Author: Modi Palmer Ramos

Athough it looks like Jodi, it's actually pronounced Mah-dee... no confusion there;) Modi is a full-time freelance writer, and when she isn't writing she's obsessing over the NFL. Not one to be too girly, she defines Tomboy to a T... which she feels gives her greater insight on the world and the way men think. Above all, she is thankful that she can wake up every day and do what she loves more than anything--writing. Twitter handle: @modipalmerramos Facebook URL: http://www.facebook.com/modiramos

What Being A Cat Person Says About You

To love a cat, you accept them for their bitchiness, moodiness, and all-around quirky antics.

Cats are not one to jump up and down at your feet when you walk in the door, barking at you like a crazy person just vying for a little of your attention. And if you were to spank a cat for bad behavior, good luck getting them to come within 5 feet of you for at least a few hours. Dogs might be cute, but deep down, your heart lies with the feline kind. Cats do their own thing, and chances are, you do as well.

Let’s see if any of these cat truths can be said about the cat lover in you:

You Need Your Alone Time: While you like interaction with others, you desperately need quiet time to unwind, decompress and just chill out. You don’t have to be going 24/7 to function properly, as this sounds exhausting and is so not your thing. You probably enjoy reading and like to spend time just thinking, as you’re curious by nature, too.

You Fancy a Nap Every so Often: Hey, they don’t call it a cat nap for nothing. Just a short snooze will suffice and you wake up feeling like a champ.

Being “On” All the Time Is Not For You: High energy, super hopped-up is not your personality whatsoever. You have energy, but it’s more in short spurts or when being applied to a certain task. No one really ever has to tell you to “calm down” because you’re already there, chilling.

You’re a Tidy Individual: Mess and clutter grosses you out to the max. You do not like things to not be in their certain place. It will drive you mad and make you neurotic. Or you’ll obsess about it till it’s perfect. Basically, things belong in their certain place because that’s where they belong. End of discussion.

When You Want To Be Left Alone, You Mean It: Nothing irritates you more than when you don’t want to be bothered and people just don’t get that. When you say that, you mean it. I mean, should you have to spell it out? It’s plain English.

You’ve Been Called Moody on Occasion: If you’re not in the mood for something, you have no problems voicing your opinion over it. It’s not that you’re bitchy, you just don’t have to be all crazy happy about everything. On this note, you’ve probably been told that you give one hell of a bitch face when you don’t approve of something.

You’re Selective with Your Affection: To be affectionate with someone is a big deal to you, and you don’t go divvying out the TLC to just anyone. But if you like someone, you really want to be near them, or basically sitting on their lap. And if you had the ability to purr, you would totally do it because that just sounds amazing.

You’re Guarded By Nature: It’s not that you’re not a trusting person, but to you people need to earn your trust. Once they’ve made it to that inner circle where you know they are safe and trustworthy, you’ll open right on up.

Being Different is a Good Thing: You kinda do you own thing, and you’re a tad quirky and unique. But you like it this way, and if someone else doesn’t… well, they must not be smart enough to understand you. Meow!

10 Signs That You're A Free Spirit

Although some of us are already fully aware that we’re free as a bird, there are many signs to let us know that we can’t be tamed or made to fit into the tiny mold that society wants us to. Think you might be a free spirit? Let’s see if you can check yes to these:

1. You’ve Been Called a Hippie on Several Occasions

Whether this is by family or friends—or even complete strangers—you’re not one to follow the lead of most style trends, ways of thinking, the fast-paced lifestyle, etc. In fact, you sort of march to the beat of your own drum… at your own pace.

2. You Don’t Worry What Others Think of You

Some people are wound up so tight and so worried about what others might be thinking that it consumes them. When you see this, you honestly feel sorry for these people because there is so much more to life when you just live life how you choose to live it.

3. To You, Life is a Journey—and Everyone’s is Unique

Life is all about what you make of it, and everyone’s path in this world is different. You appreciate all that life has offered you, and you’re eager to see what else is in store. Positivity is a huge deal to you, and negative energy is toxic for your mental wellbeing. You do your best to avoid negativity whenever you can, because you don’t want it polluting your positive frame of thought.

4. Technology Confuses You Sometimes

Obviously the advancements in technology are a sign of the times but you don’t feel the need to be super connected to everyone and the world 24/7. You have a cellphone like most people, or perhaps you even don’t, but if you do you aren’t glued to the thing. After all, you were perfectly fine before you had one.

5. You Are Cool with Everyone

If you’re a free spirit, chances are you get along with all kinds of people from all walks of life. Each person is unique in their own way, and if we were all the same than the world would be a super boring place. You don’t like to be judged for the way you live you life so you try to keep the golden rule in mind at all times.

6. You Were So Meant to Live in the 60s

Best. Decade. Ever.—at least to you, that is.

7. You Do Not Dress Preppy, Ever

A collar buttoned up to your neck or pleated khakis makes you feel like you are on the verge of asphyxiation. Your favorite style of dress is whatever feels comfortable and matches the mood you are in for that day.

8. Messy Hair is Totally Your Thing

Whether it’s long or short or you’re male or female, you like your hair to be flowing and free. Having super styled hair is not your thing, and you wouldn’t really want to spend that much time on something like hair anyways. If you’re a chick, chances are air drying and occasional brushing is your regular hair upkeep routine.

9. You Enjoy Being Spontaneous

While some routine is good if you get an urge that’s hard to resist you will not pass up on the temptation to seek adventure or fulfill your desires to try something new.

10. You Sometimes Wonder, “Why Can’t We All Just Get Along????

Realizing that sometimes things in life are completely beyond your control, you don’t get how some people get so worked up over something so trivial. You don’t want to discuss politics or controversial hot topics with others because life seems so much better when we can all just get along. Tension is not your thing and you don’t do well in confrontational situations. You’re a kind person overall, and would rather bring happiness and joy then to make someone frown.

Why Sex and the City is Still A Great Watch

Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, Miranda. Whatever it is about each of these ladies that makes them so relatable, it seems that most of us women can connect to one, or even all, of these fictional characters in some way. Despite the fact that the show has been off the air for almost 10 years now, Sex and the City is still a great watch today, as I’m sure television ratings can prove. Sometimes it’s just for old times’ sake and can hit us with a dose of nostalgia, like when we were single ourselves, and other times it’s just for fun because it’s on and why pass up a good thing when you see it.

The Issues are Timeless

Despite the episodes being over a decade old, the issues with sex and dating that these 4 women face are ultimately inevitable in today’s culture. Relationships are still complex, women still face double standards, and inside of some of us there might be a tiny Charlotte just waiting for her White Knight to come along. (Or Mr. Big if a whirlwind epic romance is your cup of tea). Whether you’re catching up on the DVD box set or the basic cable version (very edited) reruns, chances are you’re still going to get a laugh. Watching our 4 favorite television women dealing with men, and of course sex in the Big Apple, was entertaining to us then and it still is now. Sex and the City broke the mold, proving to America that not all women want to be thought of as the squeaky clean, Suzy Homemaker type that wooed a man with showing her ways around the home and taking a backseat to their careers. Real women had important jobs and sex, and some like Samantha did a lot, and they weren’t all designed to be cooks. After all, Carrie did use her oven for mail storage.

The Clothes. Seriously.

Patricia Field had a chance meeting with Sarah Jessica Parker in 1995 on the Miami Rhapsody movie set and the two sparked a close friendship. A few years later, SJP asked Patricia to design some looks for her new HBO television character, and the rest is history. Throughout the show’s 6 season run, Field brought us some of the best tv show fashions to date, and was highly nominated for all her efforts which literally changed the way women dressed. Not only did we watch for the storylines, but the clothes had many of us drooling—especially the threads of everyone’s favorite sex columnist, Carrie Bradshaw. And who could forget the gold plated name necklace that she had, or all those amazing shoes she spent a month’s rent on.

It Holds a Special Place in Our Hearts

For old fans of the show, there’s something about not quitting a good thing. Like Friends and Seinfeld and the other great shows of the 90s and the 2000s, there’s just something about not letting go that feels so good. Watching Sex and the City used to be that thing that you did before DVR was what we lived by and we were forced to be glued to our televisions for 27 minutes every Sunday. For new fans that have to watch the show with some major editing, Samantha Jones will appear more like a sex-obsessed version of Charlotte York. Check out the real thing, so you don’t miss out on all the goods.

Why Your Number Really Does Matter To The Opposite Sex

When you hear sayings like, “age is just a number” that number theory pretty much ends there.

Whether you waited until that perfect person came along, or you couldn't wait any longer when you were a super horny teenager filled with impure thoughts, we've all had sex at some point.

And it's a natural, beautiful thing that is a requirement to procreate.

So then why does our number mean so much to the opposite sex? There was even that movie with Anna Faris about it that touched on the subject, What's Your Number?

While it's always good to be open and honest, sometimes things like the number of partners you've been with is better left unsaid… or slightly lessened… significantly. And if you are with someone that's going to ask you a question like this point blank, then what is that really saying about them? #you'reprobablyabiggerslutthanme

You've Done What?

Okay, so if you throw out this number that is pretty up there chances are that the other person is going to look at you like you are a complete who… okay, you get it. And we can't help it. You know why? Because once we are with someone that we've genuinely developed feelings for then we don't want to think of them as being with anyone else.

Of course they aren't a patron saint but to us we imagine them as our own. And it's not like we are going to lift our leg and mark them like a dog, but we like to think that they are special.

And special is not, “I've slept with half the guys in Sigma Chi”.

We Judge By Nature

Although this is totally wrong, we've all been guilty of it. Judgy McJudgerson rears its ugly head when we hear something that we don't like or don't want to know. The only way to keep this from happening in regards to the sexual partner question is to avoid it all cost. You might not be ashamed of your past, or your number, but you sure as hell might not be too thrilled when you hear theirs. And good luck letting go of that. Like I said, sometimes things in life are better left unsaid.

Things Will Never Be The Same Again

Even if the conversation happens by total chance, or when you're a bit under the influence of alcohol, once it's out there in the open you can never, ever take it back. That little (or big) cat is out of the bag and it's going to prance around and sabotage your relationship if it gets the chance.

Plus, you might see an ugly side to that guy or girl who was just so perfect and sweet and could never do any wrong.

Note to self: hide/burn/destroy any incriminating evidence that might land you in a world of hell. And when you run into one of your ghosts of sexual adventures past while out with your new flame, play it cool unless you want to wear the scarlet letter bright red on your chest.

“Oh him/her? It's just this guy/girl I used to know…” BINGO.

Why People Who Are Obsessed With Their Pets Are Annoying

While it’s perfectly healthy to care about your pet, adoring them to the point of obsession is rather annoying—especially to others. Hearing about your pet nonstop, or having to think of you considering them as actual offspring is irritating at best. Although they may not want to be the bearer of bad news and burst your bubble about it, they sure are hoping you’d STFU already about the damn dog/cat they likely can’t stand. Here are 5 reasons why people who are obsessed with their pets are annoying:

Yes, We Get It. You Love Them.

Okay, after the 10th time we don’t need to hear about your “little baby??? and how much you love them. You didn’t give birth to the thing and it’s not like they actually have the ability to get inside your head and read your thoughts. It’s not cute when they yap, or when they drool, or when they insist on being with you at all times. After all, where are they going to go when it’s time to hit the sheets with your partner? Or should they hold the camera and film? Besides, if they really were your baby then you wouldn’t be able to put them in a kennel and leave your home for hours on end.

PDA with the Four-Legged Kind is Super Icky.

Just need to put one main thought out there regarding this one. You do know that thing licks its ass, right? Just saying. So you can save all that “a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s mouth??? nonsense for someone else. Humans don’t go around licking their own asses.

Be Real. It’s an Animal.

Some people go to extremes spoiling their pets, wanting them to feel special and pampering them any chance they get. Animals are simple creatures that really don’t require too much. Food, water, and a little attention will suffice. They don’t really need multiple sweater options, bling, or expensive food bowels. Not to mention super pricy food. Or human food for that matter.

Stop Feeding the Animal from the Table Already.

This has got to be my #1 pet peeve when eating at someone’s home. When I am eating, the last thing I want is an animal sitting next to me staring at me for food. It’s annoying as hell and clearly you feed the dog from the table when others aren’t around. Or your rude enough to do it when people are there. And your dog isn’t smart enough to differentiate between the two… even if you think they are. #busted

Jealousy Isn’t Just for Humans.

If you treat your pet like your actual baby, chances are they are going to be ticked off when a human (especially someone you’re dating) comes into the picture to steal their attention. Although animals do not possess the ability to form sentences, they do however know how to bite and growl when they are pissed off at something or someone. Don’t let your date suffer because you don’t know how to establish boundaries with an animal. Or your significant other can make the option easy for you by dumping you. Your choice.

Is It Really All About That Bass?

With each decade, a new part of the female body seems to take control of people’s fascination. In the 90s with the worldwide popularity of Baywatch, the world (especially men) couldn’t take their eyes off of women’s breasts. It was not one of those less is more kind of trends, with breast implants reaching an all-time high for women who wanted to embody what it was like to have their own set of Pamela Anderson floatation devices.

Then came the 2000s, and pop princesses like Britney Spears set the stage for girls flaunting washboard tight abs in tiny micro mini tops. Many stars followed the trend, and it seemed as if crop tops and belly button piercings had never been more in style.

In today’s society one thing certainly seems to be true for us now. The plump, perky booty. Iggy Azalea, Nicky Minaj, Kim Kardashian… and the queen of them all: J. Lo. If one body part has lamented its importance in this decade it’s definitely thanks to these women and their trademark butts. So, why is it really all about the bass these days? Let’s take a look:

Having A Nice Booty Doesn’t Always Come Naturally

Squats, Pilates, dance… the list could really go on for all the bum-beneficial workouts to get your tush right where it needs to be. While some girls are naturally blessed in the derrière category, others have to work their asses off (literally) to achieve a perky backside. Hours on end of hard work and dedication can be a struggle, but the reward is so worth it when you’ve got something to make the boys stare when you slip on those skinny jeans. And with all that effort put in, most girls aren’t too shy about flaunting what they’ve got.

Warning: Not All Women Are Stick Figures

There’s a term that I made up many moons ago to define the typical white girl booty: cat ass. And I’m not hating because if I don’t do my booty workouts I fall victim to this myself faster than you can say meow. But, for those girls who aren’t naturally thin, having a nice butt thanks to genetics proves that sexiness comes in all shapes and sizes. Plus, boys really do want a little more booty to hold at night. Thanks, Meghan Trainor. Now pass me that fettuccine alfredo, please.

Any Chick With 5K Can Have Some Nice Boobs

Okay, so while there are definitely permanent fixes like butt implants, they are by no means as common as breast implants. For a nice butt, women will usually go the old fashioned route and work for the booty rather than buy it. That doesn’t work for breasts, as working out obviously just makes them smaller—big duh there.

Not All Men Are Breast-Obsessed

Although we would have been fooled by this with the male obsession with strip clubs and Hooters, some men actually prefer a girl with a nice butt. And if the popularity of many pop stars and celebrities today is still in question, how about asking a guy for themselves? You might be rather surprised to hear that their anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.

Time to hit them squats, ladies.

How You Know You've Become A Woman

Womanhood. It’s not just that time when things change and we have to reach for the tampons. To be a real woman, it’s something that happens over time and it doesn’t just change overnight. It’s an awareness inside of us that’s almost tangible, and once it happens, things are never the same. How do you know if you’ve become a grown ass woman? See for yourself:

I Could Care Less About This Crap

Once you become a bonafide woman, your focus shifts towards life matters and issues that are much more important. Sure you might still watch E! News, but you aren’t super obsessed with every celebrities latest move… well, unless you’re a gossip columnist. Same goes for petty issues that really don’t hold any weight in the real world. And that cattiness you once wore so naturally that it was blindingly obvious to others around you? Now you can appreciate things and you don’t bother sweating the small stuff like you used to. If a woman is hot you can admit it, and those jealous tendencies that used to leap out seem to turn into compliments you never knew you could give.

That Was So 5 Years Ago

Things that you used to be crazy over don’t seem all too exciting anymore. Partying till 4AM? No… I think I’ll just have a nice dinner with the girls at a wine bar, please. Now, while you aren’t dead, you just don’t see the need to miss out on valuable shuteye and you can’t operate at the level you once could with 3 hours of sleep. You have bigger fish to fry and things like partying and wasting valuable brain cells isn’t so high on your agenda anymore. Out with the old and in with the new. Besides, your liver will thank you later.

No Way, Jose

When you’re figuring out your taste in men, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you land yourself some princes. While we are learning the ropes and smooching some toads we discover a lot about ourselves, and with each slimy dude, our standards steadily climb. Eventually we discover what we will and won’t tolerate and voilà, we are no longer attracted to guys that are a complete waste of time… as well as money, patience, and energy.

What the Heck Was I Thinking??

If we go through our wardrobe, digging deep into the back of our closet, we may find a few gems that we used to treasure but wouldn’t dare be caught dead in now. While we are more proud of our bodies and comfortable in our own skin, we tend to tone it down a bit or dress a bit more modestly. That midriff at the grocery store doesn’t sound like the best idea anymore… or that miniskirt to work, or even Daisy Dukes to walk the dog for that matter. It’s amazing the tiny pieces of cloth we used to consider as clothing can resemble that of a dish rag now.

It’s What’s Inside That Matters More

Most young women are utterly clueless, and we realize that we were once one of these the older we become as the shield comes off our eyes. Hours spent on perfecting the outside of us starts to dwindle, lessening to several minutes and eventually, a few minutes at a time at best. With maturity comes confidence and self-awareness and we may even feel differently when we look in the mirror. Being a woman means accepting your flaws, and when you are confident and not insecure and vain, men see that as a huge turn-on. Be proud and stand tall, you’re a woman now.

12 Types of Selfies and What They Say About You

Selfies. Like a widespread epidemic, selfies have penetrated our population and taken control of countless lives.

While they’re not all bad, there are many times that they are just ways for people to make themselves feel important, draw attention to themselves, or worse—brag. Sadly, many people don’t realize that they are even doing this, blissfully unaware of the way others are perceiving them.

Here’s what sort of selfies you take is saying about you:

Gym Selfie: Yes, we get it. You work out. Good for you. But if you are posting these every. Single. Day… It can be a teensy bit annoying to others. And it’s not because they are jealous, but because we don’t need to know about it every time that you do it. Every once in a while if it makes you feel good then so be it. But daily doses of you in your workout gear is by no means necessary. Unless you are a professional body builder or a fitness model. But if you aren’t getting paid or winning awards for working out then it’s a hobby, not a profession. Just FYI.
Duck Lip Selfie: Ah, so did you get JUVÉDERM® injections in your lips recently? Most likely the answer to this is no. So then why are you making your lips look like that? Kinda makes me wonder if ducks would sit around making human lips when posing for photos. Just saying.
Wasted Selfies: Most people do not look flattering when they are completely hammered, so save yourself the embarrassment and stop doing this now. You may not remember it, but you’ll be thankful later.
Serious Face Selfie: Why so serious? For God’s sake smile or something. Somber selfies look like mugshots and are scary. Show some emotion, you’ll be okay I promise.
I Look So Hot From This Angle Selfie: Okay, so twisted like a pretzel you do look “like so skinny??? but is that really natural? Just be yourself! Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Zoolander face selfie: You are not “fierce??? and we don’t need to see you striking a pose. Unless you are a supermodel. Real models get paid to get their picture taken and usually don’t have to resort to taking their own. And I’m going to say that chances are that you aren’t a supermodel and just a normal chick like everyone else. Besides, being natural is a lot better, and not so rehearsed. Plus, it kinda looks like you are smelling a fart… from the other person’s perspective.
Eating Selfie: No one looks good shoveling food into their mouth. Unless you’ve got a fetish for that sort of thing. Yucky.
Group Selfie: See, here’s the winning ticket. It’s not just you, and if you don’t have anyone else to take the pic how else are you going to cram everyone in? Score.
10,000x selfie with a kid: Your poor child and I are both wishing you would stop making them take these photos to boost your self-confidence. Same goes for people with their pets. #childabuse #animalabuse
Pretty background selfie: If you’re at a cool museum, attraction, or place of interest this is fine. But if your background is totally boring (bathroom, bedroom, etc.) what is it that you are really trying to show off… other than yourself??
Enhanced, Filtered, Edited Selfie: GUYS HATE THESE, ladies. Just be you. Because as much as you think they don’t notice, they do.
Totally Awkward Selfie: You are at a funeral. Please don’t take photos there. Have some respect. Same goes for hospitals, cemeteries, etc. Because if that person could come back to life and slap the crap out of you, they certainly would.

What Your Email Address Says About You

With the internet craze that we live in today, almost anyone who isn’t living under a rock has an email address.

When choosing our email addresses and domains, sometimes not much thought is put into the matter until someone asks us for our email address and we suddenly realize how stupid it sounds. Or maybe you are totally oblivious to the fact that your choice of email address speaks volumes about you.

The username that you decide is vastly more important that the domain and something that people don’t stop to seriously consider upon choosing… which only comes back to bite them in the ass later on. Wonder what your email address might be saying about you? Take a gander:

lilsweetiexoxo@gmail.com

You are probably not sweet at all, and a complete bitch now, but maybe some of the kids at the playground used to call you that many moons ago when you were a kid. Once you reach adulthood it shows a level of maturity when holding onto childlike monikers like this, and the majority of the time you are in fact the polar opposite of a “lil sweetie” disguising herself from the big bitch she grew up to be.

bigjohn91@hotmail.com

Okay, if you are big in stature that’s great, but ambiguous adjectives describing yourself are sort of tricky. Plus people don’t need to be constantly reminded every time they email you. Especially if you are actually referencing what’s down south as what’s the big thing about you. Guys emailing you don’t want to think you are actually talking about your dick. Be smart, ditch the adjectives. You don’t see women saying bigmadison93@hotmail.com, do you?

johnstrickland@gmail.com

You are very direct and don’t like there to be any confusion. Sticking with a name is the simplest way to do an email address and eliminates all confusion whatsoever. Plus if you are on the hunt for a career, potential employers won’t blink twice at an email address like this. Good job, you passed.

perfectpinkprincess123@gmail.com

Do you work at Disney as one of the princesses? If the answer is no please get a new email address. Unless you don’t want anyone in life to ever take you seriously. Because they won’t. The same goes for girls with words like “queen” in there email usernames. You are not a queen, you are a regular woman just like the rest of us. Let it go, you’re giving us a headache with that nonsense.

meganblack@facebook.com

Really? An email address is free. Hop on gmail and get one. It’s not that difficult. Having a Facebook email address screams, “I didn’t really want this” to people.

ditto2469@aol.com

You are an idiot. Please stop using sexual innuendos in things where they don’t need to be. And chances are if you are blatantly talking about sex you are either A: not having it, or B: really bad at it. Or both.

kushkingreefer@hotmail.com

We get it, you smoke weed. We could smell it when we were talking to you. We didn’t need to see it on your email, too. I guess it’s a good thing that cops don’t ask you for your email addresses when they pull you over. If doing illegal drugs is your cup of tea at least be smart and don’t advertise it to the entire universe. Hello stoner, anyone in there?

threalmiataylor@yahoo.com

Okay, seriously? Unless you are on the level of a celebrity, supermodel, or pro athlete, please keep “real” out of your email address. No one else is trying to be you, even if in your diluted mind you may think so.

slickrick1990@gmail.com

You are not slick, because if you were, you wouldn’t plug yourself as so. Try just being Rick plus your god given last name and it will do wonders. Because it doesn’t matter if this was etched on your high school letterman jacket, high school is over and no one cares anymore. Sad, but true. Just be you, you don’t have to pretend to be something that you are not even in the digital realm.

What Your Choice of Underwear Says To The Opposite Sex

Most of us wear them every day and have ever since we were a child. Underwear. That little protective cloth that separates you and your clothing. Oddly enough, the choices we make that no one (well, except for our partner) sees actually says a lot about who we are as a person. This one is for both guys and girls, what does your decision say to the opposite sex?

Men:

Tighty-Whities

“I seriously never get laid. And when I do, why is it only once?”

Guys, NO girl on the face of the planet likes these. You might as well just paint action heroes all over them because obviously you haven’t matured much since the first grade. Please make a switch, pronto. These are not sexy and never will be.

Boxer Briefs

“I can get ladies no problem, and I like to keep my junk secure and in its place.”

Boxer briefs are probably the most common underwear choice today, in a variety of styles for men. Although, we have to agree that the “trunk” style makes you and your junk look best. And your ass. Just saying.

Boxers

“I am boring. Plain and simple.”

Of course there are boxers made of silk with cheesy patterns on them, but by wearing boxers it shows that you kind of have a sort of “I don’t give a damn” attitude and ladies are likely to reciprocate that. Try having your boxer meet a brief style and jump on the getting laid bandwagon. If you’re one of those guys wearing novelty boxers that your mother bought for you, please head directly to the trash bin and throw them away. When we are with a guy, we don’t want to think that your Mommy still buys you underwear. Be a man and make a decision for yourself.

Designer Briefs

“I look good.”

If you’re a guy who sports these then obviously you care a lot about the way you look… even underneath your clothing. While some women, especially fashionistas, may find this a turn-on, other women will feel a bit puzzled if they undress in front of you for the first time and you have on nicer underwear than they do. Or they will think your boyfriend bought them for you. Sorry.

Bathing Suit Bottom

“It’s laundry day.”

Unless you meet a girl at the beach or poolside, this can not be a solid choice for an undergarment. Stop being a lazy bum and get off your butt and do some laundry. If you can’t even manage to keep clean underwear in the rotation what else can’t you do? This applies for ladies, too. And looks even worse if you are a woman.

Woman:

Ladies Briefs

“I am boring as hell.”

Literally this is what this says. STOP WEARING THEM. No guy wants a women who wears the same brand of underwear as him. If you have Hanes or Fruit of the Loom in your underwear drawer throw them into a fireplace and burn them.

Thongs

“I don’t mind having something wedged between my ass if it makes my butt look better.”

I want to be thought of as cute and I realized that in high school when I started wearing these. And also that visible panty lines are not sexy. Unless you have one of those weird fetishes, and if you do, you’re certainly not the guy I would want to sleep with.

Bikini-style panties

“I’m fun, but I just like can’t do thongs.”

You are by no means fun. You are vanilla, but if you are wearing a dress than this is understandable. Not all girls want to flash their butt to the world if the wind blows.

Lacy Panties/Thongs

“I am sexy. Yeah, you know it.”

Girls who wear lacy panties are usually sexy and have no issues turning on a man. Guys like a girl who wears these because it shows that she cares about a man’s opinion on her underwear.

Satin Panties/Thongs

“I look good.”

If you’re a girl that wears satin undergarments then you better have a banging body to show for it. Satin panties are tight and leave very little to the imagination. If they are giving you obvious muffin tops then it’s time to make a switch. Or get liposuction. Your choice.

Garter Belt

“I will definitely have sex with you.”

If a lady undresses to reveal one of these sexy numbers, she doesn’t mess around. Be prepared to have some fun. And don’t be scared, she’s read 50 Shades of Grey like 20 times.

High-Waisted/Retro Style Panties

“I’m like so cute. Whatever.”

Attention ladies: Where the hell is your belly button? You are NOT Taylor Swift. If you reveal underwear to a guy that their grandmother probably has a pair or two of, then this is by no means cute and most certainly NOT sexy. Stop it already, Jesus. It’s 2015, not 1950.

Boy Short Panties

“I might not be too girly, but I know how to make my ass look good.”

No matter if a girl is a total tomboy, this underwear option is shapely and can make even the coolest, laid-back of chicks look undeniably sexy in a heartbeat.

And last but certainly not least, for both sexes:

No underwear

“I am a freak.”

Does this really need further explanation? Didn’t think so.