Author: Morgyn Cronan

I had a moment the other day. I was watching a video and something he said resonated so deeply in me that I replayed the 20 seconds over and over until the quote was ingrained in my mind.

Casey Neistat stated, “There are always really good reasons not to do something. But if you really really believe that it’s something you have to do, the universe has a way of making it okay.”

Maybe it’s a relationship you know in your heart you know you need to leave. Maybe it’s a job change. A move to a new city. Mending a broken relationship. Or maybe it’s as big as the life-long dream you’ve always had but you haven’t even taken the first step towards.

And you’re scared as hell but the anxiety of thinking you’ll never actually do it is more detrimental to your existence than actually just doing it.

It’s been in the back of your mind for awhile now. Weeks, months, maybe even years. You know in your heart that it’s something that you just have to do, but it’s going to be the scariest leap of faith you’ve ever had to take.

You know you only have one life to live. A life that can be cut short for countless reasons in a blink of an eye and if you don’t do this one thing that is thriving deep inside you, you will have regrets at the end of this life.

Think about where you are in your life. Maybe you love where you’re at or maybe you don’t. But let’s think about how you got to where you are.

There had to be a moment. A moment where you made a decision that either was beneficial or destructive.

Maybe you are so happy with the path that led you to where you’re are now and the idea that one wrong turn would’ve landed you somewhere else entirely scares the hell out of you. Or maybe you know the moment where you should’ve made a different decision and if you did; your life could’ve been a lot better than what it is now.

If something is weighing on you, take it seriously. Because that’s yourself talking to you. Do you know how lucky you are to be so connected to yourself that you’re able to simply have a desire that means so deeply to you?

In a world full of a judgmental society, unreasonable media depictions, or even just those opinionated individuals close to our hearts; it is extraordinary for you to be your own person. Listen to yourself.

If it’s weighing on you, own it. I promise it’s only doing so for a very good reason.

If you’re like me, someone who suffers from anxiety, you probably try to hide that struggle. We really just want to save face. We want to seem happy-go-lucky; like we don’t have a care in the world, but that’s just not the way it is.

Despite your ability to comprehend the struggle, there are some things we anxious girls never want to hear said while we’re struggling with a fresh bout of anxiety.

1. What’s The Matter with You?

If the answer were that simple, we would find a way to fix it on our own. Anxiety is like smoke, you can’t catch with your bare hands and sometimes you don’t know where it’s coming from, so you don’t know how to put it out.

Don’t expect us to explain something that we wish we could put into words.

2. How Can I Make it Go Away?

This is sweet and all, but if we can’t fix ourselves, do you really think you can? You can just be there for us. Hold us. Talk us through it. Maybe you need to be the goofball we fell in love with and find a way to get a good giggle out of us.

3. Can You Just Act Normal?

Anxiety is a fickle little bitch that can hit at any time. It doesn’t matter if 5 minutes ago we were laughing with a group of friends; the color may randomly drain from our faces and we may get quiet and have to step outside.

Deal with it.

Don’t ever try to make us live up to your expectations when we can’t even live up to our own. Your best bet to help is to get your ass outside and sit with us for as long as we may need you. You can’t decide that you only want to be there for us when it’s convenient for you.

4. Are You Always Just Unhappy?

If you are defining our character through the effects of our anxiety, then we deserve better than you.

Don’t you think we are so frustrated that our stability can flip like a switch without our permission? We don’t need your annoyance or frustration on top of that. Lay off. Be understanding. Be our partner- through it all.

5. Do You Or I Need to Leave?

Although you may think you are coming off as understanding, it’s very easy to take this as you just not wanting to deal with us.

If we need space to muscle through an anxiety attack, we will make it happen. We don’t need you promoting it. It’s better to have us feel like you WANT to be with us than feeling like you want to leave.

We know that loving us can be difficult. The truth is, we just want you to hold our hand through our tough bits.

I don’t know what I would do without you. You’ve been there since day one. You always figured everything out.

You’d wake up extra early to make my waffles and be able to put my hair in that expert non-bumpy ponytail (because God knows I’d flip if there was even just one). Sometimes it would take 20 minutes.

You’d make sure I made it to every practice, even if that meant you had to leave work early. Every school award ceremony, early Saturday morning games, even the little things like invite your parent to lunch day in middle school; I was always so happy to have you there. I don’t know how you did it though when you worked so hard.

Then I grew up a little bit. Got my first boyfriend. You drove us everywhere before I got my license. When I finally did get that shiny plastic card with my name on it, you even bought me a car. I know how much overtime you were putting in. I don’t know how I deserved that.

Prom dress shopping, you took me to 5 different malls. Made sure everything from my hair to my toes was perfect. You took endless amounts of photos because I couldn’t agree with one I liked of myself. You were happy to though. Didn’t complain once. You loved it.

You helped me apply to college. Gave me advice on choosing which one I would go to. Then even helped me pay for it.

A few years fast forward, I was moving out. You were happy for me. But you started crying and it broke my heart. You didn’t want to let me go. Now that I am gone, you text me asking for girls’ nights; and when we have them, it’s so nice to be home with you. I know you miss me. I miss you too.

And you’re so proud of me. I love how you share my facebook posts sometimes and caption it as “my beautiful daughter???. Every trip I have ever taken, you’re so impressed by my knack for adventure. Afterwards, you look through every single picture, even if there’s over a thousand.

There’s still so much of my life that I will need you. I am sure I will be getting married down the road, having children, building my own family. Please know that I will still need you standing right next to me; showing me how you did it all.

You always took impeccable care of me. Of all of us. And even though we’re all grown up, you still try so hard to hold onto us. And I am so happy that you do.

But do this for me now. Start living for yourself a little bit. Please.

I want you to wake up and make yourself the most splendid breakfast. Do things that make you feel good; the things you always did for me. Go get your hair done here and there. Get your nails done with your favorite salmon colored nail polish. You think those shoes are cute? Buy them for yourself. Take yourself on a trip and let me be the one to look through your pictures. I promise I will look at every single one.

This is my wish for you. This is what would make me happy, more than anything. To see you take care of yourself the way you did for us. You deserve the world and I want nothing more than to see you have it.

I am sure we have all had that ideal romantic fantasy drift through our dreamy minds.

You’re each sitting on a beach having a decadent dinner with the perfect matching glass of wine. The most stunning sunset is illuminating your entire surroundings. There is nothing but your shared laughs filling the air establishing your close connection while your toes play with each other in the warm sand. And you each have this moment where you realize there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than with each other, right then and there.  

You’ve earned this moment. And here is why:

You’ve learned to make compromises: You wanted Italy. He wanted Thailand. You each found Belize. You wanted a 5-star hotel. He wanted a hostel. You found a nice private bungalow at a fair price just for yourselves.

Every step of your vacation involves making decisions that please you both. And for the sake of making each other happy, you’re going to have to make compromises.  This is no-doubt a building block to any successful relationship.

You’ve overcome the awkward “who pays what” scenario: We have all been on that first date where you don’t know if he is paying. Of course, the bill comes and you reach for your wallet just to have him reassure you he’s happy to take care of you.

Well, magnify that scenario times 1,000. You’re going to have countless costs to figure out. From flights, accommodations, day adventures to breakfast, lunch, and dinner; you’re going to need to have the conversation of what you each want to cover. Because God knows making these assumptions will prematurely spoil the trip.

You’ve learned to share each other: Of course, getting to go away and have that privacy with just each other is pure gold. That alone time is so special and valuable for you two to grow even closer in your relationship. You want your partner all to yourself. But, you’re going to have moments where you have to be willing to share your time.

Maybe you’re sitting at the bar and your man decides to chat it up with the dude sitting next to him for a good minute. Next thing you know, you’re invited to play a game of pool when all you wanted to do was continue on with your personal conversation.

Well suck it up buttercup, that’s the name of the game. You socialize. You make friends. And you share your spouse. It doesn’t have to be a large part of your vacation. Even if it’s just an hour, it’s healthy to share your time with others as a couple. Trust me.

You’ll come home as a stronger couple, with memories you’ll reflect on even as the years pass: Your trip with no doubt fly by. How the hell did 7 days already pass? You’ll soon enough be back at home in bed with each other cuddling and getting ready to get back in the gist of normal life.

Months will pass and even in the most random of moments, a memory will flood through your mind and you’ll have to ask him “remember when”. You’ll share a good laugh and have an “aww” moment that’ll bring you even closer together.

You’ll be hanging with his group of friends hearing him tell them how great of a time you two had and somehow it’ll make you feel even more established in his life like you belong in it. Because you do.

The best part is, eventually, the pictures clogging the memory on your cell will soon have to be saved elsewhere to create space for your next trip that’ll be here in no time.

As a kid, you had such high aspirations. 

That painting you made in 3rd grade was hung on the fridge and marked with earnest adoration by your folks, a true revelation that you’d be Picasso in no time. By 6^th grade, you were the ultimate star on your soccer team. You could outrun any other kid and be slammin’ those goals relentlessly. You were sure you could be a true match against Beckham.

 It wasn’t until senior year of high school that you took a step back and thought, what the hell am I supposed to do now? You’d soon be on your own. Working towards a career that is supposed to sustain you through your adult life. And somehow, that painting that once hung on your fridge looks like nothing more than some streams of paint swirled together to make a somber looking landscape. And soccer? Sure… except you can’t even kick a ball strait if your life depended on it. And now you’re supposed to figure out what you like enough to be for the rest of your life.

From a fellow “I don’t know what I want to be??? 24 year-old who is floating by in a dreary corporate-world lifestyle, I want you to be rest assured you’re not alone. It. Is. Okay. And here is why.

1. You Take More Chances: Or maybe you haven’t… yet. Maybe you do have idealizations of what you want life to be like but have accepted the fact it’s too far out. You may flip flop on what are nothing more than ideas. Ideas that are ideal, but overall you’re more apathetic towards than not. Not enough passion to quite get there but you do still have interest. 

But what I’m getting at here is that when you don’t have this hallowed calling, you’re forced to find what works for you. You take chances even though there’s this lack of certainty. For example, you may choose your college major on a whim to at least try to become something. Or you shoot your resume off to just about every job posting.

 I’m thinking now that’s why I majored in Communication. And now, I have landed a decent paying corporate job that makes me want to pull my hair out everyday. I often think…how the hell did I get here? But it’s a been a freakin journey. Because I’ve thrown myself at just about every random opportunity that looked semi-promising. You will too. 

2. You may Daydream All Day… Everyday: I get to work at 7am and spend at least the first 20 minutes a day on Expedia (I hope my internet usage isn’t tracked). On top of that, I work downtown in a high-rise building and get to watch the planes all day fly in and take off at the airport. And I always find myself wishing I was on one of them.

 I think to myself…maybe if I could backpack around the world that I would figure out what I truly want to be. Maybe this ties into taking more chances… and who knows, maybe I will get there one day soon.

3. You may Find Yourself as Less than You Are (But This is a Mistake): Please do not do this to yourself. It sounds so cliché but life is a journey. I’ve stopped comparing myself to my friends who are in medical, law, or grad school. Because I have many who are. Every time we meet up, I smile and say how proud I am. I don’t let my admiration and jealousy cloud my perception of myself.

 I am on my own journey and just because I am not 100% with where I am, doesn’t mean I don’t have potential. I can any moment change my life. I can quit my job tomorrow and live out one my endless daydreams. Or maybe I will start enjoying what I do and be okay with where I am.

Your life is controlled by you. No one else. It’s about takin those chances that’ll get you to where you’re supposed to be. Don’t be hard on yourself.

I once stood as an 8-year-old girl at her grandmother’s house, spinning an old globe. I would close my eyes, spin it as fast as I could, and point my rosy little finger on it till it stopped. I must’ve done this about a thousand times. 

Wanderlust got the best of me even as a child. I wanted to know what it felt like to be on a plane, all alone, on my way to a new adventure. 14 years later I got my taste of pure bliss and I want you too as well.

1. Just Do It; For Any Reason and By Any Means: I was 22 years-old and was faced with ending a 3 year long relationship. I got to work the next morning and I was no-doubt not in my right mind. I applied for a credit card. It was approved, great! I looked at google maps and was scanning the screen for a new destination… imagining my finger spinning on the globe like I was still that child. 

And I booked a flight to Greece and Romania in a matter of minutes. I was going to be on my way in a matter of a month. I felt independent, strong, and proud (along with a slight “wtf did I just do” sorta feeling). I ran around my office and boasted to all my coworkers at what I had just done. 

They were in shock and worried for my well being… but I didn’t care. This was my new beginning.

2. It Will Change You: The day was here and I was calling my uber to take me to the airport. For all my excitement leading up to this day, I was much more nervous than I thought I’d be. I remember being in the security line at LAX talking to this older Australian couple trying to get some comforting words to calm my nerves, but they couldn’t help but chuckle and tell me I’d be fine. They were right. But I was more than fine.

From finding my way to my hotel rooms, my connecting trains, or even telling my taxi driver where to go despite our language barrier, I truly felt what it was like to be alone. I needed that. I needed to build me back up again.

 I had endless moments where I stood in pure amazement of where I was and couldn’t hold back a smile full of hopeful tears. My heartbreak was healing and I knew I’d be okay again. I would do this again. 

And guess what? I am. My next trip is booked for Southeast Asia. I leave in a couple months.

3. The Memories Will Follow You Forever: I find myself thinking about that trip Every. Single. Day. The beauty I experienced only with myself, it was so personal. 

The people I met will always make their mark on me. From the owner of the Greek restaurant who took a liking to my lonesomeness, let me cook my own meal in his kitchen. To the young Brazilian couple who were Marine Biologists’ studying heavy metals in bird’s feathers, we drank on the roof of our hostel over looking the Acropolis till 2am. 

They all made their mark on me. Their personalities and stories taught me something. There is so much left to be seen and experience, you just have to make sure you let yourself get there.