10 Reasons I am Hopeful for 2022

I had my ups and downs with 2021 – probably like with many other people. I think the COVID fatigue has been hitting me. I thought the pandemic would be over months ago, but here we are. The biggest moments of darkness for me came in other problems besides the pandemic such as depression, job anxiety, low self-esteem, doubts about my future, drama with loved ones (which is normal for family), not seeing loved ones due to the pandemic, not seeing friends, either, because of the pandemic, feeling low, not having enough money, feeling useless – the list can go on for me. I think I have found 10 hopeful reasons, though, for why 2022 will give me some hope in my own personal life.

1. My boyfriend

He has saved me at my lowest points and has made me feel like I am capable of doing anything. He was truly a blessing in disguise and I have hope he will help make 2022 a better year for me.

2. My new job

My new job started in October 2021. I just began here, but I hope it gives me better opportunities as it has already given me a better pay raise.

3. The COVID-19 heroes

I do believe, in the midst of chaos, and with honestly the back and forth of government protocols, that we will eventually get through this because of the nurses and healthcare workers who have not given up.

4. My mental health care team

I am starting to work with a regular therapist and OCD specialist to help guide me on my mental health journey to feeling better and controlling my anxiety that takes a toll on my life.

5. My parents

They give me support no matter how much I can be a pain to them. I have said things I regret but they are always there to help me.

6. My boyfriend’s family

My second family who I love, and lets me call them whenever I need them.

7. My loyal and hopeful new friends

Friends come and go. I hope some new ones stick around like the old ones.

8. My schooling

I am getting my master’s in human services and finish in June 2022. I am hopeful this will open more opportunities for me.

9. Exercising

This is cheesy, but working out keeps me in check with my body and health.

10. Sleep

This one may sound odd. When I am asleep, my troubles disappear for those moments and I am fine with that. It does not take away from the problems and it gives me relief to not think about something.

2022 is going to be an interesting year. We are almost two years into the pandemic. Mental health is on the rise. I have to take care of myself not for the sake of the pandemic but for myself. I am hoping 2022 can truly be a good year for me and that it will help change my life for the better. May 2022 bring me joy and happiness along with the health that I deserve.

Header Image Source

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Dear Five-Year-Old Self

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know that bills were going to have to be paid and that learning to drive would come about so quickly. 18 came by quickly. How you wish you could eat crappy food without guilt and run around in day camp without the worries of high school bullying and work drama.

Dear five-year-old self,

You never thought a chronic illness would come about and that you would become disabled. You didn’t think that you would actually get to be an adult and you would have to make choices. You didn’t think that life would go by quickly and that you would have to outgrow Bratz dolls.

Dear five-year-old self,

You had best friends in elementary school but didn’t know you would grow apart in middle school. You didn’t think appearance and popularity would be important until you realized how mean kids really could be. You didn’t know studying could be so hard and just trying to fit in felt like an extra task.

Dear five-year-old self,

You didn’t know the anxiety of adulthood would come about and that the work world would really be something to become an activity on a daily basis. You didn’t know that pressure and drama would occur from college and that innocence of youth was taken away as you realized you had to grow up.

But listen, five-year-old self,

You didn’t know how much you would accomplish as you got older. You didn’t know how smart you were when you achieved academic awards and good grades in high school and college. You didn’t realize how resilient you were when you had to overcome a disability and the adversity and harshness that the world would throw at you for being disabled. You didn’t think you would find love but a boy loves you just the way you are.

You thought as a five-year-old that life would be smooth which was not the case but as you grew up you learned to make choices for yourself and learn how to care for others.

You overcome being fired and laid off from work and being discriminated and bullied against for your disability. You made mistakes you admit and lost friends along the way but you have learned lessons that have made you into a better person. You have become strong and realized to put yourself first and focus on self-care. You have realized that love and laughter are important for happiness and to not stress the small things.

Dear five-year-old self,

Tell your older self to relax and breathe once in a while and to stop overthinking. Tell your older self to give yourself credit for the things you have done and to not beat yourself up over the mistakes you have made. Learn to always overcome fights with parents and loved ones as you continue to grow into a better person each day.

Dear five-year-old self,

Give yourself a chance to let your 27-year-old self be happy and smile. You’re doing the best you can.

Header Image Source

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Why Nostalgia Actually Makes Me Sad

When we get nostalgic, we reminisce on the good things that happen, wishing we can relive them. Sometimes I wish those moments last.

I think about so many things in the past that have made me happy: college days, my trips to Israel, dancing, elementary school, fun hangouts with your high school friends, being a camp counselor, going to day camp, working at an old job, missing a friend – the list goes on.

I am not sure why but I tend to rather get sad than happy when I think about these times; sad because they’re over and I can’t relive them again. Can I do some of the things I have once done before? Of course, I can. But a saying goes, “All good things must come to an end,” and it’s true and it sucks.

I am sitting here working and barely sleeping and trying to figure out this adult life and it’s hard.

It pains me knowing that I can’t get back the things that I loved. I know this may sound a bit dramatic, but how would you feel sitting at home not wanting to go to work and pay bills and go to appointments and deal with life… Crap that’s thrown at you as an adult?

I am telling you – the youth days and college days were a blast.

I still miss some pastimes even if I did some things as an adult – I went to Israel at the age of 25 for the third time and I miss it like crazy. I will never see half of the girls on met on my trip that live around the globe. I love my boyfriend but can’t go out and flirt like I want to like I did in the good old days (I am very loyal to my boyfriend don’t worry).

These things may sound weird to miss and people may say, “Get over it.”

But, to be honest, I feel like sometimes my life is slipping away through work, bills, and boredom and I am not sure what to do. It pains me. I am happy for the good memories I have but to relive those moments again would be amazing. Maybe in time I can learn to be a happy adult. But, for now, I will just have some self-pity. Call me a baby but is what it is.

My feelings are valid.

Take care of yourself and hold on to the memories. Taylor Swift said it best: “Hold on to the memories they will hold on to you.”

Header Image Source

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

Why is it Hard to Let Go of the Bad and Focus on the Good?

I find myself struggling to focus on the good in myself. I have had a lot of struggles growing up just like everyone else has their own problems. But I feel like I can’t ever focus on the good in my life instead of the bad. I could be eating the best slice of pizza but still find something wrong in the moment. Maybe it’s anxiety? Depression? Bad memories of the past?

I try to focus on the present and it seems that the past always finds its way to catch up to me.

I think about the bad things that happened to me in the past and I make myself think I deserved it to happen to me. Do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve bad things in my life like mental health struggles, a physical disability, being laid off from work, and fired when all I did was try my hardest at work? Being abused by others who I thought loved me? Do I sink into these thoughts? I would hope not, but I do.

What can I do to make myself focus on the present that is good? The past is going to be with me but it doesn’t mean I have to let it define my present and future.

If you are going through issues such as PTSD or just anxiety or anything that makes you sad and haunts you from your past, focus on one good thing in the present. That one thing right now is my boyfriend. I never thought I would meet someone who cared about me so much, doesn’t judge me for my baggage, loves me for me, and makes me feel like I deserve to be happy. However, I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve him and this is the trust part.

I need to trust that not all things are bad.

I learned in therapy that the hard moments of the part do not have to bleed into your future. Just because someone made you feel bad in the past doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad about it in the present. Just because someone called you ugly in the past does not mean you’re ugly. Just because someone made you feel like you don’t deserve happiness doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy today.

It’s easier said than done – you’re not going to just forget bad memories or things of the past.

But it’s so important to truly look at the good things in the present that you have. Not everything is bad – it may seem it. I struggle every day to see the good, but when I see it, it makes my day a tiny bit better which gives me hope. Hope is how you get by day-by-day and what motivates me, personally, to keep going even when I want to say, “F it what’s the point?” There can be some good if you let it happen. Trust yourself to let go and not be scared and trust yourself to be loved and deserve happiness; you owe it to yourself to try and be happy.

Header Image Source

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

When Your Pets Become Your Best Friends

I never thought I could love two things that would also annoy me but being such joy in my life. My boyfriend got a dog named Mookie and I have a cat named Mac and they are both helping me heal in life so much. They can be quite the handful but they are at the end of my day, my babies!! 

 

Let me tell you why pets are important: they keep you sane and don’t judge you. They give you unconditional love. They snuggle with you and will play with you. They make bad days better. They are cute and they are so lovable.

 

Mac the cat is a friendly cat and loves to sit next to you. He enjoys cuddling as well and loves to sit on me and inconvenient times such as when I’m doing homework!! Mookie is a hyper dog and is such a people person. He can be a bad dog when goes to the bathroom in the house but he’s learning to sit and give paw at least! 

 

Anyone with pets would probably be happier as science or the news says. The reason why pets are so important is that in today’s pandemic and stressful world they really do make the darkest of days better

Five Things I Do When My Past Trauma Makes it Hard For Me To Just BE.

Past trauma is not in the past because it seems to just linger in your life into the future. You have bad flashbacks and can’t sleep because random thoughts occur in your head about that past trauma. You try to say to yourself that it doesn’t matter, but it honestly affects the way you think and live today. We’re told to get over things, but that’s easier said than done. Life is unfair, we’re told, and yeah – it is. That is why you need ways to make life a little better when dealing with trauma that still lingers in your mind.

1. Make time for your hobbies

You’ll keep telling yourself that you don’t have time, but you have to make time. Engage in what is meaningful to you even if it’s five minutes so you can get away from thinking about something terrible. I get myself into a catch project for an hour or so and it makes me feel positively engaged in something and forget about the world for a bit.

2. You need a friend, family member, someone who will understand you and listen to you when needed

I don’t think they necessarily have to give you advice and coping mechanisms, but just someone to lean on is the greatest feeling. My boyfriend is a saint for letting me cry on his shoulder when needed.

3. Live in the now

I’m not saying you can’t think about anything traumatic in the past. I’m just saying that it doesn’t have to define you today. Just because someone may have told you bad things to your face in the past doesn’t mean you’re a bad person today and that you have to see yourself that way.

4. Try to look for good things

It’s hard not to focus on the negative – trust me I know. I’ll be eating a slice of pizza and think how bad it is for me and I don’t even deserve to have it – but we need to look for the good, even in that slice of pizza. Changing our thought process can help with this. I can say to myself that I deserve to eat this pizza because I enjoy it.

5. Changing thoughts takes practice

My past trauma included people telling me that I was fat. Today, I sometimes feel that I am fat and ugly but I know that those people didn’t know my beauty inside and out. I tell myself I am who I am and those who like me will love me for who I am on the inside and out.

We can’t change the past even when we want to sometimes. But we can try and do our best every day to make life worth living. Life is going to have its ups and downs and unfairness, but we need to look at the good to feel even the slightest bit of happiness, which is worth it to me.

Header Image Source

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

My Illness Made Me Lose My Full Ability to Dance, But I Still Have Hope

Imagine having something taken away from you that you loved dearly; a hobby or passion that made you want to get out of bed in the morning every day because you loved doing it so much. Then, in an instance, you lose one of the things you loved so much. It is devastating. I have experienced this and it has changed my life.

I first started dancing when I was about four or five.

I started taking dance classes in hip-hop, tap, ballet, and jazz. I wanted to try out for the competition team in high school before I graduated at a dance studio I was taking classes at. Then, one day during dance class, I did a leap and it took me a while to get up. This small incident ended up getting bigger each day. When I was 15 years old, my body was getting weaker, sore, and I could barely move. It was such a struggle to not only dance, but it was hard to climb the stairs, open up a water bottle, write, play sports; the list is endless.

Fast forward a few months after the incident, I was admitted to the hospital with the diagnosis of a nerve disease called CIDP.

It is a chronic illness that makes your nerves weak. My legs became so skinny and I lost most muscle in my feet with nerve damage being abundant. This means I can barely move my feet without my leg braces that help me move them. I can’t stand on my toes, lift my feet up, pick them up, and wiggle my toes, and my hands got weak, as well. Feet and legs are so important for dancing; so, this meant most of my dancing ability was gone.

I felt like part of my world was crashing.

Trying out for the competition team and taking dance classes I thought were over. I was worried my teachers would not let me dance. I was worried about getting made fun of. However, my dance teacher told me she would let me try different types of dance classes with my leg braces on to see what I could become adjusted to. I tried tap dancing and I remember falling to the floor and crying. My teacher picked me back up, handed me a tissue, let me take a breather.

I started monthly IVIG treatments, steroids, and physical therapy which were not fun. After trial and error, I was taking jazz and hip-hop classes; my friends were so supportive and accommodations were made for me when it came to certain moves.

Fast forward to college.

I wanted to continue my dancing when I was given the news that I was better at moving but needed my braces and sneakers to walk; my treatments were done my sophomore year of college.

There was a dance club that preached being inclusive which was not the case. No one would let me in their dances due to by disability and also the fact that many of them only took their friends in. The first dance that gave me hope was a reggae routine I did not plan on even trying out for; I was encouraged to try out despite my disability. I fell in love with the dance so much and I saw my potential to stick out from the crowd – even with my disability.

She mentioned my braces were not a big deal; I wish everyone else felt that way too.

I went to the worker who was in charge of student activities, as I was still frustrated that I was not able to be in more than one dance after numerous tryouts. She told me, “Well, why don’t you choreograph your own dances for the club?” and I did just that. I taught intermediate dance routines that needed a try out but I decided to teach a beginner dance class every semester that required no tryout; it was open to all students who were beginner dancers and for students with disabilities.

The first routine I taught to dancers was a hip-hop routine and the amount of “thank you’s” I received from the dancers were the most gracious “thank you’s” I ever got.

I will never forget the girl who told me that she felt included in the club. I got a flower from another dancer for being so kind to her. When a student in the dance club saw my potential in my braces, she came up to me and told me to try out for her jazz routine; she did not care that I was in braces and sneakers. I will remember this forever.

After college, I taught some routines in hip-hop and tumbling while also assisting teaching.  After a bit, I took a break from teaching and took classes again which I loved. However, COVID-19 had things shut down, my illness relapsed, and I was no longer in remission. I started treatment in January 2020, again, with steroid use, and had no enthusiasm for online dance classes; I just loved in-person better, but I dance around in my house when I can.

My condition started to get a bit better again where my treatments stopped in January 2021.

I dreamed about making up dance routines all the time then it hit me; my passion is dance and opening up a dance studio for people with disabilities. I am not the dancer I used to be but I still do my best; I want to give individuals the opportunity to dance. I currently help individuals who feel sick do activities and I hope to incorporate my dancing into that. I still have the dancer in me, but I just need to bring it out in a different light.

Never EVER lose sight of your dream, even if obstacles stand in the way.

About the Author

Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

COVID-19 – Waiting for the End Game

We all want to know when the end game of this all is, as it seems like a reoccurring nightmare. And the truth is, we really don’t know. It’s a nightmare that seems to keep going and going – and we keep hoping that tomorrow the face masks will be no more and we can all go out to bars and party, but the reality is that we don’t really know when that’s going to happen, as it seems to literally be one day at a time.

The point of me personally writing this article, and this is all just my opinion, is yes – it really does suck that we are living through this and we really don’t know when life will go back to normal.

That’s just it, though – will life ever be normal again?

We have so many harsh effects from the pandemic and it’s going to linger on for quite a bit. Businesses are going to have to build back up again while people need to recover from losses of those who died from COVID-19. More than ever, we need to help each other out instead of being divided and this is the most political I have ever been in my whole life. 

It can be normal. but we’ll never forget the harsh effects that the pandemic had on so many lives. I do believe a future pandemic will occur due to climate change, for instance, unless we get our stuff together. We need to realize that this unfortunately won’t be the last pandemic and that we should learn from this for generations to come.

We all could have followed protocols better to perhaps slow the spread of COVID 19, but government rulers also could have been more diligent in helping us navigate through the COVID 19 crisis.

So, as COVID-19 surges on, here is what I personally believe we can continue to do to help navigate us through this crisis:

First off, we really don’t have an end game yet – maybe by summer or fall the COVID-19 pandemic will get better. Individuals should listen to science and wear masks as they have been proven to help protect others. Are they annoying to wear? Of course. But we can help so many people be safe.

However, secondly, I do believe that if one truly believes they are at risk of getting very sick from COVID-19, stay home.

Third, keep businesses open in a safe manner and just wear the mask at a store. We don’t need stores closing and people losing jobs and money.

Lastly, be kind to others and make sure you always have others to support you during this tough time. There have been times I wanted to cry and even had panic attacks about the never-ending saga (so it seems) of COVID-19 – but you truly are not alone. Call or FaceTime someone or have a social distance date and keep the connections going.

So, we really don’t know the end game of COVID-19, but we can do our best and hope; as cheesy as that sounds.

Header Image Source

Exit mobile version