirms, as she approaches the woman.

“What’s your name?” asks mom. “What’s your name? Did you just steal something? GIVE IT!” she says. Just as she starts to warn the thief, saying, “I’m gonna f***ing call the police,” the woman takes off.

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What ensues is a full minute and a half of mom running after thief, asking for her stolen Amazon package back.

“I’ve got you on camera b*tch, give me the f***ing thing, NOW!” she yells. Then: “I’m taping you!”

They continue running. The thief yells back, “Leave me alone lady, I didn’t take anything!” as she runs down the street past parked cars.

“Yes you did, I saw you!” says mom

“No you didn’t” says perp.

“Yes I did! Get your ass back here right now! You’re on tape, and you’re in trouble, now give it to me!”

At this point, a very loud and disorienting wind chime noise appears in the video. “Why are you stealing stuff???” yells mom again, to which the thief replies, “I’m homeless lady!”

If the woman expected sympathy, she was sorely disappointed.

“I don’t give a sh*t, you’re stealing stuff off my front porch, now GET OVER HERE NOW!” yells mom as she continues to jog after the woman.

“Throw it down, and I’ll delete this! THROW IT DOWN! DO YOU HEAR ME?” she yells, now panting heavily. This seems to have

The perp finally slows down, and hands what appears to be an empty Crock Pot brand duffel bag (??? I rewatched it 5 times and this was all I could come up with) to the mom while apologizing.

Mom had some choice parting words to the package thief.

“You f***ed with the wrong person, b*tch! What’s wrong with you, a**hole? What else you got? I know there’s something else in there?”

Then: “Good luck!”

People on Twitter were tickled over the end of the video, particularly mom’s sincere-sounding “good luck!”:

Some theorized about the wind-chimes sound effect:

The Crock Pot bag remains a mystery.

30 Jokes About AirPods That Are So Dang Funny And So Dang True

Apple’s wireless AirPods have become synonymous with wealth, whether real, imagined, or flexed. Their popularity, spurned in no small part by social media, made them a highly coveted item on Christmas lists worldwide.

And so, because we are all trash, “AirPods for Christmas” started trending on Twitter, birthing dozens of jokes and memes making fun of AirPod users. They quickly became a faux-status symbol of the “elite,” implying that only rich people can afford them. (They run at $175, which isn’t cheap, but isn’t outrageous compared to other wireless brands.)

All jokes aside, though, I wouldn’t mind a pair myself…

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People On Twitter Are Sharing Millennial Dating Rules, And TBH, We’re Taking Notes

Last Friday the Twitter account @HashtagRoundup prompted users to share millennial dating rules by hashtagging their posts, #MillennialDatingRules.

Some of them were pretty straightforward—don’t be sketchy on social media, don’t overcomplicate things, don’t expect a whole lot, etc. Others were a little more nuanced; heart emojis and full student debt disclosure are key, people!!!

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Woman Asks What Twitter Thinks Of Her Roommate’s Unseasoned Chicken, And The Burns Won’t Quit

A tweet by user @corihealey is going viral, and for good reason. Not only is it a lesson in relationship red flags, it’s also one in how not to cook a chicken. Mainly, don’t not season it. Or, go at least one step further than just throwing some breasts straight from the packaging onto a baking pan, no parchment paper or aluminum foil or nothing.

It’s offensive, is what it is. And the Baltimore resident decided to share her woes with all of Twitter by tweeting out the following picture, and captioning it “Y’all wanna get upset by the lack of seasoning on my boyfriends roommates chicken with me.”

Why yes, of course Twitter did! Getting upset about other people’s life choices is what the platform is best at (though in this case, it’s deserved).

The Atlantic staff writer—yes, a real journalist—Jemele Hill advocated for immediate deportation.

People expressed legitimate sadness at this wasted poultry life.

Some couldn’t even stand to look at it any longer.

“Is this even legal?” we wondered.

The concern was palpable.

As was the discomfort:

And the confusion.

Dictionary.com Twitter chimed in with some customary sass:

No, you’re not the only one. I too am highly upset over this fact.

VERY, VERY UPSET.

Unlike the chicken, the burns on this failed “dish” were endless and creative.

The world may be trash, but at least we have tweet replies like this to keep us going. More of this in 2019, please!

25 People Who Fell Out Of The Stupid Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down

Before the Internet existed, stupid people‘s stupid opinions went for the most part unheard. Sure, their immediate family/friends/bartenders would be subjected to their BS, but that’s about it. No harm, no foul, no crippling embarrassment.

But now that social media reigns supreme, everyone has an opinion that can get eyeballs in mere seconds. It may be making the world a dumber place, but it’s also allowing these dummies to out themselves.

1. This espionage expert:

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2. This aeronautics engineer:

3. This righteous parent:

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4. And this enraged one:

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5. This cat non-owner:

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6. This confused individual:

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7. This rational philosopher:

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8. This confused flat-earther:

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9. This nervous system doctor:

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10. This video game logician:

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11. This deadbeat dad sympathizer:

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12. This batsh*t vegan:

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13. This responsible adult:

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14. This dedicated historian:

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15. This lovely member of the community:

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16. This candy-cane hating principal:

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17. This linguist:

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18. This mermaid cynic:

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19. This sophist:

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20. This enabling parent:

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21. This 2A-er:

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22. This American:

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23. This very confused chump:

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24. And finally, this concerned parent:

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