Author: Megan Bayne

You say you're happy for me, but I'm not sure that's even possible. 

We're still just coming fresh out of our breakup, and it's too soon. In time, maybe you'll mean it, but right now, I know you're full of shit.

Maybe you say it so that you'll believe it yourself. Maybe it's so that you can pretend this shit hurts less. Or maybe it's because you think it's what we're supposed to say.

But the reality is, if you were truly "happy" for me, you wouldn't be doing horrible things to me.

You can't be happy for me and tell me that my parents should be proud of me for being a "slut." Then, in the same breath, say that you'll never love someone like you love me.

You've unfriended me, blocked me, and said you never want to talk to me again. But two weeks later you added me back, called me, and cried over me.

Last week you told me to fuck off. And yesterday you texted me how depressed you were.

You're bitter, petty, and jump at any opportunity to rub anything and everything in my face.

You can't be happy for me is because I know I'm sure as hell not happy for you. But at least I'm not pretending.So show me again, how genuinely happy are you for me? 

Your words mean nothing when your actions are doing the talking. And they’re screaming that you’re anything but. But, hey, it’s cool. Because you know what? Even so, it doesn't matter.

I don’t need your approval anymore. We are over and I have all the happiness I need on my own. So you can stop trying so damn hard to make me believe you are happy that I’ve moved on with my life.

I’m still not buying your bullshit.

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Do you feel like your man doesn't treat you the way you'd like to be treated? Do you sometimes feel used or abused in your relationship? Or do you ever feel alone when he's standing right beside you? 

If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, it's very likely that he doesn't respect you. But if you're still unsure, there are other ways to be sure.

1. Like the CIA, he gives you next to no privacy.

He looks over your shoulder when you're texting, and tries to listen in to your phone calls. Whether they're calls to your mom or not, it's not fair to feel like you are always being watched or accused of doing something shady. 

Stop telling yourself it's just because he's insecure because in a healthy relationship, you should still have your privacy. 

2. He's the Captain of the S.S. Guilt Trip.

Whether it's about spending time with your friends, spending money, or spending time alone, he makes it a point to make you feel guilty about it. 

Someone that respects you would not make you feel guilty about going out and having fun with other people that make you happy. They should want you to get out there sometimes! 

3. When you do anything, he needs to know – but doesn't do the same for you.

Although your guy seems super concerned about where you are going and who you going to places with, he never feels the need to offer up the same information. This can easily become a mind game. 

Maybe he's withholding information because he's lying to you. Or maybe he's disconnecting to have the upper hand in your relationship. He is getting you wrapped around his finger.

4. He fights dirty.

If you leave all your arguments feeling like you are worthless or demoralized, it's likely he's not fighting fair. He may bring up your past mistakes, call you names, and maybe even lay a hand on you once in a while. 

Just because you disagree or get angry with one another does not mean you have the right to let words (or hands) fly like a loose cannon. 

5. The rules get made up as he goes, and they never apply to him.

Everything in a relationship should be equal, meaning you should both hold each other to the same standards. 

If your guy expects certain things from you, but every time you expect the same from him, he becomes angry, defensive, or acts like the rules didn't apply to him… girl, he does not respect you. 

6. Threats are way too common.

If every time you made a mistake in your relationship or got into an argument your guy brought up "let's just break up," he was low key threatening you. 

Someone that cares and respects you as an individual wouldn't be doing this. Threats are another way to make you feel scared, guilty and keep you trapped in your toxic relationship.

7. Whenever you express yourself, he tries to undermine it.

If he's constantly making nasty comments or laughing at your ideas, he's attempting to make you feel inadequate. It doesn't feel good to be made fun of, or never taken seriously. 

Your partnership should be about lifting each other up, sharing your thoughts, and loving every second of it.

8. You've caught him lying.

It could be about something as small as what he ate for breakfast or as big as an affair. If you catch him lying, he doesn't feel you have a right to know the truth, and that is majorly disrespectful. 

You two are supposed to be best friends and tell each other everything! As soon as that changes, the whole relationship dynamic does too. 

9. He makes sure your relationship is 50/50, and he keeps score.

This is when he says, "Our relationship should be equal," when he counts the number of times he has done the dishes versus the times you have done the dishes. 

This may not seem disrespectful, but it can be when he is using it to get you to, "do your share." You should both be giving your all to one another, not some 50/50 arrangement. It can be his way of having the upper hand in your relationship and that is not respect.

If your partner isn't respecting of you, find your way out of that relationship. No one deserves to be treated for less than they are. Know your self worth, and know that someone out there will value you properly.

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Breakups really suck. Not only do you feel like you’re losing a big part of yourself and what your life was, but sometimes you can feel like you are completely alone.

Now you’ve got to face the reality that there’s no one to come home to at the end of the day. There’s no one to talk to over dinner. No one to start and finish a series with on Netflix in a matter of days. And, of course, there’s no one to keep you warm at night.

A big part of getting through this rough time is learning how to be alone and, yes, I’m saying it – thriving from it. Here are some quotes to help you along the way.

“Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as a means of escape.” – Bell Hooks

“Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” – Paul Tillich

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You’ll never be lonely if you learn to befriend yourself. – David Archuleta 

“Fall in love when you are ready, not when you’re lonely.”

“Being alone and actually sitting with our own thoughts can lead to such growth and realizations that are rare in our everyday busy lives.” – Kourtney Kardashian 

“Loneliness is better than bad company.”

“Being alone and being lonely are two different things.” – Ai Yazawa

“Don’t mask it. Everyone masks it. Feel it. And if feeling your heartbreak feels unbearable then you’re doing it right.” – Leo Christopher

“The price of being a sheep is boredom. The price of being a wolf is loneliness. Choose one or the other with great care.” – Hugh Macleod

“Don’t be scared to walk alone. Don’t be scared to like it.” – John Mayer

“Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you stand.”

“Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” – Carl Jung

“Lonely is not being alone, it’s the feeling that no one cares. And people care.”

“The best way to learn to love yourself is by being alone. After you learn to love you in the company of self and cherish the time alone, you will find the answer to self love.”

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde

“Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.” – Dr. Steve Maraboli

Being alone doesn’t have to mean you are lonely. Enjoy being on your own and explore how to be friends with yourself. You might be surprised about how much you can enjoy your own company. There’s no need for a rebound when you are strong and can use your friends and family as a support system.

So it didn’t work out this time around, but you have so many amazing things ahead of you, and learning to be you and loving it is just the first step!

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I honestly don’t believe there is anything less attractive than a person that’s insecure. You can tell it by their body language, the way the interact with others, and even the way they dress. And conversely, you can tell when a person is exuberating confidence. And that’s hot.

So, if you are tired of feeling insecure about who you are or the way you look, it’s time to do something about it!

1. Ask Yourself: What are my flaws?

They can be physical aspects of your body you don’t like, a personality trait, or a piece of your baggage. If you are pretty sure you know what all your flaws are, you might not have to write them down, but I would. Some of my biggest insecurities include some of my past decisions, the areas where my body carries fat, and keeping quiet because I am so fearful someone will disagree with me or think I am stupid. Whatever yours are, the first step is knowing them inside and out.

2. Identify Why You Think They are Flaws

Maybe I’m nervous about bringing up my ideas because my ex used to verbally abuse me in that way. Why does it bother me where I carry fat on my body? I believe my body looks disproportionate in some positions, but where I store my fat is not something I can control. (It is all about genetics and gender!)

Identifying why you are so insecure about certain things can help you realize that there is nothing to really feel bad about! These things make you who you are, and you should never want to change that!

3. Start Accepting Them

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Sound familiar? Sorry to get all biblical on you, but take away the idea of God, and you still have a great idea to work with here. Some of your flaws, you will never be able to change, and you’re going to have to accept them for how they are, and how they will sometimes make you feel (some type of way, ya know?).

And then there are the ones you can change, or at least, start working on. If you really struggle with your boobs, or your butt, or your nose, or something like that, there is always plastic surgery, right? So, you could always change it if you really could not accept that particular “flaw.” 

4. Practice Affirmations

Okay, I know it sounds lame, but this exercise will really help you start to think of yourself in a positive light! Affirmations are something we rarely do without thinking about them first. So you’re going to have to make a conscious effort here. An affirmation is really just a compliment for yourself to reassure you that you are doing all right. Some of my typical affirmations are, “I love me, and other people love me too.”, “Mistakes do not make me a failure.”, and “I am confident in all that I am.” You can steal one of mine or come up with your own, based on what your biggest insecurities are.

When you’ve learned to accept your issues, you will being to see your whole life change! Not only are you free from being insecure and unnecessarily self-conscious, but there are many other great things that will happen.

-You will become your own best friend, constantly complimenting yourself instead of dealing out the put-downs only you can hear. 

-You will be able to make better friends because you will genuinely be yourself around people and connect better than ever. 

-Your view of failure will change dramatically. Instead of feeling like it is this big looming thing, you will realize how much your set backs help you grow. (And knowing your weaknesses means you know your strengths, too!)

-Not to mention, now the opposite sex is going to find you even sexier than they did before.

These four steps are just the beginning to accepting your flaws, letting go of your insecurities, and loving yourself!

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We called it, "Love at first sight."  We said we, "Just knew." We thought, "We will prove them all wrong." But today, we are here, years down the road, wondering what happened to those once overwhelmingly positive feelings, replaced with disdain and apathy.

"We accept the love we think we deserve," – Perks of Being a Wallflower, 2012

Now, we're standing at the crossroads, where gut instinct meets heart. Our once newly-paved middle path has been replaced with sharp stones of trust issues, betrayal, and loneliness – a road that has become impassable. So we are forced to decide left or right, and pray that it's the right direction.

We look back and instead of recalling the moment we met, we remember our first blowout argument. Instead of thinking about the first bolt of electricity our touch ignited, we remember the first time we laid hands on each other in vain. We forget even the basics of what brought us together. It's as if we've rewritten our once beautiful past.

"We were just a couple of kids, but we really loved each other, didn't we?" – The Notebook, 2004

I once loved your flaws and your unique quirks, but now your light snoring makes me aggravated, and listening to your playlist in the car is a form of torture.  I can't remember the little things that made me admire you. Rather, I can count a million and one things that don't. I know that somewhere along the way, we forgot how to be in love.

Despite all these things, I want us to learn to love again – to get back to the moment we just knew. I want to think of you the way I did when you told me about your worst moments and your greatest dreams. I want to be overwhelmed by the smell of your cologne and unaffected by your morning breath. I want to feel your touch like it's the first time again. 

"You figured it out once. You'll do it again." – The Vow, 2012

But unfortunately, I know it's not that simple. We both have to want it. Otherwise, we will never be able to fall back into our moments of laughter and love. We will be stuck, standing at our crossroads for a very long time, or we will be forced to walk down the path we never imagined. 

Everyone will tell us, "I told you so," a statement meant to pour salt into the wounds we've opened. We will finally be forced to break from our parallel line lives, once stuck side by side, and travel into opposite directions, almost certain that we will find love again, just never ours.

"Do not promise when you are happy, do not reply when you are angry, and do not decide when you are sad." – Anonymous

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In most instances, when someone is unfaithful in a relationship, the couple decides to split. The trust is broken, and it makes for a rocky road. The person who has been betrayed is likely emotionally traumatized, and will have recurring thoughts/images of the cheater’s affair, making it extremely hard to move past the event together. (However, this is not always the case!) 

Like 45% of women in relationships do, I cheated. But it wasn’t the reason we broke up. (via www.independent.co.uk)

My significant other found out about my infidelity by mistake – the classic snooping through the phone. My one night stand was something I couldn’t tell you about even if I wanted to, so I had decided, “What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Psh. Well, clearly things didn’t go as planned. I wasn’t careful enough, and had left a message thread behind, which detailed the night’s events, via his perspective, to fill in my blacked out memory. He immediately confronted me, heartbroken. And I felt terrible. I was guilty and ashamed for a while, but then as we began to work through it, I realized this was probably meant to happen, in the most messed up of ways.

Up until this point, I thought we were happy. I liked coming home to him every day after work. I liked cuddling on the couch watching movies or napping. And I liked how comfortable and stable it was when we were together.

But maybe that was the problem. We had been together for so long that the spark we had slowly dissipated without either of us even realizing it was gone. We were more than comfortable with each other, and we were just going through the motions. We were almost like roommates that occasionally talked about their days at work, and slept together even less. We spoke our minds, without much thought, even when we were downright disgusted by one another. And then it was somehow a mystery why I had cheated.

We broke up because, somewhere along the way, we fell out of love.

If I had sought out after someone outside of the relationship, I thought, it must have meant that I wasn’t satisfied. Something must have been missing, but before my indecency, I could have never told you that.

It was only after that I realized that the butterflies were gone, that the appreciation was half-hearted at best, and the physical affection was almost non-existent.

In many ways, we outgrew our relationship. I realized wanted someone that was going to challenge me and take me on adventures. I wanted someone that didn’t mind letting me pick the movie we would watch, even if it was an occasional chick flick. I wanted someone that truly appreciated all aspects of me, not only the things they wanted to see me as.

I didn’t find any of these things in my one night stand, but it made me realize I could probably find these things in someone if I went searching. And it made him realize he deserved better, too.

We mutually decided to end things, and it wasn’t messy (many times it can be, so we were lucky for that). It sucks that it ended because we were just what each other needed at one time or another, but like all good things, it had to.

My infidelity didn’t make us break up, but it showed us what was really going on in our relationship the whole time. Maybe one day we will make it back to each other.

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We all have that one dog mom friend (or five), but what about us cat moms? I feel like we usually get left out, so here's a list just for the cat lovers (wherever they may be). Here are 28 things we all know to be true about our furry best friends.

1. You've wasted cash on a cat bed.

Only to find out that cardboard boxes are obviously more comfortable. 

2. And cat toys are also irrelevant.

But those hair ties and other non-toy things… different story. 

3. There's a fine line between, "Please, please, please pet me," and "Get the fuck away from me, human."

And it takes a special type of person to know where that line is.

4. Don't forget you're only allowed to pet them on the face or the butt.

There is just no in between.

5. All the doors in the house have to be left open.

Otherwise you'll never hear the end of it, literally. *scratch, scratch*

6. You have to hide all your super soft blankets.

They are about 2.5 seconds away from digging their claws in it and leaving you with a stringy mess.

7. But sometimes you leave them out and supervise just because you feel bad.

It is the best blanket in the house, it'd be weird if they weren't obsessed with it.

8. It is impossible to use the computer around them or do any other work.

They must want us to be just as lazy as them.

9. You are a cat photographer.

You post pictures of your newborn, I post pictures of my cat. They are cuter, tbh.

10. They love looking outside, but are terrified to actually step foot out there.

And you know this because you've tried walking them.

11. As much as you want to dress them up, you can't.

Because they go full "womp."

12. You're low key jealous that dogs get their own parks, but cats don't.

Even though you know your furry friend would hate it anyway.

13. 3am is their ideal exercise time.

What do you mean you were sleeping?

14. The daytime is for napping and baths.

It's safe to say your schedules don't really match up.

15. You can only drink out of bottles around the house.

Unless you want to drink some cat hair and cat litter water or spend 90% of your day mopping up spills.

16. The bathroom is their ultimate favorite room.

And you haven't pooped alone since.

17. You don't even try wearing black anymore.

There are simply not enough lint rollers in the world. 

18. You've had quite a few mouse scares.

Sometimes those toys just look so real!

19. They act like they need tans.

If there is a ray of sunlight, they are laying in it. 

20. You are genuinely surprised when you meet another cat person.

It got us like, "I FOUND MY PEOPLE!"

21. You have a personal alarm clock.

It's called these claws in your neck and hair at 5am because I'm hungry.

22. Then you get up only to realize they still have food.

Apparently it just wasn't to their standards.

23. They are conflicted about their feelings toward water.

No way will they ever get in a bath, but they will stick their paws all up in that water bowl.

24. You are confused by how dog lovers deal with barking.

Meows are 90% adorable and 10% quiet enough to handle when they're not.

25. They are virtually spineless.

And can fit into literally anywhere, especially the places you don't want them to go.

26. It's a rare moment when they want to cuddle with you.

And you are still truly stunned every time they do.

27. Usually you have to hold them hostage.

While whispering how much you love them as they try to claw their way away from you.

28. But no matter how annoying and high maintenance they can be, you still love your cat more than most people.

It's just a fact.

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I'm sorry to tell you this, but I'm never moving back in. Like ever. There are just too many great things about living on my own. 

1. No more daily life lectures I don't ask for and can't walk away from.

I can come home as late as I want, I can start drinking at 10am, and no one is asking questions. 

2. Eating cereal for dinner is not actually acceptable.

I was pretty much forced into cooking, but now I can make more than just ramen! Aren't you so proud? 

3. My house, my decorations, my taste– gorgeous.

No offense, Mom. 

4. I am self-sufficient and everything belongs to moi.

The TV, the bathroom, the washer and dryer, you name it. No more sharing for me! 

5. Three words: Guilt. Free. Mess.

Up until the point I know I will be having guests, that is. 

6. My leftovers don't disappear overnight… Dad.

No more marking the takeout boxes! Or hunting down the person that ate my deliciousness. 

7. Budgeting really is a thing.

Because that rent isn't going to pay itself! 

8. I can come home, sit down, and there's no one there to ask me anything.

There is literally no one else to talk to. Score. 

9. I made the thermostat my bitch.

That's right, Dad, I am keeping it at 75 degrees this winter and you can't stop me. 

10. I can binge eat AND watch tv without hearing, "go outside".

On Netflix, pizza, or whatever, and there is absolutely no judgment. 

11. The hair clogging the drain? Yeah, thats all mine. 

Still gross, just not as gross. 

12. I can have alllll the pets I want.

Remember when I was 10 and wanted 18 dogs? My dreams are coming true! 

13. And I can have alllll the guests I want. 

My parents no longer need to approve of my toxic friendships! 

14. My living room doubles as a workout room.

I can finally follow all the embarrassing workout videos I want without worrying about who is going to come home and ridicule me for life. 

15. I can escape events by locking my doors and shutting off the lights.

Who's gonna know that I'm really just sitting at home? 

16. No one touches my stuff.

Like my expensive shampoo, my favorite scarf, or my laptop. 

17. I actually have things to tell my parents because they no longer know my every move.

There's not much time for painful small talk anymore, it's all about catching up. 

18. The Ultimate Freedom:

I can finally walk around the house naked, I mean, if I really wanted to. 

Congrats, you raised a (kinda) functioning adult! Even though I never want to live with you ever again, I promise to visit and call as much as you deem necessary.

Love, Your Grown-Up Kid

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How often is it that you sit back and take a look at the life you’re leading? Between cramming for exams, sitting in rush hour traffic, and trying to love the people we are supposed to be loving, it is easy to miss the world around us. But the saddest part is that, often times, we don’t even realize it.

Chances to take risks come and go, but we stick to our guns. Opportunities offer themselves up, but we are too comfortable doing what we always did. And so we stay. We stay in our boring relationships. We stay in our dead end jobs. We stay in our lanes and therefore, we stay stuck. It’s time for a change.

Before you continue, take a moment and evaluate your life as it is right now.

Are you where you want to be? Have you done all the things you set out to do in life? If you died tomorrow, would you feel like you lived to your full potential, or not so much?

If you answered yes to these questions, congratulations, you are leading the life you want to live, and you are far more advanced than most of us.

And, if not, are you ready to change that? Be honest, here. If you want to get results, but don’t want to put in the work, you can’t expect anything to happen, and you might as well turn back now.

But once you have decided that you want this, and you understand you will be uncomfortable at times, you are ready to start living the life you always wished you had.

You can begin exploring with these five small changes to your every day life.

Say yes.

Even to the things you don’t necessarily want to do. I won’t lie, it’s going to be painful at first, but it will be worth it when you have a plethora of new experiences you never thought you would have access to. Saying yes helps you open up to things you may have never known you liked.

Change your routine.

If you work the 9-5, it can feel almost impossible to switch things up. But even small changes can make a big impact here. Try waking up an hour earlier and do something you usually put on the back burner. Instead of going to the gym after work, go before. Try your new routine out for at least two weeks, and then try switching it up again.

Take people up on their offers.

Even if they were half joking with you. Don’t turn down every offer you get just to be polite. You might not realize it, but you could be missing out on something awesome. So be assertive and take them up on it!

Do something that scares you.

This is a big part of breaking out of your comfort zone. Something that scares you could be making the first move on your crush or it could be singing in front of an audience. Either way, it can be hard to overcome those fears. But it will be harder knowing you had ample opportunity to do what you wanted to do, but fear held you back. You will find once you do one thing that scares you, it will be easier going forward with more and it can create a snowball effect.

Make mistakes.

Sometimes, you need to make a mistake on purpose. You need to explore your world and yourself to know who you really are, and who you really want to be. If we were perfect all the time, we’d be bored and we’d be trapped in the same routine for ever aka no fun. When you do mess up, take responsibility for it, and accept the consequences in stride – both the good and bad. It will make you a better person in the end.

These are just five simple things you can change about your life today, but there are many more ways to jump head first into new experiences.

If you want to live your life to its full potential, you can do it. Don’t ride in the passenger seat for eighty-some years, waiting for life to happen to you. Take the wheel and steer in the direction you want to go, starting today. With a little determination and gas, you will get where you need to go. And don’t forget to enjoy the road blocks and bumps.

If you are ever feeling lost, trapped, or stuck in your boring life, just remember, “Life is about making mistakes. Death is about wishing you made more.”

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