We live in a generation full of people who are in the love with "the chase." 

You’ll always hear people saying “the chase is the best part.” But in reality, it’s really not. We romanticize the idea of being chased, but there is nothing romantic about having to chase someone. 

There is nothing romantic about asking someone to love you.

Chasing someone means being in a constant state of uneasiness with a steady stream of doubt clouding your mind every moment of every day.

Don’t date the person who makes you “work for it.” 

Don’t date the person who makes you question yourself or who makes you feel unloved. Don’t date the person who makes you feel like you are worthy of anything less than what you truly deserve. 

Don’t date the person who makes you feel like you’re in this relationship alone.  

Date someone who never makes you cry. 

Date someone who never makes you feel like you are less than enough. Someone who never makes you doubt your worth. Someone who never makes you question their love.

Date someone who is there for you.

Someone who doesn’t need to be asked for anything. Someone who shows up, not because they feel like they have to, but because they want to. Date someone who is there for the big things, and the small.

Date someone who isn’t scared to tell you how much they love you. 

Date someone who makes you feel wanted. Date someone who wakes up every morning with the desire to make you smile, because seeing you without a smile on your face breaks their heart.

Date someone who will fight for you.

Date someone who spends every day showing you how much they love you. Date someone who is scared to lose you. Date someone who makes you feel like you are in it together. 

Date someone who feels like your partner. Date someone who doesn’t make you feel like dating is a game that you have to win.

Don’t date someone you have to chase, because most of the time, the chase is never worth it.

It took me while to actually understand what ‘self-love’ actually meant. 

My friends and I were collectively going through a difficult time and I was busy trying to take care of all the people around me. 

I was trying to make sure that they felt supported and loved. I was busy making sure that the people I loved weren’t falling apart, but I didn’t notice that I was losing myself in the process.

During that time, a close friend of mine told me to love myself and to take care of myself. 

Take care of myself? Love myself? Wasn’t I already doing those things? I thought I was, but the reality was that I didn’t even know how. 

I had grown up in a world that was built on pleasing others. I spent my life giving every ounce of love in my heart to the people around me without saving any piece for myself.

I wasn’t the only one.

Looking around at my close friends, I realized that none of us knew how to love ourselves. 

We preached about self-love and taking care of ourselves, but in practice, none of us did. I think the saddest part was that none of us even knew where to start.

None of us knew how to ‘self-love,’ so we faked it. We faked loving ourselves. Isn’t that just the craziest thing? 

We were so busy seeking that love in others that we stopped looking for it within ourselves and that was our biggest mistake.

I’ve always felt a strong need to please others, to make others happy, even if it meant sacrificing my own happiness and mental health. 

I think a lot of my friends felt the same way. We were all strong, resilient girls, and yet when it came to loving ourselves, we fell short. 

We knew how to bring smiles to the faces of strangers, and yet we faked our own.

We live in a generation full of girls who don’t know how to love themselves. 

Girls who are beautiful, clever and capable, but have fallen to the deception and lies that society has engrained so deeply into our minds that we don’t even realize it’s there.

We are all worthy of love. But that love doesn’t need to come from others and our worth is not defined by the love we receive or don’t receive from another human being. 

We must unlearn the teachings of society and look within ourselves to find the love we truly desire. 

We need to start from the beginning before our minds were filled with the need to please and the need to sacrifice.

Once we are happy on our own and we learn how to love ourselves without faking it, the rest of it won’t seem so difficult anymore.

This is me, letting you go. This is me finally turning around and walking way, the way I should have done so long ago. This is me giving up on you. On us. All good things must come to an end, and this is ours. 

I never liked the finality of goodbye. The idea that you could walk away from someone never to see them again. But I’ve learned that sometimes you don’t have another choice. 

Sometimes, goodbye is the only thing left to say.

We dragged out our goodbye. We tried to fill the silences with promises and hushed whispers of love. Weeks, month, years passed. For what? More time? So that we could be more prepared? 

I don’t think you’re ever prepared to say goodbye to anyone who once meant the world to you. I don’t think you wake up one morning ready to share your final words and last gazes.

I don’t think that goodbye means you will never think of that person again. Or that their name will never bring a smile to your face. The memories will last long after the sound of goodbye has diminished. The past will float in the silence. 

No one you loved will ever be gone forever. They are a part of your identity.

I am who I am today because of the things you taught me. Because of the things I learned when I was with you. Because of the experiences we had and the love we shared. And because of the way I learned to say goodbye to the things that no longer served me.

I’ve said goodbye to you before, but this time, the sound is deafening. It feels different. Like the end of a song that you never thought would finish. Sometimes the ending is sudden, and sometimes you can tell the song is ending as the music becomes softer and the words slowly disappear. 

Our music lasted for so long, softly playing in the background, but now there are no words left to say but goodbye.  

When my daughter comes home crying one day with a broken heart, I will know exactly what to say to her. I’ll tell her of a boy I once knew, a boy I once loved. 

You will be the cautionary tale I tell to my daughter. 

I’ll hold her as she whispers the same words that dripped from my own mouth many years before. I’ll listen as she tells me about a boy a lot like you; a boy who promised her the world and then walked away. 

You will be a story I tell my daughter when I find her in bed crying over a boy who doesn’t deserve her tears. I’ll tell her about how it gets better. How each day hurts less than the last until finally, you don’t feel it anymore. 

I’ll tell her about the days she has to look forward to; the days where she will smile again and love again. I’ll tell her about how one day, she won’t think about that boy anymore.

She will ask me how I could know any of this, and that is when I will tell her about the boy who crushed me so long ago, a boy who now only exists as a tale of a broken love. I will tell her about you and tell her about how I learned that I didn’t need you.

She will know the truth in my words because this will be the first time she’ll have ever heard of you. You will not exist outside of the story I tell my daughter about how immature and emotionally absent boys are nothing to shed tears over.

You will be a story I tell my daughter when she smells the perfume on his shirt and sees a stranger’s name on his phone. When she comes to me with makeup running down her face, I’ll tell her about a selfish boy I once knew and naively loved.  

You will be a story I tell my daughter when I try to teach her about self-love. When I try to teach her the importance of learning to love herself before loving anyone else. 

I’ll tell her about a girl who lost herself in love only to fall to the deepest depths of the ocean before clawing her way back out.

You will be the story I tell my daughter when she meets a boy just like you. 

Then I’ll tell her that one day, her boy – the one who broke her heart – will just be her own story. That one day, he will just be a story that she will tell her daughter.

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When I think of New York, I’ll think about the first weekend we spent there together. I’ll think of Central Park and I’ll remember the hours we spent exploring under the sun. I’ll remember the excitement in your voice as you held my hand and showed me around your favourite parts of the city.

I’ll remember the look in your eyes and how much you wanted me to fall in love with this city just as I had fallen in love with you.

I’ll think of the nights we spent on rooftops, drinking wine and staring at the beautiful skyline as you pointed at buildings and told me stories of your childhood. I’ll think of all the nights you lay beside me, knowing that the stars would disappear and the sun would come up soon and trying to savour the moments in between.

I remember spending those moments silently memorising every detail of you. I think it’s because I was scared I would someday forget what it felt like to wake up next to you.

When I think of New York, I’ll remember being in love. I’ll think about the late nights we spent walking home, guided by the lights of the city. I’ll think about the way we used to laugh and the 4am talks about our fears and hopes for the future.

I’ll think of that winter day we spent biking across the bridge. I’ll remember the cold wind that numbed my whole body until my hands turned purple. But more importantly, I’ll remember the smile on your face and the way it warmed my heart. I’ll remember the way we dove under the blankets that afternoon, and I’ll remember wishing that we could stay like that forever.

When I think of New York, I’ll be reminded that it will always be your city and that I will always be merely a visitor. This city that you love so passionately will never be my home. You made sure of that.

I learned to love that city: the city that never sleeps. I loved the energy and the way the leaves changed colour in the spring. New York will always have a special place in my heart, and I know that I will think about it often. I’ll think of the friends I made and the experiences and adventures that changed my life.

But most importantly, when I think of New York, I will always think of you.

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Dating in the modern era is difficult. It’s messy, it’s full of unknowns, and honestly, it can get pretty daunting at times. Long gone are the days of simplicity, when people said what they meant, and told you how they feel. Today, dating is full of deception and mind games. Finding someone and falling in love has never been this difficult.

So, in order to navigate these rough waters that we call modern dating, often times we compromise. We date someone even though we know in our guts that they aren’t the one for us, because we’re too scared to get back out there. 

We stay in relationships with people we tolerate but don’t really love because we’re not sure if there’s anything better, or how to find it. We constantly hear horror stories from our friends or their friends about first dates, blind dates, online dating etc. and we decide to settle for less.

Well, I’m here to tell you to stop. Stop compromising when it comes to love. Don’t settle for less because you’re scared of what’s out there. Don’t accept a love that is less than what you deserve because you’re afraid you won’t find the one that you do.

Use your past experience to help you figure out what you want, or what you don’t want. Make a mental (or physical if you prefer) list of what you want in a partner and wait for someone who ticks all your boxes. Obviously, make sure that the list is reasonable, but then stick to it. 

Don’t settle for someone that ticks just one box, wait for the whole package. Know your deal breakers, and know when to walk away.

If you promised yourself you would never date a smoker, don’t date a smoker. If you want kids and your partner doesn’t, let them go. This doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, they’re just not the right person for you. Don’t compromise, because somewhere down the line that deal-breaker will push you apart.

Don’t accept a love that is less than what you deserve just because you’re lonely. If someone doesn’t treat you well, don’t stay with them because it’s better than being alone. Trust me when I tell you that it’s not.

At a time when all your friends’ relationships are plastered all over social media, it’s easy to find yourself making comparisons. Don’t do it. Just because your best friend is engaged and living with their significant other doesn’t mean that you have to be.

Sometimes, we stay with the wrong person because we are too lazy to go searching for the right one. Getting to know someone takes time, and figuring out if they’re right for you takes energy. I know it’s not easy, but make the time. It will be worth it. The time you spend with someone that you know isn’t right for you is time you could be spending finding the one that is.

Please don’t settle when it comes to love. We make compromises frequently in our daily lives, but love shouldn’t be one of those compromises. You deserve a love that is full of passion and adoration. A love where you can’t wait to see them and miss them every minute you’re apart. 

You deserve a love that gives you butterflies and makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning. Anything else is less than you deserve.

To read more of Melisa’s work, follow her here.

The revival came out less than two months ago and we’ve all been binge watching and re-watching our favourite episodes ever since.

Are you watching an episode or two (or ten, let’s be honest) with your BFF or your mum tonight? Use this new handy drinking game to spice up your night!

Grab your martini glass and spend a night with your favourite ladies in Stars Hollow.

Take a sip every time:

1. Lorelai asks Luke for a cup of coffee.

2. Someone hits on Lorelai.

3. Richard asks Lorelai if she wants a drink.

4. Lorelai and Rory eat junk food.

5. Luke and Taylor have an argument!

6. Stars Hollow has a season-themed festival or fundraiser!

7. Harvard or Yale are mentioned…

8. Al’s Pancake World is mentioned!

9. Rory reads a book.

Take two sips every time:

10. Sookie accidentally injures herself.

11. Luke’s butt is mentioned!!

12. Lane is grounded.

13. There’s a town meeting.

14. Kirk has a new job…again.

15. There’s a DAR meeting.

16. Rory and Dean break up…again.

17. Emily hires a new maid!

Finish your drink when:

18. One of Rory’s ex-boyfriends shows up out of the blue.

19. Lorelai talks on the phone at Luke’s.

20. Christopher shows up!

21. Rory celebrates her birthday.

22. Michel is nice to someone.

Next time you miss me and you want to hear my voice, don’t call. Next time you’re bored and your hand reaches for your phone to text me, don’t. Please don’t send me “throwback” photos or lyrics from songs we used to sing together. 

Don’t remind me of the nights we spent dancing on rooftops while talking about our future and making promises about forever. Don’t tell me about all the things that make you think of me. Don’t call me to tell me about your day because just hearing your voice might break my heart. 

Stop trying to make small talk or jokes to mask the pain. Don’t send me a video every time you hear our song; it’s hard enough to breathe when I hear it on the radio.

Please don’t tell me you love me because I just might say it back. Don’t tell me you miss me because I just might be soft enough in that moment to miss you too. Don’t ask me questions I don’t want to answer. You don’t have to ask to know that I think about you too.

Don’t text me when you need someone to turn to. Don’t expect me to be there for you when you were never there for me. Please don’t call me when you need a shoulder to cry on; my shoulder is not yours anymore.

Don’t remind me about the love we used to share. I don’t need to be reminded to remember it. I don’t need your voice in my ear to remember the way you made me feel. Please don’t remind me because I’m trying to forget.

Don’t make me miss you just because you know that you can. I am human; I am not here to boost your ego. Don’t tell me you love me just because you’re scared that I might finally be moving on. 

Please don’t push harder when you feel me pulling away. Please don’t fight for me, because I’m done fighting for us.

Please, just let me go.