megan conner, Author at Pucker Mob

To the Girl Experiencing Domestic Violence, Read This

You meet a guy that seems perfect for you, and maybe you jump into a relationship immediately, but a few months later he changes into a completely different person. He keeps tabs on you, always needing to know where you are and what you’re doing. Domestic violence is real. And you are not alone.

You have no freedom to go out on your own or do what you want.

He has all of this control over you and as much as you want to get out, you feel like you can’t because you keep holding onto that hope that he will go back to being the person when you first met.

Get out. Do whatever it takes. The truth is, he wasn’t the person you thought you met in the beginning.

He drew you in and you trusted him. As soon as he gets you hooked, a switch flips and he becomes a completely different person. It’s hard to understand why this happens and what the purpose was, but it’s too late.

You’re already invested and it is too hard to leave someone you thought you had a future with.

Don’t let yourself become engrossed in what could be because he’s never going to change. This is who he is deep down and he hid it from you to draw you in only to get whatever it was he wanted from you.

He can be a master manipulator and make you believe that he’s in love with you, but ultimately he has other goals and when you start to see these signs you should run far, far away.

The good news is that you can survive this. You can be a strong, independent woman. You can get over him.

He was never good for you and you were probably too blind to see it.

I promise you’re going to be okay, though. It’s going to take some time and it’s going to be hard to trust men again, but you will persevere.

Don’t put up with his bullshit and don’t let him make you feel like you aren’t worthy of being loved the way you should be.

You deserve a man that isn’t going to put his hands on you, that’s going to be there for you for the good times and the bad times, one that is going to encourage you and push you to be the best you can be.

Never let a man bring you down and make you think you aren’t worth anything because you are worth everything.

To Get Help Safely call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to the Domestic Violence Abuse Hotline and avoid internet tracking via sources on their site.

To the Destructive Mother

Dear Mom,

You had me at a young age and I get it, you didn't get to live the life you wish you could have. You dropped out of high school, got your GED, and skipped going to college so you could start a full time job. But it wasn't for me, or for you. It was just the right thing to do.

What wasn't the right thing to do was abusing me and taking out your mistakes on me. Because of you, I didn't know my biological father or the several half siblings that I have. Because of you, I don't have a good relationship with the father that adopted me (thanks for never telling me by the way). Because of you, I didn't get to grow up with my brother and sister, because your abusive tendencies made your parents make an executive decision to intervene and took me to live with them because you were incapable of being a good mother to me.

I'm jealous of the way you love my siblings. You once told me that you don't remember going to any of my activities when I was growing up all the way through high school. Am I that much of a disappointment or a burden to you that you couldn't love me the same way you love them? That's what it feels like.

I'm sorry that you have have this resentment towards me, but I'm not the one who spread my legs and got pregnant during high school. That's on you. And if you can't come to terms with that and see that I actually turned out alright and am someone you should be proud of… well, that's on you too.

I'm pretty smart. Straight A student during high school and college. Have multiple degrees. But none of this ever mattered to you, did it? For some reason, you chose to ignore my accomplishments and only focused on the fact that I wasn't the cheerleader, popular girl. That bothered you a lot and for the life of me I can't figure out why because I think you should have been proud of my accomplishments, but you just couldn't do that. I don't blame you, though. You have your demons just like we all do and I hope maybe one day you'll figure them out.

I Refuse to Settle

I refuse to settle for something ordinary.

I believe in love that is all encompassing and makes your head spin because you can't stop thinking about that person in your life.

I believe that somewhere in the world your perfect match is waiting for you to find them or vice versa, and it would be a shame if you didn't seek them out.

I'm not going to settle for someone just because it's comfortable. Sure, they may be a great person, have a good career, all of the above, etc.. but I want to be with someone who makes my knees weak when I see them. I want someone who knows me inside and out. I want to be with the person that is going to have my back at all times and stand up for me. I want to be with someone that I can just lay with in bed all day cuddled up and feel completely secure and safe in their arms.

I may have an idealistic view of love and relationships, but I personally think this is what everyone should be looking for. Don't settle for less than what you deserve.

Too Hard, Too fast

“I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easily, and care too much”. – Unknown

Personally, I know when I want to be with someone. I don’t make my choices lightly. When I meet a guy that can keep up with me intellectually, is funny but serious at the same time, sensitive but not too much, and wanting to actually be there for the hard times… that’s my guy. That’s who I want on my side, and I let him get away. More like I pushed him away. I got scared because we’ve only known each other a few weeks and how well can you really know someone and what their intentions are in the first few weeks? Especially if you’ve been through hell and back with past boyfriends.

So, where do you go from here?

I am a habitual self destructive person and when anything good comes into my life, I tend to end up destroying it one way or another. I haven’t had a lot of “good people” in my life growing up and my first instinct is to push people away, or do something that will push them away… which is what I did in this case and regret more than anything.

We’ve only known each other a few weeks, but to me at least it feels like a lot longer. He’s heard my struggles and I’ve heard his. We’ve laughed together, had intimate conversations, and just generally been there for one another for whatever we are dealing with. And then I fucked it all up.

I can’t begin to explain why, because truth be told I don’t even know why. I guess it was the fact that my most recent relationship was extremely abusive (didn’t start out that way) and I was scared of falling for someone. I felt like I deserved to be alone. Everything that my ex instilled in me when he was beating the shit out of me just came back. I wasn’t worthy of anyone, I didn’t deserve to be in a relationship with someone who cared about me, I didn’t deserve to be happy.

The truth is, you deserve to be happy. You deserve someone that is worthy of you and appreciates everything you have to offer them. You deserve a happy relationship. Don’t let one jerk in your life determine your future relationships, because you might end up where I’m at right now and let me tell you, it’s not fun. Feeling like you ruined something that could have been amazing is not a place you want to be in.

So, trust your gut. Don’t go off of past experiences, because all men are not created equal. There are bad ones out there, but trust me there are good ones as well and if you find a good one you need to fight as hard as possible to hold onto him.