Author: Nikki Zarrella

Life after an emotionally abusive relationship is Far from being calm after the storm, in fact it can be confusing and extremely difficult. It feels like your entire world has turned upside down. You stayed this long because you loved that person so much, and you truly believed they were going to change. Your good days were probably amazing, or close to it, but the bad days were beyond bad, they were scarring and detrimental to your own mental health. Your life has officially changed, and this is what it will be like after your emotionally abusive relationship.

Unbeknownst to you, those bad days, filled with those horrendous, unforgiving words said over and over and over, for a long period of time are what’s changed you, to your very core. Sadly, once it’s over, you may not be able to recognize yourself for a while. At the end of the day, you loved that person, but they let you down in more ways than one. They hurt you for far too long, and as a result, the emotionally abusive relationship ended, and you are left forever altered from it all.

1. Your idea of a relationship is now pretty fucked up. 

Once an emotionally abusive relationship ends, any previous ideas of what the terms ‘relationship’ and ‘love’ actually meant to you are completely thrown out the window. You may have entirely new definitions for these words now, you even love differently. You loved this person, and you know in your heart that they loved you too, but the love wasn’t enough to stop the emotional abuse. In an effort to heal the scars on your heart, you attempt to redefine love, but you’re too damaged right now to find the true meaning. 

Let me clarify, emotional abuse can come in many different forms. This includes manipulation and control, name-calling, putting someone down, belittling them, and making empty threats. From comments like “You’re fat,” “you’re ugly,” “you’re going nowhere in life,” to phrases like, “I don’t want you going out with your friends tonight,” “If you walk out that door, you just wait and see what’ll happen when you come back…” these things will severely start to take a toll on your mind making you feel worthless and insecure. Especially if you’re consistently hearing these things for an extended period of time.

After all is said and done, you will have to retrain your brain as to what is healthy versus what is not. The more distance you get from the emotional abuse, the more you will start to realize just how much all of it changed your perceptions of love and romance.

This becomes more apparent once you move onto a new, healthy relationship. You soon understand that it was never okay for you to be spoken to in that way, regardless of how that person may have tried to justify it at the time. You will begin to learn what life is like without the negativity, control, and mind games. That’s the one and only thing you can thank your ex for, teaching you what love doesn’t look like. 

2. You have difficulty trusting others, and yourself.

After someone you love lets you down for so long, attempting to have trust becomes challenging and painful. All those times you believed they were going to change, that they wouldn’t speak to you that way again… it always came crashing down at one point or another.

So often the phrase, “We’ve been doing good for a few weeks now,” comes into play in an emotionally abusive relationships. This phrase is essentially implying that the few weeks have been “normal,” meaning absence of fights or disrespectful outbursts from your significant other. That never lasts long, though. When the charade ends, the mental abuse starts all over again.

This cycle is vicious, and it is why most of us stick around in an emotionally abusive relationship and it’s because we hang on to those good moments for dear life. We want so badly to believe that the good moments are here to stay. But after almost believing that that person may have truly changed this time around, you’re suddenly let down all over again. 

What we don’t realize is how many trust issues we are beginning to develop in our minds, we allow ourselves to be distant from trust and don’t allow ourselves to feel vulnerable. This behavior causes us to second-guess ourselves throughout the abuse, and we start to question what is right and what is wrong. Lines become blurred, and in a way, we sadly almost adjust to the abuse because we get used to it.

As a result of all of this, it’ll take a while to regain trust in yourself and to establish it in a future relationship. But if you are patient with yourself, and in time, find the right person, they will earn your trust and you will rebuild your strength to have faith emotionally, and in others.

3. Your self-esteem takes a huge hit.

If you’re hearing negative things about yourself time and time again from someone you love, your self-esteem becomes depleted and you become disgusted with yourself. It may be hard to regain self-confidence, but you 100% have it in you to do so.

You have to come to terms with all of the awful things that were said, and when those thoughts pop into your head, you have to block them out with positive ones. You have to remember why you’re good inside and out. The years of emotional abuse can make you feel like less than what you are. “Worthless, fat, ugly, loser”….whatever was said, you need to block that shit out. Now.

All of those harsh, overwhelming comments and words, regardless of if they were subtle or discreet, still happened. They were put out into the universe, stinging your heart, making you unsure of yourself. You were manipulated. But you need to remember who you are, your self-worth and your inner strength in order to overcome all of this.

4. You feel all kinds of emotions for still missing that person.

Victims of emotional abuse face a very rough roller coaster of emotions long after the emotionally abusive relationship has ended. The hard truth is that in spite of everything that person put you through, there will be days when you still miss them. You will remember all of the good, and you will ask yourself why things couldn’t have just remained good. Moreover, you will be frustrated and upset with yourself for missing someone who hurt you so much.

But it is okay.

It is completely normal to miss someone who used to be your entire world. It would almost be weird if a part of you didn’t miss them. Be patient with yourself. Let time do it’s thing and help heal your wounds and quiet the inner demons. Let yourself grieve, be sad and angry. Go through the motions. You will know when you’re ready to move on. 

5. You may think finding happiness again will be difficult.

It won’t be, I promise. After any breakup, we all go through darker times where it may be difficult to imagine seeing a brighter road ahead. With this type of emotionally abusive relationship, you may even tell yourself you won’t be able to find happiness without this person. This is not true whatsoever.

All of the unthinkable things they said – a part of you is still tempted to ignore it and stay with them, because that’d be easier than leaving and starting over. But easy is hardly ever the right choice, and instant gratification does not usually work out in the long run.

Never stay in an emotionally abusive relationship because you think there are no other alternatives, or you think it’ll be easier to stay. The truth is, it will sure as hell be difficult, but in situations like this, we must take the difficult path in order to set ourselves up for a happier future.

I know it hurts now, but that will pass, I guarantee you that. So – use this time after the breakup to do YOU. Surround yourself with friends and family, start traveling more, go somewhere you’ve never been before, start a new hobby. Just enjoy life.

6. You’ll never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

It is certainly true when they say there are plenty of fish in the sea, because there are. There is an entire world of humans out there! Once you’re ready, you’ll start dating again and this time around – you’ll know exactly what you want in your next relationship.

You can let one emotionally abusive relationship consume you, OR you can simply learn a hell of a lot from it. You can realize your self-worth, and come to understand that you are better than any word vomit (as I often liked to call it) that was ever said to you.

You will learn what you do deserve in this life, and know to never settle for anything less. You become strong and one day down the road, you will find that person who respects you and loves you and could never, ever, even imagine saying those things to you.

Never settle, you deserve only the best. You have been through more than enough. And remember to take this time to breathe, look ahead to the future, leave the past behind, and start living a healthy life. 

It will all get better in time, and eventually – you will ask yourself why you stayed so long, and you will be forever grateful that you had the strength to walk away. 

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When I was young, I had an all too intimate knowledge of what it was like to grow up with a drug addicted parent… in fact, I had two. Neither of my parents sought out help, they refused to change their ways and instead carried on, doing the best they could to raise their children while under the influence of drugs. I wish they had realized the impact of their choices, that growing up this way wasn’t “normal” it was dysfunctional chaos that leads us to hate not only them but ourselves in the process. I would’ve given anything for them to understand the repercussions and aftermath of growing up with drug addicted parents. 

I write this as someone whose mother is no longer in my life because she chose drugs over her daughters, whose father makes himself a mere ghost in my life and isn't supportive or involved in any of my goals or achievements. I can’t tell you the last time one of my parents asked me how my day was, how I was doing in school, or how work was going. Instead, I was dealt a father who feels sorry for himself and ignores all the good that is in his life. He gets belligerently drunk at important life events, almost ruining those happy moments without even so much as an apology for doing so. 

I pray that anyone who was raised by drug addicted parents finds peace after grappling with the realization of how much of a toll your parent’s addiction problems and refusal to seek help has taken a toll on you, your mind, and your heart. While the aftermath of this dysfunction is a battle we face every day, it is possible to overcome the sadness and break free to find the pure happiness we all deserve.  

Here are 10 effects of the aftermath of growing up with drug addicted parents:

1. Even when we’re surrounded by people we love, we still feel alone.

Regardless of all those who support and love us, we still feel alone. We feel like it's just us against this crazy, fucked up world. We could really use a parent once in a while for advice and support, or even just to know we can lean on them when life gets tough. There are days we spend drowning in our anxiety and others where we can’t get out of bed to face the world. Because knowing we don't have that unconditional love from a mom or dad on days when we need it most can make us feel like the loneliest person in the world. As we grow older, we struggle with finding ways to practice self-love because we were never taught it growing up. 

2. There are times we feel like no one will ever understand completely. 

We don't know too many people who don't have their parents in their lives. We see most of the people around us cherishing their parents and all they've done for them. We feel like everyone around us, despite any problems life may throw their way, can always lean on their parents no matter what. But we don't have that and we never will, because sadly we were raised by drug addicted parents. And when we want to cry about it or vent, we feel like nobody will ever understand what it truly feels like. The trauma we faced when we were younger left us with a heavy heart that is hard to walk around with each day. And as much as we want a perfect life, it seems impossible at times because we are afraid our past will haunt us forever.  

3. We always feel like something is missing. 

It always feels like there's this hole in our hearts, a giant void that will never be able to be filled properly because all we know is our drug addicted parent. While we're so grateful for siblings and friends, and we truly don't know where we'd be without them, it's never the same as our parents. We seek out "replacement" parents in a lot of people, trying to find a different connection or bond that'll maybe take the pain away, but we never exactly find what we're looking for. When we have big news, we know we can't call our parents or share this happiness with them. It just feels like a huge part of our life is missing and we feel shame that we don’t know how to fix it properly. Instead, we apply self-sacrificing behaviors to our daily life in an attempt to patch together the holes of our childhood. We go out of our way to make everyone around us happy, we give and give until there is nothing left in our hearts, then we find it in ourselves to give a little more. But it seems like there’s nothing in this world that could replace the love from our parents that we are missing. 

4. The good memories are the most painful.

We hang on to the good memories for dear life. Any of those fleeting, happy memories we have, we try to cling to. We replay them in our head when we're feeling down or angry, trying to make sense of it all. But in a way, these memories only cause more pain because we know life can never stay that way and will most likely never be because at the end of the day, they’ll always be our drug addicted parent.

5. We’ve learned how to do everything on our own and continue to live that way.

Everything is much more complicated because we didn't have a parent there to guide us or offer advice. We were forced to figure it out on our own and that’s a hard habit to break. The only person we can depend on is ourselves, that’s why we can be stubborn and stuck in our ways but trusting others isn’t easy for us. 

6. At times we're almost too responsible.

Sometimes we get a little ahead of ourselves and can forget how to let loose. We're so used to always having to be the responsible one that sometimes we overdo it. We grew up too fast because we had to. We had to protect ourselves and fight for happiness, making sure not to end up the way our drug addicted parents did. 

7. Feeling helpless and useless is something we’ve become used to.

We can't make our parents want to get help for themselves, we don't know what else to do, and as a result, we become self-loathing and wish we could’ve done more. But the truth is, there really was nothing we could do to change our drug addicted parent. But that doesn’t stop us from feeling helpless in a world where everything is spiraling out of control. This leads us to grow up feeling useless and burdensome to those we care about. 

8. Our emotions are confusing, we feel angry and sad all at the same time. 

We have so much pent up anger from all the neglect, abuse, and maltreatment on top of their unwillingness to seek help for themselves. But at the same time, we're sad that this is the reality of it all. We’re sad our drug addicted parent can't see life the way we do. We create an alternate life we envision where they get the help they need, move on, and have a happy life with us in it, but ultimately that’s not our reality. We feel so many different emotions about it all, and it varies day by day. Because of this, we grow up not knowing how to properly express our emotions. We bottle things up because the last thing we want to do is make anyone feel the pain we’re feeling. 

9. We try our best to accept things the way they are. 

We can't change our drug addicted parents or the way things are. Instead, we try our best to accept it, and some days we're better at accepting the reality than other days. But it's always a constant struggle to try and accept things the way they are because we wish in our heart things were different. 

10. We always wonder how different life would be if our parents weren't addicts.

It's a sad, sad truth, but we always have these thoughts in the back of our minds – what if my parents weren't addicts? What if they were in my life, what if they were involved and supportive? How different would I have turned out? What if I could share my happiness with them? What if I never had to worry about them doing something stupid or hurting themselves? How different would life be if they were just my parents, my role models? What kind of person would I be today? These questions don’t go away with age, they follow us throughout our lives. They even affect how we raise our future kids, trying our absolute hardest to be the exact opposite of how our parents were. 

Remember you are not a byproduct of you past, and you certainly chose a different path than your parents did. You rose above it all, but still carry all of this pain with you. Pain caused by your parents and their unwillingness to get the help they need and deserve. You have a heart of gold that will always wish them the best, but you need to take hold of your own life because you deserve the same happiness every other person has experienced. 

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Suddenly it’s become a thing to be obsessed with the holidays the day after Halloween. Lights are up, holiday memes are flowing, and Christmas music starts playing.  But sometimes it takes more than just one overnight to get in the holiday feels. 

10. Outdoor winter activities: ice skating, sledding

Outdoor winter activities are a great way to get into the holiday spirit! Hills or parks to go sledding/tubing are usually easy to find in your area. Check out a local ice rink and enjoy a night of ice skating. I like going to indoor rinks because they’re warmer than outdoor, and usually cheaper if not free. 

9. Arts & crafts night: make your own ornaments 

I recently went to AC Moore and bought wooden ornaments for less than $1.00 a piece. Now, all you need is paint and glitter (which can also be purchased there or at Dollar Tree) and you have yourself a holiday arts and crafts night! They have little wooden sleighs, snowflakes, and other various things you could decorate.

I bought stockings at Dollar Tree too, which I will personalize with glitter and other artsy things. Arts and crafts night is a perfect way to be festive without spending much at all. You can even add some background Christmas music and some wine to the evening if you’d like.

8. Have a christmas photo shoot

I love this one because it’s really cheap, simple, fun, AND you can use your photos later to make cute framed Christmas gifts! All you have to do is buy decorations and Santa hats/reindeer antlers, all of which you can also get at a place like Dollar Tree. Then, find a place to set up shop – an empty wall space or window works great because you can cover the area with wrapping paper or winter/Christmas-themed fabric. Then just hang up the decorations, get you and your friends ready, get the camera out, and start the shoot!

7. Find tree lighting’s in your area

Attending a tree lighting is a great way to be festive. You can even make a night out of it by driving to the area early, as most lighting’s have small events going on like ice sculpture contests, Christmas caroling, or hot cocoa stands. But if not, maybe grab a cheap bite to eat before or window shop around the town while you wait for the tree to light up.

6. Holiday Groupon date

You can find SO many awesome date night ideas or girls night ideas on Groupon. Plus, 90% of the time they have even more discounts on the site, like 20% off with certain promo codes. Groupon is a great way to not only get creative and festive holiday ideas, but to also get them at very cheap prices. Currently on the site, they have various Christmas shows and plays for 50% off regular prices. Plus, if you wanted to take a mini trip or go on an adventure, they have a Getaways section with really cheap hotel deals, as well as a Food & Drink section for some serious restaurant discounts.

5. Drive around to find the best decorated houses

Grab someone you love (or at least like), and pack some hot cocoa to-go for a Christmas adventure. Drive around and look for the best Christmas displays, you’ll be surprised at what you may find!

4. Go to the mall and start your holiday shopping

The malls will be packed this time of year, but isn’t that just part of the holiday spirit? Walking through the mall with all the stores lit up with holiday decorations is sure to give you the holiday feels. Grab a hot chocolate with one too many layers of whipped cream because… why not?

3. Bake night: decorate holiday cookies or cupcakes

Holiday baking is such a fun part of the season, why not make a night out of it? Invite friends and family, or even have some quality alone time, turn on the holiday music and just bake! You can even bake multiple kinds of cookies and have a giant cookie swap. Or, test your creativity skills by baking up some cupcakes or Christmas cutout sugar cookies and decorating them with various frostings and sprinkles.

2. Throw a festive party: like an ugly sweater or yankee swap

You can even make it a potluck style party if people want to eat, that way each person will bring something and you’ll only have to buy the basics. Festive parties are a way to get everyone together for some fun at a time that can become stressful. Fun party themes include: ugly sweater, secret santa, yankee swap, or a good old fashioned Christmas party filled with friends, music, drinks, Santa hats, and decorations (courtesy of Dollar Tree). 

1. Christmas movie marathon

Is the weather outside frightful? Stay inside and have a Christmas movie marathon – it’s free, and warm! Some of my personal favorites are The Grinch (the original cartoon version), Elf, Polar Express, The Santa Clause, A Charlie Brown Christmas, A Christmas Story, Christmas with the Kranks, and Scrooged. Don’t forget all those classics like Frosty and Rudolph, too.

Take advantage of this beautiful time of year by trying some of these fun and cheap ideas. 

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All I ever knew about love was the pain, lies, cheating, and manipulation that could surround it, and the ways it could turn ugly. I never truly knew what love was. And for so long, I feared it.  So, I always said I’d never get married. But – then I met the person who changed it all for me because only a real man can make a broken girl believe in forever love.  

I was never able to see the joy love can bring, I never knew of it’s power, but this is how he was able to change my perception of love. 

I could feel it in my bones that he’s the one for me. A lot of people fear marriage because of this idea of forever, and being tied to that one person. And yes, the future is scary as hell. But the thing is, I realized I just don’t want anyone else, and there could never be anyone else who fills me with the same amount of happiness and love as he does. We can worry about the forever-part later, taking it a day at a time together.

We talk about it all. We talk about my fears, my darkest (and sometimes ridiculous) worries because communication is key. Knowing I can turn to him and discuss anything is exactly why he’s my best friend. He calms any fears I do have just by letting me talk about it, honestly, and openly. Even when it comes to the heaviest of topics, I know I can share my feelings with him with no judgement. 

Envisioning this new life with him, seriously makes me have all the feels. In my mind, I can picture our wedding, taking his last name, and beginning this new life together. It makes my heart fill with happiness. Regardless of anything that may come our way in the future, I’m so excited to start this journey together and to create endless happy memories. 

He taught me a whole new meaning to love that I had no idea even existed. His love for me shows, and it truly shines bright. I honestly cannot imagine a life without him. He is my entire world. He is selfless, patient, and kind, and I can trust him to be there for me through it all. And once I realized I couldn’t live without him, that’s when I knew he had changed my mind about marriage.

I began to realize what was important and what wasn’t. I started to put things in perspective. Accepting how fast time flies, and how life is moving right on by made me think more about how I want my future to be – because it will be here before I know it

I came to the conclusion that perfection is a myth. When we admit that no relationship will ever be perfect, that’s when we can begin to create our own idea and definition of what perfection means to us. There will be highs and lows, but it’s how we handle these things and how we grow from them that makes all the difference. 

The future can be absolutely terrifying because it’s unknown, anything can happen and change at any second.  But through this crazy journey we call life, I’m ready to face it all with him – the good and the bad. 

I feel like I ended up exactly where I’m supposed to be – right by his side.

Happiness has always been a bit of a chasing game for me. My anxiety causes my mind to run rampant with worries, fears, and scenarios that haven't even happened, but could potentially ruin those happy moments. 

It's hard enough already to try and maintain happiness when I do achieve it. I try my best to not be my own worst enemy. I try to stay present and cherish the good moments, but it can certainly be difficult. So, I really don't need anyone and their selfishness bringing me down in the process. I'm still fragile even during my happiest of times. 

Regardless of what the relationship may be – friend, sister, brother, mom, dad, whoever – if someone cares about you, then they should want to bask in your joy. 

Your happiness should be contagious, and during your happiest moments, they should want to be right by your side celebrating. If someone you love can't be happy for you, then let them be and ignore them. 

Their issues have nothing to do with you. Especially if they won't talk to you about it or explain what’s wrong. They're most likely unhappy with their own lives, so they don't know how to be happy for you. Or worse, they may opt to judge you, be resentful or jealous, give off negative energy, or just not acknowledge your happiness whatsoever.

You can’t let these people bring you down. Let them work out their own issues while you focus on remaining content, especially if happiness is usually difficult for you to obtain and hold on to. Your happiness is a gift. It reminds you of the good things in life. It makes you feel alive. 

So don't let anyone take that feeling away. If they don't want to be happy for you, screw them. And if it's because they're not happy in their own lives, then that's something they need to figure out and take the right steps towards solving it. They shouldn't be taking it out on you or trying to drag you down.

You deserve the happiness, so don’t let anyone ruin it. And never, ever, let anyone rain on your parade.

Your anxious dreams are trying to tell you something, and you should start listening: These dreams are warning you that you are overly stressed or that your anxiety has reached a high-point. Your anxious dreams are telling you that you need to relax and de-stress. But what exactly are anxious dreams?

Anxiety dreams are brought on by high-levels of stress, anxiety, or even depression. It is your subconscious mind releasing these feelings and emotions through dreams. They're similar to nightmares, but are different in the sense that they can actually increase stress levels, and create feelings of unease and panic that linger long after you wake up. Nightmares and anxiety dreams both occur during REM sleep, which is when our most vivid dreams occur, leaving a lasting impact into the next day. Anxiety dreams are more likely to be re-occurring, or they will happen again as a variation of a dream you already had. They're typically more structured than average nightmares, usually with some type of plot that's either extremely disturbing, intense, or very surreal. 

You may wake up with your heart racing, in a sweat, feeling intense emotions, and feeling almost as if you never slept at all. That's the problem with anxiety dreams – you wake up feeling foggy and exhausted the next morning. This is because while your brain was trying hard to work through your anxiety and make various connections to your thoughts, your mind was unable to get the good night's rest that it needed.

Here are the most common types of anxiety dreams:

1. Running away from someone or something, being chased. This could signify that you're running away from a huge problem, or your avoiding a very important issue in your life. Your dreams are telling you that it may be time to face this issue head on.

2. Being unable to run, feeling stuck or trapped. You may feel like you have no way out of a certain situation. Like no matter what decision you make, you'll still face the same dilemma you're in. You feel like a problem you have isn't going away. You feel helpless.

3. The end of the world, experiencing an apocalypse. You might be experiencing a deep inner conflict, or something major is going on in your life. Whatever the internal struggle may be, you've been unable to face it.

4. Having your teeth fall out, or losing teeth. This dream is very common, and usually signifies a loss of control over a situation. You feel like you're not strong enough to handle what's going on in your life, almost like you're powerless. You also may have something coming up in which you are afraid you might look bad or embarrass yourself.

5. Being late for something important. You're completely overwhelmed with something, or you feel totally unprepared. You are most likely going through big changes in your life that you're currently trying to adjust to, but are having a difficult time doing so.

6. Falling uncontrollably. You've been feeling a sense of failure, or like things in your life are going downhill. A current situation in your life may seem to be getting worse. You feel like you don't have much control over things and that you are stuck in a downward spiral trying to climb back up. 

7. Being naked in public. This type of dream is typically linked to feelings of embarrassment or shame. Perhaps you're nervous about an upcoming event in which you think you might make a fool out of yourself. You're lacking self-confidence and are doubting yourself.

8. Being swept up by a large wave, or a wave crashes over you. You almost feel like you're drowning. You are way too overwhelmed and overworked. You have way too much on your plate right now, and you're struggling to keep up with everything and to stay on top of things.

9. Incomplete tasks or feeling unprepared. You may not feel prepared for an upcoming event that may be causing you a great deal of stress. You don't feel ready, and you're scared or unsure of what comes next.

10. Out-of-control car. If you're driving, it means you may be trying to gain control over a situation in which you may feel helpless, or as if you're not ready to take on certain responsibilities. If you're a passenger, you may feel like you're giving the control to someone else and you are uneasy about this. You aren't ready to let go of the control. 

11. Losing something valuable. You may be losing sight of what's important in your life, or you've been feeling distracted and overwhelmed with the stress of everyday life. You may be worried you haven't been paying much attention to the meaningful aspects of your life, and this could be a reminder to start doing so. This also could be a sense of losing your true self. You may need to reevaluate certain life situations and remind yourself of what's truly important. 

If you're having anxious dreams, try to use them to empower you to make a change and to try and find better ways to ease your anxiety. Learn new ways to de-stress. And if you have anxious dreams often, use them as a guide. You might even want to thank your brain for trying to work through all of those anxious thoughts and feelings that you may be unable (or unwilling) to face throughout the day. 

You know the quote, “everyone has a friend during each stage of life, but only lucky ones have the same friend in all stages of life.” I am one of the lucky ones and that’s 100% because of you. 

From diapers to drama, you’ve been there through it all. We grew up together running around the neighborhood with scrapes on our knees and flowers in our hair and look at us now. Still walking arm in arm, taking the world by storm. 

Life is a long, winding road, and sometimes we lose friends along the way. But me and you have been fortunate enough to stay close through it all; the ups, the downs, the distance, and anything life throws at us. We are thick as thieves.

You’ve been there for me through countless heartbreaks, life crises, and sleepless anxiety filled nights. You’ve seen me at my absolute ugliest and my trying-really-hard-to-impress-him-prettiest.  You’ve loved me unconditionally all these years and for that I’m eternally grateful. 

You care even when no one else does. Even when you’re battling your own demons, feeling lost or alone, you go out of your way to comfort me and be there for me, no matter how many miles are between us.

We are each other’s support system, life coaches and job-complaining-listeners. 

Always ready to give advice, or be there to share the good news, or be a shoulder to cry on for the bad.

We range from being silly and goofy together to having really intense, deep conversations.

You're never afraid to tell me what I need to hear, even when it may not be exactly what I want to here. But I know the tough love you give me is from your heart and never has an ulterior motive or selfish implications. You forever keep my best interest in mind and yours is always in mine.

Luckily, neither of us have ever been the jealous type. All we’ve ever been is ride or die’s to the core and no one could ever get between that.

We’d never judge each other, but that doesn’t mean we always agree. There’s no denying our disagreements and fights, but we discuss our differences like adults, find a way to move on from it, and ultimately grow closer as if that’s even possible. 

We are real with each other, the no bullshit, no games type.

We can talk about anything, from the disgustingly personal, to our thoughts on current events to anything else going on in our lives.

We understand we are our own individual selves, we never hold anything over each other's head, and we respect each others space and time. 

You know how to cheer me up if I'm having a bad day, which is almost always ice cream and movie marathons. 

You mean the world and more to me and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. 

You’re so much more than just my best friend, you are family. 

You're now at the age when all of these things become too real and you just wanna scream "WTF is happening"…

You don't have it figured all out yet, and that scares the shit out of you. Parents, older siblings, relatives, and friends start asking all those future-based questions which can sometimes make you feel like you should have everything figured out. This includes questions about your love life and your career. When are you two getting married? How long are you planning on staying at your job? Have you guys thought about buying a house? Blah blah blah. Let's face it, 25 comes quick, and it is completely okay to not have it all figured out just yet. As long as you're taking those steps towards where you want to be, you'll get there soon enough.

You lose friends, even ones you never imagined losing. It wouldn't be growing up without losing a few friends along the way. That is because you go down different paths and settle into your adult-lives differently. Your love life might become more intense and start taking up more of your time. You even make new friends along the way either at work, through networking, or wherever, and you start spending more time with them. You also have a lot more responsibilities, so sometimes hanging with friends has to come second. But it is also during this time that you discover who your true friends are, the ones that are here to stay through it all.

Facebook is now filled with engagements, weddings, and babies. Your friends are getting married and having babies…WTF! Meanwhile, you can barely manage make it to work on time or make breakfast for yourself. That is totally okay and you're so not alone. Remember that.

You try really hard to be adult as fuck, even though deep down you still want to act like a teenager. Bills, work, laundry, taxes, loans, car payments, responsibilities?!? Some days you just want to go back to when life was simple, and all you had to worry about was getting your homework done. 

You're horrified as to how close 30 really is. 26 is right around the corner, then 27, 28, 29, and oh shit. Turning 21 felt like it was just yesterday, but now you're closer to 30. Why is time moving so fast!?

What was actually seven years ago feels like three. Your timing suddenly becomes way off. I graduated from high school 5 years ago, oh wait, it was actually 7 years ago. Wait 7 years. Wow. I feel old.

Every week is a struggle to maintain a healthy work-life-balance. You're trying to achieve that perfect balance of seeing friends, going to work, traveling, cleaning your apartment, going to the gym, and sleeping at some point…but it can really get exhausting. 

Sometimes you'd rather stay home than go out to the bar. A few years ago, you'd never pass on an opportunity to go out to the bar and drink with friends. But now, after a long day of work, your couch and Netflix seem to be calling your name so much more often. 

You now feel like the oldest person at a college bar. Still going to the same spot you used to go to while in college? Well, now you get to see the new 21-year-old's and their excitement of legally being at a bar. You'll feel old. 

You try your best to save money…but. But then you realize you need new shoes, an oil change, something new for the apartment, and you definitely deserve that night out with friends. The struggle is real.

You have to constantly remind yourself, you're going to be okay no matter what. Overwhelmed, don't have it all figured out, feeling lost? It will all be okay. As much as you feel old right now you HAVE to remember, you are still YOUNG, by a lot of standards. You have your entire life ahead of you still. Don't live in the future, focus on the now, appreciate the moments, and enjoy the journey. Everything else will fall into place.

For those of us who have any type of anxiety disorder, there will always be good days along with some darker days. There are days we can manage it, function properly, and stay on top of it, but there are also days when it can completely take over our minds, our emotions, and our entire well-being. One thing people need to understand is that anxiety is real, and it doesn’t just mean that you tend to worry about things or get stressed easily. Anxiety disorders have real, physical, and mental symptoms that make daily life difficult. On a day where anxiety is at an all-time high, this is what it can truly feel like:

It’s like your world is spinning out of control and no matter what you do, you can’t stop it.

No matter what anyone says in that moment, it doesn’t make it go away, no matter how bad you want it to.

You’re completely lost in your thoughts.

You cannot explain these thoughts and feelings, or what you’re exactly worrying about because it’s so many things (both big and small, real and nonexistent) all at once.

You have feelings of dread wash over you.

You have a pit in your stomach. 

Your chest feels really tight, like you can hardly breathe or it’s difficult to catch your breath. You tend to continually take deep, short breaths. 

It seems like these feelings will never go away, even though somewhere in the non-anxious part of your brain, you know they will.

It feels like you’re stuck in a dark tunnel, trapped, unable to stop worrying.

You begin to ruminate, or extremely over-analyze things and replay dark thoughts in your head, and this is a vicious cycle.

You’re extremely touchy and almost anything can set you off or make you feel upset.

Your head feels foggy and it becomes difficult to concentrate or focus on anything.

It feels like there is no way out of your own head. 

It’s almost impossible to see past the anxiety, even if you know there will be brighter days.

It feels like you’re falling apart, and you suddenly don’t know how to put the pieces back together.

It feels like you’re drowning.

If you or someone you love is suffering from anxiety, please try and find healthy ways to feel better. And never, ever, be afraid to seek the help you need – it’ll only make those darker days less frequent and more bearable. Stay strong. Deep breaths. One day at a time. You will be okay.

1. Have a Useful Fall-Themed Arts & Crafts Night

The possibilities are endless with fall arts & crafts ideas you could try. Make a night out of it – pour some wine, and relax. Here are some of my favorites that are not only fun, but can actually be used as decor for your home:

Hay bales: Buy some hay bales and fake fall flowers/leaves at your local craft store, along with any little fall trinkets or pumpkins. Organize those items on the hay bales to create beautiful displays that you can use as fall decor. Click here for an example.

Fall Wreaths: Here are 50 cheap and easy ones you can try.

Mason Jar Candles: I tried this one last year and it came out beautiful. All you need are mason jars, fake leaves to glue inside, mod podge, a flicker light candle (or real tea light candle), and raffia if you want to wrap that around the top of the jar. Check out photos here.

2. Foliage Weekend Getaway

If you live in New England, perfect. A quick trip up to the White Mountains is always an awesome experience. And if you go with your partner, they have plenty of nice restaurants and cozy hotels for you to choose from. If you live further away, trip Expedia bundle – you can get a flight AND hotel for the weekend bundled into one and save a ton of money. That quick weekend be so worth it once you see the foliage. 

3. Throw a Football Viewing Party

Get some friends together, make some snacks, and have a football-viewing party to root for your favorite team. It’s a great way to everyone together for what can be a busy time of year. You can even make fall-themed snacks and drinks for the occasion. 

4. Pick Apples and Get Baking

Apple picking is one of the best ways to welcome fall. Some orchards even have make-your-own s’mores or farm stands that sell anything from apple cider donuts to fresh veggies. While you’re there, you could maybe even pick some pumpkins if they have a pumpkin patch. After you have some fun apple picking, there is nothing better than coming home, turning on some music, and using those fresh apples in the kitchen to make a pie or a crisp, or get creative and make caramel apple crisp bites. 

5. Pumpkin Carving Night

Once you have those pumpkins, get carving! Buy a kit that has stencils if you want to make it easier. Put on some Halloween-themed music (like the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack) and make an entire night out of it! Once you’re done carving, stick a candle in your creation and see how it came out.

6. Check Out a Local Fair or Festival

Fall is the best time to go to a fair or festival, and there are usually a ton of them that are fall or harvest-related. Most fairs have cool vendors selling items you won’t find elsewhere, and of course, yummy food, hot chocolate, and carnival rides. If there’s a pumpkin festival near you, be sure to check that out. I went to one last year and the carvings were unbelievable. Fairs and festivals are perfect for a fall date-night.

7. Make Your Own Caramel Apples

Use fresh apples you picked at the orchard, or buy some at the grocery store. Then all you need are popsicle sticks and caramel sauce. Stick the popsicle stick onto the apple, then dip the apples into melted caramel and cover with either nuts, candy, chocolate chips, or anything you’d like – the more creative the better!

8. Haunted House Night-Out

Find a local haunted theme-park and get all your friends together. This is such a fun night out that you won’t be able to do any other time of year. Many places offer haunted hay rides or corn mazes too.

9. Go on a Hike, or Run a 5k

This is the perfect weather for outdoor exercise because it’s not too hot and not too cold. And if you can, hike a mountain, especially one where you’ll be able to see some foliage at the top. Or, run a 5k. They often have haunted-themed 5ks or obstacle courses this time of year, so try one of those! 

10. Do Something You’ve Never Done Before

Go somewhere new, take a road trip and stop at farm stands, throw a Halloween party, dress up in a costume, visit that brunch spot you’ve been meaning to try, read that book that’s been sitting on the shelf. Do something you haven’t done before. The air in autumn is beautiful. Take the time to slow down, appreciate it, and try something new!