Author: Nicole Julia

She’s been going back and forth in her head for some time now, trying to decide if she should stay in a relationship she’s built her life around, or start over completely.

Maybe if she just gave it a few more weeks, she’ll see something in him she didn’t see before. But maybe, if she did end things, she wouldn’t feel so weighed down… maybe her heart will feel light again. 

All these maybe’s only lead to sleepless nights and guilt that eats her alive even though she literally has nothing to feel guilty about. 

Truly, it's a terrifying choice with two hearts at risk. Either she breaks his heart or she breaks her own staying in a relationship that doesn’t make her happy anymore. 

She tells herself, well he's a good guy, I just don't love him anymore.

The thing is, if she lets him go, he can go be a good guy to someone who genuinely, one hundred percent wants him. He will be hurt, this is nearly a sure thing. But soon this monumental upset is going to seem so small to both of them. 

And she can’t help but wonder, I'm so used to this life. What if I can't be alone?

Except she knows damn well she can do anything she sets her mind to. She’s afraid of being alone but at the same time, she has this excitement burning in her chest when she thinks about everything that’s out there, all the fun she has yet to have. 

Is she going to be codependent in this relationship and any future relationships forever or is she going to prove to herself that she’s living the best life she can? 

At the end of the day, when this is all said and done, everything is going to be fine. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be okay.

Nothing in this world is more important than her emotional and mental well being. And if she’s not happy with her circumstances then she needs to change it, because no one else is going to do it for her.

Even if a part of her with always love him, even if he’s a great guy, even if she’s scared shitless to do it on her own, the fact still remains that there is an inkling in her heart that knows he isn’t ‘it.’ 

There’s an ounce of her soul that isn’t happy and she deserves complete and true happiness. 

She owes it to herself to follow that feeling, to be true to herself and allow her heart to lead the way. 

Because then maybe, just maybe, she will find the one and he’ll be everything she’s ever dreamed of. 

Read more of Nicole's random thoughts on life and unsolicited advice HERE.

This disgusting excuse for an app was originally designed to allow employees to give feedback to their bosses and superiors without fear of negative repercussions, which in itself doesn't sound bad, but people aren't just using it for it's intended purpose.

And while it may seem like harmless fun, it isn't.

1. Cyber bullying has a new platform thanks to this app.

Sure, it's nice to see how many 'secret admirers' you have but the number of users who have reported bullying, harassment, blatant racism, misogyny, and even threats of violence is staggering.

2. It turns you into a raging narcissist. 

Oh look, so-and-so is posting screenshots from their adoring fans gushing about how perfect they are. *Aggressive eye roll* I promise you, your friends and family don't care that 'Anonymous' would drag their balls through broken glass to touch your hair.

3. It's a tool to spread negativity.

There's a difference between being honest, providing constructive feedback, and just being a downright asshole.

With the exception of perhaps a few users in the early days of its creation who used it for its original purpose of corporate accountability, I would bet money that very few people actually continue to do so.

It would be useful if people wrote things like: "Hey you're coming across a little flaky because you make plans and then cancel at the last minute." Constructive, yet polite. Instead, most messages are, "Kill yourself, everyone hates you."

4. It's hugely exacerbating the world's mental health crisis.

What better platform to entourage suicide than one that enables you to remain completely anonymous?

Children and young teens are using this app. And many times, it's hard to tell the difference between someone trolling them and someone who legitimately means them harm. 

We all mourn these young losses when they happen but we also all jump on stupid trends like this without fully thinking it through.

5. It's spilling gasoline on the flamable self-esteems of our youth.

What about the opposite of being bullied and harassed? What if someone downloads this app and doesn't receive any messages at all, bad or otherwise? 

They're being bombarded daily with screenshots taking over their social media feeds. Apparently everyone is secretly loved or beautiful or kind and awesome….except them.

Do yourself a favor and don't download Sarahah.

If you have already downloaded it, uninstall it immediately. This app never should have been released to the public and the developers should have just kept it in the corporate sector as what it has become is absolute garbage. Fingers crossed this trend dies swiftly and with as little harm to the public as possible.

You said I changed since we last saw each other and although you weren't wrong, I have changed in some ways, it really hasn't been such a drastic shift that you would really even notice.

The truth of the matter is, when you look at me you see a change because you don't actually know what I look like when I'm not in love with you.

The once permanent smile in my eyes upon seeing you enter a room is no longer there.

My cheeks don't flush with pleasure and joy just hearing your name anymore.

My laughter doesn't fill the room because of everything you say, even when it isn't all that funny.

My eyes don't seek yours out in a crowded room anymore.

You seem to think I'm angry or bitter or "mean" now but I'm not, I promise.

You just don't hold my attention the way you used to.

Now, you are just another person on the street, an aquaintence that I am polite to and nothing else.

It's not like you haven't seen this before, you just weren't paying attention.

But now you are because you're just like the cashier at the grocery store, or the bartender at our favorite spot, just another human being that I interact with sometimes.

Maybe you'll appreciate those little "changes" next time, not with me perhaps but next time regardless.

We learn everything about a person by simply scrolling through

a collection of carefully curated images and words, designed to make us

feel and connect and relate.

By the time we figure it all out, it's too late.

We've already fallen for the witty banter and the vintage filters.

We've fallen for the backpacking trip and the 2 a.m conversations in taxis

and yoga classes and the brunch.

We experience another person's life in tandem with them

and create the perfect monstosity of a lie out of the idea

that they really are truly perfection.

And what do you do when it all falls apart as all illusions do?

You console yourself with a simple right swipe

onto another perfectly angled body of course.

You squad up and jump from event to party to bar just hoping for a taste of that validation

we all so desperately crave.

Find your light, arrange your props

and convince yourself that there is someone out there that will love you for you.

Or at least tolerate you for more than a weekend.

We have all mastered this lie so beautifully.

In case you weren't aware, Fall is roughly 65 days away so if you haven't fully morphed into your full Basic Bitch form by then, here's a few goodies to help you out. 

1. Extra Large Hammock Chair

It's extra large so you can fit your boyfriend or your bestie or your 3 cats in it with you as you sip hot chocolate and watch the leaves fall.

2. Halloweentown DVD Box Set

Let's all agree that the original Marnie was a million times better than the imposter that they replaced her with.

3. Suade Knit Fingerless Mittens

How are you going to update your Insta with this perfectly captioned pumpkin spice latte if you can't use your fingers? #falldaze

4. Giant Five Pound Bag of Candy Corn

I'm pretty sure we're all secretly obsessed with candy corn, just no one wants to admit it.

5. Contouring Kit For Pale Skin

Sorry the sun went away but at least your cheekbones will still be on fleek despite looking like Casper now.

6. Zip-Up Raincoat For Your Fur Baby

I mean, your pupper will still probably get wet but you won't believe how adorable this thing is.

7. Essie Nail Polish (Bordeaux)

Repeat after me: Basic Bitches do not wear anything not in the wine family on their fingers after labor day.

8. Festive Phone Case

Yes, we are obsessed with fall. Deal with it.

9. The Best Flannel Shirt Ever

It's like your hot lumberjack boyfriend's shirt but better because it you know, fits.

10. Excessively Large and Furry Blanket

Are you even really watching a scary movie if you don't have this blanket to hide under?

11. This Delightful Umbrella

This won't even need a filter in your #raindrop #droptop Insta.

12. War Paint

Slap some of this on and people will know how seriously you take soccer, I mean football.

13. This Super Extra Rechargeable Hand Warmer

For when you're sitting on frozen bleachers pretending to know everything about football.

14. Giant Scarf

I sewed a pocket into mine and that's where I keep my snacks…for football games.

15. Hocus Pocus on DVD

Raise your hand if you have also seen this movie no less than 8,943,275 times.

16. Wooden Spirit Board

It's not like you believe in this stuff anyway so go on and find out who you're gonna marry girl!

17. Reusable Starbucks To-Go Coffee Cup

Fine, it's basic. But Starbucks really is the best.

18. The Only Cook Book You Really Need To Be Honest

Give your room-mates diabetes by forcing pumpkin flavored everything down their throats for a month!

19. This Edgy But Still Basic Halloween Costume

Halloween? You mean Day of the Dead? *aggressive eye roll*

20. This Perfect Deer Antler Headband

For when you want to dress up as your favorite Snapchat filter. #deeristhenewdog

21. Fujifilm Insta Mini Instant Camera

Stick these little photos of leaves and pumpkins everywhere! On the fridge! On your bedroom walls! On your sleeping room-mate!

22. "Whatever I'm Late Anyway" Watch

Who cares what time it is, you have to go pick your pumpkin and drink cider!

23. Ultra Slouchy Knit Beanie

So slouchy, it won't even mess up your hair.

24. Northface Fleece Jacket (Zip-Up)

Are you even a girl in the fall if you're not layering this over leggings and a cute top?

25. Ugg Rain Boots (In Burgundy- Obviously)

Fall=rain. No one like squishy toes.

26. This Super Casual Giant Knit Sweater

Literally the comfiest of clothing items. And you can hide snacks in it.

27. Leaf Lights- Seriously Look At These

Okay but really, replace your Basic Bitch fairy lights with these because TIS THE SEASON.

28. This Adorable Throw Pillow

Fall themed everything. Shout it out! We're basic and oh so extra and literally the proudest!

29. This Fall Themed Sweatshirt

Because how else is everyone supposed to know they can count you in if it includes football (which you love) and pumpkin spice lattes (which you actually love)?

30. These Cat Socks

These aren't even basic. Everyone needs these.

Everyone says you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

I read over and over again the same advice to not date anyone until you're so completely in love with your solitude that you can't even stand it.

Because then you know it's real right?

You're not just in love with them because you're lonely.

Bullshit.

Because you know what?

I am lonely.

I love being alone with my thoughts and my schedule and my life. I don't have to answer to anyone and it's the most freeing and beautiful feeling.

But I'm lonely.

I wake up, feed my pets, go to work, spend time with friends.

But I'm lonely.

I dedicate time to hobbies that I love and I try to read for a little while every night before bed.

But I'm lonely.

I work out every day after work and I try to get outside as often as I can. I love hiking and the weekend often finds me in the woods somewhere with a book and my snacks, alone.

But I'm lonely.

I run my errands and I buy my groceries, pay my bills. I call my parents a couple times a week.

But I'm lonely.

I thought about "getting out there" and trying to meet someone. Maybe talk to a guy. Maybe go on a date or two. Maybe more.

But you know what?

I can't and shouldn't do that.

Because the experts told me I can't.

Because I'm lonely.

"I don't date."

That's my go to line now.

In part because it's true and also because "I have a boyfriend" or "No thank you" seems to have lost its effect on most men and although "I don't date" is usually followed by a "Why?"

A simple, "Because I don't, now kindly f*** off" usually does the trick.

In theory, dating seems like a wonderful thing.

I've met some nice dudes on "dates" but at the end of the day, no matter how nice they are, no matter how sweet and attentive, attractive, and all around fantastic they are

my inner cynic is always there to remind me that really, it's not even a little bit worth the makeup and gas money.

The last date I went on was great. He was funny and smart and smelled good (obviously the only important things). The conversation flowed and if I were a sane human being I probably could have seen him more than the three times I actually put any effort into seeing him.

But I more or less ghosted him instead. Because even though he was a great guy and maybe something could have come of it, you can't date properly when you are the cynic that I am.

Because to me, dating means wondering if you're still secretly obsessed with your ex, or a crush that never paid attention to you, or the one that got away. I've been second best or settled on too many times to let that one go.

Dating means having my eyes immediately go to your screen when you get a text message or a Snapchat notification because I know that you're talking to other girls- because it's only our third date so of course you are. (And then getting my feelings hurt when Amy or Stacey or Chelsea pops up).

Dating means really not caring all that much if you don't text me back or cancel on plans because I've already decided that it's probably not going to work out anyway.

Dating means that IF we ever got to the point of actually being in a relationship, I'm going to always be afraid that you did just settle and are just waiting for something better to come along.

Dating means that even though you're doing all the right things and saying all the right words at exactly the right time, I don't really believe you or believe that it's going to last any significant amount of time.

Dating means that the older I get, the more I realize that everyone is more or less exactly the same.

Dating means that as the years go by, I am getting closer to being a spinster and honestly I'm already being traded in for newer models already (and I'm not even 30 yet) so what even is the point?

Everyone wants the fairy tale and the perfect guy that just GETS you but in reality, that perfect guy already had that with someone else and maybe it's your turn now but it's too difficult to accept that when your brain won't let you.

So for now, I just don't date.

Come on, we know they suck, your friends know they suck, and honestly, you probably know they do too. So why are you guys still using these lines on your profiles?

1. "I'm too good to be on here."
Then why are you on here, oh perfect one?

2. "I'm so complex! How do you sum up your entire life into a box??"
Just put your favorite color and move on dude.

3. "I don't even know why I'm here."
Why the f*** you lyin'? Why you always lyin'? Ohhhhmygod.

4. "This is so dumb, add me on Snapchat @fcboi69"

Hmmm. Not obvious at all. 

5. "I can be your redneck romeo."
No. No you can't.

6. "If I read your profile and like what I see, I *might* message you back."
How about you just don't message me back and we can avoid me strangling you in your sleep.

7. "I'm really 19, not sure why it says 26 haha."
It says 26 because you lied about your birthday on Facebook f***head.

8. "Looking for my ride or die."
Literally the bro equivelant of "if you can't handle me at my worst…" *gag*.

9. "I'm not trying to get hurt anymore, seems like all the good guys get treated like s***."
Translation: I will literally leave you to get back with my baby mama the second she drops the restraining order. 

10. "I'm an alpha."
And I'm the Omega, I win.

11. "If you're a bird, I'm a bird."
I'm actually seven hamsters in a trenchcoat so I don't see this working. Also Ryan Gosling looks like a baby alien. #sorrynotsorry

12. "Looking for my partner in crime."

The only crime you've committed is putting up a cliche tinder bio, but it's more than enough to land you in left swipe prison. Boy, bye.

13. "Do not message me if you are X, Y, or Z / not X, Y, or Z."
Literally the way to avoid undesireables messaging you is to not match with them in the first place by NOT swiping right on them you insufferable dildo.

14. "I need someone to keep me in check when I lose my cool."
Translation: I get black out drunk from 1.5 Mikes Hard Lemonades and will try to fight the Uber driver. .. Yeah no thanks.

15. "Shopping for a woman is like shopping for a car."
Translation: I will trade you in for a newer model at midnight on your 26th birthday.

16. "No drama or liars!"
Translation: I am literally the most dramatic lying liar face you will ever have the displeasure of meeting. 

17. "Looking for my Queen."
*Agressive eye roll*

18. "That's not my dog."
Instant turn off. Much disappoint.

19. "That is my kid."
Instant turn off. Much disappoint.

20. "Looking for a girl to spoil."
Putting on your best polo shirt and taking me to Applebees isn't "spoiling" JSYK.

21. "Looking for someone real."
Don't. Tell. Tinder. Bro. You. Are. Figment. Of. His. Imagination.

22. "Fluent in sarcasm."
Oh are you? Tell me more.

23. "I bet YOUR a gold digger."
No one's trying to steal YOUR Starbucks paycheck bruh. *lightning speed swipe for the sh** spelling.

24. "Ask me."
Bruhhhhhh. This is why you're single you absolute trash can.

Guys are always complaining that women are too picky with their standards and their expectations. According to every man every where, we don't actually know what we want because we're bitter, fickle creatures. Well joke's on you because we definitely know what we DON'T want.

Being a Repulsive Sex Robot
Hey how are you?
Good, kinda horny.
BYE. – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: Just….don't. We don't care. Unless we're face up, ass down, butt naked and waiting, we REALLY don't care if you're horny at 2pm on a Tuesday.

Wearing Too Much Cologne
If you walk by and I can taste your cologne, it's too much.
Fragrances are meant to be discovered, not announced. -Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: Sometimes just soap and deoderant are PLENTY. I promise.

Putting Down Other Women
Especially if it's some backwards attempt to compliment me.
"She's too skinny and her boobs are definitely fake. I like well proportioned women like you."
Reminds me of the, "You're not like other girls" bullshit. – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: We're literally all the same. We were made in the same factory. In China. 

Talking About Your Exes
Bonus red flag: all of them happen to be crazy! – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: Unless the sentence is, "My Ex and I don't speak to or see each other but I have no hard feelings towards her and wish her no ill will now what should we get for dessert?" Just don't. 

Your Stupid Selfies
That dumb expression they make. Like they're serious or thoughtful. Except you work at Starbucks and your band sucks so really what could possibly be going on up there?
Or when they lift up they're shirt in their dirty bathroom mirror to show they're baby abs and moldy shower. -Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: It's like you don't realize what an epic douche you are and I don't know how to fix that for you.

"I'm Not Like Most Guys"
I'm nice.
You're probably not that nice if you consider the actual definition of nice isn't talking about how nice you are. I will literally never f*** you if you refer to yourself as a "nice guy". – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: Tell her you're an asshole instead. Chicks dig bad boys bruh.

Basically Who You Are As A Person
Man, he'd sure be cute if he didn't look like he bought all his clothes at gas stations. – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: This literally came from the same woman who looks like she bought all her clothes in the junior section of Walmart so I actually think you two would be great together if I'm being totally honest.

Acting Like Or Actually Not Knowing How to Cook
Like they don't know to cook even the most basic of things or know what a broom is. I'm not your mother. I don't live to take care of you. – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: Plot twist, she IS your mother. Have fun with that information.

Unrelenting Persistence
You ever have that friend who's obsessed with a girl and won't give up because he's seen too many romantic comedies so he sits outside her window reciting shitty poetry despite her being very uncomfortable? Yeah, don't be that guy. – Woman on the Internet

BRO TIP: No means no man. Unless you know, she's playing hard to get. Sorry, we're "complicated".